TRADITIONAL ECONOMICS: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies and the economy grows. You retire on the income.

INFOSYS ECONOMICS: You have 2 cows. You put both of them on the bench. And hire another to do the job.

WIPRO ECONOMICS: You have two cows. You don't have any onsite requirement. You process visa for both & train them how to milk. Then let them find a different place.

TCS ECONOMICS: You have 2 cows You tell them that only one will go to onsite. You ask both of them to fight for the only H1B Visa. Both of them die after fighting.

HCL ECONOMICS: You have 2 cows You milk them only for 24 hours on just 7 days a week. They run away.

PCS ECONOMICS: You have 2 cows You train them for two months on how to milk themselves. Then u ask them to pull bullock carts

INDIAN ECONOMICS: You have two cows. You worship them.

PAKISTAN ECONOMICS: You dont have any cows. You claim that the Indian cows belong to you. You ask the US for financial aid, China for military aid, British for Warplanes, Italy for machines, Germany for technology,  French for submarines, Switzerland for loans, Russia for drugs and Japan for equipment. You instigate cows to disown India with all this and claim of exploitation by the world.

AMERICAN ECONOMICS: You have two cows. You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You profess surprise when the cow drops dead.

FRENCH ECONOMICS: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

GERMAN ECONOMICS: You have two cows. You reengineer them so that they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.

BRITISH ECONOMICS: You have two cows. They are both mad cows.

ITALIAN ECONOMICS: You have two cows. You don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

SWISS ECONOMICS: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

JAPANESE ECONOMICS: You have two cows. You redesign them so that they are onetenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create cute cartoon cow images called Cowkimon and  market them worldwide.

RUSSIAN ECONOMICS: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 17 cows. You give up counting and open another bottle of vodka.

CHINESE ECONOMICS: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity and arrest anyone reporting the actual numbers.
 

Spotted in a toilet of a London office: TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a London Laundromat: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In a London office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a London secondhand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC.WHY NOT BRING  YOUR  WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in London health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS, PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a London conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE  FIRST FLOOR

Notice in a field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES

Message on a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

On a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR- THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

People in other countries sometimes go out of their way to communicate with their English-speaking tourists. Here is a list of signs seen around
the world.

At a Budapest zoo: PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.

Doctors office, Rome: SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Hotel, Acapulco: THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.

In a Nairobi restaurant: CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE SHOULD SEE THE MANAGER.

In a City restaurant: OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.

In a cemetery: PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES

Below are more examples of unintentionally hilarious English. They come from an Air France in New York bulletin, as reported in Knight-Ridder Newspapers many years ago.  Even when grammatical, the examples are uproariously incorrect. The joke is as much on English as it is on the non-native speakers.

In a Paris hotel: Please leave your values at the front desk.

In Bucharest: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In a Russian monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

In an Austrian ski resort: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

A Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

In Germany's Black Forest: 't is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are
married with each other for that purpose.

In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom it is suggested that the lobby be used for that purpose.

Hong Kong dentist's advertisement: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

From a Czech tourist brochure: Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.

A Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

A Tokyo car-rental brochure: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigour.

A Copenhagen airline office: We take your bags and send them in all directions.

A Norwegian lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

There was once a group of Statisticians and a group of Engineers riding together on a train to a joint scientific meeting. All the Engineers had tickets, but the Statisticians only had one ticket between them. Inquisitive by nature, the Engineers asked the Statisticians how they were going to get away with such a small sample of tickets when the conductor came through. The Statisticians said, "Easy. We have methods for dealing with that."

Later, when the conductor came to punch tickets, all the Statisticians slipped quietly into the bathroom. When the conductor knocked on the door, the head Statistician slipped their one ticket under the door thoroughly fooling the layman conductor.

After the joint meeting was over, the Statisticians and the Engineers again found themselves on the same train. Always quick to catch on, the Engineers had purchased one ticket between them. The Statisticians (always on the cutting edge) had purchased NO tickets for the trip home. Confused, the Engineers asked the Statisticians "We understand how your methods worked when you had one ticket, but how can you possibly get away with no tickets?"  "Easy," replied the Statisticians smugly, "we have different methods for dealing with that situation."

Later, when the conductor was in the next car, all the Engineers trotted confidently off to the bathroom with their one ticket and all the Statisticians packed into the other bathroom.
Shortly, the head Statistician crept over to where the Engineers were hiding and knocked authoritatively on the door. As they had been instructed, the Engineers slipped their one ticket under the door. The head Statistician took the Engineers' one and only ticket and returned triumphantly to the Statistician group. Of course, the Engineers were subsequently discovered and publicly humiliated.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Do not use statistical methods unless you understand the principles behind them.

A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers.  On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he wants to let them know he means business!

The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, "And how much money do you make a week?"

A little surprised, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $300.00 a week. Why?"

The CEO then hands the guy $600 in cash and screams, "Here's two weeks' pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!"

Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?"

With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."

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Modern Weather Prediction

It was autumn, and the Red Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a Red Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets, and when he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to
be prepared.

But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked "Is the coming winter going to be cold?" "It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared.

A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. "Is it going to be a very cold winter?"

"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "It's definitely going to be a very cold winter."

The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find.

Two weeks later, he called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"

"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever."

"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.

The weatherman replied, "The Red Indians are collecting wood like crazy."