I NEED TO CONNECT WITH YOU, BABY

by Dan Katz

Solution: JOIN IDENTICAL SIDES

The connect-the-dots produces the obscene gesture at right, suggesting all is not fair here. The handout contains several sets of clues each giving a series of numbers. Connecting these numbers in order on the connect-the-dots hellpuzzle gives a letter for each batch of clues.

To order these letters, the first clue in each batch contains the first word of an MIT course (major) from 1 to 18. Putting the letters in order from 1 to 18 gives the answer JOIN IDENTICAL SIDES.

Age at which the actor who played Dave in Anger Management first got married
36 (Adam Sandler)

Age at which the actor who played Goldmember in Austinpussy first got married
37 (John Travolta; Austinpussy is the movie-within-a-movie in Austin Powers in Goldmember)

Age at which the actress who plays Bree on Desperate Housewives first got married
44 (Marcia Cross)

Age at which the actress who plays Madame Hooch in Harry Potter And The Sorcerer's Stone first got married
45 (Zoë Wanamaker)

Letter = I, Course = Management = 15

BBC Radio channel that aired an adaptation of His Dark Materials
4

Kansas City TV channel that aired Super Bowl XL
9

Tampa Bay TV channel that aired the second season finale of Veronica Mars
44

North American TV channel reserved for radioastronomy
37

Letter = I, Course = Materials = 3

Century of publication of Fibonacci's most famous work about mathematics
13 (Liber Abaci)

Century of publication of Voltaire's most famous work about optimism
18 (Candide)

Century of publication of Dante Aligheri's most famous work about Hell
14 (Inferno)

Century of publication of Machiavelli's most famous work about political power
16 (The Prince)

Century of publication of Harper Lee's most famous work about a trial
20 (To Kill a Mockingbird)

Letter = S, Course = Mathematics = 18

Civil War commencement anniversary commemorated in Lebanon in 2005
30

Revolutionary War battles fought by Robert Kirkwood
32

Number of World War II Air Force commonly referred to as "mighty"
8

Minimum age to be drafted in the US during Vietnam
18

Letter = J, Course = Civil = 1

Course number for Structural Biology at Amherst
37

Course number for Elementary Linear Algebra at Penn State
18

Course number for Organic Chemistry Laboratory at Taft College
9

Course number for The Romans at Brown
2

Course number for Literature of the Western World II at Long Beach City College
45

Letter = E, Course = Biology = 7

Individual winners of the Nobel Prize in Physics who were from either The Netherlands or Wales
10

Individual winners of the Nobel Prize in Literature who were from either France, Germany, or Denmark
24

Individual winners of any Nobel Prize who were from Norway and not named Odd
9

Individual winners of any Nobel Prize who were female
33

Letter = N, Course = Physics = 8

Mia Sara's age on the release date of her movie with a speech about voodoo economics
18 (Ferris Bueller's Day Off)

Charlton Heston's age on the release date of his movie with a speech about damn dirty apes
43 (Planet of the Apes)

Elijah Wood's age on the release date of his movie with a speech about a policeman's angina
24 (Sin City)

Alyson Hannigan's age on the release date of her movie with a speech about warm apple pie
25 (American Pie)

Steve Martin's age on the release date of his movie with a speech about dames cooking your heart
36 (Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid)

Letter = S, Course = Economics = 14

Number in the name of a hotel located at 436 Ocean Drive
5 (Ocean Five, Miami)

Number (either one) in the name of a convenience store located at 40 JFK Street
7 or 11 (7-Eleven, Cambridge)

Number in the name of a restaurant located at 2502 Colley Avenue
25 (Velvet 25, Norfolk)

Number in the name of a restaurant located at 615 Channelside Drive
29 (Grille 29; Channelside 9, also at this address, is a movie theater)

Letter = L, Course = Ocean = 13

Number of chapters in JRR Tolkien's first Middle-Earth novel
19 (The Hobbit)

Number of chapters in Pat Montague's first Wampum Keeper novel
28 (The Wampum Keeper)

Number of chapters in Robert Jordan's eleventh Wheel of Time novel
37 (Knife of Dreams)

Number of chapters in Jasper Fforde's second Thursday Next novel
34 (Lost in a Good Book)

Number of chapters in Enid Blyton's eleventh Mystery novel
22 (The Mystery of Holly Lane)

Letter = A, Course = Earth = 12

Number of different recipients of the Pritzker Architecture Prize up to and including Frank Gehry
12

Number of different recipients of the Razzie Award for Worst Actor up to and including Ben Affleck
19

Number of different recipients of the Mercury Music Prize up to and including OK by Talvin Singh
8

Number of different recipients of the Newbery Medal up to and including Meindert DeJong
34

Letter = N, Course = Architecture = 4

Number of members of The Chemical Brothers
2

Number of members of the 1981 lineup of Madness
7

Number of different people who have been members of Jack Off Jill but not Marilyn Manson
11

Number of total members of Radiohead, Travis, The Police, U2, and Pet Shop Boys
18 (5+4+3+4+2)

Letter = I, Course = Chemical = 10

Number of presidents of the United States whose political party has been Republican
18

Number of presidents of the United States who have served for seven or more years in office
14

Number of presidents of the United States who took office before Einstein was born
19

Number of presidents of the United States who also served as vice president, if this were an alternate universe in which Al Gore won the 2000 election
15

Number of presidents of the United States whose last names contain the letter R and who were not in Bedtime for Bonzo
20

Letter = E, Course = Political = 17

Number of stories in Asimov's 1950 anthology about mechanical men
9 (I, Robot)

Number of stories told by Dr. Gregory House in the penultimate episode of Season 1
3 ("Three Stories")

Number of stories in the Torre Unidad apartment building
18 (Boston Housing Project)

Number of stories described in the title of Shelly Silver's directorial debut
37 (37 Stories About Leaving Home)

Number of stories in Lisa Loeb's former backup band
9 (Lisa Loeb and Nine Stories)

Letter = O, Course = Mechanical = 2

Number of the Wrestlemania mentioned by Bobby "The Brain" Heenan during the Iron Sheik's entrance at Wrestlemania X-7
38

Date in March 1985 on which the first Wrestlemania was held
31

Number of what will be the second Wrestlemania to take place in Michigan
23

Date in March 1996 on which Wrestlemania XII was held
31

Number of competitors in the final match at Wrestlemania XX
3

Letter = T, Course = Brain = 9

Percent increase in net income announced by Urban Outfitters on May 15, 2003
34

Percent increase in revenue announced by Trend Micro on August 11, 2006
17

Percent sales growth announced by Keithley Instruments on April 26, 2005
11

Percent increase in year-to-date operating revenues announced by Portland General Electric on August 8, 2006
4

Letter = C, Course = Urban = 11

Series number of the computer game "The Secret of Shadow Ranch"
10 (Nancy Drew)

Series number of the TV episode "Universal Remonster"
29 (Aqua Teen Hunger Force)

Series number of the Homestar Runner animation "vacation"
40 (Strong Bad Email)

Series number of the book Grand Canyon Odyssey
43 (Choose Your Own Adventure)

Series number of the movie Jason Takes Manhattan
8 (Friday the 13th)

Letter = D, Course = Computer = 6

Title in the Idaho Statutes pertaining to aeronautics
21

Title in the Vermont Statutes pertaining to health
18

Title in the New Jersey Statutes pertaining to food and drugs
24

Chapter in the Wisconsin Statutes pertaining to conservation
23

Chapter in the Nebraska Revised Statutes pertaining to corporations
21

Letter = D, Course = Aeronautics = 16

Track number for "Chemistry" on Semisonic's third full-length album
1 (All About Chemistry)

Track number for "Save Me" on Remy Zero's third full-length album
6 (The Golden Hum)

Track number for "Are You Sad?" on Our Lady Peace's fourth full-length album
7 (Spiritual Machines)

Track number for "Video Bargainville" on Moxy Früvous's live album
18 (Live Noise)

Track number for "The Sky Is Broken" on Moby's sixth full-length album
17 (Play)

Letter = I, Course = Chemistry = 5