Bad Poetry
A crazed Norwegian obsessed with his quarry
Shoots an innocent who doesn’t understand
To fear this alien possessed hound.
Soon those at Outpost Thirty One uncover the story
Of an ancient secret buried in this frozen land.
It will infect them, so a blood test is found.
They take deep breaths to renew life’s ___
And fight with explosives, blades and fire.
But many die: this enemy can clearly think.
It transforms and kills with apparent ___
Until only two remain in a nervous ceasefire.
Exhausted, they simply wait and drink.
A discovery to change mankind,
In an instant, from here to there.
Is this the work of mad science or a brilliant mind,
Inspired by paranoia or a romantic affair?
This technology is an unnatural fusion.
There are monstrous consequences to behold.
There is no undoing this biological union.
Once released, it cannot be controlled.
And it will mutate before the tale is ___.
Heed this warning and take ___.
A quaint seaside town should not be where rogues reside.
But it takes a talented crook to recognize a skilled con man.
When two meet, naturally they will vie for riches and pride.
A wager then, to see who can swindle a mark with the better plan.
Perhaps as a cripple or a doctor, roles played with great ___.
But if they are unaware of a third rival, the Jackal will strike,
Catch them pants down, and bury their pride in a seaside ___.
Let this be a warning to swindlers, thieves and tricksters alike!
Going on a train ride
Through the Bavarian land.
Foreigners ride alongside,
The vistas were grand.
When the train is stalled
Passengers at an inn are installed.
An American gent climbs aboard,
He takes photos and is smart.
Also a governess watching her ward.
And a young woman who captured the gent’s heart.
She almost delayed our departure instead,
When drunkenly she fell on her head.
Now we’ve resumed our journey.
The photog looks smart in his tie and ___.
Yet another passenger needs a gurney.
It would be better to have a ___,
To tend to this sick one,
One of God’s Marines, not a nun.
The governess goes missing,
Hopefully she’ll be found.
She bears a message most pressing
And must be London bound.
You see, the governess role was fake,
And the fate of Europe is at stake!
I admit, I was in a bad situation,
Needing a fix and sentenced to die.
So I accepted the offer to serve my nation,
Train as a killer and tell my old life goodbye.
I became an assassin and lady of class.
Killing a VIP at dinner was my final test.
After the hit I escaped by chute, earning a pass.
But a few more targets and I had a request.
Because when push comes to ___
I would rather not be a government gun.
I’d rather have a treasure ___
Even if it meant living on the run.
I do one last important job so I can get out.
But the agency sends a cleaner to put me away.
He underestimated me, there’s no doubt.
I walked into the mist, to live another day.
I have this girl, you see,
Though I don’t know what she sees in me.
My life’s fraught with danger
Playing this undercover stranger.
And a lot of hard life lessons I’ve been ___.
I order a Sam Adams on ___.
And I sit and think of her as I drink:
I did my time, and as my shrink,
She’s supposed to be screwing my head on right
But really we just end up screwing all night.
I’m glad she doesn’t have a cat in fact;
I hate it when animals catch me in the act.
Lo, I wave my staff, and watch the tumult writhe
Before me parting like grasses encountering the harvester’s scythe.
With excitement for the capture, my pursuers are driven mad with blood lust,
We seek a new land as our home, so we may leave behind the wretched dust.
Knowing that while there will be no more goose liver ___,
But rather manna to sustain us, these two things do not ___.
Then the way is made open so we cross, and like a crocodile’s maw
Our path snaps shut behind us to crush them, and I shall yet bring the law.
And yet the chosen ones celebrate and dance in the dust,
Forsaking their faith more with each vulgar thrust.
I return to them bearing carved words from the divine.
But their actions make them unworthy, as His name they malign.
Many victims have a dark curse,
Will it claim this foreign blond nurse?
Started from a vicious killing
Yielding ghosts upset and chilling.
Skip past their house in the Far ___
Lest you find bodies lain ___.
In the attic they’re not long kept,
Gruesome tidings she must accept.
Fear the boy of silent staring,
Soon his mother comes a-scaring.
Victim tries to burn their dwelling,
Distracted dies loudly yelling.
Bitter grievance unforgiven,
Female spirit madly driven.
My youthful love, my white virgin on the Nile,
Your return home brings me a great smile.
Where I cannot offer you fame nor splendor
I can be your secrets’ defender.
But you must understand that when you left
I was alone, my heart bereft.
Your sister fell in love with me,
Now you would bring the paparazzi.
Asking me to care for your three children,
When I’ll soon have five of my own little men!
Still, I acquiesce without missing a ___,
This labor may drown me in my own ___.
Our numbers daily dwindle.
We do not have enough men.
The few left are green as a pitted ___.
The 59th flies to challenge that fearful symbol
The Red Baron; I do not want deaths on my head again.
I fear none may come back ___.
We will fly just as the sun
Inspires the rooster’s cry.
We’ll attack with a bombing run,
And claim the sky.
Streets and alleys quickly darken,
Thieves and scoundrels the night does harken,
For another so does slither through same inky black,
Though not one of their own pack.
He takes wee children from their kin,
To commit his putrid sin;
This the thieves cannot let pass,
For he draws the law men en masse,
The police find new clues to forensically ___
And thereby deduce his daily ___,
While the beggars listen for his whistled tune:
He is recognized by a blind man selling a balloon.
They manage to capture him alone,
And throw him before the head thief’s throne,
Harshly they wish to judge,
Yet who should we most begrudge,
The man whose hunt is compulsion driven,
Or those who seek wealth’s provision?
Traveling abroad for business was never so daunting.
But a storm, a car crash, and a murder suggest a haunting.
I took shelter from the storm in a home with an ark.
In the middle of a swamp, they wouldn’t let me leave in the dark.
I’m not a clever man, I kept putting my foot in my ___.
But with awful manners, this weird family was quite ___.
In the night a new death, as the clock struck every hour,
And the raging storm threatened to take out the power.
Tensions were rising, and headed toward an explosion.
I had to uncover the truth amidst all the confusion.
The killer confessed and then fled out the door.
She died in a blast, to be heard from no more.
We’ve wandered the American Southwest
For what seems like a ___.
With nary a moment of rest,
The heat of the sun is too much to ___.
My pathetic husband and I
Are really at wits end.
When what do we spy
But a scruffy brigand.
This new man will be my fun,
A relief from the road so cruel.
What better to stop boredom
Than an old fashioned duel?
I’m conniving, I’m sneaky,
And I put on a good show.
What will the end be?
Only we three will know.
When attempting a heist never done before,
It’s nice to work with a proper villainous team.
The job will take more than ten men to score,
Running multiple cons woven in a complex scheme.
Two with a plan and a financier to get things started.
A dealer and a pickpocket to lift a card,
With others to make sure the layout is well charted.
An elderly con man to catch security off guard.
The demo man creates a strong gust of ___,
And the surveillance man will deliver you a pinch.
A contortionist to get out of a ___,
Who is careful not to miss by an inch.
After getting inside there is no need for stealth.
Money in hand, just walk out the door.
Then reunite with the team and celebrate this wealth,
But beware: a man swindled has vengeance in store.
You with the fancy London accent
And I from the valley of fine wine:
Who would have known we’d be so Gemini?
In the middle we met and did consent
To plot mischief that our lives would further intertwine,
Trading places perfectly to the eye.
Soon we sought cupid’s bow
To reveal that woman’s greedy lies
And thwart a terrible match.
We brought them together though
And refused to remove our disguise.
First take us camping, that’s the catch!
Now we share a victor’s ___,
And made this family again our ___.
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