SPAM Haiku 4101-4200

Move backwards to Numbers 4001-4100.

4101.
Leno show to start.
Make-up artists get him set,
mold his SPAM-filled chin.

--Bob Bendesky, MSA homepage

4102.
SPAM served with EX-LAX.
Bring it up or blow it out:
Which direction wins?

--Bob Bendesky, MSA homepage

4103.
Welcome back, Oh SHAM.
While you were gone, SPAM tanker
Exploded. Hey, wait.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

4104.
Hillary and Jean
Houston probe psychic depths. Heads
Spin, SPAM spews from mouths.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

4105.
Hillary sits up
In bed, growls deep. "YOUR MOTHER
SUCKS DOWN SPAM IN HELL!!!"

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

4106.
Hillary writhes in
Rising bed. Bill so sickened
He can't finish SPAM.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

4107.
Why do we like SPAM?
I heard it's made from pig lips.
I'll take a raincheck!

--Kathy Moore, moork@weigh-tronix.com

4108.
Is it deviled ham?
Myst'ry meat speaks not to me,
Instead, it congeals.

--Tom Urquhart, http://www.tcu.edu/~turquhart

4109.
One time I ate SPAM
It is not very good meat
I have a pet dog

--Anonymous

4110.
A lone slice of SPAM
In the empty parking lot
Between two skid marks.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4111.
Those big erasers
And SPAM--so alike. Both pink,
Smelly, rubbery.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4112.
The heart patient thinks
He is safe, but in the fridge
The SPAM sits, waiting.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4113.
The alien queen
Asked to sample Earth cuisine.
Now we are vapor.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4114.
People always smile
When I tip my hat to them,
SPAM glued to my hair.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4115.
This little piggy
Went to market in a can.
He should have stayed home.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4116.
"Now I wanna heat!"
With the last SPAM lei morí
Addio Margaux

--Anonymous

4117.
SPAM is good for sex
After making love I quip
SPAM Bam thank you ma'am

--Joe Ferrari, Charlotte, NC, faraway@vnet.net

4118.
My name is spam-oid,
I don't eat it, Sam I Am,
Man that gets so old.

--Anonymous

4119.
Treat Williams decides
he needs a change of image.
New name? "SPAM Williams."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4120.
Eating SPAM is like
waking up in bed next to
Senator Packwood.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4121.
Pirate was known for
his SPAM Breakfasts. No one showed
up for them. Too bad.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4122.
Schwarzenegger says,
"Trust me iv yoo vant to liv.
Don't eat ze SPAM rolls."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4123.
Eating SPAM is like
a Michael Bolton concert.
Well...not quite that bad.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4124.
Martha Stewart comes
up with clever use for SPAM:
"Flush it down the john."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4125.
"Killing Me Softly
With His SPAM". Story of a
bad blind dinner date.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4126.
General Ching's SPAM:
Budget entrée offered at
Chinese restaurant.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4127.
Eating SPAM is like
being patted on the head
by Saddam Hussein.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4128.
The SPAM Lamb on MASH
was funny, but in real life
it would make you puke.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4129.
Eating SPAM is like
two big wet ones on the cheek
from Don Corleone.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4130.
Dream its tasty bite,
To savor it in my sight,
Sad, SPAM's not kosher

--Dave Rotstein, wldlfvet@earthlink.com

4131.
Sitting on the beach,
The SPAM lid is glistening,
Hand bleeds from the cut

--Dave Rotstein, wldlfvet@earthlink.com

4132.
The song "Bye, Bye Miss
American SPAM" just would
Not fit the theory.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

4133.
It disappoints me
When I open the SPAM can
Only to find SPAM.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4134.
Dawn creeps up the sky
Campers emerge from their tents
Scent of pines and SPAM

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4135.
Gross man eats loudly
Butt crack just above his belt
Smacking SPAM-wet lips

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4136.
Twenty years later
I found where I buried it,
Dented and rusty.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4137.
The Unabomber
Begins sending SPAM by mail.
People are still scared.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4138.
Sinnaya banka,
Dumayu, chto nado bzdet',
SPAMU nuzhen sol.

--Dan Ford, danfor@et.mohave.cc.az.us

4139.
The can's now a pot
With two white flowers in it.
The SPAM, though, is shit.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4140.
With my cheese grater,
I prepare for the party.
Hooray! SPAMfetti!

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4141.
The whistle of wind,
The haunting call of the SPAM
On the dream prairie.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4142.
The girl shoplifts SPAM
by shoving it in her bra,
Caught, says "I'm deformed."

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4143.
A desert island.
Will he eat the can of SPAM?
Yes, he's starving. Duh.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4144.
And the Good Priest said:
"Take, eat of My Flesh," with SPAM!
God, where's the BEANO?

--Margaret Tobin, mbt@wwa.com

4145.
Sinnest thou today,
And cast thy pearls before swine?
Haiku before SPAM.

--Margaret Tobin, mbt@wwa.com

4146.
Hormel concocts curse
Of Pharoahs. No antidote?
Sphinx smiles; King Tut too.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

4147.
When I tell people
They should eat some tasty SPAM
They throw stones at me

--Meghan Moran, HKFX74D@prodigy.com

4148.
What is the anti-
thesis of SPAM? Do you know?
It must be Cheez Whiz.

--Anonymous

4149.
President Clinton
claims "I ate but I never
swallowed." Clinton lied.

--Anonymous

4150.
She sees just darkness
She can just make out the SPAM
She falls in head first

--Anonymous

4151.
the spam is tricky
i smear on it glue to stick
then the wall it hits

--robert molina, richmond heights

4152.
Shivering SPAM shines
Quirky queasy quality--
Cooked cubic cuisine.

--Margaret Tobin, mbt@wwa.com

4153.
SPAM dropped on the floor
Splattering slimy pink ooze
The dog ran outside

--Margaret Tobin, mbt@wwa.com

4154.
as the wise men say
in the land of the blind pigs
mighty SPAM is king

--Damian Frank, damianf@specdreams.com

4155.
I am SPAM am I?
My essence differs little.
Embrace SPAM as one.

--Peter Brueggeman, pbrueggeman@ucsd.edu

4156.
Pink porcine horror
Beneath bun and lettuce lies--
It's a SPAMBURGER

--P. Cane

4157.
Once separated,
The sow rejoins her children
In a small blue can.

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4158.
I hate my wife's cat
As much as her SPAM cutlets.
"Thanks, Honey." "Here Puss!"

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4159.
An empty SPAM can
My boy makes a sea-blue boat
Its hold smells of pork

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4160.
Through bubbling channels
"Old Iron Sides" sails briskly
Chased by pirate leaves.

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4161.
Fined for littering.
The brigand who waylays us
Smells like our ship's hold.

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4162.
To reveal SPAM's truth,
Unwrap its exterior.
Gold beneath the blue!

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4163.
They break down the door
As he opens the SPAM can.
The rabbi exposed!

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4164.
Somewhere SPAM crackles
A dinner bell rings sweetly
A dying pig screams

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4165.
To make this faux food
Many creatures have endured
Animal Auschwitz.

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4166.
A prime directive:
"Eat your SPAM Scotty," Kirk snaps.
"I canna hold it!"

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4167.
The captain's orders:
Mr. Spock too shall eat SPAM.
Tears fill Vulcan eyes.

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4168.
Up in the store room
Grease leaks through nibbled blue cans.
Tribles multiply.

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4169.
Seen on a loan app.:
SPanish American Male.
SPAM as acronym.

--saw505@aol.com

4170.
AMPS make music loud,
MAPS guide you, SAMP is coarse grits,
But SPAM is just SPAM.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4171.
The SPAM sits, looking
In the mirror. It thinks, "God,
Do I need a tan."

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4172.
As the alarm clock
Buzzes its daily greeting,
I hear SPAM crackle.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4173.
The upstairs neighbor
Had the reverb up so high,
My SPAM shelf collapsed.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4174.
It is a rare time
When I laugh so hard I pee
I found your SPAM page

--Spaz

4175.
SPAM comes in a can,
Put there by a man, in a
Factory downtown.

--Anonymous

4176.
I peel away tin
Unlocking the blue fortress
The pink magma stirs

--Benjamin Givens, givensb@mpe.ghc.org

4177.
Ho! Sweet aroma
Of SPAM at carving contest
Seattle is kitsch

--Benjamin Givens, givensb@mpe.ghc.org

4178.
SPAM sushi in Seoul?
Hawaiian delicacy?
Hormel doth chortle

--Benjamin Givens, givensb@mpe.ghc.org

4179.
Thick mayo and SPAM
'Tween two slices of Wonder
Nirvana is near

--Benjamin Givens, givensb@mpe.ghc.org

4180.
The blob is sweating
As it heats up in the pan
Then, crunchy blackness

--Benjamin Givens, givensb@mpe.ghc.org

4181.
Cab and SPAM, perhaps?
But, Merlot would be lovely!
Or maybe just Bud

--Benjamin Givens, givensb@mpe.ghc.org

4182.
As I wolf down SPAM
My body weakly replies:
Sodium Nitrite

--Benjamin Givens, givensb@mpe.ghc.org

4183.
Capitalism.
Birth. School. Work. Old age. Death. SPAM.
Capitalism.

--Benjamin Givens, givensb@mpe.ghc.org

4184.
Along the river,
In the reeds, some SPAM was dropped
And never removed.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4185.
I shamefacedly
Ask the supermarket clerk
Where to find the SPAM.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4186.
The grim sucking sound
Of the SPAM shucking its skin,
Its hard blue cocoon.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4187.
Reagan appointee
Found dead, buried in meat pile!
Watt in the SPAM hill?

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4188.
Hey, ladies and germs,
Good to be here! Take my SPAM,
I beg you! (Rimshot.)

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4189.
Sporks and SPAM I love
Whoever came up with them
Deserves big money

--Mike Dotson, mdotson@oregoncoast.com

4190.
Sporks, God's utencils
SPAM, the meat slab of the Gods
I love both of them

--Mike Dotson, mdotson@oregoncoast.com

4191.
Mrs. Krabappel
makes Bart write "SPAM is not a
toy" on the blackboard.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4192.
Been caught stealing, once,
when I was five. Took a can
of SPAM from the store.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4193.
Carmen Miranda
briefly experimented
with SPAM on her head.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4194.
Analyzing SPAM
just might solve the mystery
of Jimmy Hoffa.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4195.
"Mr. President,
is it true the FBI
kept files on Hormel?"

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4196.
The Wall Street Journal
called me up to talk about
SPAM haiku. Far out!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4197.
Harvey Fierstein
says, "I just want to eat some
SPAM. Is that so wrong?"

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4198.
"SPAM Beast is a feast
I can't stand in the least," said
the nasty old Grinch.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4199.
The Boston Herald
quotes three of my SPAM haiku!
I'm King of Beantown!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4200.
Gates and Hormel come
out with new all-pork channel:
MSPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com