SPAM Haiku 8801-8900

Move backwards to Numbers 8701-8800.

8801.
SPAM, SPAM, tastes like ham.
It's part ham and partial pork
But it is all pig.

--Bob Erlandson

8802.
Tastes like rotten ham
Why of course it must be SPAM
Then your gut goes wham!

--Billy Bo Bob Briggs

8803.
don't open the can
you don't know what's in that can
what awaits in can

--samantha

8804.
Mr. Brandt likes it
Chow that pork ham up tonight
Yum yum yummy SPAM

--Anonymous

8805.
Look, SPAM lollipops!
C'mon and give them a lick!
It's SPAM--on a stick!

--MrCohaagen, cohaagen@usaor.net

8806.
SPAM is very odd
Unsuspecting small people
Suck it from the tins

--Mental Headcase (aka the SPAMIST), QWERTYSPAMMo0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

8807.
SPAM and shower soap.
In prison, don't drop either;
else you'll feel a loaf

--Lowly Peon

8808.
Fed SPAM as a child.
Became serial killer.
Fresh meat is better.

--Lowly Peon

8809.
I eat SPAM and watch
Jerry Springer on TV.
Closet trailer trash?

--Lowly Peon

8810.
Eat a loaf of SPAM
and shit back into the can.
Reincarnation.

--Lowly Peon

8811.
SPAM jelly for soup.
SPAM can for both pot and bowl.
Poverty is hell!

--Lowly Peon

8812.
So tell us SHAM, which
is better....Green Eggs and SPAM
OR Green SPAM and Eggs?

--Mark W. Herber, markh@cts.com

8813.
"Green Eggs and SPAM?!?...Eeuuuu...
Gross!" "No, it's great--really. Just
use lots of ketchup."

--Mark W. Herber, markh@cts.com

8814.
I am Sam, I am.
Guess what I like for breakfast?
(Oh no! Not again!)

--Mark W. Herber, markh@cts.com

8815.
Seuss grew up on a
big green farm with green chickens
and ate... well, you know...

--Mark W. Herber, markh@cts.com

8816.
I never share SPAM
A delight I eat alone
Let them all eat cake

--Karen Mulhern

8817.
I'm usually sweet
Then I get my hands on SPAM
It makes me a bitch

--Karen Mulhern

8818.
I draw cartoon strips
Inspiration from the SPAM
Makes my art better

--Karen Mulhern

8819.
Cycle unending
Everyone who writes of SPAM
Please quit, and move on

--Jan van der Banck

8820.
Burn all heretics
All ye who are grossed by SPAM
Prepare to meet doom

--Pope Spam the I

8821.
Dreams in Florida
Visions of SPAM flood my mind
Think of home and food

--Meagan Neary

8822.
In Xanadu did
Kublai Khan SPAM dome erect
Walls quiver, smell bad

--Steven Lacher, lacherclp@hotmail.com

8823.
Call it SPAM he said
to the marketing exec.
Vomit is taken.

--Steven Lacher, lacherclp@hotmail.com

8824.
SPAM burps are soothing:
A dreamy warmth like the calm
after an orgasm.

--Anonymous

8825.
Grandma forgot how
to cook anything but SPAM.
Call Kevorkian.

--Anonymous

8826.
Spring's breeze caresses
my lunch. SPAM's essence takes flight.
Blue sky and pink fumes.

--Anonymous

8827.
got lots through email
in its nefarious can
SPAM, oh, SPAM's EVIL

--Chiquita Banana, chaquitabanana7@hotmail.com

8828.
Eating SPAM jelly,
like sucking snot from pig snouts,
makes me hack and hurl.

--Anonymous

8829.
Big bad wolf comes to
a house of SPAM and can't deal.
Oh, God! The Horror!

--Anonymous

8830.
springtime SPAM is pink
summertime SPAM is bright red
autumn SPAM is grey

--Anonymous

8831.
slice it up thin
chop into humongous chunks
Lego substitute

--Anonymous

8832.
poke a straw through it
do it again and again
a worm factory

--Anonymous

8833.
the loaf grins at me
I'm trying to stare it down
I turn into salt

--Anonymous

8834.
Sick fuck pounded SPAM
in your ear with a hammer.
Man, that's gotta hurt.

--Anonymous

8835.
Gave a heart-shaped SPAM
Valentine. Fucking bitch says
I have a problem.

--Anonymous

8836.
SPAM and Scotch whiskey
Rainbow trout glide in silence
Time to light campfire

--Charles Pluckhahn, cpluckhahn@dainrauscher.com

8837.
Ate SPAM on acid
PINK HAZE!! RUNNIN' THROUGH MY BRAIN!!
Whoa, man. Too groovy.

--Anonymous

8838.
She still has a small
memento of our good times:
SPAM stains on her dress.

--Anonymous

8839.
Birds screech their terror,
trees in forest run and hide.
Sound of one can SPAM.

--k.i.

8840.
Rising sun kill chill,
quiet mountain cabin sleeps.
Frying SPAM wakes all.

--k.i.

8841.
Vegetables resist
but are hacked into pieces.
SPAM stir-fry penance.

--k.i.

8842.
Cling to life so dear,
suction grips manna of God.
Damn SPAM stuck in can.

--k.i.

8843.
Blue cold steel, and pink
heartless mass of drudgery,
eat me and hate me.

--k.i.

8844.
He breaketh the loaf
and giveth the starving mass.
One SPAM fed thousands.

--k.i.

8845.
One cut into two,
two multiplies into four,
four then becomes ate.

--k.i.

8846.
Armor of blue steel
protecting precious cargo.
Indestructible.

--k.i.

8847.
The world is at peace,
everything perfectly right,
eight equal slices.

--k.i.

8848.
A pleasant dead smell,
lying without trace of life
in your tin coffin.

--k.i.

8849.
Toil all day for naught,
peace of home sweet home at last,
only SPAM to cook.

--k.i.

8850.
Tied down, forced to eat
a frozen SPAM popsicle.
Mother of nightmares.

--k.i.

8851.
Is leftover SPAM
worth keeping another day?
Only the cat knows.

--k.i.

8852.
SPAM, you're my mistress.
What am I talking about?
SPAM is just a whore!

--Adam Richter

8853.
I need SPAM to live!
Mashed pig parts sustaining me
Delicious with Tang!

--Adam Richter

8854.
When pigs some day fly
SPAM will take over the world!
Let's kill all the pigs.

--Adam Richter

8855.
My SPAM talks to me!
"Eat me," it whispers softly.
How can I refuse?

--Adam Richter

8856.
Mulder and Scully
face the unexplainable,
begin "The SPAM Files."

--Adam Richter

8857.
Einstein also said:
"SPAM equals to MC squared!"
This explains a lot.

--Adam Richter

8858.
In the near future
mad scientists will clone SPAM!
Science is a bitch.

--Adam Richter

8859.
A summer picnic...
Sun shines! Birds sing! By my side,
my one true love: SPAM.

--Adam Richter

8860.
Saw SPAM: The Movie.
One long close-up of the stuff.
Sequel to follow.

--Adam Richter

8861.
I played with my SPAM
It beat me at Nintendo
I must truly suck

--Adam Richter

8862.
New satellite dish
Now I get the SPAM Channel
Next, must get a life

--Adam Richter

8863.
Someone asked me this:
Does SPAM make you healthier?
"Sure," I answered. Fool!

--Adam Richter

8864.
What will people think
when archeologists find
SPAM haiku someday?

--Adam Richter

8865.
If there were no SPAM
what else could people do with
assorted pig parts?

--Adam Richter

8866.
What if I were SPAM
Would SPAM haiku amuse me
Or bring me to tears?

--Adam Richter

8867.
"Spock!" Captain Kirk cried
"I've got good news and bad news...
Tribbles won't eat SPAM"

--Adam Richter

8868.
Reading SPAM haiku
is safer than eating SPAM
but hardly harmless.

--Adam Richter

8869.
So damn disgusting
Odd blob of pig parts in grease
Yet I crave it so

--Adam Richter

8870.
If aliens come
to see what we've accomplished
we should hide the SPAM.

--Adam Richter

8871.
Go curse at your SPAM,
Squish it, stomp it, throw it out...
SPAM could not care less

--Adam Richter

8872.
Days spent on haiku
Singing the praises of SPAM
How would Freud view this?

--Adam Richter

8873.
My SPAM is moving!
Oh my, it's slinking away!
No, don't eat that, SPAM!

--MrCohaagen, cohaagen@usaor.net

8874.
This is 313...
We got a SPAM in a can
Corner of Main Street...

--MrCohaagen, cohaagen@usaor.net

8875.
SPAM: only a four
letter word like so many
that I have seen here.

--T-ricia

8876.
The boy who loved SPAM
ran away from home to join
the circus freak show.

--k.i.

8877.
Nagano SPAM luge
Rub naked body with SPAM
Live fast, die greasy

--Elbert Manabu Shitamoto, eshitamo@lausd.k12.ca.us

8878.
Spammals: Warm Blooded
Oval-shaped, Pink Herbivores
Hunted by Hormel

--Elbert Manabu Shitamoto, eshitamo@lausd.k12.ca.us

8879.
The SPAM Titanic
Unsinkable Tub of Lard
Apocalypse Now?

--Elbert Manabu Shitamoto, eshitamo@lausd.k12.ca.us

8880.
Rollin' Down Freeway
"Keep Away from Open Flame"
SPAM Eighteen Wheeler

--Elbert Manabu Shitamoto, eshitamo@lausd.k12.ca.us

8881.
I need my SPAM fix
Been hooked since I was eighteen
The Porkmart Cowboy

--Elbert Manabu Shitamoto, eshitamo@lausd.k12.ca.us

8882.
Bank Robber 4 Life
Can't afford body armor
I'm covered with SPAM

--Elbert Manabu Shitamoto, eshitamo@lausd.k12.ca.us

8883.
No contraceptives!
Luckily, I had my knife
SPAM condoms...pre-lubed

--Elbert Manabu Shitamoto, eshitamo@lausd.k12.ca.us

8884.
Huge pink block levels
Tokyo. Mother SPAM has come
Looking for her eggs.

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com or lunchboy@puzzlers.org

8885.
Urich to star in
new "Love Boat": SPAM on the waves
at least it will float

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

8886.
SPAMs from picnic dreams,
Redolent of childhood woods.
Slice them lovingly.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

8887.
I met a SPAM once.
Pure, pink, and virginal, then.
I heard she got canned.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

8888.
Can the SPAM exist
Inside the unopened can
Empty for all time

--Alex Woolery, captkeen@napanet.net

8889.
"Hungry in shower?
Try SPAM-on-a-Rope," remarked
David Letterman.

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

8890.
Pentagon sent SPAM
To U.S. troops in Gulf War--
Whose side are they on?

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

8891.
1983:
33 SPAMophiles meet
At SPAMposium...

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

8892.
...To present learned
Papers and demonstrations
Of SPAM explosives.

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

8893.
No new thoughts here. Just
Old stuff regurgitated.
Hey, that's SPAM for you!

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

8894.
Clear the mind of thoughts,
meditate to nothingness,
SPAM haiku creeps in.

--k.i.

8895.
O Pig, whose best parts
Form slick, pink slab of pure joy
Hail organ donor

--Michael Tharp

8896.
New batch of SPAMku
Slick, tasteless, truly bizarre
Just like SPAM itself

--Adam Richter

8897.
"Aarrgh!" shouts Superman
"Luthor tricked me, fed me SPAM.
Worse than Kryptonite!"

--Adam Richter

8898.
In an alternate
reality, does SPAM write
haiku about us?

--Adam Richter

8899.
SPAM must be a test:
If they sell it, will we buy?
Guess I get an "F"

--Adam Richter

8900.
SPAMku 101
Postmodern poetry class
College is so cool

--Adam Richter