Opening Skit
Here’s the opening skit for your enjoyment.
There is no puzzle content.
—Borbonicus and Bodley
(To the tune of “Springtime for Hitler”)
Soprano:
ARCHIMEDES GOT OUT OF THE TUB AND CRIED “EUREKA!”
Bass:
NOWADAYS WE SAY “AHA” WHEN FINDING WHAT WE SEEK-A
Alto:
TIME TO USE YOUR BRAIN ON PUZZLES QUITE INSANE
All three:
IT’S BEEN A YEAR, SO RAISE A CHEER, ’CAUSE HERE WE GO AGAIN
Tenor:
AND...NOW...IT’S SHOWTIME FOR HUNTERS AT M.I.T.
PUZZLERS WILL PUT ON SOME SHOWS.
All 4:
PUZZLES OF EV’RY SHAPE AND SIZE
LEAD TO A COIN TO WIN THE PRIZE.
All:
SHOWTIME FOR HUNTERS AT M.I.T.
Tenor:
SEARCH TABS ALL OVER YOUR SCREEN
All:
SHOWTIME FOR HUNTERS AT M.I.T.
PRODUCERS, GO INTO YOUR SCENE.
(song ends. Leo wakes up.)
Leo: Oh, god, I just had the most horrible nightmare. I dreamed Max and I were producing another musical -- this time at MIT for some reason. It was like we’d learned nothing from “Springtime for Hitler”!
Max (entering): We haven’t!
Leo: Max! No! Leave me alone!
Max: Leo, my boy. My friend. Bubbeleh. How long has it been? How long has it been since we’ve seen our names in lights?
Leo: Not long enough.
Max: Well, that’s all going to change right now! I’ve had a brilliant idea! Do you remember when we produced “Springtime for Hitler”?
Leo: Vividly. Especially the part where we went to jail.
Max: Well, I’ve figured out what we did wrong.
Leo: ...Break the law?
Max: No! We didn’t think...BIG enough!
Leo: Oh god.
Max: My new plan is simplicity itself. We’re going to produce not one Broadway flop, not two, not three, not four, but MORE THAN THAT!
Leo: Oh GOD. How long will this go on?
Max: Until I run out of ideas.
Leo: How long will that be?
Max: Not long.
Leo: Max, we can’t do this. It’s madness.
Max: But Leo! I’m trying to tell you. I’ve learned my lesson this time.
Leo: I’m really not sure you have.
Max: I have! Last time, we went to Broadway too soon! That was reckless! This time, we’re going to hire script doctors, here, at MIT, to work on the shows and make sure they’re as terrible as possible.
Leo: Well...okay...I guess that makes sense.
Max: Of course it makes sense! These are some of the smartest people in the country! In the world! In ... what’s the next thing after that?
(voice in crowd: The universe!)
Max: See? They’re geniuses!
Leo: And you think they’d be willing to help us?
Max: Sure they will. We’ll cut them in on the profits, send them a nice card from the tropical island we’re going to buy—what do you say, everyone, will you help us?
(Everyone agrees, as cued by the teleprompter they are reading right now)
(Then they quiet down so we can continue the scene)
Leo: Okay! It’s against my better judgment, but I’m convinced! Bialystock and Bloom are back in business!
Max: NOOOOOOO!!!
Leo: What? I thought you said we were going to—
Max: Yes. We are. But Bialystock and Bloom are criminals. No one would invest money in a show by Bialystock and Bloom.
Leo: I’m so confused.
Max: I’ve taken the liberty of changing our names. Goodbye, Bialystock and Bloom—hello, Borbonicus and Bodley!
Leo: Which one am I?
Max: The second one. You’re always the second one.
Leo: All right. So let me see if I have this straight. We’re going to produce a whole lot of musicals.
Max: Yes.
Leo: With the help of all these people.
Max: God, I love hearing my plans repeated back to me. Go on.
Leo: And they’re going to work on the show to make them worse...
Max: Doing lots of research!
Leo: Research?
Max: You know, dramaturgy.
Leo: Dramaturgy?
Max (waving hands): Puzzles.
Leo: Okay. Sure. And then the shows will bomb, we’ll keep all the investors’ money, make a bundle and we’ll give them...
Max: I don’t know, some percentage to be determined. An honorarium of some sort.
Leo: I hope you’re not planning to cheat these people. I’m pretty sure they can do math.
Max: No. It will be a very valuable ... thing in the form of something very much like money.
Leo: Well, that’s a relief. You know what, Max? I’m excited! This could work, this could actually work this time!
Max: I know! What could possibly go wrong?
(reprise)
Max and Leo:
IT’S SHOWTIME FOR HUNTERS AT—
Puzzler 1:
I WAS BORN WHEN ‘GAMES’ WAS DECENT—NOW, YOU KNOW THAT WASN’T RECENT!
Max and Leo:
PUZZLERS WILL PUT ON SOME—
Puzzler 2:
DON’T BE GRUMPY, BE A MENSCH! MAKE SOME SHOWS THAT HAVE A STENCH!
Max and Leo:
YOU’LL SOLVE SOME PUZZLES WHILE BUILDING PROPS
WE’LL MAKE A BUNDLE PRODUCING FLOPS
Everybody:
SHOWTIME FOR HUNTERS AT M.I.T.
LET’S DO A KICK LINE DOWN FRONT
SHOWTIME FOR HUNTERS AT M.I.T.
AND NOW WE’LL BE GOING,
WE’VE GOT TO BE GOING,
IT’S TIME TO GET GOING ... TO HUNT!