SPAM Haiku: The SHAM's Tasty Picks (Part 3)

Note: Please do not send mail bombs if your haiku is not included in this collection. It is, however, acceptable to send a slice of SPAM in an envelope as a gesture of protest. Remember, this is just one person's opinion as to what is cool. (And note that I do not include my own work here, since it is collected in separate files: SPAM haiku by the SHAM (1-100), SPAM haiku by the SHAM (101-200), and SPAM haiku by the SHAM (201- ).)

Go backwards to The SHAM's Tasty Picks (Part 2).


2011.
At the abattoir
Party, some pigs, crazed with gel,
Made spamicide dives.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2047.
Myrrh, frankincense, and
SPAM: the gifts of two wise men
and one complete fool.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virgnia.edu

2073.
Sleeping in a tin,
You must drive a fork through its
Heart to kill the SPAM.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2113.
Like a tiny brain
Squared-off and left to fester,
SPAM adorns my plate.

--bill mahoney, mahoney@academ.wvwc.edu

2120.
New fundamental
particle found in pig snouts.
It's the SPARK (SPiced quARK).

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

2158.
This picnic with you
and all the ants in your SPAM,
loaded with protein.

--Paul W. Lewis, pp001342@interramp.com

2204.
O Terrible SPAM!
You're not a carcinogen.
You're cancer itself.

--Holly Jenson, hj@rosenet.net

2248.
much like drug-dealers
Hormel executives don't
use their own product

--Darryl Hand, codap@metricanet.com

2260.
Awoke to find I'd
Grown a SPAM upon my head.
It wants its own hat!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2271.
Hickory smoked SPAM.
Hickory's been comatose
Since that fateful day.

--Barrie Collins, bcollins@comox.island.net

2273.
When I was a kid
Mom would make SPAM casserole.
Now she denies it.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2339.
1984:
"Slavery is freedom" "War
is peace" "SPAM is food"

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

2342.
Churchill on SPAM: "A
riddle wrapped in a myst'ry
wrapped in some pink gel."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

2346.
Munch serves his guest SPAM.
The next day he paints "The Scream."
Mere coincidence?

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

2358.
Mr. Leopold
Bloom ate with great relish the
SPAM he got from cans.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2361.
"South of the Border."
Tacky highway tourist trap.
Home of SPAM tacos.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2379.
SPAM haiku with links!
Isn't that a cool idea?
OK, maybe not.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2387.
"These SPAM nachos rule!"
"Yeah yeah! Heh-heh. SPAM kicks ass!"
"Huh-huh. Huh-huh-huh."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2395.
When I exclaimed "SPAM
Haiku," my wife gave me a
Tissue, "Gesundheit."

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2409.
The quality of
SPAM is not strained. It droppeth
Like a gentle turd.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2410.
New brand: Chia SPAM.
Meat and greens in every bite.
Hormel, we'd buy it!

--Bruce D. Sidlinger, Bruce@Sidlinger.COM

2439.
Is putting SPAM on
The engendered feces list
Scatological?

--Barrie Collins, bcollins@comox.island.net

2455.
At the abbatoir
Scythes and grinders groan. Outside
Hormel's barrow waits.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2479.
For bettor or verse
SPAM marries both gambler and
poet forever.

--Chuck Baird, zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2541.
The Nixon White House:
SPAM at state dinner. Chef says,
"I am not a cook."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom

2546.
The Clinton White House:
SPAM for state dinner...Hey, where'd
it go? It's gone! BILL!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom

2563.
In Shakespeare's SPAMlet:
Shouts at Ophelia, "Get thee
to a cannery."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

2610.
Queasy, greasy SPAM
Slithers without propulsion
Across a white plate.

--sarahb@lamar.colostate.edu

2652.
Cheeks pink as primrose,
SPAM-sculpted. Sweetly dimpling,
Pig-malion smiles

--Paula S. Jordan, jordanp@worldweb.net

2658.
Late night dogs barking
Trashcan lid so tightly fit
Brother's untouched SPAM

--Gary Beason, beason@convex.com

2661.
Duodenum writhes
In agony. The chyme churns
With the hapless SPAM.

--m. crane

2680.
mom was never home
and dad could only cook spam
now I'm a parent

--Andy Oliver, aoliver@erols.com

2692.
Failed experiment.
I kneel on the bathroom tile
retching SPAM chowder.

--Dan Beeder, daniel_beeder@jhuapl.edu

2693.
Greasy tin, French bread
on a cracked, plastic table:
A poor man's pâté.

--Dan Beeder, daniel_beeder@jhuapl.edu

2707.
On rice and kimchi
In a bed of lettuce leaf
SPAM, misunderstood

--doug holtzman, dholtzma@icos.com

2810.
Condemned inmate eats
SPAM for his last meal. He is
A Dead Man Farting.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2811.
"Open the SPAM can
Lid, HAL." "I'm sorry, Dave, I
Can't do that," HAL says.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2832.
If Schrödinger's cat
eats the SPAM, uncertainty
is out the door: dead.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2837.
Mir linkup in space,
astronauts bring SPAM as gift.
Uh oh. Nude space walk.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2840.
SPAM treat: smart paté,
or meat parts, or ma's pet rat;
spells and smells the same.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2863.
Can't hate her for it.
Turns out she was SPAM-abused
by HER own mother.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

2890.
Geezers in nursing
home count minutes 'til SPAM lunch.
Not much to live for.

--Dorian Mackenzie, KSEG

2905.
Make haiku on SPAM?
What pretention! Forget it.
Leave it to the prose.

--herb hersh

2951.
Some think SPAM IS GOOD,
but SAD PIGS MOO to avoid
Hormel's PIG ASS DOOM.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2968.
Cop beats up migrants
Heading for "jobs" at Hormel.
Meat tenderizer.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com


Return to the SPAM Haiku Archive page.
John Nagamichi Cho


SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.