Random Click Adventure

Woops! Looks like you're a bit too early -- none of the desk workers are even up yet! But fret not, for desk services will open promptly on August 25th, 2016 at 8:00am, when someone finally manages to prod the first shift worker awake and drag her downstairs to man the keep.

Until then, feel free to browse through the rest of the website, or even email the dorm! We love answering questions from anyone wondering what it's like to be a student at MIT or living in Random Hall, whether you're a prospective student, parent, or even a fellow college student just curious to know how the other side lives.

You find yourself in the airlock, where you'll need to check in with the Allied Barton worker at desk.

Just pop in, say hi to the worker, and maybe mention that you're a prefrosh -- show them your little plastic badge and they should let you in. If you know your way around from here, great! Just head upstairs and go attend whatever event you happen to be here for. Otherwise, turn right through the door with a window, and you'll find yourself in Foo proper.

What do you want to do next?

After going through a series of twists and turns, you find yourself standing, in dim light, in front of a long-forgotten door that appears to have been opened recently. It may have been a dark room at one point, but the sign indicates that it now contains grues. But wait! The door's been opened! What happened to the grues then?

From behind you hear a slithering and increasingly loud, horrible gurgling noises. You turn and try to face it, but discover to your horror that you have nothing with which to fight it off. Your final thought as its slavering fangs engulf you in neverending darkness is that you probably should have taken the tour instead.

You enter through the door and find yourself in a large-ish room with rows of ugly green couches. There are artifacts on the mantle above the unlit fireplace, as well as ceiling tiles decorated in various colors and strange markings. The person sitting behind the desk appears to be a desk worker, in charge of mail and soda fridge and vacuums as well as welcoming visitors and pointing them in the right direction. On the couch are also several people who look up when you come in.

What do you want to do next?

You take a deep breath and, gripping your bag of free MIT goodies, step up to the front desk. The desk worker smiles, clears some room on the table and gives you their full attention.

"Hey there. You need a schedule or something?"

You nod. A schedule is probably a good thing to have.

They peel two sheets of paper off two of the stacks piling up around them, grab a booklet from the pile of booklets in the corner, and hand them to you across the table. One of the two sheets appears to be a comprehensive list of some sort, with strange names and obscure references all over it. The other is a list of events, but it seems to have more 17s and 47s than you're used to.

As you peruse them, the desk worker asks, "Do you also want a tour?"

You make your way over to the ugly green couches in foo and sit down. Two of the three inhabitants, having apparently seen that you mean no harm, return to their conversation on fixing the errant grue population in the basement. One of them seems to think that taking a flamethrower to the problem is a good idea, but the other one wants to maybe take the destruction down a notch or two.

You listen to their conversation, but it doesn't seem to yield any important information. You also aren't sure why you're sitting on this couch in the first place. But you've noticed for some time now that the third person on the couch has been staring at you intently. You squirm a bit uncomfortably under their gaze.

"What?" you finally demand, though it comes out more like a squeak. "Do you need something from me?"

"No, but I think you want something from me." The person grins, a glint of mischief in their eyes. "Hey kid, how would you like a tour of the dorm?"

How do you respond?

You awkwardly shuffle in place. Two of the three inhabitants of the couch, having apparently seen that you mean no harm, return to some conversation they were having. They seem to arguing very fervently, but you'll need to get closer if you want to hear what they're talking about.

The desk worker is now staring at you, somewhat bemused. They also seem to be giving cursory glances between you and the non-arguing inhabitant on the couch,and debating whether they should call you over to hand you some stuff.

The non-arguing inhabitant of the couch appears bored.

What do you do next?

You make your way over to the ugly green couches and sit down. The two who were arguing seem to have reached a consensus on something -- one suggests grabbing several aerosol cans of air freshener from all the bathrooms before they head down to the basement to finish the deed. The other seems a bit hesitant with this approach but follows along anyways, adding that they should at the very least bring along some very bright lights and two fire extinguishers in case something goes wrong.

You continue to listen in on their conversation, but it doesn't seem to yield anything important or substantive enough for you to get any context from it. You also aren't sure why you're sitting on this couch in the first place. But you've noticed for some time now that the third person on the couch has been staring at you intently. You squirm a bit uncomfortably under their gaze.

"What?" you finally demand, though it comes out more like a squeak. "Do you need something from me?"

"No, but I think you want something from me." The person grins, a glint of mischief in their eyes. "Hey kid, how would you like a tour of the dorm?"

How do you respond?

The person on the couch stands up and extends their right hand towards you. "Great! I'm the tour guide for this next part. My name is [blah], but you can call me J. Arthur." They grab a map off of the table and shove it at you.

"Here, take this. You'll need it because reasons."

You dutifully take the map.

"Anyways. The place we are standing in right now is Foo. It has only three residents because the lounge is much bigger than the lounges on the other floors, and we usually use this space for dorm-wide events and study breaks and things like that."

"There isn't much going on here, but I can probably tell you a little more about this floor if you want. From here, we can also either go upstairs to Black Hole or through the back to Destiny."

"So where do you want to go?"

The desk worker hands you yet another sheet of paper -- a map -- and shrugs. "Suit yourself." They then turn back to whatever it is they were doing.

What do you do next?

The person on the couch shrugs. "Suit yourself." They reach between the couch cushions and pull out a crumpled sheet of paper.

"You should take this map, though, in case you decide to go exploring on your own." They then return to twiddling their thumbs, perhaps waiting on a more tour-loving prefrosh than you.

You remember passing a staircase in the landing. From the map it seems that it leads to Black Hole. There's also that door in the back, which will take you to Destiny. Alternatively, you can stay on the couch and see if anything else exciting happens to come by.

What do you do next?

You shuffle awkwardly in place again. The two conversing on the couch, having apparently reached a consensus, get off the couch and head through a door in the back together. The remaining inhabitant continues to look bored, and the desk worker has stopped looking at you and is now preoccupied by the screen.

What do you do next?

You somehow shuffle yourself sideways and straight back through the front door. Oops.

"So this is Black Hole. It's one of two cat floors in the dorm, and is coed. The inhabitants of black hole like LARPing, tabletop role-playing games, and the like. Basically, they're the old school nerds."

"Though we call it a cat floor, black hole is really only half a cat floor -- the kitchen side is kept cat-free partially because sometimes people with cat allergies want to live here, and partially because it's not good to have cats in the kitchen, where they can chew on wires and disturb the food and etc."

What do you want to do next?

"So this is Destiny. It's one of two all-male floors in Random Hall, the other one being Foo. And like Foo, Destiny also houses less than the standard thirteen to fourteen residents."

"Several residents of Destiny like working out and/or building things. They also like modifying the building and getting in trouble for it. On that side over there are a set of monkey bars that are spaced stupidly far apart because they're in the studs of the wall rather than at a reasonable monkey-barring distance, so very few people can actually do them."

What do you want to do next?

You decide to stick around Foo for a while. There's not much going on here though, so you pass the time counting and staring at all the colorful ceiling tiles.

At some point though, the two occupants of the couch from earlier come back, carrying what appear to be two large black trashbags filled to the brim with aerosol cans. Both are now dressed in much more multi-purpose clothing, complete with cargo pants and... rope?

They catch you staring at them and one of them grins. The other gives the first a wary look.

"Hey, prefrosh," the first one chirps conversationally, ignoring the other's elbow jabs. "We're going to go do something really fun in the basement right now. Want to come along?"

With the map and after much difficulty, you find your way upstairs and into Black Hole kitchen. The kitchen is filled with all kinds of strange paraphernalia, including what appears to be a giant baby seal club and a parrot hanging from the ceiling.

Overall, it feels very home-y and idiosyncratic, like some eccentric hoarder was given free rein to decorate the space. The shelves above the fridge seem a bit high, and you're not sure how anyone ever gets anything up there, but...

All the residents in the kitchen are looking at you expectantly. They seem friendly enough.

What do you want to do next?

Somehow, despite the twists and turns you find yourself on Destiny. The lighting on this floor seems a bit odd, and one of the doors in the kitchen seems much newer than the rest, but you figure it's probably just ambience or something, so whatever.

There are rage faces painted on some of the ceiling tiles.

What do you want to do next?

You make your way over to the ugly green couches and sit down. They're absurdly bouncy and the fabric is rough -- far more suited for making trampolines than reception and lounge area couches.

You pass the time mulling over some of the painted ceiling tiles, but they don't seem to yield anything important or substantive enough for you to get any context from it. You also aren't sure why you're sitting on this couch in the first place. But you've noticed for some time now that the third person on the couch has been staring at you intently. You squirm a bit uncomfortably under their gaze.

"What?" you finally demand, though it comes out more like a squeak. "Do you need something from me?"

"No, but I think you want something from me." The person grins, a glint of mischief in their eyes. "Hey kid, how would you like a tour of the dorm?"

How do you respond?

You do another awkward shuffle in place. By this point it seems like no one is really paying attention to you -- or rather, the desk worker seems preoccupied with a huge stack of mail that has just spontaneously appeared on their desk, and the person on the couch appears lost in thought.

The desk worker gets up and takes the mail bin with them through the door in the back at some point. They've locked up desk before leaving, so there isn't much to do there now. You'll have to wait for them to come back if you need something.

The person on the couch is still bored. Maybe you should go ask them for help now?

What do you do next?

"So right now, we're in BMF. It's one of two all-female floors, the other one being Loop, and prides itself in both its kitchen and kitchen supplies. The girls on BMF generally like baking and tea. They're also very diverse."

"You're probably wondering what 'BMF' stands for. I can't tell you that quite just yet -- but if you come visit Random Hall for real sometime, you can ask a tour guide in person and we'll tell you."

What do you want to do next?

"So on the second floor on this side, we have Loop, the other all-female floor in Random Hall. Loop is also a cat floor, though unlike Black Hole, all of Loop is a cat floor so if you're allergic to cats, you should be wary of cats in both the kitchen and lounge sides."

"Loop is a very quiet floor. The residents of Loop like baking and giving out their baked goods, but lately they've started taking joy in sending out strange emails and etc. too. Loop lounge also has a piano, where some of the residents occasionally host sing-a-longs."

What do you want to do next?

The first person grins even wider. "Great! Here, take these things and follow us." They shove one of the trash bags full of cans at you and motion at the door in the far back of the lounge. "We're just going to head down to the basement through the back stairwell, so we don't run into any people along the way."

The other person groans. "This is such a bad idea."

"Nah, it'll be fine. The fire department's only four minutes away, right?"

You feel a sense of trepidation, but follow them down the back staircase anyways. After all, what could go wrong? They're upperclassmen; they know what they're doing.

Your party stops in front of a heavy steel door, and the upperclassmen drop their gear. The first one takes up an aerosol can and a lighter with a manic grin.

"Alright, let's get those motherfxxxing grues."

The next thing you know, you're being ushered out of the 290-side door while an alarm blares in the background and a calm, female voice reminds residents not to take the elevator. You probably should have known better than to set an open flame in Random Hall, with its burn time of approximately six minutes.

You sit down on the now empty couch. The two upperclassmen head off, the second one telling the first that maybe, if even a prefrosh thinks it's a bad idea, they should just leave the problem be and come back with a different solution later. You hear the first begrudgingly agree, and wonder what it was that you missed out on.

You've now grown somewhat bored of this couch, which isn't terribly comfortable and also a weird shade of green. You also have a map now so you can leave any time.

What do you want to do next?

The kitchen is quiet as you shuffle into it. The pots and pans are colorful, as if someone couldn't decide whether they wanted the kitchen to be purple or orange or pink. On the walls are dozens of Ryan Gosling "hey girl" memes, each with either an inspirational quote or a silly STEM-related pick-up line.

Several of the posters by the sink and refrigerators are in full color, and appear to be dish-washing PSAs.

In the lounge are a TARDIS and a beanbag. The TARDIS seems to be locally bound so you can't travel across the universe or even the dorm with it, but the beanbag looks comfortable and there are many books in the bookshelves.

There's also a hole in the wall. It probably takes you to some other floor, but maybe you shouldn't go too off track.

What do you want to do next?

Through the glass in the door, a cat stares evenly at you. It moves out of your way as you open the door to the lounge, and gives you a backward knowing look as it slinks away into the closet.

You should probably not follow the cat. Who knows how friendly it is, and if you follow it you might end up hurting yourself and getting trapped in the closet, and then no one will know where you are and your parents will be sad and weeks from now you will emerge, more feline than human and probably coughing up hairballs.

Just don't do it. It's probably a bad idea. That cat needs its space, man.

You can now either continue your journey through the floors or hang around the floor for a bit longer and hope that the cat comes back out.

What do you want to do next?

Eventually the desk worker returns, empty mail bins in tow. They pile those up haphazardously behind the desk and reopen the cabinets, then straighten up some of the piles of paper that had been mysteriously disturbed in their absence.

They then turn to you and smile.

"Hey there. Are you here for an event or something? I can set you up with a tour if you'd like."

What do you want to do next?

You make your way over to the ugly green couches and sit down. As you do this, you notice that its other inhabitant has been staring at you intently. Their eyes are a chocolate brown, with clear golden undertones. You squirm a bit uncomfortably under their gaze.

"What?" you finally manage to squeak. "Do you need something from me?"

The person grins and blinks at you lazily, like a cat. "No, I don't think so. But I think you want something from me." They scoot a bit closer, their voice lowered conspiratorially and a hint of mischief in their eyes. Their hair glows an almost fiery red.

"Hey kid, how would you like a private tour of the dorm?"

How do you respond?

You shuffle awkwardly yet again. Nothing much has changed since the last iteration though -- the desk worker is back and the person on the couch is still bored. Perhaps you should go check out events somewhere else for now?

What do you want to do next?

"So here we are on Pecker, the fourth floor on this half of Random Hall. Pecker is a coed floor, with space for twelve undergraduate residents -- one of the three GRTs of Random Hall lives here and he gets two rooms instead of one, so there are twelve spots left for everyone else."

"The two other floors with GRTs are Foo and Loop, by the way. But Foo's GRT lives in the long tunnel area that leads from Foo to Destiny rather than on Foo or Destiny proper, so that room is a bit weird."

"Anyways. In Pecker kitchen can be found people arguing about random things while working on homework or eating food. They also host Pecker board game nights most Fridays, and occasionally invite undergrads and grad students to host lectures in the lounge. Additionally, Pecker is home to The Milk, which is old and sketchy and has applied to MIT twice so far."

"It's application also appeared in the 2019s welcome video."

What do you want to do next?

"So this is Clam, which like BMF is connected three ways to a floor above, below, and through the hole in the wall. Clam is one of the more EECS and math-heavy floors of Random Hall -- last year they were the only floor that was purely composed of EECS and math majors -- and they like their electronics."

"No, really. You can tell how much they love video games and League of Legends by the setup they have in the kitchen, with computer monitors and laptops superceding food in terms of importance at the dinner table."

"When not staring at computer monitors or playing Rock Band in the lounge, Clam is usually going out to eat food together as a floor or playing card games. They also keep a list of funny things that people have said on their floor, so if you see something weird written on one of the chalkboards, it was probably a quote taken out of context somewhere."

What do you want to do next?

You somehow find yourself standing in front of a green chalkboard full of strange equations and what appear to be math problems. The symbols are foreign yet fascinating -- despite not knowing what anything means, you find yourself unable to look away. How mysterious...

When you finally return to your senses, it's been two hours and you are missing your pants. You find them three feet away, folded into some strange configuration. Well then.

In the lounge you find a sketchy container of milk, encased in a plastic container with a biohazard sticker on it. The expiration date on the carton has long washed out, but it must be at least ten years old.

What do you want to do next?

The kitchen table is overflowing with computer monitors. Amidst the wires and cables you see a glimpse of strange knick knacks, pens, and miscellaneous scrap paper -- in one corner sits a forlorn box of goldfish snacks. The residents are all intently staring at their monitors.

Reflected in the mirror above the mantle is a giant clam, its eyes pointed squarely at you. Feeling a bit uncomfortable with the gaze, you go into the lounge.

Here, controllers and game consoles lay tangled in a pile of wires. Games are strewn casually about the room, with a larger stack in the back by the TV and several much smaller collections on tables, couches, near the closet, etc. The chalkboard also includes some amusing scribbles and what appears to be an alien form of score-keeping.

What do you want to do next?

The desk worker snorts. "Yeah, no, sorry, we haven't had time to implement the dating sim portion of this tour yet. I've been hosed as it is, and it's been hard finding someone willing to write all the gritty parts." They grin, but it's more rueful and self-deprecating than anything.

"But hey, while you're here, you want a tour? I can't promise that the sim part will be done when you get back, but it's better than nothing, probably."

The person on the couch leans in by another fraction, but just then, the desk worker returns and bops them on the head with the mail bin.

"Keep it in your pants until November, kids, or the Novembat will get you." They give the person on the couch a dark look, and shamble back to the desk.

You're not sure what this Novembat is, but the person on the couch goes pale and shudders. "Right. The Novembat." They grin at you weakly. "Guess I'll be seeing you back here on midnight of October 31st, right? It's probably smarter for you to leave now though, before the Novembat gets a whiff of you."

"This is the roofdeck. The apocryphal story goes that because Random Hall is so old we are one of a very few number of buildings in Cambridge with a roofdeck, as newer Cambridge law has outlawed them. Therefore, we aren't allowed to change 50% or more of the deck at once -- if we do, it falls under renovation and then we have to bring it up to code, i.e remove the entire thing."

"Whenever we want to replace the wood, then, we have to do some finagling -- first we do one 49% section of the deck, then we do the other 49% of the deck, then we go back and look over the plans and realize that we're done because we made some kind of rounding error somewhere, so we shrug and bury the plans and continue with our lives pretending everything went according to plan."

They shrug. "Of course, it's just a story -- we know it isn't the case because our entire roofdeck was renovated just last summer, and there don't seem to be any problems with the Cambridge building code and roofdecks."

What do you want to do next?

You find yourself standing on the roofdeck, overlooking the city. To your left is a Novartis building -- to your right, another Novartis building. You realize that your life is quickly becoming Novartis buildings -- they close in on you from all sides, and there is no escape.

The view is quite lovely though, if you ignore Novartis. It's a bit chilly right now, but there are chairs and tables and it feels like a place you could work in.

What do you want to do next?

"So right now, we're walking through Bonfire. Of all the floors in Random, Bonfire is the most outwardly social floor -- many residents on this floor are active in outside student groups like ESP, the educational studies program, and when Bonfire throws a party, people outside of Random Hall actually show up."

"Bonfaari like hosting dinners and parties, and unlike other floors tend to have one around once every month or every other month or so. As Bonfaari also like traveling and doing other things in packs, many people within and outside Bonfire like to make jokes about the floor being a hive mind."

What do you want to do next?

The room is quiet when you enter, filled with nothing but the sounds of clattering keyboards. The residents of this floor appear hard at work.

As one they pound furiously at their keys. As one their eyes trace across their respective screens. As one they reach hands out for tea and coffee, take sips from their mugs, and place them back on their table.

You realize with some trepidation that they all seem to be the exact same person. And as you think this to yourself, they all look up in unison.

"Bonfire is not a hive mind."

What do you want to do next?

A well-dressed young person of an indeterminate gender approaches you. Their gender is indeterminate because they are decked out in some strange garments -- the clothes, cream and white and in some strange, steampunk neo-victorian style, cover their entire body from their neck to their toes, and their face is obscured by a veil. Shimmering slightly, they hand you a vestment of wool. It feels sturdier than it looks, yet light at the same time.

You nod at them, and turn to continue on the stairs.

"So this is Destiny. It's one of two all-male floors in Random Hall, the other one being Foo. And like Foo, Destiny also houses less than the standard thirteen to fourteen residents."

"Several residents of Destiny like working out and/or building things. They also like modifying the building and getting in trouble for it. On that side over there are a set of monkey bars that are spaced stupidly far apart because they're in the studs of the wall rather than at a reasonable monkey-barring distance, so very few people can actually do them."

What do you want to do next?

As you turn to leave the kitchen, a tall individual with flowing locks materializes in the hallway in front of the structural monkey bars. They give you a solemn look before handing over a single square of chocolate, then just as wordlessly disappear back into the hallway.

"Item acquired," a voice from the heavens booms. "1x LCS Experimental Chocolates."

You glance over at your tour guide, who is humming happily to themselves. The Milk shrugs at you and you descend down the steps to the basement.

"Right!" The person grins at you. "There's only the basement left now, which contains the laundry, the bike storage, our sad Athena station, our even sadder weight room, etc. Now, I have some things I need to do in the basement anyways, so I'll be heading left if you want to come with me. Otherwise, once we head down, you can just head right and explore the area on your own."

What would you like to do?

"Cool!" They nod. "Follow me then. This is the bike storage, there's the EE lab, and up ahead through this doorway is the laundry room, where the machines are. We have this shelf for laundry detergent, which people label with their names and leave downstairs with the explicit expectation that no one else is using what isn't theirs. The machines here are free since we own them, but that means that, when they break, we have to fix them."

"Over in this corner we have the gym and weight room, along with the shop further back. And under the 290 side of the building, we also have Alice in Wonderland, AiW, which has a projector and couches for movie and presentation events.

You stop by the stairs leading up the 290 side, and your guide smiles. "Well, we're basically at the end of our tour now. You're free to hang around in the basement, of course, but if you want to leave, just head up the stairs and you're good. I'll just be around, doing my laundry."

What would you like to do?

Your tour guide nods. "Great! I'll just be on the other side of the basement, doing my laundry." They hand you all the stuff that you had collected along the way. "Better take these things along though, in case you run into anything along the way."

"And keep an eye on that," they add, casting a meaningful glance at the now-sentient milk, which is humming suspiciously to itself. "It might help you more than you would expect."

You take the items and, together with the milk, turn right into the basement.

As you continue along in the basement, you hear some steaming and clanging in the pipes. It's a bit hot in here, isn't it? The milk hops along by your side, offering up such helpful commentary as "Me and you, kid, we gon' go far with this partnership" and "Y'know, when I was about your age..."

The sounds mostly fade to background noise as you continue through the basement, lost in your thoughts. Hasn't it been a while already since you left your tour guide? Where's the exit, anyways? Why are there so many chairs and tables down here, and cannibalized bits of bed?

A low growl and a hissing interrupt your thoughts. From behind you, the Milk leaps up and down erratically.

"There's the grue!" it yells, even as you jump back to avoid the sliding tendrils of black that are now waving angrily in your general direction. "Been here since even before my time. Thought we locked it up properly after the previous adventure, but those damn fools must've let it back out when they installed their new security machines in the dark room!" It gives you a rattled look, if milk could look rattled. "Go on, kid, let's see what you got!"

The grue reels back as the boffer sails through the air and hits it squarely on the forehead. It shakes its tendrils at you tauntingly and advances forward.

"Come on kid, I know you got it in you!"

The pink spray clatters along the ground and explodes, releasing a large cloud of pink dust. The grue growls, and disperses the cloud with a mighty thwack of its foremost tentacles.

"Come on kid, I know you got it in you!"

The grue swallows the chocolate in its writhing mass, and promptly turns blue. It seems even angrier than before, however.

"Come on kid, I know you got it in you!"

"Help me!" you scream back at the milk, as the grue advances and prepares to swallow you whole. "You've been nothing but act old and outdated this entire adventure, you sentient carton of dubious dairy!"

The Milk grins as best a carton of milk could grin and jumps forward with a clanging sound. "Been waitin' on you to call on me, kid! Can't get any help from anyone unless you ask for it! Here, grab on to this!"

You put your hands on what turns out to be the clamhole cover. The Milk rushes forward, towing you along. "Ready for this? Heave... ho!"

The clamhole cover flies at the grue and squashes it under its massive weight. With a suspicious squick sound, the black mass writhes and retreats beneath the unyielding metal.

"Well there we go," the Milk remarks, seeming oddly satisfied. "One grue squished, many more to go. You did good, kid."

You feel weirdly proud for having elicited praise from a nearly 22-year-old carton of milk in a biohazard container, but nod in thanks anyways. The Milk gives you a scrutinizing look.

"Now don't be telling anyone else what's goin' on here, 'kay? As far as anyone else knows, you just went on a completely ordinary tour of the building, with nothing exciting to report aside from the amazingly organized laundry detergent rack. We're a small dorm, if a bit weird at times, and it'd really kill us if the admins found out that we were taking prefrosh grue-hunting during REX."

It winks at you as the two of you approach the stairs. "Now get up there, and go back to the real world. And maybe, when you get to MIT, you'll have a chance to visit us for real."

The second object fairs no better than the first, and is quickly swallowed by the black, undulating mass.

"Tap me in, kid! I can't do anything if you don't ask me to." The Milk is now frantically bobbing up and down, though still not doing anything useful.

The second object fairs no better than the first, and is quickly dissolved mid-flight by acidic spit.

"Ask me for help, kid! I can't do anything unless you tell me to." The Milk is now frantically bobbing up and down, but still not doing anything useful.

The second object fairs no better than the first, and is quickly swiped aside by one of the grue's many tendrils.

"Call on me, kid! I can't help you if you don't let me know that you want me to." The Milk is now frantically bobbing up and down, being not particularly useful.

With just as much ease as before, the grue casually brushes aside your latest attack. It throws you an ugly grin, full of yellowing, jagged teeth. The Milk jumps forward but is quickly swiped aside, a cream-yellow smudge against the blue basement bricks.

It advances as you realize that you still have the clamhole cover in your arsenal. But the clamhole cover is too heavy for one person to carry alone, and you don't have any materials for a lever. The clamhole cover you throw rolls pitifully along its side towards the grue before falling over.

As its jaw looms over you, your last thought before blinking out of existence is that maybe you should have asked for help.

"Wait!" One of the residents of Black Hole comes running out of the lounge, waving several foam sticks. They shove one into your hands. "Take this -- it's too dangerous to go alone." They then rush by and into the kitchen, still waving the sticks.

One of the cats gives you a solemn, piercing glare through the small glass window in the door. "It's a boffer stick", the eyes seem to explain. "You can hit people with it."

You give the tour guide a look. The tour guide shrugs. "Onwards and upwards, to BMF!" They run excitedly up the stairs, probably to avoid your questions.

"So right now, we're in BMF. It's one of two all-female floors, the other one being Loop, and prides itself in both its kitchen and kitchen supplies. The girls on BMF generally like baking and tea. They're also very diverse."

"You're probably wondering what 'BMF' stands for. I can't tell you that quite just yet -- but if you come visit Random Hall for real sometime, you can ask a tour guide in person and we'll tell you."

What do you want to do next?

You are intercepted by a strange young person just as you turn to leave the kitchen. Their hair is dyed in a gradient of pink. "Do you like it?" They tug on the ends a bit."I have to re-dye it again soon, to make it even more pink. Right now it's more red than I want it." They then smile brightly at you. "Hey, I bet you would look good with pink hair. Here, take this aerosol can!"

The person then vanishes in a puff of pink smoke, leaving you coughing and choking on sparkles.

"Ah, aerosol cans..." Your tour guide looks off wistfully into the distance for a while, then snaps back to attention. "Anyways, let's go upstairs to Pecker! We get to see the roofdeck after this."

You dutifully follow them up the stairs.

"So here we are on Pecker, the fourth floor on this half of Random Hall. Pecker is a coed floor, with space for twelve undergraduate residents -- one of the three GRTs of Random Hall lives here and he gets two rooms instead of one, so there are twelve spots left for everyone else."

"The two other floors with GRTs are Foo and Loop, by the way. But Foo's GRT lives in the long tunnel area that leads from Foo to Destiny rather than on Foo or Destiny proper, so that room is a bit weird."

"Anyways. In Pecker kitchen can be found people arguing about random things while working on homework or eating food. They also host Pecker board game nights most Fridays, and occasionally invite undergrads and grad students to host lectures in the lounge. Additionally, Pecker is home to The Milk, which is old and sketchy and has applied to MIT twice so far."

"It's application also appeared in the 2019s welcome video."

What do you want to do next?

Right as you turn to go, a sudden movement on the piano catches your eye. "What the--"

It seems that the old carton of milk on the piano is moving! It's even sprouted sunglasses and a mouth and everything.

"Hey kid, seems you'll be needing a well-aged man with you on your adventure," it offers in a gravelly voice. "Howabout it? You, me, maybe that cardboard cutout of that scrawny dude in the corner over there..."

You shrug and motion for it to come along. What else are you supposed to do with talking milk? It happily follows you up the back stairwell.

"This is the roofdeck. The apocryphal story goes that because Random Hall is so old we are one of a very few number of buildings in Cambridge with a roofdeck, as newer Cambridge law has outlawed them. Therefore, we aren't allowed to change 50% or more of the deck at once -- if we do, it falls under renovation and then we have to bring it up to code, i.e remove the entire thing."

"Whenever we want to replace the wood, then, we have to do some finagling -- first we do one 49% section of the deck, then we do the other 49% of the deck, then we go back and look over the plans and realize that we're done because we made some kind of rounding error somewhere, so we shrug and bury the plans and continue with our lives pretending everything went according to plan."

They shrug. "Of course, it's just a story -- we know it isn't the case because our entire roofdeck was renovated just last summer, and there don't seem to be any problems with the Cambridge building code and roofdecks."

What do you want to do next?

"So right now, we're walking through Bonfire. Of all the floors in Random, Bonfire is the most outwardly social floor -- many residents on this floor are active in outside student groups like ESP, the educational studies program, and when Bonfire throws a party, people outside of Random Hall actually show up."

"Bonfaari like hosting dinners and parties, and unlike other floors tend to have one around once every month or every other month or so. As Bonfaari also like traveling and doing other things in packs, many people within and outside Bonfire like to make jokes about the floor being a hive mind."

What do you want to do next?

A glint of metal catches your eye as you walk back through the doorway. It is a heavy bar, situated precariously above the doorframe of a room. You take it because you like shiny things, and because it looks a bit terrifying over the door frame and would probably fall off and hit someone anyways.

Your tour guide nods at you. "Yep, that looks like a good idea. I'm not sure why they store it up there, honestly."

Together, you head down the stairs.

"So this is Clam, which like BMF is connected three ways to a floor above, below, and through the hole in the wall. Clam is one of the more EECS and math-heavy floors of Random Hall -- last year they were the only floor that was purely composed of EECS and math majors -- and they like their electronics."

"No, really. You can tell how much they love video games and League of Legends by the setup they have in the kitchen, with computer monitors and laptops superceding food in terms of importance at the dinner table."

"When not staring at computer monitors or playing Rock Band in the lounge, Clam is usually going out to eat food together as a floor or playing card games. They also keep a list of funny things that people have said on their floor, so if you see something weird written on one of the chalkboards, it was probably a quote taken out of context somewhere."

What do you want to do next?

There is an old, somewhat rusted manhole cover in the closet. You aren't quite sure what to think. But since it doesn't seem to be in use, you take it. Maybe it can be used as a shield of some sort.

The Milk burbles happily and leads the way down the stairs.

"So on the second floor on this side, we have Loop, the other all-female floor in Random Hall. Loop is also a cat floor, though unlike Black Hole, all of Loop is a cat floor so if you're allergic to cats, you should be wary of cats in both the kitchen and lounge sides."

"Loop is a very quiet floor. The residents of Loop like baking and giving out their baked goods, but lately they've started taking joy in sending out strange emails and etc. too. Loop lounge also has a piano, where some of the residents occasionally host sing-a-longs."

What do you want to do next?

You walk outside, and find yourself standing at the edge of the current click adventure world.