SPAM Haiku 1901-2000

Move backwards to Numbers 1801-1900.

1901.
I was so alone
I looked to SPAM for comfort
Horribly let down

--"Here you go, Mr. Clarke!"

1902.
Grandma Hormel hissed
To Little Pink Riding Hog,
"Trot off and get canned."

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1903.
Underneath each arm-
Pit place a soupçon of SPAM.
Keeps the flies away.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1904.
Hormel's Bay of Pigs.
Again the world holds its breath.
SPAM missiles turned back!

--Rory, son of mickman

1905.
Stomachs full of SPAM,
Into the Valley of Death
Rode the sick hundred.

--Rory, son of mickman

1906.
King Art said, "Sir Knight,
Your turn to fight the dread SPAM.
No need to cry, lad."

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1907.
"We are surrounded
By SPAMs." "Eat the pink bastards!"
Replied the Captain.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1908.
"A pig, a pig, my
Kingdom for a pig." Hormel
Screamed, buzzsaw whirring.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1909.
gelatinous cube
give me death or give me SPAM
no TREET for mine heart

--Anonymous

1910.
pretty computer
decoration on new year's
blue tin forgotten

--David Miller, dmmiller@onramp.net

1911.
last hours of the year
wasting time racking brain just
for a SPAM haiku

--David Miller, dmmiller@onramp.net

1912.
new year's tradition
eat plenty of black-eyed SPAM
pig ranchers grow rich

--David Miller, dmmiller@onramp.net

1913.
my cat is hungry
science diet expensive
feed him SPAM instead

--David Miller, dmmiller@onramp.net

1914.
not at a party
staying home on new year's eve
with my can of SPAM

--David Miller, dmmiller@onramp.net

1915.
big jeep cherokee
runs over those who love SPAM
smashed under large tires

--David Miller, dmmiller@onramp.net

1916.
SPAM sitting loney
alone in gelatin sleep
in hibernation

--David Miller, dmmiller@onramp.net

1917.
SPAM in the pantry
mom doesn't know what to cook
bring out the skillet

--Stephen Miller, dmmiller@onramp.net

1918.
If you are thirsty
but only possess some SPAM
drink the clear liquid

--Stephen Miller, dmmiller@onramp.net

1919.
cheese, dairy product
SPAM, pork, and ham bi-products
two food groups, need four

--David and Stephen Miller, dmmiller@onramp.net

1920.
one hand in pocket
clenching tight a cube of SPAM
delightful texture

--David and Stephen Miller, dmmiller@onramp.net

1921.
Salty-sweet SPAMness
Subtley titivates senses
And soul. Lies, lies, lies!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1922.
Fakir finds SPAM loaf
In bowl. Meditates a bit.
Throws at posh Sahib.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1923.
Alas, poor Hormel.
I knew him once. Haiku SPAMmed
Him. Totally minced.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1924.
Some smart pigs do fly.
Best way to avoid Hormel.
SPAM missiles berserk!

--Jean and Mike O'Connor, mickman@intonet.co.uk

1925.
Piglets start smoking.
SPAMtaneous combustion.
Captain Hormel blamed.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1926.
Come, come, dear liebchen.
Eat your nice pink SPAM dindins.
Ugh! You little puke!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1927.
This new free range SPAM
Environmentally best
Tofu replacement

--Toby

1928.
Awoke from nightmare
Dreaming fried SPAM for breakfast.
Hid under bedclothes.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1929.
SPAM, SPAM, wherefore art
Thou. Venture thou not abroad;
Thy fragrance pervades.

--Jean, wife of mickman

1930.
Darkness. Something stirs.
Perhaps a bat, cat, or rat?
Just a restless SPAM.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1931.
Don't cry little SPAM,
Soft and pink upon my plate.
Anaesthetics? No!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1932.
Magus ponders SPAM.
Melds with gold in hot furnace.
Makes bad lead pancake.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1933.
SPAM, the perfect grub
For soldiers marching to war.
They'll kill for real food.

--Mike McGaff

1934.
Tank tracks in the mud.
Cigarette butts and blue tins.
The spoils of Hormel.

--Mike McGaff

1935.
Guerilla warfare.
Rounded tins dropped from buildings.
SPAM troops duck their heads.

--Mike McGaff

1936.
Old MacDonald, thus,
in his wisdom, raised no SPAM.
E - I - E - I - O.

--Dave Bieri, BIERI@IDX.COM

1937.
Hormel loses suit.
Plan to cross Mississippi
Catfish with SPAM foiled.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1938.
Spamsters hold Hormel.
Huge ransom. "Keep him, suckers!"
Police Pigs have ball.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1939.
SPAM what SPAM this is
Lookout, it is attacking
The SPAM must not win

--Mitchell Isaacs, pisaacsm@ozemail.com.au

1940.
Now here comes the SPAM
Yummy yummy salty ham
Better eat the SPAM

--Mitchell Isaacs, pisaacsm@ozemail.com.au

1941.
Just picture the SPAM:
The smooth muscular pink curves
Makes eating such fun.

--Mitchell Isaacs, pisaacsm@ozemail.com.au

1942.
"Dammit, Clinton," said
George Bush. "Eat your SPAM like we
Do. Without blindfold!"

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1943.
Here a SPAM, there a
SPAM, and everywhere SPAM SPAM.
Anyone seen Mom?

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1944.
Steep bedsocks in SPAM;
Dead sure cure for athlete's foot.
Zombies love it too.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1945.
Spray walls with SPAM mulch,
Peanut butter, and squid ink
Spots. "Kandinsky lives!"

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1946.
"No life after SPAM,"
Skeptic atheists declare.
Aged SPAMs disagree.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1947.
SPAM fried in soy sauce.
Sizzling, succulent patty.
An ethnic cuisine.

--Anonymous

1948.
A SPAM is a SPAM,
Is a SPAM. But Gertrude knows
A rose is a rose.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1949.
Light long fuse to SPAM
Can; then run like hound of Hell.
Anti-matter bomb!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1950.
Schrödinger's cat shat.
Darwin's ape assed. Hormel's pig
Pooped. "SPAM Super-Mix."

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1951.
I eat SPAM all day
That SPAM feeling never fades
Beautiful SPAM, YUM!

--Simon Masters, 101522.402@compuserve.com

1952.
Mad pig mounts maypole.
Fatal fertility rite.
Hormel cult suspect.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1953.
A Spamidermist
Stuffs discard skins with SPAM scraps.
Okay, but wobbly.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1954.
"Have some SPAM, darling?"
"No thanks, dear, too rich for me."
La politesse, non?

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1955.
"This is the SPAM bomb,
Führer. Uses local pigs.
You can eat it, too."

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1956.
The fact is that one
Craves warm SPAM and lard-fried chips.
Builds up the blubber!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1957.
"Spams up, you dirty
Rats." At the bank no one moved.
SPAM vaults empty now.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1958.
Suffering from flu?
Place some SPAM up each nostril.
Inhale. "Help, nurse, quick!"

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1959.
sometimes wet and cold,
sometimes wet, warm, and tasty,
always my best friend.

--ken bethea, primaview@msn.com

1960.
Evil in a can
Pink and tasty is the SPAM
What could be the key?

--Rob Roden, rob@webstreet.net

1961.
O, rubbery meat:
The scourge of many a meal
I had to endure.

--Greg O'Rear, jgo.systems@mhs.unc.edu

1962.
It appears brick-like,
But it is more pliable;
The brick tastes better.

--Greg O'Rear, jgo.systems@mhs.unc.edu

1963.
When you fry a slab
It seems to form a red scab
And grease oozes out.

--Greg O'Rear, jgo.systems@mhs.unc.edu

1964.
One wonders about
Its likely ingredients;
Not bones, brains, and balls?!

--Greg O'Rear, jgo.systems@mhs.unc.edu

1965.
Then, again, what if
The first two letters of SPAM
Stand for "Soylent Pink"?

--Greg O'Rear, jgo.systems@mhs.unc.edu

1966.
They say it won't spoil;
What's left after nuclear war?
Cockroaches and SPAM.

--Greg O'Rear, jgo.systems@mhs.unc.edu

1967.
Hormel gave us SPAM;
My question is: how do we
Get back at Hormel?

--Greg O'Rear, jgo.systems@mhs.unc.edu

1968.
Creativity
Is waning by the second;
Fortify with SPAM.

--Greg O'Rear, jgo.systems@mhs.unc.edu

1969.
Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am,
I will eat my can of SPAM
If I'm in a jam

--Greg O'Rear, jgo.systems@mhs.unc.edu

1970.
(with apologies
to the late Doctor Seuss from
whom I stole the rhyme).

--Greg O'Rear, jgo.systems@mhs.unc.edu

1971.
I wonder when the
Photograph on the can was
Taken; it's color.

--Greg O'Rear, jgo.systems@mhs.unc.edu

1972.
Vegetarians
Eat SPAM with impunity
'Cause it's not real meat.

--Greg O'Rear, jgo.systems@mhs.unc.edu

1973.
If you are in need
Of a bone marrow transplant
Try SPAM first; it's cheap!

--Greg O'Rear, jgo.systems@mhs.unc.edu

1974.
This is the last one;
I suppose I should be glad
If Hormel don't sue.

--Greg O'Rear, jgo.systems@mhs.unc.edu

1975.
Michael does love SPAM
Fry it or eat it raw, yum
Is Michael crazy?

--Anonymous

1976.
I wake up sweating
A terrible SPAM nightmare
But am I safe now?

--Anonymous

1977.
Loved SPAM more than her
So I got slapped in the face
Just the can and me

--Anonymous

1978.
I licked it. Salt taste.
The jelly quivered and I
spammed my tongue across.

--Bill Routhier

1979.
Grammy nominee:
"Got one SPAM in my pocket."
Where's the other SPAM?

--Anonymous

1980.
At Hell, small SPAM-Imp
Complains heat melting gel glue.
Cools bum on my plate.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1981.
SPAM SHAM arrested
for "Incitement to Haiku"
and "Contempt of Pork."

--Rory, son of mickman

1982.
SPAM SHAM found guilty
Judge Hormel shows no mercy
Ten years in the "Can"

--Rory, son of mickman

1983.
SPAM SHAM escapes "Can"
"Pink Peril" threatens planet
Epidemic spreads!

--Rory, son of mickman

1984.
Hot SPAM quiche denied
Acronym for the special
Pork chunks accepted

--Beth Bailey

1985.
Went into garden.
Threw SPAM globs onto fish pond.
Carp hara kiri.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1986.
Sat on stray SPAM loaf.
Heard constipated pig noise.
Origins betrayed.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1987.
Take a lump of SPAM.
Knead into pink figurine.
Cool companion.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1988.
"What's this?" said Adam,
Munching Eve's gift of SPAM, and
Spat it out. Too late!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1989.
High cholesterol.
Fighting the bulging battle.
Sadly, pick SPAM Lite.

--William Routhier, routhier@cybercom.net

1990.
Hormel smiled. "Try this."
Simple Simon took the SPAM;
Couldn't find the switch.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1991.
There's many a pig
Twixt SPAM and can. Or at least
Pig juice and pink gel.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1992.
Poor, shy, slandered SPAM.
Spawned by Hormel's tortured brain.
Pink toilet fodder.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1993.
Here, piggy wiggy.
Here, piggy. Thud, bang, wallop,
Smash, crunch. Hello, SPAM!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1994.
Here comes Super-SPAM,
Flying pig in fancy dress.
Take me, Super-SPAM.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1995.
When I grow up, Mom,
I want to be Super-SPAM,
Savior of pig-kind.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1996.
Symbol of chaos,
Reflects Hormel's crazed psyche,
SPAM nurtures madness.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1997.
SPAM, sensitive soul,
Responds to gentle treatment.
Caress it often.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1998.
Keep SPAM as a pet.
Take out for lunch and picnic.
No need to bring back.

--Jean and Mike O'Connor

1999.
Brain-pan full with SPAM.
CT scan shows haiku surge.
Padded cell prescribed.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2000.
Millenium comes!
Chaos, anarchy, the Beast!
Need proof? SPAM haiku!

--William Routhier, routhier@cybercom.net