The People's Choice Cuts: 4001-5000


Tastes like ham, sorta
But clogs up my aorta
Pig rigor morta
--Bill Muse


"Slow down," she whispered,
now guiding my trembling hands,
"Turn the key slowly."


Eating SPAM is like
Having two tongues in your mouth,
And swallowing one.
--Francis Heaney,


Perfection uncanned
Like a beautiful redhead
Fresh from her trailer
--John Mitchell,


SPAM farts from the can
Then three hours later, I fart.
Mute pigs speaking twice.
--Brian "Briku" Mitchell,

The grim sucking sound
Of the SPAM shucking its skin,
Its hard blue cocoon.

--Francis Heaney,

Spock scans the pink meat.
"It's life, Jim," he tells Kirk, "but...
not as we know it."

--John M. Debevec (Hitman),


Once separated,
The sow rejoins her children
In a small blue can.
--John Mitchell,


SPAM and Tang dinner.
Meal most feared by astronauts.
"Open the trash, HAL."
--Monique Johnson


I opened a can.
Inside there was a small snout.
"Not again," I moaned.


Slice it paper thin.
Stick it on my window panes.
The room glows pinkly.
--Maria Demetris


SPAM and stomach flu
My floor becomes a canvas
In 10 shades of pink
--Brian "Briku" Mitchell,

With the empty can
Held up to my ear, I hear
The sound of the sty.

--Francis Heaney,


"Roger, I just can't
believe we're talking about
the same food," says Gene.
--Bob Roberds,


Fifty blocks of SPAM
A giant PEZ dispenser
Crowned with a pig's head
--John Mitchell,


Somewhere a black hole
Consumes everything in sight;
A blue can sails by.
--John Mitchell,


They break down the door
As he opens the SPAM can.
The rabbi exposed!
--John Mitchell,

See how the fish dive
For the greasy flecks I flick.
See how the fish float.

--John Mitchell,


On my brown lunch bag,
A spreading translucent spot--
SPAM again today.
--Francis Heaney,

SPAM by candle light
What could be more romantic?
Open the Night Train

--John Mitchell,

Thanks again to the anonymous panelists for helping me select among 1000 haiku, and to Phil Erickson for writing the vote tallying cgi script.

John Nagamichi Cho, a.k.a. The SHAM / SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.

Last modified: Thu Mar 20 17:03:40 GMT-0400 1997