SPAM Haiku 4201-4300

Move backwards to Numbers 4101-4200.

4201.
Hamburger Helper,
next to SPAM, looks like the work
of a gourmet chef.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4202.
Eating SPAM is like
vasectomizing yourself
with a plastic fork.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4203.
I exaggerate.
Vasectomizing yourself
ain't nearly that bad.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4204.
Make some SPAM fondue.
Turn some Johnny Mathis on.
Chicks really dig it!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4205.
Drop a pinch of SPAM
in her glass of Chardonnay.
Aphrodisiac!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4206.
Oops: I just found out
that trick only works on cheap
trailer trash. Sorry.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4207.
Ferdinand Porsche
shows his "people's meat" to an
approving Hitler.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4208.
Fabric softener
costs too much. Just toss some SPAM
in the rinse cycle.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4209.
"Canned-ed. Just like a
cube of SPAM. What will you do
when you're canned-ed, and..."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4210.
"...you know you're a man?"
Remember those old SPAM ads
starring Chuck Connors?

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4211.
Intestinal pork.
Porkoid devoid of real flesh--
I eat it daily!

--Dennis Harris, dharris@bluemarble.net

4212.
When reception sucks,
our favorite food conducts:
SPAM can antenna!

--Peter G. LeFevre, plefevre@athenet.net

4213.
SPAM's good, SPAM is great
The intrinsic joy within--
I must masturbate!!

--Mark and Pete

4214.
Haiku of canned food
Planning syllables, no rhyme
Well maybe this time

--Anonymous

4215.
SPAM Olympic Games.
Green, red, black, yellow, blue rings
On the tin, not in.

--john.foster@camel.com

4216.
Under island sun
I fish with my friend Joe Loo.
No bites. Damn. Eat SPAM.

--Guy Chaney, GUYSAGE@aol.com

4217.
In old days I went
fishing with lunch and bait in
same can. Bless Hormel!

--Guy Chaney, GUYSAGE@aol.com

4218.
Shrimp musubi 'kay,
but I say SPAM musubi
King of the Island.

--Guy Chaney, GUYSAGE@aol.com

4219.
Big wedding luau!!
Poi, and new kind pig in can.
All good kind kau kau.

--Guy Chaney, GUYSAGE@aol.com

4220.
Buzzed at by bees and
Fluttered at by butterflies
Summer SPAM sandwich

--Charlie.Laycock@cs.stockport.ac.uk

4221.
Futures trading wild.
July bellies limit up.
SPAM as good as gold?

--hdurk@pacbell.net

4222.
With SPAM in a can
Cosmic possibilities
Meat-space interface

--Dave Coleman, rockrat@haznews.demon.co.uk

4223.
Welcome to Spam Trek
Information enterprise
Is Data greater?

--Dave Coleman, rockrat@haznews.demon.co.uk

4224.
The key turns slowly
I peel back your metal skin
Naked, pink, waiting

--Dave Coleman, rockrat@haznews.demon.co.uk

4225.
You sit and quiver
Meaty and moist, my pleasure
I plunge in the knife

--Dave Coleman, rockrat@haznews.demon.co.uk

4226.
A can from the stars?
How do we communicate?
ET or eaty?

--Dave Coleman, rockrat@haznews.demon.co.uk

4227.
You burst from your can
No longer pink, now scaly
Spamosaurus rex

--Dave Coleman, rockrat@haznews.demon.co.uk

4228.
Ugh I will not eat
green eggs and SPAM, I will not
eat them EEK I am.

--eek taylor, jtaylo1@gl.umbc.edu

4229.
You stare with pink glare
as if to say "Eat me fool!"
Ok, here I come.

--eek taylor, jtaylo1@gl.umbc.edu

4230.
Gelatinous slab
Shelf-life of eternity
Delicately pink

--Philip "Tug" Benham

4231.
Tin can of goodness
Tasty wedge, chunked perfection
Ambrosia of man

--Philip "Tug" Benham

4232.
Tear down the walls of
Quietest room in the house
SPAM comes spilling out

--Maria Demetris

4233.
Hard times in winter
Pink loaf is our only food
Don't save me any

--Maria Demetris

4234.
Pharaohs rest in tombs
Sleep the sleep of the ages
Eat SPAM on waking

--Maria Demetris

4235.
Wouldn't feed it to
A dog. What on earth is in
There, aside from hog?

--Maria Demetris

4236.
"Cut him open!" the
Cry resounds. Pink marbled guts
Seep out of the wound.

--Maria Demetris

4237.
Squishy pink stuff on
My plate. Didn't know my Mom
Could hate me like this.

--Maria Demetris

4238.
Slice it paper thin.
Stick it on my window panes.
The room glows pinkly.

--Maria Demetris

4239.
SPAM is to real ham
as a security guard
is to a real cop

--Jon Stark

4240.
I want a Spam Man:
Jelly-pink, soft, slick, salty
and not all that dense.

--Alexandra Fletcher, alexndra@ni.net

4241.
Ever-loving ooze,
wrapped around the spicy pork.
Nector of the gods.

--Troy Janisch

4242.
NO MORE! NO MORE! UN-
POETIC HAM. WE MUST RE-
TURN TO BURMA-SPAM.

--Carl Rosenbush, Jr., Wilmington, Delaware

4243.
Fried up in a pan
A hot dog's poor pork cousin
Tastes good with mustard

--Robert Atkinson

4244.
Babe herds sheep for Blue.
Hormel offers farmer cash.
No escape from SPAM.

--Mitch Hagens, mhagens@uswnvg.com

4245.
It was wrong, all wrong
D'you remember Soylent Green?
It's SPAM, not humans!

--Donna Damm

4246.
SPAM makes SPAMBURGERs
But they're really hamburgers
'Cause it's made of ham

--Barry Damm

4247.
Pale, cold, and clammy
Like a several-day-old corpse.
Mmm, SPAM is tempting.

--Alex Lewin, lewin@vgi.com

4248.
On a twisty road
An empty rusted SPAM can
The corpse can't be far

--David del Rio, disgrace@pulp.vt.com

4249.
Carnivorous one,
Your SPAM cuisine makes me turn
Vegetarian.

--Jeff Dilcher, dilcher@cueva.com

4250.
Such a cheerful can
Fortune herself must favor
Processed meat product

--Centaur@albany.net

4251.
The key to her heart,
like the key on a SPAM can,
was cursed with pig lips.

--troy janisch

4252.
Eating SPAM sandwich
Feel like Keith fucking Richards
Dog humping my leg

--Anonymous

4253.
Glistening pork bits
Spiced, salted, chopped, and reformed:
SPAM is modern food.

--"As it Happens," CBC Radio

4254.
Eat it from the tin.
Don't cut your fingers on the
Little metal strip.

--"As it Happens," CBC Radio

4255.
Carved in the shape of
A long-forgotten lover,
SPAM feeds memories.

--"As it Happens," CBC Radio

4256.
It used to be cheap;
Now it costs, in Canada,
Five-fifty a pound.

--"As it Happens," CBC Radio

4257.
When your house is clean,
Why don't other people say,
"It looks spic and spam?"

--"As it Happens," CBC Radio

4258.
Red food-coloring
A fist-sized dollop of lard
Mix thoroughly; serve

--Bill Turner

4259.
Marie Antoinette
Disdains her royal subjects,
Says "Let them eat SPAM!"

--Anne Hoffman, sandspc@ix.netcom.com

4260.
Mailed camp care package
Beef jerky and cans of SPAM--
Return to sender

--Sally Hoffman, sandspc@ix.netcom.com

4261.
Now, the end is near,
And so I face the final
curtain: I ate SPAM.

--Steve Hoffman, sandspc@ix.netcom.com

4262.
Zamfir blows his can,
The master of the spam flute
(As seen on T.V.)

--Steve Hoffman, sandspc@ix.netcom.com

4263.
If SPAM were money,
I would share it with the world.
Edible income.

--Kirstin Lindmark

4264.
Lubricate the world
with your greasy libation.
SPAM out of control.

--Kirstin Lindmark

4265.
SPAM flies high above
SPAM tossers leap, throw, and catch
Dogs stand by drooling

--Emma

4266.
Some people ask me,
"Why do you write about SPAM?"
Because life is bleak.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4267.
The SPAM is balanced
On the edge of the counter--
Then, a careless hand.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4268.
I threw a SPAM can
In the air; it fell to earth
And dented my car.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4269.
I exchanged the soap
In the tub with a SPAM slice.
My wife was repulsed.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4270.
The robin seeks straw
To line its nest; I seek SPAM
To line my stomach.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4271.
After a late snack,
My stomach cramped painfully--
Yes, a SPAM SPASM.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4272.
At the vegan store,
I look for SPAM substitute,
Leave emptyhanded.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4273.
SPAM in the morning
What a way to start the day
You just can't beat that

--Anonymous

4274.
As I twist the key
Heaven will unfold to me
Pork food of my youth.

--SPlRlT@aol.com

4275.
SPAMBURGER Deluxe
Only one word comes to mind
Oxymoronic

--Casey Gilbertson, http://coyote.accessnv.com/casey

4276.
God bless you, Hormel
Savior of all that's holy
What am I saying?!?!?

--Casey Gilbertson, http://coyote.accessnv.com/casey

4277.
Ham and eggs or SPAM
Commitment and involvement
Or a bad newsnet

--Anonymous

4278.
The Great Taste of SPAM
Seventy-two recipes
Free recipe book

--Anonymous

4279.
U.S. inspected
And passed by the Department
of Agriculture

--Anonymous

4280.
How long can it keep
Within its little blue can?
This is my question

--Anonymous

4281.
Jolly Jolly SPAM
Nectar compares not to thee
Wonderful food stuff

--Anonymous

4282.
Bird nears hungry end
SPAM seed strewn generously
Bird chooses slow death

--john.thornton@state.or.us

4283.
SPAM earthquake erupts
Pink ooze emits from within
Victims eat for days

--john.thornton@state.or.us

4284.
SPAM Lite in blue can
Ingredients now noticed
Victim on white can

--john.thornton@state.or.us

4285.
Someone didn't like
The SPAM at the Olympic
Village Restaurant.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

4286.
Flight 800 blew
Apart in midair. Last time
They serve SPAM on planes.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

4287.
Bodies submerged for
Many weeks? Recover like
Lifting SPAM on fork.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

4288.
So, how was your trip
To Minnesota, SHAM? Did
You see the Big Pig?

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

4289.
Beatles: Have you seen
Polythene SPAM? Well, that's the
Only kind there is.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

4290.
phosphonese blackness
frying meat below my hell
'bove heaven is spam

--2B2C2B (stands for Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang)

4291.
Pranksters call the store.
"Do you have SPAM in a can?"
"Better let it out."

--Scott Lasley, slasley@space.umd.edu

4292.
SPAM comes in a can
I like cheese it is a breeze
Give me SPAM and cheese

--Anonymous

4293.
SPAM, the cheap man's ham
Cooks in its very own can
With some Top Ramen.

--Anonymous

4294.
Vegetarians,
Stay away from that heathen!
(His breath smells of SPAM!)

--TJ

4295.
SPAM dipped in liquid
nitrogen, thrown from on high.
Pink splinters scatter.

--Scott Lasley, slasley@space.umd.edu

4296.
Little girl gymnasts.
One tests positive for SPAM.
Leaves the Games in shame.

--Michael Davis, DAVISTRGZR@aol.com

4297.
Changing the channel.
I hear the ad: "Sex with SPAM--
Next, on Geraldo."

--Spamboy

4298.
Alone in white room
With breakfast of champions,
Howard Hughes chows down.

--Sally Hoffman, sandspc@ix.netcom.com

4299.
How much SPAM would a
woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck
upchucked SPAM? A lot!

--Steven Hoffman, sandspc@ix.netcom.com

4300.
"SPAM is not the world.
The world is not repugnant.
I really hate SPAM."

--csanders3@juno.com