(Wide Shot: An SUV driving down Mass Ave. Cut to inside SUV: Five impeccably groomed young men are inside. )
Jose: Boys, we’re in Cambridge. Just smell the manly sweat of engineers. These guys wouldn’t know Obsession if someone slapped it on their cheeks.
(Image goes to two-tone, and the words “Jose: Grooming” flash on the screen)
Patric: We’ve got Otto Awkward, a man whose wardrobe consists primarily of t-shirts advertising software companies that folded before 2000, rather than advertising Tommy or Liz.
(Image goes to two-tone, and the words “Patric: Fashion” flash on the screen)
Elihu: Years of living on Suan la Chow Chow, rather than Lean Cuisine, have cost our boy some of his sex appeal.
(Image goes to two-tone, and the words “Elihu: Food & Wine” flash on the screen)
Geoff: And the Dr. Awkward headquarters haven’t seen a can of Dutch Boy in years.
(Image goes to two-tone, and the words “Geoff: Interior Design” flash on the screen)
Mark: We’ve got our work cut out for us. That goes double for me, because I’m going to be co-leading the Hunt construction! That’s right, this Hunt will have more references to Joan Crawford, the Pet Shop Boys, and Fire Island than you can shake a Jones Hickory Smoked Sausage at.
(Image goes to two-tone, and the words “Mark: Culture” flash on the screen)
Mark: It’s time for the MIT Mystery Hunt to go from drab to FAB!!!!
The following additional text appeared once the Dossier meta had been solved:
(Wide shot: Dr. Awkward headquarters, which has been partially redecorated – there are Klimt prints everywhere. There are two figures in the room. Medium shot of Mark and Elihu. Mark is in tears.)
Mark: I can’t believe Otto cast me aside, like a failed re-thinking of Coca-Cola.
Elihu: He clearly has no taste. One look inside the fridge at HQ, with its Gorton’s Fish Sticks, should have told us that. He’ll pay for what he’s done to you. In the meantime, you can make yourself better by helping me create a corn bread, wild rice, brandy, and chestnut stuffing for tomorrow’s Thanksgiving feast.
(Pan in on Elihu’s face as we Fade to Black for commercial)
Elihu: What! I would no more murder a straight boy than serve a 2003 Malbec with Sole Almandine! Which, I might add, Samantha Oriflamme had the poor taste to do at the pre-Hunt party she threw during IAP 2008. She’d really hoped to have all three of the Round One puzzle writers together in one place, but unfortunately, only Jan Plumb, Marcia Taylor, and myself were able to attend, so that didn’t happen. Quelle dommage! In any event, at the time of the murder I was in the Black Sheep Café at the Kendall Hotel showing them the proper way to blanch haricots verts.