SPAM Haiku: Recipes

SHAM-28.
SPAM recipe 1:
Skewer chunk with marshmallow
And roast over fire.

SHAM-29.
SPAM recipe 2:
Purée, cook with milk and flour.
It's Cream of SPAM soup.

SHAM-30.
Hors d'oeuvre with great flair:
SPAM, Vienna Sausage, Chex.
Blend well with Cheez Whiz.

SHAM-31.
SPAM subs for turkey
In that school lunch favorite:
SPAM tetrazzini.

SHAM-42.
How to feed twelve mouths:
SPAM and Hamburger Helper
Spread thin on white bread.

SHAM-64.
Crumb sticks to grease track.
He licks it off--nothing beats
SPAM on buttered toast.

SHAM-195.
Take a scoop of SPAM,
Liquify with tomatoes.
It's Spamato juice.

77.
SPAM plus TANG makes SPANG.
Nutritious breakfast drink of
Midwest astronauts.

135.
I have some SPAM wine
A nineteen-ninety vintage
It's still quite lumpy

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

142.
My new invention
Fizzy SPAM-flavored cola
It doesn't sell well

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

143.
SPAM, milk, and blender
Making me a SPAM smoothie
What a nice color

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

158.
Exclusive dinner
Crystal goblets, china plates
Blackened SPAM on toast

--Anonymous

168.
I love to eat SPAM.
I cook it with scrambled eggs.
Sizzles when it's done.

--Dr. Mellow (Greg Cohoon), drmellow@catt.ncsu.edu

169.
SPAM and eggs are good.
Fostering contemplation
Yummy breakfast food.

--Dr. Mellow (Greg Cohoon), drmellow@catt.ncsu.edu

193.
Fried SPAM and white rice.
Nitrates and fiber combo.
Breakfast of champi'ns.

--Alvin Garcia, alvin@caip.rutgers.edu

200.
Serve SPAM warm, with Brie:
It's a conversation piece,
The talk of the town.

--Stewart McKeever, mckeevers@cofc.edu

261.
Creamy grits and SPAM,
SPAM-gravy gravid biscuits:
Blubber tastes better.

--Marian Zeletz, marianz@netropolis.net

335.
Waiter, I would like
SPAM cocktail, shaken not stirred.
It's been quite a day.

--john "it seems that Wednesday is also SPAM day" sahr

343.
Chinese SPAM roll, please.
From column A, column B
Pork fried SPAM with rice.

--Anonymous

353.
Ben and Jerry say,
"Try our new ice cream flavor:
Choco-Toffee-SPAM!"

--Alex Dunne, adunne@jpmorgan.com

418.
Fried in thin slices
Cubed and served with cheese not Swiss
Some like it mashed up.

--Dave Goodrum

459.
Is your SPAM too dry?
Kraft has a fine solution--
Smear it with CHEEZ WHIZ!

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

504.
On hot summer days
Ask mom for a special treat--
SPAMsicles are fun!

--Dave Schonberg

506.
I like mine no rice,
It only hides the fresh taste:
SPAM sashimi rules!

--Dave Schonberg

522.
A beautiful gold
Crust with pink squishy middle
SPAM pie for dinner!

--kenf@advtech.uswest.com

579.
triple SPAMBURGER.
two breads and a WHOLE LOAF, mmmmmmm
yummy yum BLEEEERCH, wipe.

--Powdered TOAST Man, s3036712@hardy.ocs.mq.edu.au

631.
Melt some Velveeta,
Use to cover pseudo-pork.
SPAM au gratin. YUM!

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

750.
macaroni rings
mayo green peas Velveeta
toss with chunks of SPAM

--Andrea Szalay, szala001@maroon.tc.umn.edu

863.
Hazelnut latté
deep-fried SPAM-and-egg sandwich
with onions to boot!

--Alan McCollough, fineline@alaska.net

972.
Place SPAM in a bowl
Add ice cream and chocolate
A SPAM-choc sundae

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1032.
Carmel-coated SPAM
Sitting on a stick. Seconds?
"No, thank you kindly."

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1064.
Throw SPAM and ice cream
in blender, set on purée.
Voilà! Pork milkshakes.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1217.
Linoleum grey.
Elsie's creamed SPAM casserole:
a porcine nightmare.

--Tommer Peterson, tommer@artswire.org

1242.
Tasty SPAM custard
Serve it to all of your friends
Laugh as they turn pale

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1249.
Try SPAM flavored beer,
And after you've drunk it all,
You can chew the bits.

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1287.
They enjoyed the stew
But when offered SPAM ice cream
My dinner guests left.

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1411.
Cold SPAM canapes
Served up by John Belushi--
Martha Stewart's Hell!

--Anonymous

1430.
I saw a coupon
for "SPAM cuisine"...two words com-
bined that can't make sense.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1467.
Made a SPAM milkshake.
Added some Hersey's syrup.
I've made liquid Hell.

--L. Gryc, songbird@teleport.com

1481.
Mother, father here
Giving thanks for pink pig parts
Pass the SPAM turkey

--Anonymous

1501.
Manifold cooking.
SPAM, potatoes in wine sauce.
Wild tailgate party!

--Kevin Kepley, kpk@Storz.Com

1502.
Ice cream? I think not!
A new delight awaits me.
Call it SPAMoni!

--Kevin Kepley, kpk@Storz.Com

1595.
Not Italian
Uniquely American:
SPAM chunks on pizza.

--Anonymous

1596.
Salsa, chips, and SPAM
Is not a Mexican meal;
It's only a snack.

--Anonymous

1724.
SPAM-SPAM-Chip Ice Cream
Chunky, oven-baked SPAM chips
Truly, truly, vile

--Drew W.Saunders, Drew.Saunders@leland.stanford.edu

1947.
SPAM fried in soy sauce.
Sizzling, succulent patty.
An ethnic cuisine.

--Anonymous

2019.
Go to sushi bar,
ask chef for SPAM maki roll.
Harakiri! Ick.

--William Routhier, routhier@cybercom.net

2029.
You've never had SPAM
Au Sardines avec Cornflakes!?
Try some now with cream.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2110.
Frozen luncheon meat,
On a stick for kids' delight,
A SPAM dessert treat.

--bill mahoney, mahoney@academ.wvwc.edu

2178.
Alice B. whips up
a special treat for Gertrude:
her hashish-SPAM loaf.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

2195.
A bistro's best bets:
SPAM with mango chutney or
grilled SPAM risotto.

--Brigham Bell

2197.
SPAM on Wonder Bread,
with Velveeta and catsup.
Hold the rodent hairs.

--Brigham Bell

2198.
For Jumping Jack Flash
eating SPAM enchiladas
is a gas gas gas.

--Brigham Bell

2265.
Dessert of the day:
Italian spamoni
With pistachios.

--Barrie Collins, bcollins@comox.island.net

2266.
Hormel hires German
Chefs. Are they planning to make
A Black Forest SPAM?

--Barrie Collins, bcollins@comox.island.net

2267.
A thick slice of SPAM
Inside a six-inch bun is
A sub-spamtial meal.

--Barrie Collins, bcollins@comox.island.net

2269.
Where is my juicer?
I need a cool glass of SPAM
To drown my sorrows.

--Barrie Collins, bcollins@comox.island.net

2289.
I like SPAM sushi
It tastes better than raw fish
Canned meat is the best

--Lindy Shibata

2292.
Jack likes SPAM and eggs
He chucks it at ball players
Makes a SPAM hogy

--Cameron Maddox

2304.
SPAM jam on biscuit
SPAM jelly on blackened toast
SPAM preserves my soul

--Eddie Finn, EWFinn@aol.com

2313.
At the Round Table,
Guinevere served Hot Boiled SPAM.
Test of chivalry.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2329.
Oysters and SPAM mousse.
Superb aphrodisiac.
Revives the tired bits!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2402.
Ultimate horror:
A meal of SPAM, brains and eggs
(Insert your scream here)

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@msn.net

2404.
Papadopoulos
Electrojetted his SPAMs
For hot breakfast snacks.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2457.
Martha Stewart serves
Puréed SPAM on cocktail rye
Post-divorce paté

--Harvard Health Publications Group

2486.
Breakfast. Grind up SPAM,
potatoes, add in pepper,
but not salt. SPAM hash.

--William Routhier, routhier@cybercom.net

2487.
SPAM hash on a plate.
Toss an egg on top. Coffee.
Smells waft past my nose.

--William Routhier, routhier@cybercom.net

2600.
Pork and Beans and SPAM
with Macaroni and Cheese
and a fine Merlot

--Bruce D. Sidlinger, Bruce@Sidlinger.COM

2669.
Luke Theall loves SPAM
Topped with mashed 'taters and baked
With mustard and cheese

--Luke Theall, age 13

2692.
Failed experiment.
I kneel on the bathroom tile
retching SPAM chowder.

--Dan Beeder, daniel_beeder@jhuapl.edu

2868.
Shrimp and shellfish scare
brings about SPAMbalaya.
Cajuns drop like flies.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2892.
State fair coming up.
I just can't wait for that deep
fried SPAM on a stick.

--Dorian Mackenzie, KSEG

2921.
Put SPAM in the pan
throw in a pound of butter--
see the SPAM sputter.

--herb hersh

2930.
Pierre praises SPAM
served on bread with Grey Poupon.
A plate of French boast.

--herb hersh

2945.
Slimy spaghetti
under paté de oinker.
SPAM boy-ar-dee. Yum!

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2946.
Casa de Piggie
features Tacos Hormel and
SPAM enchiladas.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2961.
Thanksgiving morning
We're out of bread and croutons.
Stuff the bird with SPAM.

--Dan Beeder, daniel_beeder@jhuapl.edu

2993.
SPAM, cubed, served hot on
a plate of Spaghetti-Os:
It's SPAMghetti-Os!

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

3022.
On cold New England
nights, gathered around the fire,
all crave SPAM chowder.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3023.
Cut it into cubes
and use them instead of ice.
SPAM tea, summer treat.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3065.
Mix some SPAM and TREET
A doubly revolting mess
Name it TRAM or SPEET

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

3136.
Wrap a piece of SPAM
'Round an asparagus spear:
A simple hors d'oeuvre.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3153.
SPAM's for breakfast now.
Cube it into scrambled eggs.
What, you have no eggs?

--Anonymous

3340.
Moo Shu SPAM. Nitrates
and MSG: Festival
of food additivies.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

3352.
spam in blender with
bananas and candy corn
makes spamana corn

--eric smythe (a.k.a. llama-lad)

3359.
Hippies used to cook
SPAM loaf with ganja in it.
It cures the munchies.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3434
Put SPAM in a blen-
der and throw in curdled milk:
A delicious shake!

--Anonymous

3525.
Salad sensation?
My menu says "Hearts of SPAM."
Lunch may have to wait.

--Jerry Missel, 72773.1577@compuserve.com

3537.
Frosty SPAM milkshake
makes my loins crazy all day.
Nymphomania!

--Arch Angel

3645.
Frozen SPAM milkshake
Homicidal tendencies
Loading my squirt gun

--Arch Angel

3646.
Frosty SPAM milkshake
Chases ten Jack Daniels shots
Regurgitation

--Arch Angel

3675.
Frosty SPAM milkshake
Puréed succulent swine chunks
HEY! I love ewe man

--Arch Angel

3727.
Five weeks in Thailand.
"Rice and green curry SPAM, please."
"Phom mai kao chai krop!"

--Mike McGaff

3728.
Narita airport.
"SPAM sushi with soba, please."
"Wakarimasen!"

--Mike McGaff

3729.
Home in the U.S.
"SPAMBURGER, fries, and cole slaw."
"I don't understand!"

--Mike McGaff

3780.
Pink loaf sliced thin, fried,
Served with truffles, shallots, wine;
Martha Stewart dreams.

--Dan Ford, Kingman, AZ

3812.
A bitter divorce
Screams in the lawyer's office
"You always served SPAM"

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

4032.
The French love their SPAM
Secret delight of great chefs
Just throw on a sauce

--Brian "Briku" Mitchell, Busterdog1@aol.com

4125.
Martha Stewart comes
up with clever use for SPAM:
"Flush it down the john."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4454.
Love that salty taste
SPAM cutlets fried to a crisp
With mayo and toast

--Anonymous

4572.
Hormel's cookbook: One
SPAM thing after another.
Weep, you chefs of France!

--Barrie Collins, bcollins@comox.island.net

4597.
I'm lying in bed
dreaming of tomorrow's meal:
Poached SPAM with pearl sauce.

--JJJ, nigle@netnitco.net

4719.
two tomatoes, oil,
garlic, water, onion, spam
curry, chop, boil...god

--mkramer707@worldnet.att.com

4722.
For Halloween treats
dip SPAM cubes in chocolate.
Who's the trick on now?

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

4767.
SPAM fried in grape leaves
Then smothered in olive oil
The glory of Greece!

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

4845.
Shredded coconut,
Marshmallows, mayo, fake ham:
SPAMbrosia salad

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4904.
Yeltsin's fast rebound
comes from an old Russian treat:
SPAM and vodka float.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

4938.
SPAM cut into cubes,
In a cheese sauce, served on toast.
Call it "Welsh Vomit."

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

4996.
I served SPAM patties
Marinated in vodka.
Where is the Maalox?

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

4997.
Vile school lunches...but!
We wonder why kids rebel?
Lukewarm SPAM croquettes?

--Cholesterol 300

5013.
Hormel buys Zabar's.
Staff warned, "pink stuff or pink slip."
SPAM focaccia.

--Adam Ornstein, asobc@cunyvm.cuny.edu

5146.
31 flavors.
Please take a number and choose...
God! Orange SPAMbert!

--Anonymous

5178.
A filling of SPAM
Between two layers of SPAM
A nice quick Spamwich

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au

5235.
Delicious SPAM mousse
Light, frothy consistency
Think I'll pass on that

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au

5248.
Roll in chocolate
Coat with shredded coconut
It's a Spamington

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au

5337.
I brewed some SPAM beer
Two weeks of fermentation
What a waste of time

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au

5365.
Simmer in saucepan
SPAM mixed with herbs and spices
Throw out meat, eat pan

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au

5780.
A bit of the old
ultraviolence cannot beat
a can full of SPAM.

--Anonymous

5953.
Chalky-sweet goodness
lost in a sweltering pink
PEZ mixed with SPAM loaf

--Anonymous

6061.
Made chicken-fried SPAM.
No kidding--my ex-husband
Loved it for dinner

--Mary Holt, maryholt@flash.net

6329.
The SPAMaroni
I served for dinner last night
Was not a big hit.

--Mary Holt, maryholt@flash.net

6579.
a tender texture
can be obtained by poaching
in boiling water

--Phil Rectra

6723.
Friends' pact to tempt death
Fugu-sashi, Kei orders
Mine: Spam nigiri

--Paul Handley

6726.
Homesick in Tokyo
My chef adapts with genius
Spam chawanmushi

--Paul Handley

6728.
Lunchtime fantasy:
Spam cakes on banana leaf
Creamy durian

--Paul Handley

6775.
A sprig of fennel
Gracing artful pink slivers
SPAM nouveau cuisine

--Mr. Karaoke

6784.
Blender full of SPAM,
Mixed with heavy mayonnaise,
Tasty bypass shake.

--Jeremy M. Bartel, jeremy.bartel@csun1.csun.edu

6831.
Some guys asked for the
SPAMaroni recipe.
I do pity them.

--maryholt@flash.net

6962.
Add chunks of SPAM to
Kraft Macaroni and Cheese
You cannot go wrong

--Peter Mullaney, pmullaney@alston.com

7007.
Bountiful banquet
One million SPAM recipes
Makes a grown man cry

--Wild T.

7061.
Salty pink delight
Engulfed in rice and seaweed
Hawaiian sushi

--Bryant Kong, bkong@lga.att.com

7104.
It's so hot this week!
We can fry SPAM on sidewalks...
The grit adds texture.

--Janie Applecheeks, pphhrogg@communique.net

7105.
Swamp water and SPAM
go together very well.
Cajun specialty!

--janie applecheeks, pphhrogg@communique.net

7137.
A new state fair treat
SPAM corn dogs wrapped in fry bread
Medics standing by

--Cholesterol 300

7292.
gelatin of spam
pineapple and brown mustard
the delicious treat

--Dana Beck

7350.
take jelly from can
pour into ice cube tray, freeze:
refreshing spam pops!

--Michael Sheinbaum, steelydan@onix.com

7382.
Ice, sugar, and SPAM....
Recipe for SPAM glacé.
Unbelievable!!!

--janie applecheeks, pphhrogg@communique.net

7442.
Vomit recipe:
SPAM, Cheez Whiz, on Wonder Bread
Or, maybe just SPAM

--Anonymous

7443.
Make a SPAM milkshake:
Blend warm SPAM with mint ice cream...
Serve in used ashtray.

--Anonymous

7519.
My new recipe
Combines ants, dove, and SPAM. It's
Called "Itchycoo Pork."

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

7546.
Cut SPAM in thin strips,
Dry, coat in icing sugar:
Pork chewing gum. Yum!

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

7598.
Sliced thin with a knife
False pepperoni pizza
Tomato sauce topped

--Christo Magnus, Christo99@aol.com

7599.
A meal in a can
Hawaiian appetizer
Topped with cheddar cheese

--Christo Magnus, Christo99@aol.com

7601.
Cottage cheese and SPAM
On a bed of leafy greens--
Perfect diet dish.

--Giedra Campbell, gcampbell@usa.wctrials.com

7686.
Sautéed on low heat
SPAM, tomato, and onions
Hawaiian stir-fry

--Jerome, j.d.espiritu@worldnet.att.net

7736.
SPAM and coffee. Whipped
together at a high speed.
SPiced latté is served.

--Mark W. Herber, markh@cts.com

7801.
Spamos Rancheros
Eggs 'n' SPAM au in a pan
Run away, away!

--Lamoille County 40oz. Club, vt1phish@together.net

7888.
Donuts filled with SPAM
A salty-sweet deep fried treat
It was meant to be

--jim strange, strange@scs.unr.edu

7936.
Our special today
Succulent SPAM a l'orange
Quite the Chef Surprise

--Wild T.

8134.
Lobster thermidor
with a nice Hollandaise sauce,
fresh lemon, and SPAM.

--Anonymous

8286.
Made a new dessert
SPAM, hot fudge, whipped cream, and nuts
No one will eat it

--Wild T.


Return to the SPAM Haiku Archive page.
John Nagamichi Cho


SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.