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The Humorous Prose Story

by Dave Jordan

We posit the existence of a series of autonomous entities A, B, C, D... whom we shall designate as ``characters''. We endow the characters with a pseudo-physical surrounding, hereafter refered to as the ``setting''. Next, we commingle a subset of the characters in an imbroglio. A series of (simulated) verbal cues provides a communications link among the characters involved, thus:

Character A: [Statement of greetings to B.]

Character B: [Polite return of greeting to A.]

Character A: [Declaration of concern regarding an issue.]

We digress at this point to examine the foundations of the characters' pseudo-emotional frameworks. We shall allow the characters to obsess on a number of items of (simulated) personal interest, which we label ``issues''. Interaction of characters proceeds through exchange of viewpoints on issues.

Character A: [Response to issue.]

Character B: [Issue #2.]

Now we introduce an issue that will serve to divide all characters involved into opposing factions. The pseudo-psychological rift that develops will be denoted by the term ``conflict''.

Character C: [Issue declaration leading to conflict.]

Characters A, B, D...: [Polarization of simulated responses.]

The conflict thus generated is very humorous. We end the story with a resolution to the funny conflict situation; we shall refer to this resolution as the climax. We permit the characters to reflect upon the conflict and ensuing resolution as follows:

Character D: [Amusing summary of conflict and resolution.]

Character B: [Statement of accord.]

The Humorous Prose Story

Alan Blount style

We allege the presence of individual beings A, B, C, D. . . Oh, Hell, just make it A and B. Who needs more than two characters anyway? Now, where was I? Oh yeah, we take A and stick him in some God-forsaken scene like a second-rate shopping mall parking lot complete with whining, screaming kids and their incompetent mother.

We begin with a flashback to establish the (simulated) relationship between A and B, using a sequence of oral clues, thus:

Character B: [Statement of distaste establishing the repellent nature of Character A]

Character A: [Silence confirming his utter ignorance and repellent nature.]

We return to the present, at which point Character A has finally summoned his limited mental capacity to produce a reply:

Character A: [Statement of paranoid vulgarity producing a pseudo-psychological rift between the characters.]

Due to the fact that this is supposed to be a humorous story (and nothing has been funny, as yet) it becomes necessary to interject a sequence of inexplicable actions on the part of Character A culminating in his subsequent demise. The overall effect is completely sick, twisted, demented, and extraordinarily funny.

End with a non sequitur. Resolution is not necessary.