Last night, there arose a debate among a few friends about whether America has a true democracy--- or if a full democracy is even desireable or not--- ideally everyone should have an equal voice in how this country is run, but on another hand, there are so many issues involved in running a government that the average person might not have enough background to understand or to even be concerned enough to have a real opinion of every single issue. A few ideas were thrown back and forth, many of them interesting, but I sort of kept silent. This is another example of my confusion in politics. Even though I can vote now, I don't know how I will. I was convinced by both sides of the argument, like I am most times I hear well thought-out political arguments, and was just sort of taking everything in. I'm still malleable, see. . . Still impressionable, still forming my opinions. . . And I'm wondering if this is a good thing (openmindedness) or a bad thing (wishy-washyness) and if I will ever form opinions of my own. I don't want to be apathetic, but sometimes it really does seem that either side has an equal number of pros and cons.


I watched a bit of "One Piece" on my computer today (to make up for what I missed at Anime Club). Luffy finally gets a ship of his own, and guess what is carved on its front? A sheep! (I saw it and exclaimed "Kawaii desu neeee!" I looooove sheepies! Just ask my little brother. . .)


For all my claims that I shall be a pirate when I grow up, I don't think I could deal with the physical exertion. I had Tae Kwon Do class last night as well (my first "real" PE, my previous ones were ping-pong and yoga) and I got so dizzy in the middle and had to stop. I've never felt that way before--- yellow spots everywhere, spinning mind--- quite frightening. Oi, what spending most of my time indoors sitting does to me! I used to take Tae Kwon Do in highschool, and not once during my 2 hour, 3 days a week classes did I ever feel faint.

This was a weekend of good movies. I went to see "Lost in Translation" with Sarah, Vikki, and a grad student in my Japanese class named Lee. It was sold out at Fenway, so we drove to some random town 20 minutes away. . . I've even forgotten the name of the town. But it was a little strange to actually be driving in a car, and seeing residential areas and highways. I felt like I was back home somehow. We recognized random phrases of Japanese here and there in the movie, like "Ii desu you" which were not really supposed to be funny on their own but were just because we recognized them.


And then of course, today, Pirates. What a delightful movie! Hehe, "I decline to acquiesce to your request". Oh, I forgot to mention that I saw my very first dome hack this weekend. There was a pirate flag on the Big Dome in honor of the LSC showing of "Pirates of the Carribean" bearing the banner "Yo Ho and a bottle of Jolt". I took a photograph of it, but since my camera is huge and fancy (manual focus, detachable big flash and all) and I'm afraid to take it places and as a result still have 10 pictures to take before I can develop (I have pictures on there from freshman year!), it may be a while before it goes up here.


Now I have even more longing to be a pirate (as if One Piece were not enough). Wheeeee! Possible new layout soon of me and Luffy which I drew during my break today. . . A pirate's life for me. . . ^^

Today started off with very little sleep, scrambling to get an 18.100 p-set finished and ends with a feeling of contentment and usefulness, since despite my sleep deprivation, I managed to finish my 6.002 lab. (Labs are satisfying in general, not only is it nice to have evidence that the theories we learn are true, it is also fun to play with equipment having many buttons and knobs)


I ran into Brett (he along with Sarah is my 6.270 teammate) today and we talked for a little, and it was just a simple conversation, but it was a much needed thing because a.) he made me feel better by expressing that 18.100 was supposed to be hard class (He's course 18, but even not planning to take it, while my 18.100 TA had remarked casually about my courseload,"So, this semester shouldn't be too bad, should it?", it was the casualness of the remark that hit me since it was then obviously not sarcasm, and the fact that I slave for hours on what he deems trivial) b.) he asked me, "So, what do you want to do?"


I'm so caught up in my p-sets and work, just interested in making it through one more day, that lately, I haven't given it a thought. When other people name lots of interesting CS/EE classes that they want to take the next term, I have no idea beyond general Course 6 requirements. But I think my struggle to survive day by day could be more pleasant if I studied with purpose. In high school it was easy to find purpose:"I would be happy at a school like MIT, where I'll be in the company of lots of fellow geeks who understand me and who relate to me, and where I'll learn lots of interesting things." That was why I studied. And then when I first got here, freshman year, it was no chore to study because of the excitement of the new place, the new professors, and because it was still so unbelieveable to be here in the first place. But the novelty is wearing off; I don't think I can motivate myself to study just by the excitement of actually being here after dreaming if it so long, and a lot of times I wonder what I'm even doing here. Even though I think I don't have time to think about what it is that I want, I should make the time. If I find purpose in my studies, I will pursue them willingly and perhaps even excitedly. The way he explained his love for math and computer science (the purity of it, the being able to build from one simple statement a complex statement without handwaving, the same reasons as mine) reminded me of the love for studying I used to have, and should regain, since there's no point in me doing anything if I don't love it.

Was the weather just kidding today--- by being exceptionally beautiful when it had just started getting cold? ---or was it jesting by giving us a quick taste of winter a few days ago and now returning to autumn? Given that it's October, probably the former, but at any rate, today's temperature was so pleasant and it smelled so delicious outside that I was tempted to drag my homework to Killian Court. But I didn't.


Dame desita nee! My Japanese interview test didn't go so well. It's one thing to work with tapes and read the book and totally different to have to respond spontaneously (and correctly) to a 5 minute one-on-one conversation with your professor. . .

Graffitti in 18.100A (Introduction to Mathematical Analysis) lecture:


Why did the chicken cross the road?
If he dotted it, it would be a scaler.


Prof. Mattuck upon seeing it: *mutters* Everything mathematical should be precise, even if it's just graffitti. Technically, the chicken needs two things to cross, not just the road. The same goes for dotting. And scalar is spelled with an a.

Er, so I have a giant hole in my life from October 1-now. According to pitas, those posts never happened ^^. Oh well, hopefully I will get this cleared up soon. . . Good news: archives are fixed, and you can read everything since January this year through now, and I am back using Blogger (without the advertisements, since I figured out how to publish on MIT's server instead).

It's that time of year again: when the air gets frosty and everyone gets out their winter jackets. After wearing summery clothes for so long, my faux-fur collar tickled my neck today. . . Thank heaven for goose down blankets *mmmmm*. . .


As pita's has deleted my posts from this month, and I have figured out how to make blogger SFTP directly to my MIT account, perhaps I may switch back (haha). You shouldn't have to put up with my indecisiveness, and you won't have to: just going to http://web.mit.edu/sailorhg/www/blog/ should redirect you to whichever place I end up using, even if I do switch a million times, the above address will direct you to the right place. Okay, that's it for now. Stay warm!

My family went home today. It was so nice to spend time with them--- but it makes me sad that I won't see them again until Christmas. And that I probably won't spend the summer at home.


I got my first issue of "Shonen Jump" yesterday. Everyone needs balance in their life, and I've been reading so much Shojou lately (girls' manga--- shonen is boy's comics). . . I don't think I could live only reading Shonen: too many fight scenes. Or only Shojou: too cute for its own good and so little plot!

Oh my gosh! I'm sooooooo happy! Well, pitas has been down for all of today, which really annoyed me. But I finally figured out how to publish this through SFTP directly to my MIT webpage, so, that's where I will be writing from now on. I can publish on MIT's server, and I won't even have to learn Perl and PHP. . .

yay!

Despite my 6.002 test Wednesday and my depressingly messy room and the millions of other things I really need to get done, I practiced the violin for 1 and a half hours today. Not quite sure what inspired me to do it, but I wasn't about to stop myself--- for goodness knows the inspiration doesn't come often enough. The conductor of our orchestra is making some people re-audition on account of their current performance. When he announced that I was terrified and thought he must be speaking specifically to me. But thank goodness that, so far, I haven't gotten any personal invitation for a re-audition. . .


I feel un-proportionally drained. I feel so often an artistic urge, to draw, to design, to write. . . As I think on it, such a useless urge, since no one will ever benefit from the product of these (mostly they're quite awful and I hide them away) and since they don't even satisfy me once I've done them. But I'm having one of those awful times when I feel like, well really anything I do is useless. . . so what's the difference?

I survived my test this afternoon, and the rest of my day was wonderful. Maithilee, my next-door neighbor from last year, invited me to go to this garba/bhangra Indian dance festival. She lent me and Jacque some Indian dresses and glittery dots for our foreheads. . . and it was SO MUCH FUN!!!


People in lovely dresses of all colors were forming a ring of dancers--- we stepped in and tried to follow the feet of the dancers in front of us forwards, backwards, spinning--- successfully in Maithilee and Jacque's case, unsucessfully in mine. But it's okay--- looking nice while dancing is not a prerequisite for having fun. . . Later, they turned off the lights, and the music went from cultural to more hip-hop-ish. What a nice way to spend the night after a test--- Both of them are so happy and always smiling--- I can't ever help but be happy when they're around.

okay, so I learned the archiving feature works. . . but makes the posts disappear from the main page as well. So, this is a dumb entry, but I didn't want my main page to just have nothing on it. Go read the archives now. . .


But now I feel like I have to say something. Dumdeedoo. . . Japanese class is fun--yah. The ladies that teach it are all so cute and happy and outgoing. We're practicing how to politely refuse offers, and we had to respond to an offer to eat cake with, "Oh my, but isn't it big! Could you possibly make it smaller?" And our teacher usually pretends to cut it into slices, but this time, she also pretended that the knife slipped. She feigned grimaces of intense suffering, but none of us knew how to respond. (We didn't think we knew any appropriate word yet, and classes are conducted completely in Nihongo) Finally someone shouted out the only phrase they could think of: "Zannen des nee!" which translates to, "That's a pity!" I guess that wasn't exactly the right thing to say to someone injured, but. . .

It's October! I'm excited. My parents are coming up to visit in a few weeks for "Family Weekend"; Lindy and Janet and I might go on "McCormick Executive Retreat" somewhere up in the woods later this month too. And I have assembled a sort of "Random Gryffindor Schoolgirl" outfit for Halloween. So much to look forward to, if I can only live through this week.


And when this week is over, I'll be celebrating! On Friday, Maithilee has invited me to go with her and Jacque to an Indian/Southeast Asian party: we'll dress up in the traditional garb and dance to Indian music... Sounds like fun!