These days, Mario finds surfing the web is a much better way to get power-ups than bashing his head into bricks.
Date: 2011-01-15, 1:17AM EST
Reply to: email@example.com
One golem-fashioned artifact
This orb is great at enlarging wildlife and inducing madness.
Occasionally achieves sentience!
Also duplicates instants and sorceries with sufficient mana
Date: 2011-01-15, 2:17AM EST
Reply to: firstname.lastname@example.org
One small, glowing sphere suitable for use by island royalty or any sufficiently innocent child
Would make the perfect pommel jewel for your hereditary sword!
Also works well for god-slaying or world-sundering (seller is not responsible for any injuries incurred while sundering)
Date: 2011-01-15, 3:17AM EST
Reply to: email@example.com
One crystalline sword (well, not really a sword)
This beautiful piece has spent thousands of years pristine and untouched, to only recently be brought out of storage.
You and your two favorite lady friends will have a great time with it.
Date: 2011-01-15, 4:17AM EST
Reply to: firstname.lastname@example.org
One extremely strong ribbon
Made from the finest roots, spit, sinews, breath, and sound available
Perfect for binding wild animals!
We guarantee it will last until the end of the world (though no longer).
Date: 2011-01-15, 5:17AM EST
Reply to: email@example.com
For sale by Chicago wizard:
One ancient broadsword, formerly owned by the original Merlin
Beautifully incorporates famous nail
Best if used against the possessed/vampires
Date: 2011-01-15, 6:17AM EST
Reply to: firstname.lastname@example.org
Impregnable northern fortress.
Built by architect so talented "builder" was part of his name!
Awe-inspiring ancient sacred grove at the center
Heating system based on natural springs and glass gardens make it a great place to be when winter is coming!
Date: 2011-01-15, 7:17AM EST
Reply to: email@example.com
One long knife of elvish make.
An excellent weapon for the shorter among us
Kills spiders like a charm!
Blue glow makes it perfect choice for cavern adventures (goblins not included)
Date: 2011-01-15, 8:17AM EST
Reply to: firstname.lastname@example.org
One circular clockwork instrument for divination
Thirty-six exquisitely crafted symbols pointed to by four needles
Would make a great gift for a silver-tongued girl
Date: 2011-01-15, 9:17AM EST
Reply to: email@example.com
One 817-year old castle for sale in quasi-Floridian location
Enchanted rose garden
Large animate tapestry
Orchards containing many unusually useful fruit variants
Many helpful ghosts and zombies
Would be paradise for a pun-lover!
Date: 2011-01-15, 10:17AM EST
Reply to: firstname.lastname@example.org
One Egyptian spell book for sale
Talk to animals!
Read the stars!
Comes with six nested boxes for safe storage
This is NOT some fortune-telling aid written by some English occultist. This is genuine divine knowledge.
Date: 2011-01-15, 11:17AM EST
Reply to: email@example.com
One burning wooden cup, suitable for organizing extracurricular activities.
Automatically rejects unqualified participants when used properly.
Date: 2011-01-15, 12:17PM EST
Reply to: firstname.lastname@example.org
One combat robot, designed for assassination of meatbags
Especially good with heavy blasters, demolition, and slicing but also easily upgradeable
Prefaces all speech with a statement of inflection, making human/machine interaction a snap!
Date: 2011-01-15, 1:17PM EST
Reply to: email@example.com
One planet, with three continents and two moons
Large phosphine deposits readily available
Occasional visits from nearby rogue planet guarantee excitement!
Date: 2011-01-15, 2:17PM EST
Reply to: firstname.lastname@example.org
Druid-designed sword using old-world technology and the finest human craftsmanship
Infused with truth, making it excellent at forcing ethereal beings to confront their mortality
Ideal for descendants of elven royalty
Date: 2011-01-15, 3:17PM EST
Reply to: email@example.com
One gigantic artificial space structure unique in all of known space!
A spacious 617 million miles in circumference
Two large counterbalance oceans ideal for a swim
1170-mile side-walls guarantee your atmosphere will never leak out!
Rotation generates artificial gravity almost earth-norm, so you'll never feel far from home/have your body crush itself under its own weight
Date: 2011-01-15, 4:17PM EST
Reply to: firstname.lastname@example.org
One gorgeous island in the Atlantic
Bears plentiful fruit, especially amazing apples!
Would make the perfect place for a monarch to recover after a long, hard battle
Date: 2011-01-15, 5:17PM EST
Reply to: email@example.com
One large dwarven pastry
Great as a place to sit
Run your own coronation ceremony!
(authenticity not guaranteed)
Date: 2011-01-15, 6:17PM EST
Reply to: firstname.lastname@example.org
One space station in earth orbit
Formerly used as a boarding school for young children
Extensive computer system and gaming areas
Nine highly modifiable zero-gravity rooms at the center for all your competition needs
This is the perfect place to train one or more armies!
Date: 2011-01-15, 7:17PM EST
Reply to: email@example.com
Combined human and alien technology make in one of a kind in the universe!
Lithium heat sinks
Novel mass-based drive system for heat-free propulsion
Slightly damaged after crashing during a pivotal battle (not the one it's named after)
Date: 2011-01-15, 8:17PM EST
Reply to: firstname.lastname@example.org
One floating four-wing ziggurat
Also includes spacious frozen cavern and throne room
Refurbished and relocated to a cooler climate just three years ago
Hot and cold running slime
Date: 2011-01-15, 9:17PM EST
Reply to: email@example.com
One planet with two beautiful moons
Arid climate, but a series of underwater canals allow for irrigation, and the native people maintain a series of underground reservoirs.
Majestic megafauna generate priceless pharmaceuticals, guaranteeing your trade will be of central importance to the empire!
Date: 2011-01-15, 10:17PM EST
Reply to: firstname.lastname@example.org
Blade for sale
Perfect for magical decapitation/slaying of manxome foes.
You'll feel frabjous!
Date: 2011-01-15, 11:17PM EST
Reply to: email@example.com
One coat of a flying animal for sale
Its unusual color will wow your friends.
Contact me now, and you won't need to launch a nautical expedition to obtain this treasure!