SPAM Haiku 1001-1100

Move backwards to Numbers 901-1000.


1001.
Behold the blue can
The splendor of its pure form
We all worship it
--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1002.
Appease gods with SPAM!
A cheap alternative to
Human sacrifice

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1003.
Last week I called the
Department of SPAM Affairs
They put me on hold

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1004.
Windows 95
Has a SPAM option in it.
Click the SPAM icon.

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1005.
Took a day off work
Those long hours have stressed me out
Spend time with my SPAM

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1006.
The headlines scream "SPAM:
It really is organic"
Believe it or not

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1007.
Act Seven, Scene One
Actor holds the SPAM aloft
Audience is moved

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1008.
Hot new game released
Mechwarrior 3--The SPAMs
Destroy those pork cubes.

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1009.
Locked in SPAM warehouse
I listened, but heard nothing
Silence of the SPAMs

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1010.
The tortured man sits
Trying to write SPAM haiku
His brain is empty

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1011.
Wrote homework on SPAM
But when I tried to find it
Dog had eaten it

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1012.
They have no more SPAM
My hands tremble with anger
Clean-up on aisle 5

--Cissy Hartley

1013.
The Lord came to Earth
and said unto His people
"I'm the great I SPAM!"

--Anonymous

1014.
When my kitty dies
I'll bury him in a can
So he can be SPAM!

--Anonymous

1015.
Refrigerator
Broken down, food is rotten
SPAM, fresh as can be!!

--Anonymous

1016.
Prove that we exist!
Existentialism in
a can. SPAM, SPAM, SPAM!!!

--Anonymous

1017.
Factory processed,
I am SPAM, therefore I am;
We are all just meat.

--Anonymous

1018.
Puppies in a bowl
Look so sweet! Ooh, nice fresh meat!
"Memories of SPAM."

--Anonymous

1019.
"I am flesh and blood,
but not human." Interview
with the Spampire, II
.

--Anonymous

1020.
Baywatch episode
In Minnesota with Spam-
ela Anderson.

--Neil Stallings & Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1021.
Yes, Little Richard
Ate it. "A bop bop a do
Wop a bop SPAM boom."

--Neil Stallings & Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1022.
Ben-Hur and slaves eat
Tinned meat aboard trireme; get
Orders: SPAMming speed!

--Neil Stallings & Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1023.
Remember Meathead?
Chauvinist pig Archie? All
in the Spamily
.

--Neil Stallings & Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1024.
Who put the SPAM in
The SPAM-a-lama ding dong?
Well, who did it, punk?

--Neil Stallings & Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1025.
Do that SPAM-jive one
More time, says Eric Clapton,
A.k.a. "SlowSPAM."

--Neil Stallings & Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1026.
Interest rate hike due
To tinned meat scare, says Fed chair-
man Alan Greenspam.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1027.
The SPAM advantage:
Will make watertight seal with
Any orifice.

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1028.
Old man lies dying
Life flashing before his eyes
"Hmm, not enough SPAM"

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1029.
Using only SPAM
Grandma made some tasty treats.
We set her on fire.

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1030.
In order for it
To be shaped that way something
Has to extrude it.

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1031.
Attention haiku
Writers. Wrapping sentences
Around is cheating.

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1032.
Carmel-coated SPAM
Sitting on a stick. Seconds?
"No, thank you kindly."

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1033.
"It's SPAM day," she sighed.
"Tomorrow shall also be
And each day after."

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1034.
I allowed the SPAM
To slide to toilet from can
Saved time and trouble

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1035.
Bit into a chunk
A continent somewhere sunk
All is connected

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1036.
SPAM: I am put in
Mind of the little pig who
Built his house of brick.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1037.
SPAM key held by string
Given her the day we kissed
A symbol of love

--Dave Cochems

1038.
The Lord is my swine-
herd; I shall not want. He forms
me to fit in tins.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1039.
He makes a green fringe
About my rind. He packs me
In the spring waters.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1040.
He synthesizes
My flavor; He scrapes me from
The slaughterhouse floor.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1041.
Yea, though I trot towards
The abattoir, I will fear
no disembowelment.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1042.
For Thou standest o'er
Me; Thy cudgel and Thy knife
They do dispatch me.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1043.
Thou preparest a
Dish of me in the presence
Of my predators.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1044.
Thou anointest my
Slices with mayonnaise; my
Grease runneth over.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1045.
Surely parsley and
Cloves will garnish me all the
Days of my shelflife.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1046.
And I will dwell in
Plaque-encrusted arteries
Forever. Amen.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1047.
Lonely fragments of
meat, underneath the counter,
abject solitude.

--Anonymous

1048.
My penis fell off
today. Leprosy. Donate
my ding-dong to SPAM.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1049.
I dig strange sex tricks...
Tied my wife to dead donkey.
Masturbate with SPAM.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1050.
Necrophiliac
picnic. Bring a "cool" date and
a warm can of SPAM.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1051.
My personal HELL:
Cops fondle me on cactus...
...plus SPAM enemas!!!

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1052.
Heart broke, life is shit?
Whiskey and beer do no good?
So write SPAM haiku!

--Anonymous

1053.
A conspiracy
Benedict Arnold ate SPAM
Traitor SPAM with tea

--Anonymous

1054.
You eat mucho SPAM
You are a man with large breast
Hormel or hormones?

--Anonymous

1055.
All my teeth are gone
My stomach has been pumped twice
SPAM can was bulging

--Anonymous

1056.
I collect roadkill
Deer, dogs, cats, coons, drunks, possum
I work for Hormel

--Anonymous

1057.
Spewing chunks from gut
I ate nineteen cans of SPAM
Why did I do that?

--Anonymous

1058.
I sometimes wonder
if John Wayne Gacy tempted
those small boys with SPAM

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1059.
Wholly repulsive
Is that the scent of bear's ass?
I am insane now.

--Anonymous

1060.
The National SPAM
Association protects
your right to bear SPAM.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1061.
NSA slogan:
"When SPAM is outlawed, only
outlaws will have SPAM."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1062.
Second NSA
slogan: "SPAMs don't kill people;
fry cooks kill people."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1063.
NSA lobbies
to overturn laws banning
sales of "assault SPAMs."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1064.
Throw SPAM and ice cream
in blender, set on purée.
Voilà! Pork milkshakes.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1065.
Herman Melville eats
SPAM, starts writing about a
really big pink whale.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1066.
I do not like green
eggs and SPAM. Actually, the
green eggs aren't that bad.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1067.
Shakespeare asks, "Shall I
compare thee to a summer
SPAM? Yes. You both smell."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1068.
VIPs visit
the Hormel plant and get the
pink carpet treatment.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1069.
SPAM was invented
during World War II as a
rubber substitute.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1070.
A world covered by
pork. Obscene cost overruns.
Costner's film SPAM World.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1071.
Brando's X-rated
film about pork and lust: Last
SPAM-go in Paris
.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1072.
"Life is like a tin
of SPAM: you never know which
pig parts you're getting."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1073.
Jackson Pollock drips
SPAM grease on canvas, creates
"Number Twenty (Pink)."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1074.
I say "to-may-to"
you say "to-mah-to." I say
"SPAM," you say "pure crap."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1075.
Iraq flouts ban on
biological weapons,
starts stockpiling SPAM.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1076.
Surgeon general
reveals world's most addictive
substance: SPAM haiku.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1077.
Haiku addiction
warning sign: incessantly
counting syllables.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1078.
A madman, obsessed
by SPAM, screams, "Stop me before
I haiku again."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1079.
Tied blender between
wife's legs. Ground up SPAM...SHE CAME
LIKE NIAGARA!!!

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1080.
Can't write "Courtney" SPAM...
"HOLE" singer will sue, said SHAM.
...depression sinks in.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1081.
Dry Corn Flakes and SPAM.
SPAM surgery. Pixie Stix
on SPAM. GO TO HELL!!!

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1082.
SPAM milkshakes. Cajun
SPAM. SPAM at WOODSTOCK. Ziplock
SPAM. Go fuck yourself.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1083.
SPAMchops. SPAM Detec-
tor. Poop peanut SPAM. Ranch SPAM.
Lick my butt, fucko.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1084.
"On a hot day you
can cook SPAM treats on the side-
walk"...Who gives a shit?

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1085.
"Wordplay is REAL FUN!!!!
Did you know SPAM backwards is
MAPS???!"...Come suck my balls.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1086.
I sometimes wonder
if Ron Reagan had his brains
transplanted with SPAM.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1087.
Saw Showgirls last night.
Man fingered a bleeding girl!!!
Warm SPAM came to mind...

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1088.
Lepers are good in
bed. They scream out in pain, and
their tits are like SPAM!

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1089.
Penis shriveled up
like rotting SPAM. It's the third
stage of syphillis.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1090.
You remember the
"flesh-eating" virus? Hormel
cured it! DEATH BY SPAM!!!

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1091.
"DEATH BY SPAM!" "COURTNEY
SPAM" "TIED WIFE SPAM" "I WONDER
SPAM"...My life is shit.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1092.
SPAM, my passion meat:
When I get hungry for lunch,
SPAM is there for me.

--JCO

1093.
"Graceful arcing steel..."
talk.bizarre lawn dart haiku
translates fine to SPAM.

--John Thomason, thomason@ensco.com

1094.
SPAM is very gross
When I was a little kid
I used to love it!

--Taylor Jensen

1095.
SPAM is the worst food
you could choose for a good meal;
I'd rather eat bugs.

--Matthew Hodgson

1096.
It feels like Jell-O
Bums wouldn't even eat it
It could be alive!

--Argus Hulin

1097.
Important Newsflash!
Scouts made their leader eat SPAM.
Leader died of fright.

--Desiree Dye

1098.
SPAM looks like ham--pink!
Cook it before you eat it!
People say it's gross.

--Farm Sio Sae Chao

1099.
SPAM looks like Jell-O
SPAM is very, very gross
And it's very sick

--Kailey Heiberg

1100.
A snack in a pack
Tasted it for the first time
And hurled all over!

--Matthew Hook


Move forwards to Numbers 1101-1200.
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John Nagamichi Cho


SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.