SPAM Haiku 8601-8700

Move backwards to Numbers 8501-8600.


8601.
I had a blind date
I asked her if she swallowed
"Everything but SPAM"
--Uncle Jay

8602.
Here are the lab tests
Forensics say it is SPAM
We found the killer

--Uncle Jay

8603.
Four out of five kids
Wish they never heard the words
School, grounded, and SPAM

--Uncle Jay

8604.
A piece of pink meat
With natural lubricant
And I can't do what???

--Uncle Jay

8605.
No one should be rushed
Never let SPAM cross your lips
Unless you're ready

--Uncle Jay

8606.
Why is it darling
That every time we make love
You scream out SPAM's name?

--Uncle Jay

8607.
Put SPAM in the fridge
Uncovered. It will not spoil
For it's not real food.

--Uncle Jay

8608.
We did a study
Here's a cross section of SPAM
Notice all the fat

--Uncle Jay

8609.
Shopping at the store
"Mom, what's saline solution?"
"Do they bottle SPAM?"

--Uncle Jay

8610.
Before a ball game
My mom would cook us some SPAM
We would never win

--Uncle Jay

8611.
Can SPAM clean your stove?
Industrial-strength cleaner
Dilute with water

--Uncle Jay

8612.
Ring. "Hello?" "Hello!"
"My name is SPAM. Got a sec'?"
"Honey, it's for you."

--Uncle Jay

8613.
To my dearest SPAM
Having a blast in Maui
I wish you were here

--Uncle Jay

8614.
Sticks. Maybe it's stones
You can kill two birds with one
Well, maybe it's SPAM

--Uncle Jay

8615.
I look up at clouds
And see many funny shapes
SPAM clouds are scary

--Uncle Jay

8616.
What the hell is this?
Last night you burn the soufflé
Now you give me SPAM!

--Uncle Jay

8617.
There are SPAM haiku
There are people who eat SPAM
My question is WHY???

--Uncle Jay

8618.
I'm singing a song
A ballad about love lost
When my SPAM passed on

--Uncle Jay

8619.
"Now the ink-blot test.
Tell me the first thing you see."
"Gooey globs of ham."

--Uncle Jay

8620.
I ate SPAM daily
My body chemistry changed
Spamatozoa

--Uncle Jay

8621.
John Steinbeck's last book
About the production of
SPAM: Of Mice and Pigs

--Uncle Jay

8622.
Places set for two
She and I we dine on SPAM
Romance in a can

--Jan van der Banck

8623.
Composing sweet tunes
Makes me hunger for the SPAM
Music and SPAM rule

--Dr. William Boyce

8624.
You're a heretic
You dare say that SPAM sucks dick
Burn her at the stake

--Pope Spam the I

8625.
I play hard to get
I tease men with lots of SPAM
They bend to my whim

--Meagan Neary

8626.
Sweet ...Slippery...Pink
My passion sated, I sleep.
Wham, bam thank you SPAM

--David Collins, dcollins@sd.znet.com

8627.
Man accused of crime:
What will his punishment be?
"SPAM? NO! JUST SHOOT ME!"

--Andrew 'IMP' Weinman, aaweinma@coe.edu

8628.
I'm on vacation.
How do I spend it? Sleeping?
No--I write for SPAM.

--Andrew 'IMP' Weinman, aaweinma@coe.edu

8629.
Even starving kids
Will not reach a withered hand
To eat this canned puke.

--Andrew 'IMP' Weinman, aaweinma@coe.edu

8630.
"Look out! It's coming!"
What? Some monster from the deep?
NO! IT'S SPAMZILLA!!!

--Andrew 'IMP' Weinman, aaweinma@coe.edu

8631.
My roommate has SPAM:
It lies uneaten, lurking.
I think it hates me.

--Andrew 'IMP' Weinman, aaweinma@coe.edu

8632.
H.P. Lovecraft--why?
SPAM's such a frightening thing!
Make SPAM a god, man!!!

--Andrew 'IMP' Weinman, aaweinma@coe.edu

8633.
One can of pure SPAM.
Not even the raven will
deign to eat that shit.

--Andrew 'IMP' Weinman, aaweinma@coe.edu

8634.
I'm sick of this stuff!!
What creature of darkness thought
SPAM was a good choice??

--Andrew 'IMP' Weinman, aaweinma@coe.edu

8635.
"Remember the MAINE!"
SPAM-mish American War
had to start somehow.

--John C. Foster, john.foster@camel.com

8636.
Punxsutawney Phil
saw his shadow...back to sleep.
Six more weeks of SPAM.

--John C. Foster, john.foster@camel.com

8637.
like an icy road
greasy meat slides on a plate...
it's the gelatin

--TJ, troy.janisch@onlinearts.net

8638.
Twelve hours of labor
Greasy pink cube from the womb
Dad slaps the doctor

--Seathrun O Coileain, jcollins@verona.fammed.wisc.edu

8639.
Staring at the SPAM,
I understand why he's a
vegetarian.

--TJ, troy.janisch@onlinearts.net

8640.
Pathologist finds
vivisection embodied
in salty pink meat.

--Seathrun O Coileain, jcollins@verona.fammed.wisc.edu

8641.
My tonsils are gone.
On hospital loading dock:
A box for Hormel.

--TJ, troy.janisch@onlinearts.net

8642.
A new morning comes
I awake and go outside
The SPAM rains have come!

--Ryan M. Williams

8643.
jack kerouac, why?
did not you see the evil
on the road with spam

--daemonkat, armygirl@hotmail.com

8644.
traveling around
lugging blue and swollen cans
swarming at boarders

--daemonkat, armygirl@hotmail.com

8645.
the titanic sank
drowning in obscure jelly
flowing from spam cans

--daemonkat, armygirl@hotmail.com

8646.
listen to the can
swelling with vile porcine mass
set me on china

--daemonkat, armygirl@hotmail.com

8647.
stay up late for this
watch the chunk of pink slide off
is it self-repelled?

--daemonkat, armygirl@hotmail.com

8648.
slipping on the floor
cats play with my spam gently
running away fast

--daemonkat, armygirl@hotmail.com

8649.
the gel sets his hair
he likes the smell of new spam
dripping on his brow

--daemonkat, armygirl@hotmail.com

8650.
greased well with old spam
soon twine runs around his neck
what a way to die

--daemonkat, armygirl@hotmail.com

8651.
i look into space
seeing cans of death floating
we kill pigs for this?

--daemonkat, armygirl@hotmail.com

8652.
it will not save me,
why should we believe in spam?
it shall never die.

--daemonkat, armygirl@hotmail.com

8653.
you cram for a test
why is it crammed in your mouth
the spam thanks you not

--daemonkat, armygirl@hotmail.com

8654.
taste of spam first time
you can see the salt flowing
your tongue, disgusted

--daemonkat, armygirl@hotmail.com

8655.
Checkered tablecloth
Frames the choice charcuterie
"SPAM for dinner, Beav!"

--Catherine L.T.

8656.
The least I could do
for Polly Esther Fabrique
and her great SPAM page.

--IronSpam, leebro69@hotmail.com

8657.
just a can of "meat"
now makes my little heart beat
thanks to you, Polly

--IronSpam, leebro69@hotmail.com

8658.
can in my window
juicy "meat" in my oven
I wait patiently

--IronSpam, leebro69@hotmail.com

8659.
Gotta love Spamku
How many can I submit?
Only the SHAM knows

--IronSpam, leebro69@hotmail.com

8660.
Could it all be true...
that other's can love SPAM too?
I can rhyme here, right?

--IronSpam, leebro69@hotmail.com

8661.
Inert element
Spicy pinkness incarnate
Everlasting food

--'Sensei' Healy, Repto@aol.com

8662.
Hormel makes me sing
Tune your harps to songs of SPAM
Melody of meat

--Dr. Thomas Arne

8663.
It's Spamarama
A celebration of SPAM
I will not be there

--Martin "Walrus" Williams, martin.williams@mailexcite.com

8664.
Greasy slithering
most repulsive thing I have
ever eaten. Ugh!

--Anonymous

8665.
SPAM requires frying.
Primordial ooze--I retch.
Cook until crispy!

--J.C. Vaughn

8666.
Bold, glistening, oh!!
Fruitless and versatile pile.
Mold it with bare hands.

--Chris Ellis, cellis@coair.com

8667.
Eat it and smile wide.
You, you pig eater....maybe.
Wipe SPAM oil on chest.

--Chris Ellis, cellis@coair.com

8668.
A man among men
Hairy chested now, oh yeah!
SPAM has made me proud.

--Chris Ellis, cellis@coair.com

8669.
Winnie-the-Pooh goo
Processed pink bladder and thigh.
Not just kids' books now.

--Chris Ellis, cellis@coair.com

8670.
SPAM in the can is
Soothing between my fat thighs
Ah, feels like I'm home

--Kelsey, kelsey@tiac.com

8671.
Snouts, asses, and toes
Are hidden within the mix
Miss you, Miss Piggy

--Kelsey, kelsey@tiac.com

8672.
Yes, Bill does eat SPAM
On the Oval Office desk
She is Monica

--Kelsey, kelsey@tiac.com

8673.
Pink porcine pudding
Pleasant, pungeant, purgative
Pass the pot, pronto!

--Kelsey, kelsey@tiac.com

8674.
Grinding blood and guts
Into a blue canned meat mass
Served at school lunches

--Kelsey, kelsey@tiac.com

8675.
I am having sex
But I'm thinking about pork
I need a cat-SPAM

--Uncle Jay

8676.
Big flaccid phallus
My male ego is damaged
SPAM now in my pants

--Uncle Jay

8677.
Humpty Dumpty fell
Why did he lose his balance?
Strict diet of SPAM

--Uncle Jay

8678.
Creation of Man:
'Tis Darwin or the Bible?
Who cares? I have SPAM.

--Uncle Jay

8679.
"Who?" asked the brown owl.
"SPAM," answered the compressed pig.
"Why?" asked the wise owl.

--Uncle Jay

8680.
She practiced on SPAM
But she refused to swallow
More practice needed

--Uncle Jay

8681.
My feet are freezing
And so is my can of SPAM
I'll warm up my feet

--Uncle Jay

8682.
"Spiced pork. Good idea.
But SPORK is a utensil.
So what about SPAM?"

--Uncle Jay

8683.
The true face of death
Seen on the darkest of nights
The SPAM reaper lurks

--Uncle Jay

8684.
When I'm out shredding
Great white sharks don't bother me
Surfboard by Hormel

--Uncle Jay

8685.
To juggle SPAM cubes:
I keep going, I have fun
They fall, ants have fun

--Uncle Jay

8686.
Possible meaning:
Some Penis and Anus Meat
Cook it or flush it?

--Uncle Jay

8687.
Confession is logged
Interrogation complete
The SPAM worked again

--Uncle Jay

8688.
"Can we have pizza?"
"SPAM, SPAM, a thousand times SPAM!"
We hate our parents.

--Uncle Jay

8689.
Salt pork and insects
It's James and the Giant SPAM
Fly away, sweet meat

--Uncle Jay

8690.
SPAM 9, SPAM 14
Literal pigskin football
Gelatinous hike

--Uncle Jay

8691.
"Oh, my heart! Help me!"
Pretty soon no one believed
The boy who cried SPAM

--Uncle Jay

8692.
"When I was your age,
We didn't have fancy SPAM
We had to use keys."

--Uncle Jay

8693.
You don't poop out SPAM
It digests and stays inside
Embalming solid

--Uncle Jay

8694.
It's too young to know
Miss Robinson seduces
An innocent SPAM

--Uncle Jay

8695.
Hot bodies glisten
Gelatin sex orgasms
They throw out the meat

--Uncle Jay

8696.
"Mom, I'm not hungry."
Ma beaver won't hear of it.
"Eat your dam, SPAM it."

--Uncle Jay

8697.
Are You Going To
Scarborough Fair? Parsley, Sage
Rosemary, and SPAM.

--Uncle Jay

8698.
Pink is a color
But when it's color for SPAM
Pink's a chemical

--Uncle Jay

8699.
Hormel is pissed off
Swanson's Hungry-SPAM dinner
Lawyers licking lips

--Uncle Jay

8700.
The nuclear bombs burst
There are two things left on Earth
Cockroaches and SPAM

--Uncle Jay


Move forwards to Numbers 8701-8800.
Return to the SPAM Haiku Archive page.
John Nagamichi Cho


SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.