SHAM-75.
In Bali a slice
Left curbside to please spirits
Brings bad luck instead.
SHAM-199.
God sends spamanna
To feed His people. The Jews
Give God the finger.
50.
Talmudic scholars
ponder SPAM. Is anything
on Earth less kosher?
159.
Buddha twists the key
The pink meat is enlightened
SPAM in golden woods
195.
Saint Peter, I've come!
What? There's no SPAM in heaven?
Death, where is thy sting?
315.
If I were Buddhist,
I would need to REALLY sin,
To come back as SPAM!
422.
If Satan had used
SPAM to tempt Eve, would we now
Live in Paradise?
424.
At the Last Supper,
Apostles order the SPAM.
"Christ! It tastes like shit!"
430.
Who invented SPAM?
Demented Rabbi, crazed Jew
Angry at his God?
457.
Outdoor church potluck.
SPAM casserole steams in sun.
Flies choose the tuna.
576.
Sunday school boy asks,
"Killing, stealing, eating SPAM...
Which sends me to hell?"
577.
"No fishes or loaves!
I shall make SPAM for you all!"
The starving all left.
587.
Jewish boys are spared
from SPAM. It's compensation
for circumcision.
629.
"Let my people go."
Pharoah's unmoved. God sends plague:
Nile turns into SPAM.
665.
I found god in SPAM
pink, tender, spiritual loaf
praise the holy pork
679.
Red Sea waters part
With a blast from the Lord's cheeks.
"Behold His great SPAM!"
717.
I substituted
SPAM for bread at communion.
Was sent straight to hell.
722.
Profane communion!
Through transubstantiation
The SPAM becomes me.
727.
Haiku 665:
George Hormel's the Antichrist!
Off-by-one error.
735.
SPAM--Jews won't touch it.
Muslims proclaim it unclean.
Wisdom of the East.
796.
"Shredded are the pigs..."
(Revised Spamdard Edition.
Hormel buys print run.)
822.
Hormel Church performs
sacrifices to SPAM gods.
Dangerous new cult.
901.
The world is in need
of a savior. What we do
not know is it's SPAM.
903.
What is the key to
eternal life? Is it love?
Good deeds? No, it's SPAM.
907.
The Pope decided
to let Catholics eat SPAM
Fridays. Mass riots.
910.
If God is love and
love is blind, does that mean that
SPAM is God? Does it?
1002.
Appease gods with SPAM!
A cheap alternative to
Human sacrifice
1013.
The Lord came to Earth
and said unto His people
"I'm the great I SPAM!"
1038.
The Lord is my swine-
herd; I shall not want. He forms
me to fit in tins.
1039.
He makes a green fringe
About my rind. He packs me
In the spring waters.
1040.
He synthesizes
My flavor; He scrapes me from
The slaughterhouse floor.
1041.
Yea, though I trot towards
The abattoir, I will fear
no disembowelment.
1042.
For Thou standest o'er
Me; Thy cudgel and Thy knife
They do dispatch me.
1043.
Thou preparest a
Dish of me in the presence
Of my predators.
1044.
Thou anointest my
Slices with mayonnaise; my
Grease runneth over.
1045.
Surely parsley and
Cloves will garnish me all the
Days of my shelflife.
1046.
And I will dwell in
Plaque-encrusted arteries
Forever. Amen.
1123.
Imagine Christ at
Galilee with loaves and SPAM.
His last miracle.
1124.
Christ passes out SPAM,
Says, "This is flesh of my flesh."
"God, you poor bastard."
1127.
it has horns. rotting
pink meat cube broils in hell and
tortures the lost souls.
1191.
"I saw a tunnel
with a bright pink light." A Near-
SPAM Experience.
1192.
Despite thousands of
NSE's, some atheists
still say there's no Hell.
1202.
Theologians ask:
If God is just, then why does
He let SPAM exist?
1203.
And on the 8th day,
God created SPAM. He should
have rested then, too.
1260.
We beheld the SPAM
Its pink glory moved us all
We worshipped its form
1276.
Ground breaks asunder
Satan claws his way from hell
He has come for SPAM
1319.
Noah built an ark.
Oh, why couldn't he have just
let the damn pigs drown?
1350.
Mommy, what is SPAM?
Satan made it long ago
and then fled screaming.
1413.
The chorus sings: "Praise
Hormel from whom blessings flow..."
SPAM doxology.
1438.
Why shouldn't I mock
SPAM? It ain't the Vatican!!!!?
It BEGS for satire!
1664.
Just evolved? Ha-ho!
Scoff the learned clergymen.
SPAM proves Creation!
1677.
Ist es nur das Fleisch,
oder wahrlich der Heiland?
Was ist diesen "SPAM"?
1678.
¿Es carne solo,
o tal vez un salvador?
¿Que es esto "SPAM"?
1679.
Ceci, jambon seule,
ou vraiment un sauveur, non?
Qu'est-ce que c'est le "SPAM"?
1680.
Prosciutto solo,
o salvatore vero?
Che fa questo "SPAM"?
1681.
Is it just some meat,
or maybe the true savior?
What is this here "SPAM"?
1682.
Wist not that a ham
hideth th'immaculate Lamb?
Myst'ry, Thou art "SPAM"!
1738.
Jesus here on Earth
some miracles never done
water into SPAM
1749.
God said, "SPAM thou art
And to SPAM thou doth return.
(After some grinding.)"
1768.
"Rejoice, Mary, thou
Art blessed among women." "Whoa!
Thought it was SPAM gas!"
1769.
And there were in that
Country swineherds, tending their
Future tinned product.
1770.
God's angel appeared
Unto them, saying: "Hmm. Good
Spot for SPAM franchise."
1771.
"Be not afraid, for
Unto you this day is born
Sure-fire sales gimmick."
1772.
And there did appear
Before them a heav'nly host,
Singing "Pass the SPAM!"
1773.
Manger animals
Gather about; kine, lamb, pig...
Feh! Oy vey! Unclean!
1774.
Not-so-wise Man brings
SPAM. Manger doorknob hits his
Ass on the way out.
1778.
Aren't eating SPAM so
Thank you God, our daily food
We aren't eating SPAM
1828.
climbed the Zen mountain
seeking truth heard only sound
of one spam clapping
1831.
What is this SPAM loaf?
It is the piece that passeth
All understanding.
1877.
If God decided
To give out SPAM in heaven
Would it be the same?
1946.
"No life after SPAM,"
Skeptic atheists declare.
Aged SPAMs disagree.
1988.
"What's this?" said Adam,
Munching Eve's gift of SPAM, and
Spat it out. Too late!
2080.
Now behold the SPAM!
Piggy went to die for us;
What a bloody waste!
2090.
My Jewish girlfriend
naked, handcuffed, blindfolded,
doesn't know it's SPAM.
2091.
Bosnian Muslims
IFOR stupidly feeds SPAM
Jihad soon erupts
2125.
Lord, if Thou willest,
Let this SPAM pass from my hands--
but Thy will be done.
2143.
In Paradise, pork
chops "off" but SPAM "de rigeur."
St. Hormel franchise!
2210.
Angelic fecal
Product. Heavenly crap. SPAM:
Eat with reverence.
2226
lovely SPAM, eat it
suck the juices, obey it
hail the porcine God!
2252.
Spamson is alive
Delilah cuts off his pork
Spamson is now dead
2315.
The Lord sent us SPAM.
He sent us, also, locusts,
Gnats, frogs, hail, and boils.
2365.
When God made man, Sat-
An made pigs. Too late to swap,
They invented SPAM.
2366.
What is SPAM to me
but a happy, beautiful
messenger of God?
2408.
Himalayan sun
Sets. Only the chant of monks
Is heard. "SPAM, SPAM, SPAM."
2411.
My friend says to me,
"Seek the shrine of the SPAM god.
There you will find peace."
2412.
I go to the shrine
And find nothing but a can
Imprinted with "SPAM."
2413.
I go back and ask
My friend, "You said I could find
Peace in that there shrine."
2414.
My friend laughed and said,
"Not that kind of 'peace,' my friend,
But a piece of SPAM."
2416.
Noon on Yom Kippur,
Thoughts turn to food--thoughts of SPAM;
Temptation is gone.
2417.
Vegetarian
Jew, tempted by a can of
SPAM on Yom Kippur.
2418.
SPAM fried in sherry--
A sinner's Ramadan lunch.
God is not amused.
2419.
Middle-aged whore, SPAM,
Baby Duck--Omar Khayyam
having a nightmare.
2428.
Satan about to
Force-feed SPAM to Job. Yahweh
steps in. It's enough!
2429.
Theologians
argue. If God is Good, then
why SPAM? Much shouting.
2430.
Saint John the Divine
eats SPAM, writes Revelation.
Stick with moldy bread!
2431.
Hormel patron saint
kneeling with pink rosary
ecstatic icon
2432.
Over six hundred
Mitzvot. Eat SPAM, break just one.
Not such a big deal.
2433.
SPAM and cheese sandwich
Eaten for Yom Kippur lunch.
Three mitzvot broken.
2434.
For two extra sins,
buy the SPAM on Yom Kippur,
and drive to the store.
2435.
Shoplift the SPAM--it
is a sin on any day,
for Jew or gentile.
2436.
Murder the clerk, take
the SPAM, hide the body. Three
sins for a cohen.
2437.
World overcome with
sin heralds arrival of
Messiah. Eat SPAM!
2480.
"That than which nothing
greater can be thought." Thank God
Anselm knew not SPAM.
2593.
A loaf is fine but
Know ye not, Tentmaker, that
Pink wine goes with SPAM?
2594.
A moving finger?
No. That pink thing writing is
A sliver of SPAM.
2616.
Good Jews, we didn't
have SPAM in my house. At times
I regret that lack.
2627.
Scientology.
Is it bad as SPAM? Dunno.
But it smells as bad.
2645.
God said, "LET THERE BE
SPAM," and there was SPAM. "ANOTH-
ER FINE MESS, STANLEY!"
2647.
First, Eve gave Adam
SPAM. That's what started it all.
Original SPAM.
2760.
Put it in your mouth,
it's salty chewy goodness
at The Last Supper.
2765.
All faiths hold to this
theological maxim:
No SPAM in Heaven
2766.
If one refers to
SPAM and Hell in same sentence,
One is redundant
2799.
Wise Buddha the great
Taught everything is but one.
SPAM tests the faithful.
2800.
Piggy soul has gone
To heaven, leaving on earth
Heavenly taste--SPAM
2820.
Buddha teaches that
desire leads to suffering.
Want not, hurt not: SPAM.
2825.
Ashes to ashes,
dust to dust. All things complete
the cycle but SPAM.
2827.
Father, bless me for
I have sinned. SPAM passed my lips.
Too much for the church.
2870.
Wow! SPAM haiku page.
It's like a new religion.
The world must prepare...
2948.
Cho adds litany
and robes: SPAM archive is now
tax deductible.
2949.
"Give up SPAM for Lent?
Hah! Over my dead body!"
Suicide by SPAM.
2967.
Tonight, Passover;
Comet, SPAM-red eclipsed moon.
It is Judgment Day.
3032.
Rosy ectoplasm
That's right out of the Bible
Prodigal son's friends
3048.
Don't serve SPAM at a
Bar mitzvah. Boy, did I find
That out the hard way!
3053.
Moses said, "Behold
The power of the Lord! He
Turns pigs into cubes!"
3106.
I ate with a monk
Vow of silence my foot; he
screamed when I said yum
3114.
Went to India
to seek my enlightenment.
Found SPAM. Holy cow.
3129.
SPAM, a beer, then an
ice cream--this Passover meal
makes Adonai mad.
3159.
high-vaulted chamber
cath'lic carnivores intone
"laudate SPAMum"
3233.
A long time ago
Martin Luther banged his thumb.
Swung hammer--and SPAM!
3263.
The Church can relent.
You may have SPAM on Friday.
(Except during Lent.)
3694.
Reincarnation
I return in a blue can
Reincarnation
3998.
And yea, though I walk
Through the valley of pork food,
I shall fear no SPAM.
4096.
"Give it to Mikey."
"Yeah, he will eat anything!"
Kaddish for the child.
4131.
Dream its tasty bite,
To savor it in my sight,
Sad, SPAM's not kosher
4145.
And the Good Priest said:
"Take, eat of My Flesh," with SPAM!
God, where's the BEANO?
4146.
Sinnest thou today,
And cast thy pearls before swine?
Haiku before SPAM.
4164.
They break down the door
As he opens the SPAM can.
The rabbi exposed!
4277.
God bless you, Hormel
Savior of all that's holy
What am I saying?!?!?
4306.
Eve smiled at Adam.
"SPAM sandwich, Dear?" "Yes, thanks, Love."
Original Sin.
4374.
"What rough beast slouches
Towards BethleSPAM to be born?"
Porktentous question!
4515.
SPAM's Midwest birthplace
is Austin, Minnesota.
It is my mecca.
4560.
A generous boy
Offers Jesus his sandwich
Five thousand taste SPAM
4586.
God spoke to his "peops"
Let us get shit underway
(And let there be SPAM)
4587.
And then Moses said
The Eleventh Commandment--
"Thou shalt consume SPAM"
4606.
Gods--The Hindus list
330 million.
But still SPAM exists.
4625.
Eastwood orders lunch.
All they have is year-old SPAM.
Does Clint feel lucky?
4644.
God created SPAM,
He saw that it was NOT good,
but what could He do?
4683.
"Nam myo ho renge
kyo," chant Buddhists. Here, it's "John
Nagamichi Cho."
4751.
At my confession:
"I love SPAM." "What, carnally?"
Hadn't thought of that.
4770.
Hell's center circle
Is filled with sinful gourmets
Being force-fed SPAM.
4842.
Poor betrayed porkers!
Noah's ark protected you
For what? This dumb can?
4885.
Jesus given choice:
Eat SPAM or be crucified.
You know what He chose.
4962.
"SPAM Lite" was a hit.
But I'm telling you, Hormel,
"SPAM Kosher" won't fly.
5011.
SPAM: God's gift of love
Low-rent communion wafer
Manna from Hormel
5058.
Namu Myoho Spam,
Praise unto its name, Spamu
Amida Butsu.
5068.
Father says grace: "Lord,
We would normally thank you
For our food...but SPAM?"
5079.
SPAMku's not sinful
Just do it in private and
Wash hands afterwards
5113.
"Thou shalt not consume
SPAM, if thy liveth in peace!"
Said that wise Moses.
5122.
The devil steers Cho
To a mile-high stack of SPAM.
"Start eating," he says.
5126.
Of course I love you!
That's why I'm giving you SPAM.
Happy Hanukkah.
5324.
Without our knowledge
The collective unconscious
Spawns the God of SPAM
5348.
God of SPAM queries
Why hast thou forsaken SPAM?
"The taste, Lord, the taste!"
5374.
Can falls from airplane
Found by primitive bushmen
Worshipped as a god
5450.
Praise be to thee, SPAM
We worship your porkiness
SPAM, Hallelujah
5475.
SPAM reinforces
Atheistic tendencies
SPAM allows no God
5476.
The monks sat, chanting
Lit by candles, a lone can
The holiest SPAM
5491.
On one day each year
SPAM cans rotate so they face
Hormel, their mecca
5572.
Rabbi sneaks down to
kitchen, grabs a bit of SPAM.
Not kosher? Who cares?
5573.
Martin Luther balks
at diet of worms. But SPAM?
Food for the spirit.
5575.
Many here believe
SPAM becomes body and blood.
Transubstantiate?
5753.
Those founts of knowledge
Bible, Koran, Torah all
Did not predict SPAM
5762.
When he converted,
"Candy Man" couldn't eat pork.
SPAMmy? Not Sammy.
5889.
Methodist potluck
Hey, what's this? A fingernail?
SPAM in the Jell-O
5921.
For Christians only
Muslims and Jews say: "No way!"
SPAM: weird holy rite?
5949.
spam is the question
blue can in golden forest
the zen monk answers
6052.
SPAM, the gift of God
Inheritance of the meek
Pop the lid, rejoice!
6059.
Barfing at altar
The priest's fingers slick with grease
A SPAM communion
6060.
Unholy blue cans
Bet the Anti-Christ eats it
It's the anti-food
6064.
Concentrated pork,
SPAM makes bacon look kosher
By comparison.
6069.
"SPAM is good for you,"
said the prophet, on the cross.
Crucified for SPAM.
6070.
The Devil made SPAM
to destroy society.
It is working well
6100.
Praise the Lord Jesus,
Providing me this manna;
Pink grainy crushed pig.
6122.
sitting on the shelf
nyam ne-yo ho ren ke SPAM
SPAM is the third eye
6129.
Oh, Lord, forgive us
our SPAM mocks your wisdom. We
know not what we eat.
6166.
God tells Adam, Eve,
"The SPAM of good and evil:
Don't eat." Mankind saved!
6167.
Snake winks, says to Eve,
"Eat SPAM and you'll be like God."
Eve says, "What's your point?"
6168.
Noah builds SPAM ark,
but carnivors brought on board.
Mankind lost in flood!
6169.
Samson, bound, sees hope:
jawbone and a Hormel can!
Slays thousands with SPAM.
6176.
SPAM feels sure this time
from it's shining uterus
will emerge a saint.
6194.
three kings from far lands
came burdened with treasure; myrrh,
frankincense, and SPAM.
6214.
The ghosts of SPAM past,
present, and future arrive
to feast upon Scrooge.
6259.
Jesus given choice
By SPAM or crucifixion
"Would a God eat SPAM?"
6260.
In the sight of God
SPAM's an abomination
"But, I'm not a God"
6261.
Crucified and dead
Ascension after three days
"I am the GODSPAM"
6266.
On the seventh day
God played a joke on the world
And created SPAM.
6296.
The young novice asked
"Give me koan to ponder."
"SPAM," replied master.
6297.
"Let my people go!"
The Pharaoh laughed in reply
Lo!, A plague of SPAM.
6479.
Evil SPAM haiku
Condemned by Catholic Church
Lunch meat of Satan
6494.
God does not subtract
Time spent fishing from man's years
SPAM haiku triple
6594.
Mighty God of Spam
Release me from boring food
Thanks for the Spam, God
6632.
the Spam is a god
the can is a large temple
I love the God SPAM
6652.
At Nicaea, the
Council votes: Christ is divine!
SPAM is something else!
6669.
Evidence of God?
Sign of earthly purpose? Look
No further than SPAM!
6866.
Thou dost see the SPAM...
SPAM, O Porcine Seraphim!
SPAM is but holy.
6879.
SpamGod, Oh SpamGod,
We're not worthy of thy SPAM!
Bless us all, SPICED HAM!
6880.
SPAM is not kosher
And it's out to get the world
Death to SPAM right now!
6887.
"Here try this," said Eve
Handing Adam a pink slice.
Original sin.
6905.
If God had wanted
us to eat SPAM he would have
given us sick bags.
6942.
Buddha, Mohammed
Confucius, Vishnu, and God.
Jesus Christ and SPAM.
7037.
Staring longingly
at blue tins / for the Chosen
tribe, SPAM is a sin.
7076.
Jesus, Satan, SPAM
No religion can compare
Sacrifice to SPAM
7267.
God made Job suffer
But he would not curse the Lord
Till God took his SPAM
7293.
God created man
Man complained he was hungry
God created SPAM
7301.
THE OLD TESTAMENT
AND ON THE EIGHTH DAY GOD SAID,
"I THINK I'LL MAKE SPAM!"
7340.
MOSES READ ALOUD
THE ELEVENTH COMMANDMENT
"THOU SHALT NOT EAT SPAM!"
7395.
I'm a priest of SPAM
Rise, my loyal disciples
Worship the great meat!
7404.
Hormel breaks into
The kosher market with their
New product: SPALTBEEF.
7410.
I've seen the SPAM gods.
Pink-skinned beings of power...
Blessed with sacred SPAM!
7538.
Jesus in a can,
Mary in electric pink,
Thank God, I'm a Jew!
7581.
Gelatinous meat
Packed into cans with pop tops
A Jew's worst nightmare
7749.
Notice the label.
The circle "u" is missing.
It is not kosher.
7783.
On the Seventh Day
After resting, God made SPAM.
Cruel Almighty prank.
7961.
I have never tried
this legendary spam 'cause
it isn't kosher
8024.
Nitrates, sodium,
and snouts, divine trinity?
Pray before eating.
8057.
Missionaries could
Re-educate the natives
By feeding them SPAM.
8114.
God said, "Let there be
SPAM," and it was not good but
He just let it be.
8130.
Wish I was Jewish
Then I know I could resist
But no... must have SPAM!
8195.
At Jesus's birth
The wise men brought Him three gifts:
Gold, myrhh, and SPAM spread!
8287.
To escape Pharaoh
Moses throws SPAM on Red Sea
And the waters part
8291.
And on the eighth day
The Lord said "Let there be SPAM"
It was not so good
8391.
SPAM exists as God
To the tribes of Amazons.
Rightfully worshipped.