And Miles To Go Before I Sleep
Word Count: 3517
i.
She breathed.
Another seizure hit. Her eyes were tightly shut against the pain as she tried to keep herself together. Her hand clenched around his. He was her anchor, and he would sit by her bedside until the end of time if he had to. Slowly, the magical fire that threatened to consume her died down. She had beat it back once more.
With his free hand, he brushed the sweat-drenched hair away from her face. Her eyes slowly opened at his touch, and she met his gaze.
They both knew this was only a small respite.
ii.
The safehouse they were staying in had a balcony overlooking the sea. It was currently early morning, before sunrise. The D'raji--Ryuujin--Ashura and the rest of their little crew was still sleeping. Creator only knows why they were out here, chasing after this mad plan. They should be back on Elrushyn, back protecting Skyryn.
Well, okay. Stopping the Calryans from gaining whatever it was that was left here on Terra all those thousands of years ago was probably a good idea. But with only vague clues left by Daenar Takski, it definately had the feeling of a fool's errand.
Sagenthir sighed and rubbed his face with his hands.
"You look like you need some of this." He turned around and saw Anjirousu standing in the doorway, two steaming mugs of coffee in her hands.
"What are you doing up?" he asked, reaching to take the pro-offered mug. She raised an eyebrow.
"I have third watch." He winced at the realization that'd he'd forgotten. Wrapping his fingers around the ceramic mug, he inhaled the aroma of the drink before taking a long, appreciative sip.
"If there's one thing the Terrans did right, it's figuring out how to make such a drink. Thanks."
She shrugged and moved to lean against the railing of the balcony. In the early morning light, her features looked softer, more human. A lot of people forgot that she wasn't made of ice. He moved closer to her, until their shoulders were almost touching.
"I think they might have done some other things right," Anjirousu said before taking a sip of her own coffee.
"From what Ashura's told us, it sounds like they've always been fighting with each other. So do the reports." He gazed into his mug. "They sound like squabbling children."
She made a noncommittal noise. "They are young. Much younger than us and the Calryans. That's why these safehouses exist in the first place." She looked at him. "In theory, we're here to watch over them. To protect them, so they can grow up."
The irony of having those words come from her lips was not lost on him. The irony that it was the two of them having this conversation was not lost on him, either. Neither of them had had a chance to do that. The long shadow of The Butcher had engulfed both their childhoods, and haunted them still. His thoughts turned to those they were now protecting. Takski's life had been marked as theirs had been, perhaps even more so. Even the other three had their lives profoundly altered by the man. Their parents had made a decision and raised their children on this primative world. Free from the darkness and terror that had gripped Skyryn for so long.
The sun was rising at this point. They were both staring out at the water. There was a certain beauty this place held. It allowed quiet moments like these, where, if only for a moment, he could forget that anything else existed beyond this balcony. Sagenthir turned his gaze towards his companion. Anjirousu's eyes were closed, her head slightly upturned towards the morning sun. There was the beginnings of a smile tugging at her lips. For the first time since he'd met her years ago, she looked...peaceful.
In an instant, he realized why they were here. "There are some things worth protecting."
She opened her eyes and looked at him. The smile was gone, as if it had never been there. But her eyes...she hadn't gone back to ice yet.
He turned his gaze back to the sea. He felt her gaze linger on him for a moment before turning back to watch the sunrise.
"Just as there are some things worth dying for," he said softly.
She heard him anyway. "Yes. There are those."
iii.
He met with Hiroshi for lunch the day after he arrived on Skyryn. Working security at the embassy on Calrya was interesting, but there was still something about coming home. He'd be meeting with Ryuujin in a few days. She hadn't been able to clear her schedule right away, unlike him who had practically raced back as soon as she had told him.
The two men made small talk as they waited for their food to arrive. It was just two old friends catching up. "So, Sage, not that I mind or anything, but this was kind of unexpected. Usually you'd tell us months in advance when you're coming in."
Sage played with the glass in his hands. "It was unexpected. I got a call from Ryuujin." Hiro's expression changed at the mention of the D'raji. Sage paused, considering his words carefully. "She had a dream, Hiro. A Xaoskuim dream."
Hiro didn't need Sagenthir to elaborate after that. There were few things that could get the man to cross entire galaxies at a moment's notice. "Sage...it's been ten years..."
Sagenthir's eyes flashed. "What? You think I should 'be over it' by now?" he bit out.
A hurt look crossed Hiroshi's face. "No. That wasn't what I was going to say. Fuck. I know how much you cared for her. Dammit, Sage, I was there. I saw what that fucking curse did to her." He quickly rubbed his face with his hand. "We all miss her, dammit."
Sagenthir stared into his glass, not meeting his friend's eyes. "Not a day goes by where I don't miss her, Hiro. And all how blind we both were. We missed so much..."
"Would you..."
"Trade the time we did have? Never. Even if it was only a few seconds."
iv.
"Anjirousu!" The name tore from his throat as he ran to her side. She was pinned to the ground through her left shoulder by the blade of her own weapon. The pool of blood surrounding her was growing rapidly as the liquid pumped out of the stump on her left arm where her hand used to be. The missing appendage was lying a foot away.
She turned her head. Her left eye was gone. Instead, there was a bleeding slash across her face from her forehead to cheekbone. "Sagenthir..." She tried to move, and suddenly, Locke was there, gently pushing her back down.
"Don't move." Sagenthir moved aside to let the other man work. Locke assessed the situation with a calm and speed borne only of extreme professionalism. Within minutes he had stauched the blood flow out of her wrist and had applied the temporary flow control that rerouted the blood back into the body. The hand itself was put on ice and attached to the other end of the flow control device like a grotesque keychain. He eyed the blade sticking out of her shoulder.
"Sage, Hiro, I'm going to need some help here." Sagenthir hadn't even realized when the two other members of their team had entered. "You two, hold her still. I need to get this out of her." The two men nodded and kneeled down at each end: Hiro holding down her legs, Sage holding her good shoulder and left arm.
He looked right into her eyes as Locke planted his feet on either side of her torso and gripped the hilt of the weapon. "This is probably going to hurt."
Anjirousu just clenched her eyes shut and gritted her teeth. "Just get it out."
Locke pulled, and she bit back a scream. But the blade was out and Lex was already there with gauze and bandages and Locke was then putting a field dressing on both the wound in her shoulder and to her face.
Her breath was coming in ragged gasps as he helped her into a sitting position. She leaned against him, and he didn't care that his clothes were quickly becoming soaked. She looked up at Lex. "Did you get the info?"
Lex nodded. "All right here," she said, tapping her cyberware. Anjirousu nodded.
"He got away. Probably to the bridge." She looked at all of them. "I need to activate the self-destruct."
Locke frowned. "You aren't going anywhere, unless it's being carried to the infirmary."
Anjirousu's gaze went hard. "There. Is. No. Time. Either this ship gets blown, or everyone on Skyryn dies."
"I'll do it." The words came out of his mouth before he could even think about it. But, then again..."It's what I was trained for, after all."
If it was possible, her gaze got even harder. "No. Absolutely not. You four are going to get the hell out of here. Help me up," she said to him, as she struggled in his grasp to stand. She was swaying slightly. He opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off. "Dammit, there is no time. I can't get to the ship in time, and I'm not going to let you all die because of that." She turned to look directly at him, and he could have sworn her gaze softened a little. "Don't make me order it."
Sagenthir closed his eyes and bowed his head. She was steadier on her feet now. He nodded once, and then stepped back. The other three had subdued expressions on their faces.
"According to the schematics, there's supposed to be a couple of escape pods directly off the bridge," Lex said. "Try to get to one of them. You should have enough time after activating the countdown."
Anjirousu nodded. "Go."
They went.
They faced no opposition in their escape. At least, if they did, Sagenthir didn't remember it. Before he knew it, he was strapping himself into his chair on the transport and Hiro was doing his thing in the pilot's chair. They had just cleared the blast radius when the ship self-destructed. Debris went everywhere, and a lot of it went burning through the planet's atmosphere. He was doing a wide-spread scan of all standard frequencies to pick up any distress beacon an escape pod might be sending out.
All he heard was silence.
That night, he forgot that he never drank alcohol. It was Locke who found him and took him home. He didn't leave his room for a week. Not until Locke, as 2IC, finally looked at the CO account and saw the medical update for "Rhonin" in a small hospital on Skyryn.
She had never changed her dogtags.
When he stood at the foot of her bed in the hospital and saw her mostly whole except for a blind left eye, he didn't know whether he wanted to laugh or cry.
v.
The seizures were coming faster now. Barely five minutes in between them, which wasn't even enough time to allow her to catch her breath. She wouldn't be able to keep this up much longer.
It wasn't fair to expect her to do so.
He leaned closer to her. "Anjirousu..." he whispered in her ear. She opened her eyes and turned her head to look at him. He once again gently brushed sweaty hair away from her brow. Everyone else in the room was forgotten as he met her gaze. She was tired. But she'd keep fighting, fighting against the curse on her soul that threatened to burn her from the inside out, fighting to keep herself clinging to this moral realm. She would fight until it consumed her.
Because this was one battle she could not win.
vi.
"It was nice of Major Greyson to invite us down here." Sagenthir was leaning against the railing of a balcony that overlooked the ocean. "Although I swear her mother wants to mother us to death."
His companion chuckled softly. "I have never had so much food put on my plate in my life." He noticed her long fingers wrap around the coffee mug.
"She must think we're incapable of taking care of ourselves."
Anjirousu smiled into her mug. "Something like that," she said as she raised it to her lips.
The two stood and watched the waves play against the sand. Sagenthir turned to look at her. In the moonlight, she was paler than usual. He could see the toll the curse was beginning to take on her. The seizures were sporadic, but they were starting to come at an alarming frequency. And that frequency was increasing. She looked tired and drawn. The weight she had lost wasn't helping, either; she'd always been thin and wiry, but if she lost much more, it'd become obvious to even those who hadn't known her as long as he had. He could see the thin line around her wrist, marking where they had reattached the hand two years ago, and the scar on her face was thrown into high relief from the shadows cast by the moon.
Her eyes were closed, and as she breathed in the sea-air, he could see the tension flow out of her. He remembered another time, years ago, when they stood on a balcony overlooking the Terran sea. She had looked peaceful then. Just as she did now. Perhaps it was the water that made her relax her defenses. Or maybe it was something else.
Back then, she had looked human when the rays of the morning sun shone down on her face. Now, in the pale moonlight, she looked as fragile as he'd ever seen her. Sagenthir was suddenly struck by the absurd desire to wrap his arms around her waist and hold her, just to make sure she was real and not a wraith who would disappear with the rising sun.
A stronger wind blew off the ocean. Anjirousu shivered. And in that moment, Sagenthir knew without a doubt that people were wrong. Anjirousu Targasa was not made of ice. She was flesh and blood, and he had seen her bleed. Ice didn't shiver, ice did not bleed, and if he held her in his arms, she wouldn't melt through his fingers and disappear on the wind. If he held her in his arms, she would be warm, and human, and real.
Instead, he shrugged out of the light jacket he was wearing and draped it over her shoulders. If she noticed his touch lingered a moment, she didn't comment. But when she looked at him, he could see the faint traces of a smile tugging at her lips. He couldn't help but softly smiling as well. "You looked cold."
She slightly shook her head. "Thanks."
"Not a problem."
He lost track of how long they stayed out there, staring at the sea and stars. Their coffee had long since gone cold. And if Anjirousu slightly leaned into him, it was probably for warmth. He wasn't going to complain.
vii.
He followed Ryuujin and her young son into the cave. He could feel the deep magic prickling at his skin. As they walked deeper into the cavern, bare rock gave way to tile and columns built into the walls. It was through force of habit that his feet made no sound as he walked. The very air smelled and tasted of magic and ancient power. Even the boy sensed it, trailing his mother like a silent, somber shadow.
Sagenthir did not wonder at the presence of the child. He was a Xaoskuim, like his mother. He probably knew more about this place instinctually than Sagenthir did. And if Ryuujin's dream was correct, then the boy needed to understand the visit today, and make sure that the preparations his mother set in motion would be ready when the time came.
The hallway suddenly stopped a great set of doors, intricately carved. He stood back as Ryuujin started tracing arcane symbols into the air, symbols that hung in the air, glowing, until she made the final slash and they disappeared. The doors groaned under their own weight as they slowly swung open, revealing a chamber.
Sagenthir's breath caught in his throat.
She laid on a bed of marble on the far side of the room. In a daze, half-stumbling across the tiled expanse and completely forgetting about the other two people in the room, he made his way over. She looked like she was sleeping. His mind kept telling him how he had seen her burn, and yet, here she was, down to the scar over her left eye. With a trembling hand, he made to brush the hair away from her face.
It passed right through her.
He felt a pain in his chest, and suddenly, he was fighting back sobs. He sunk to his knees as he realized how true Ryuujin's dream was. They were sending her back, but not to him. He would be dead by the time she breathed again.
Neither Ryuujin nor the boy made any comment as he slowly composed himself. He slowly stood, never taking his eyes away from the insubstancial image, and pulled something out of his pocket. He leaned down to whisper something in her ear before nodding to Ryuujin, who took her son's hand and led him from the room. Before leaving, Sagenthir left a note and a small package on the bed.
It was a ring.
viii.
Another seizure wracked her body. Flames reached all the way to her knees before she was able to beat them back. She was panting with exhaustion.
"Anjirousu..." he whispered again. Once again, she turned to look at him. He could stand it no longer. He cupped her face in his hand, his thumb brushing across the scar tissue. "Anji...it's okay. You can stop now."
Her eyes widened. His other hand clenched her hand tighter, and he couldn't stop the tears. "It's okay, Anji. It's okay. You can let go now." She opened her mouth to try to speak, but he shook his head. "You fought it for two years. We aren't going to be mad if you let it go."
"Sage..." Her voice was thin.
"I can't watch you suffer anymore." He couldn't keep his voice from trembling. "I don't want you to suffer anymore. So please, Anji, just let go."
She searched his eyes, saw his tears and his trembling. He held her hand in a deathgrip, and his other hand still cupped her cheek. Slowly, she closed her eyes and exhaled, relaxing and leaning into the comfort of his hand.
She had heard him. And he realized then that this was it. There were so many things left unsaid, so many things he had wanted to do, and now there was no time left. So he did the only thing he could do, the thing he had been wanting to do for years, but never worked up the courage to do so until now.
He kissed her.
Her eyes flew open as he pressed his lips against hers. He wanted it so badly, but there were other people in the room, and this was probably really weird, and he was about to pull away when the impossible happened.
She kissed him back.
From somewhere, she found the strength to lift the hand not currently in a deathgrip and grip the back of his head. He saw the fire start at her feet once again and start to creep up her legs, but there was no seizure this time. He closed his eyes, and the fire grew closer, but he felt no heat. They were both crying now, and he should have been amazed that the first time he'd seen her cry, but there was no time for that. The fire engulfed her hands, but he was not burned. He was barely aware of them. She could never say the words, but now he knew. It was desperate and painful, and oh god, it was real. She poured all the emotions, all the words she could never say into this one single moment as she burned from the inside out, and he thought he was burning too.
And then, there was nothing. No flames. He opened his eyes and saw the clothing she had been wearing softly flutting down to lay on the bed. No ashes, no scorch marks.
She was gone as if she'd never been there, and he thought this must have been how Icarus felt, when he nearly reached his goal, burned, and fell, a shattered shell of what he used to be.