Investigator’s Report (solution)

by C. Scott Ananian

This is a critic meta. The answers which feed into the meta are:

       [show 1]
       ENUMERATE
       OCTOPOD

       [show 2]
       SOCLOSE
       VESTIGE

       [critic 2]
       BIZARRE
       CARMACK
       CELLULAR
       FOGBOUND
       LIQUEURS
       MAXWELL
       PAINED
       REYKJAVIK

The input puzzles are transformed into a draw string by first alphabetizing all the input answers, then reading down all the first letters, then down all the second letters, etc:

         BCCEFLMOPRSVIAENOIACAEOEZRLUGQXTIYCSAMLMBUWON
         KLTRAUEOEEPEJOIRCLRUULODASGEKAANRLDVEERTDSIEK

As you take each letter in this string, there will be exactly one valid chess move in the list corresponding to that letter. But! At move ‘Bb4’ (the V from VESTIGE) you will run into problems: none of the moves in the V row are legal! Not only that, but (if you were missing that answer) none of the moves in the S, T, U, W, X, Y, or Z rows are legal either!

The first aha is that this isn’t normal chess. It’s Alice Chess. That will let you play the V. The game runs as follows:

  1. g4 e6
  2. a4 Qh4
  3. Ra3 Nc6
  4. Re3+ (32) Kd8
  5. d4 d6
  6. Nf3 Bb4
  7. a5 (130) Qf6
  8. Ne5 Bd7
  9. Nd3 Bc5
 10. Rc3 Nb8 (146)
 11. Rc8 Qh4
 12. Rxg8+ Rf8 (171)
 13. Rxf8 Bxf8
 14. Bf4 Kc8
 15. Bg2 d5 (187)
 16. 0-0 Bc6
 17. Nb4 Bd6 (254)
 18. Nxc6 Qh1
 19. Bg3 Bxg3
 20. Rf6 gxf6
 21. Qxh1 (328) Nd7
 22. Qh8+ Nf8
 23. Qxf8 Kd7
 24. Qxf6 Rd8 (342)
 25. Qxf7+ Kd6
 26. Nd2 Rf8 (357)
 27. Nd8 Rxd8
 28. Qf1 (387) e5
 29. Qc1 Ke7 (402)
 30. Qc8 Kf7
 31. Qxb7 Rd7
 32. Qf3+ (426) Kg8
 33. Ne4 dxe4
 34. Qe3 (455) Rd2
 35. Qxd2 Bb8
 36. Bxe4 h5 (481)
 37. Qc1 c6
 38. gxh5 Bc7
 39. Qd1 (520) Bd8
 40. Qxd8+ Kg7
 41. Qc7+ Kh6 (621)
 42. Qxa7 Kg5
 43. Qc5 Kh4
 44. Qb6 Kg4
 45. Qa7 (641) Kf4 (653) (657)
 46. Bb7 Ke4
 47. Ba6 Kd5
 48. Qf7+ Kxd4
 49. Qc4#

The numbers in parentheses show the scrabble score at that point in the concurrent scrabble game. The first few plays are from a tournament game of Alice Chess, which ought to help you get the aha. The last few plays in the game are padding; if you backsolve you’ll find that the missing input string suffix would be HERRING generating the unused tiles BENOISY.

You take the tiles corresponding to each chess move, so that the tiles dealt out are in this order:

         WHLAFIERJUOSBTEVSTRXYACEOTANOSWPDRUGTBRAONIRE
         LCLYEYEAGWLTDFCUUEPNHMSHLTYTHHTIUOTHGEHSGHNED

Then you play scrabble solitaire with this tile set. Only the words appearing in Through The Looking Glass are considered valid words (as is confirmed when you figure out what the first word played is!). Each play must be the highest scoring play possible with the given tiles. The solution has been computer-checked to be unique.

The first letters of the words played, in order played, spell out a clue phrase.

The completed grid looks like:

. . . . A F T E R . . . . . . 
P U N C H . . . E . . . . . . 
. . . . . . E B A R G T U O . 
. . . . . . X . D . . . . N . 
. . . . R . A L I C E . . L . 
. . F . A . C . L . . . . Y . 
. . R . T . T . Y . E . . . . 
. . A W H I L E . . D . . . T 
. . B . S . Y . . . G . . . H 
. . J . . . . . . H E . . N O 
. T O V E S . . H U S H . . U 
. . U . . . . G . M . . . . G 
. . S N O W D R O P . . . . H 
. . . . . . . E . T . . . . T 
. . . . . . . W . Y H T I L S

The words played, in order, are:

 AWHILE       32 points
 FRABJOUS    130 points
 TOVES       146 points
 EXACTLY     171 points
 RATHS       187 points
 SNOWDROP    254 points
 EBARGTUO    328 points
 ALICE       342 points
 ONLY        357 points
 GREW        387 points
 READILY     402 points
 AFTER       426 points
 PUNCH       455 points
 HUMPTY      481 points
 YHTILS      520 points
 THOUGHTS    621 points
 HUSH        641 points
 EDGES       653 points
 NO          657 points

The clue phrase (reading down the first letters of the words played) is

    AFTER SEAOGRAPHY THEN

A quick google will turn up this passage from Alice in Wonderland:

‘Well, there was Mystery,’ the Mock Turtle replied, counting off the subjects on his flappers, ‘—Mystery, ancient and modern, with Seaography: then Drawling—the Drawling-master was an old conger-eel, that used to come once a week: HE taught us Drawling, Stretching, and Fainting in Coils.’

which indicates that DRAWLING is the perfect way to annoy this critic.