Two generals, one from the Army, and one from the Air Force, were having a debate with a Navy Admiral about whose soldiers were the bravest.

To prove his point, the Air Force general calls over an airman: "Airman! Climb that flagpole, and once you are at the top, sing 'Wild Blue Yonder', and then jump off!"

"YES SIR!" replies the airman. He takes off for the flagpole like a shot, scales up it, sings the anthem, salutes and jumps off, hitting the ground at attention.

The general dismisses him. "Now that's bravery!" exclaims the general.

"Bravery, nothing," snorts the Army general. "Get over here, private!"

"YES SIR!!" replies the private.

"Put on full combat gear, load your rucksack with these rocks, scale that flagpole, come to attention, present arms, and sing the National Anthem, salute each of us, and then climb back down, head first."

"YES SIR!!" replies the private, and completes the task.

"Now that is a brave man! Beat that!!"

They look to the Marine. "Private," he says.

"YES SIR!!"

"Put on full combat gear. Put these two dogs in your pack. Using only one hand, climb that flagpole. At the top, sing 'The Halls of Montezuma', put your knife in your teeth, and dive off, headfirst."

The private snaps to attention, looks at the general and says, "TO HELL WITH YOU SIR!!"

The general turns to the others and says, "Now THAT'S bravery!"

It was a celebratory mood with the boys at NASA; they had just made the scientific achievement of a lifetime.

 As they were uncorking a bottle of champagne, Dr. Lowenstein, the head scientist at NASA, asked everyone to be quiet as he had received a congratulatory phone call from the President of the
 United States.

 He picked up a special red phone, and spoke into it.

 "Mr. President," said Dr. Lowenstein, grinning broadly, "after twelve years of hard research and billions of dollars spent, we have finally found intelligent life on Mars."

 He listened for a second, and his smile gradually disappeared, replaced by a frown.

 He said, "But that's impossible . . . we could never do it. . . yes Mr. President," and hung up the phone. He addressed the crowd of scientists staring at him curiously.

 "I have some bad news," he said, "the President said that now that we've found intelligent life on Mars . . . he wants us to try to find it in Congress."

Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. He was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a three-man business.

"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."

"Excuse me?" the young accountant said.

"I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."

"I see," the young accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?"

"I will start you at eighty-five thousand dollars"

"Eighty-five thousand dollars!" the young accountant exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"

"That," the owner said, "is your first worry."

Scientists at Rolls Royce built a gun specially to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, and military jets, all travelling at maximum velocity. The idea was to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.

American engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields on their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made and a gun was sent to the American engineers. When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control, snapped the engineer's back rest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from bow. The horrified Yanks sent Rolls Royce the results of the experiment, along with the designs of the Windshield and begged the British scientists for suggestions.

Rolls Royce responded with a one line memo: "Defrost the chicken"