The People's Choice Cuts: 2001-3000


Myrrh, frankincense, and
SPAM: the gifts of two wise men
and one complete fool.
--Chris Fishel,


Taco Bell comes out
with new SPAM chimichangas.
Run from the border!
--Bob Roberds,


"Slavery is freedom" "War
is peace" "SPAM is food"
--Chris Fishel,


In Shakespeare's SPAMlet:
Shouts at Ophelia, "Get thee
to a cannery."
--Chris Fishel,


If Schrödinger's cat
eats the SPAM, uncertainty
is out the door: dead.

O Terrible SPAM!
You're not a carcinogen.
You're cancer itself.

--Holly Jenson,


Old retired jocks to
star in ads for new SPAM Lite.
"Tastes filling!" "Less great!"
--Bob Roberds,


SPAM treat: smart pâté,
or meat parts, or ma's pet rat;
spells and smells the same.

New brand: Chia SPAM.
Meat and greens in every bite.
Hormel, we'd buy it!

--Bruce D. Sidlinger, Bruce@Sidlinger.COM

O'er black bubbling vat,
Snout, ears, feet, and fat. This, that.
Witches cackle, "SPAM!"

--William Routhier,


Republican SPAM:
It's the same old pork in a
fancier new can.
--Andy Dustman,


After scrutiny,
methinks it is doggie food.
I eat on all fours.
--Dan Beeder,

Queasy, greasy SPAM
Slithers without propulsion
Across a white plate.


Born in World War Two.
Hogs marching off to battle.
Dressed in tin armor.
--Marc Frattasio,

At the abbatoir
Scythes and grinders groan. Outside
Hormel's barrow waits.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor),

Is putting SPAM on
The engendered feces list

--Barrie Collins,

When I was a kid
Mom would make SPAM casserole.
Now she denies it.

--Bob Roberds,

Patio slime trails
Are not from snails but anxious
SPAMs seeking escape.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor),


Cop beats up migrants
Heading for "jobs" at Hormel.
Meat tenderizer.
--Martin Booda,


Cheeks pink as primrose,
SPAM-sculpted. Sweetly dimpling,
Pig-malion smiles.
--Paula S. Jordan,

Churchill on SPAM: "A
riddle wrapped in a myst'ry
wrapped in some pink gel.".

--Chris Fishel,

Evita eats a
slab of SPAM, sings "Don't Cry For
Me, Minnesota."

--Chris Fishel,

Thanks again to the anonymous panelists for helping me select among 1000 haiku, to Phil Erickson for writing the vote tallying cgi script, and to Alec Proudfoot ( for hosting the ballot box.

John Nagamichi Cho, a.k.a. The SHAM /

SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.