"After all, I love him".


So in one of the cutest parts of Totto-Chan, Totto-chan, about 7 years old?, is in love with the physics genius of her class. She sharpens his pencils carefully every morning before class without his knowing, while she just chews on her own. She beat him in wrestling, though, and he announced to everyone that he would never marry her. It made her rather sad, and in her heart she wondered why she had beat the boy she loved, but she accepted and understood why he didn't love her back. She still sharpened his pencils every day, though, saying, "After all, I love him."


That's how I am too. Maybe because I'm a sore loser. No one I have ever admired has loved me back. But I'm sufficiently content to watch them from the side, and try to make sure they are happy. Maybe he, being a full 8 years older, could tell me that I know nothing about love, and I would totally agree. But I still love him in the silent way I know how, and I am willing to learn, willing to be vulnerable, willing to be hurt.