The Amazing Juggling Troupe Of Duckkon Undrum V

Gather around, for we have been graced by a juggling troupe renowned throughout the universe, here to demonstate their fabulous routines. What could possibly go wrong?

Jugglers stand in the following order, proceeding clockwise: Teddy, Amelia, Sasha, Enrique, and Oscar. Each juggler has a rating. At the beginning of the first routine, these ratings are 1 stars, 2 stars, 3 stars, 4 stars, and 5 stars, respectively. Although the jugglers' ratings will change at the end of each routine, their placement will not—they’ll continue to stand in the same positions. Each juggler also has five hands, each of which can hold one object at a time. These hands are each at a different height, and their respective levels are numbered from 1 (the highest hand) to 5 (the lowest hand). Note that lower hands have higher numbers! Hand numbers do not change.

The name and attributes of an object are given when the object is first picked up; names of objects do not change. "Shifting" an object means to move it from one hand to a higher or lower hand; a juggler can do this without disturbing objects between the source and destination hands. "Grabbing" an object means to take an object from another juggler to the immediate left or right. That object stays at the same level and can only be grabbed by an open hand. “Handing” an object means to give an object to another juggler to the immediate left or right. That object stays at the same level and can only be given to an open hand.

When a juggler throws an object, he chooses a target juggler and throws the object toward that juggler. If the juggler throws "wide left," the target juggler is two positions to the thrower's left (clockwise). If the juggler throws "sharp left," the target juggler is one position to the thrower's left. Throwing "wide right" and "sharp right" are defined analogously.

Objects thrown land exactly 2.5 parsecs after they are thrown. (Note: In certain parts of the universe, parsecs measure time, not length. Just ask Han Solo.) All other actions (including shifting, handing, and grabbing) are instantaneous unless otherwise noted. If undisturbed, the object will land in the hand of the target juggler which has the same number as the hand from which the object was thrown (i.e. the hand at the same height). However, the object's landing site may change due to weight and/or bias.

Weight

Each object has a given numeric weight; the higher the weight, the heavier the object.

Any object with a weight of 4 or less is considered LIGHT. A light object rises one level when it is thrown, so it will land in a hand one level higher (i.e. numbered one less) than the hand from which it was thrown. If the throwing hand is the topmost (1st) hand, the object remains at the same level.

Any object with a weight of 8 or greater is considered HEAVY. A heavy object sinks one level when it is thrown, so it will land in a hand one level lower (i.e. numbered one greater) than the hand from which it was thrown. If the throwing hand is the bottommost (5th) hand, the object remains at the same level.

Bias

Certain objects are either attracted to or averse to certain other objects, which will cause them to change direction in midair.

If an object which is Averse to Object X is thrown to a juggler who is immediately next to a juggler holding Object X, the object's target will change by one position in the opposite direction (making it two jugglers away from Object X instead of one). If the object is thrown toward a juggler holding Object X, there is no effect.

If an object which is Attracted to Object X is thrown to a juggler who is immediately next to a juggler holding Object X, the object's target will change to the juggler holding Object X.

Target change due to bias is determined at the moment an object is thrown, not the moment it lands. These effects do not stack (that is, bias cannot cause the target to change by two positions), and if the juggling is done properly, aversion and attraction will never contradict each other.

Note that weight and bias only apply to throwing, and not to any other form of object transfer.

Occupied Target Hand

If the hand in which a thrown object is supposed to land is occupied, the target juggler will instinctively clear that hand. He does this by shifting the object in that hand to a position one level lower; if the lower hand is occupied, the object in that hand is shifted one level lower (numbered one higher); and so on until an object is shifted to an empty hand. If this is not possible (i.e. if all the lower hands are occupied), objects are shifted upward in the same manner. This shifting happens instantaneously.

Throwing Example

Sasha is holding the Fire Amulet (Weight 2, Averse to Fire Extinguisher) in his 4th hand. He throws it wide right, to Teddy, but Oscar is holding the Fire Extinguisher, so instead it swerves toward Amelia. Amelia is holding objects in her 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th hands; the Fire Amulet lands in Amelia's 3rd hand, since it is Light. It is impossible to shift objects downward to clear the 3rd hand, so instead the object in Amelia's 2nd hand moves to her 1st hand, the object in her 3rd hand moves to her 2nd hand, and the Fire Amulet lands in her 3rd hand.

Note that rules of weight, bias, and shifting only apply to throwing, not to passing, grabbing, or any other action that involves objects moving.

Routines

The jugglers begin with the Hack 'n Slash 'n Catch routine. Each juggler has their own list of instructions, with times given in standard megaparsec-parsec notation. Thus, one parsec after the routine begins, every juggler with a "0:01" instruction follows it simultaneously. One parsec later, the "0:02" instructions are followed, and so on. Remember that thrown objects land exactly 2.5 parsecs after they are thrown.

At the end of each routine, an eight-letter word or phrase can be spelled out that suggests which routine should be performed next, using the instructions below. The "letter corresponding to" a number N is the Nth letter of the alphabet.

The jugglers then begin, with their new ratings, at the beginning of the suggested routine. The objects that were in their hands at the end of the last routine remain there; these jugglers pride themselves on their smooth segues. (NOTE: The routines are not given in the correct order below! The end-of-routine answer determines which routine to continue with.)

Special Instructions

Cards

The following cards may be useful in keeping track of your inventory. Any arm deficiencies are your own problem.

Cards (PDF)

Having trouble remembering which star rating you're currently assigned? Try these handy labels.

Star Labels (PDF)

HACK 'N SLASH 'N CATCH (First Routine)

1-Star Juggler

2-Star Juggler

3-Star Juggler

4-Star Juggler

5-Star Juggler

THREW ZOO REVUE

1-Star Juggler

2-Star Juggler

3-Star Juggler

4-Star Juggler

5-Star Juggler

HIGHLAND FLING

1-Star Juggler

2-Star Juggler

3-Star Juggler

4-Star Juggler

5-Star Juggler

SLAPSTICK STUFFSLING

1-Star Juggler

2-Star Juggler

3-Star Juggler

4-Star Juggler

5-Star Juggler

SEUSSACULAR SPECTACULAR

1-Star Juggler

2-Star Juggler

3-Star Juggler

4-Star Juggler

5-Star Juggler

DELICATOSSIN'

1-Star Juggler

2-Star Juggler

3-Star Juggler

4-Star Juggler

5-Star Juggler

THE APOCALYPSE (See Special Instructions)

Cthulhu