SPAM Haiku: Religion

SHAM-16.
Pink food dye in can
With water, salt, chemicals:
It's a kosher SPAM.

SHAM-75.
In Bali a slice
Left curbside to please spirits
Brings bad luck instead.

SHAM-199.
God sends spamanna
To feed His people. The Jews
Give God the finger.

50.
Talmudic scholars
ponder SPAM. Is anything
on Earth less kosher?

--R. Kaufman

159.
Buddha twists the key
The pink meat is enlightened
SPAM in golden woods

--The Evolution Control Committee, ecc@gnu.ai.mit.edu

195.
Saint Peter, I've come!
What? There's no SPAM in heaven?
Death, where is thy sting?

--Steve Ault, steven.ault@m.cc.utah.edu

315.
If I were Buddhist,
I would need to REALLY sin,
To come back as SPAM!

--Jim Ryan, JDanRyan@aol.com

422.
If Satan had used
SPAM to tempt Eve, would we now
Live in Paradise?

--Anonymous

424.
At the Last Supper,
Apostles order the SPAM.
"Christ! It tastes like shit!"

--Anonymous

430.
Who invented SPAM?
Demented Rabbi, crazed Jew
Angry at his God?

--Anonymous

457.
Outdoor church potluck.
SPAM casserole steams in sun.
Flies choose the tuna.

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

576.
Sunday school boy asks,
"Killing, stealing, eating SPAM...
Which sends me to hell?"

--Joey Berner, berner@dpdmai.enet.dec.com

577.
"No fishes or loaves!
I shall make SPAM for you all!"
The starving all left.

--Joey Berner, berner@dpdmai.enet.dec.com

587.
Jewish boys are spared
from SPAM. It's compensation
for circumcision.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

629.
"Let my people go."
Pharoah's unmoved. God sends plague:
Nile turns into SPAM.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

665.
I found god in SPAM
pink, tender, spiritual loaf
praise the holy pork

--liam friedland, lfriedla@us.oracle.com

679.
Red Sea waters part
With a blast from the Lord's cheeks.
"Behold His great SPAM!"

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

717.
I substituted
SPAM for bread at communion.
Was sent straight to hell.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

722.
Profane communion!
Through transubstantiation
The SPAM becomes me.

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

727.
Haiku 665:
George Hormel's the Antichrist!
Off-by-one error.

--Jon Howell, jhowell@us.oracle.com

735.
SPAM--Jews won't touch it.
Muslims proclaim it unclean.
Wisdom of the East.

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

796.
"Shredded are the pigs..."
(Revised Spamdard Edition.
Hormel buys print run.)

--Jared Stamm, jared_stamm@scp.com

822.
Hormel Church performs
sacrifices to SPAM gods.
Dangerous new cult.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

901.
The world is in need
of a savior. What we do
not know is it's SPAM.

--Daniel Stuber

903.
What is the key to
eternal life? Is it love?
Good deeds? No, it's SPAM.

--Daniel Stuber

907.
The Pope decided
to let Catholics eat SPAM
Fridays. Mass riots.

--Daniel Stuber

910.
If God is love and
love is blind, does that mean that
SPAM is God? Does it?

--Anonymous

1002.
Appease gods with SPAM!
A cheap alternative to
Human sacrifice

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1013.
The Lord came to Earth
and said unto His people
"I'm the great I SPAM!"

--Anonymous

1038.
The Lord is my swine-
herd; I shall not want. He forms
me to fit in tins.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1039.
He makes a green fringe
About my rind. He packs me
In the spring waters.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1040.
He synthesizes
My flavor; He scrapes me from
The slaughterhouse floor.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1041.
Yea, though I trot towards
The abattoir, I will fear
no disembowelment.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1042.
For Thou standest o'er
Me; Thy cudgel and Thy knife
They do dispatch me.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1043.
Thou preparest a
Dish of me in the presence
Of my predators.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1044.
Thou anointest my
Slices with mayonnaise; my
Grease runneth over.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1045.
Surely parsley and
Cloves will garnish me all the
Days of my shelflife.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1046.
And I will dwell in
Plaque-encrusted arteries
Forever. Amen.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1123.
Imagine Christ at
Galilee with loaves and SPAM.
His last miracle.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1124.
Christ passes out SPAM,
Says, "This is flesh of my flesh."
"God, you poor bastard."

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1127.
it has horns. rotting
pink meat cube broils in hell and
tortures the lost souls.

--nathan true, ntrue@gas.uug.arizona.edu

1191.
"I saw a tunnel
with a bright pink light." A Near-
SPAM Experience.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1192.
Despite thousands of
NSE's, some atheists
still say there's no Hell.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1202.
Theologians ask:
If God is just, then why does
He let SPAM exist?

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1203.
And on the 8th day,
God created SPAM. He should
have rested then, too.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1260.
We beheld the SPAM
Its pink glory moved us all
We worshipped its form

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1276.
Ground breaks asunder
Satan claws his way from hell
He has come for SPAM

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1319.
Noah built an ark.
Oh, why couldn't he have just
let the damn pigs drown?

--Anonymous

1350.
Mommy, what is SPAM?
Satan made it long ago
and then fled screaming.

--Whit Fisher, fisher@voyagerco.com

1413.
The chorus sings: "Praise
Hormel from whom blessings flow..."
SPAM doxology.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1438.
Why shouldn't I mock
SPAM? It ain't the Vatican!!!!?
It BEGS for satire!

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1664.
Just evolved? Ha-ho!
Scoff the learned clergymen.
SPAM proves Creation!

--Anonymous

1677.
Ist es nur das Fleisch,
oder wahrlich der Heiland?
Was ist diesen "SPAM"?

--Dave "Rilke" Bieri, BIERI@IDX.IDX.COM

1678.
¿Es carne solo,
o tal vez un salvador?
¿Que es esto "SPAM"?

--Dave "Neruda" Bieri, BIERI@IDX.IDX.COM

1679.
Ceci, jambon seule,
ou vraiment un sauveur, non?
Qu'est-ce que c'est le "SPAM"?

--Dave "Baudelaire" Bieri, BIERI@IDX.IDX.COM

1680.
Prosciutto solo,
o salvatore vero?
Che fa questo "SPAM"?

--Dave "Guarini" Bieri, BIERI@IDX.IDX.COM

1681.
Is it just some meat,
or maybe the true savior?
What is this here "SPAM"?

--Dave "Faulkner" Bieri, BIERI@IDX.IDX.COM

1682.
Wist not that a ham
hideth th'immaculate Lamb?
Myst'ry, Thou art "SPAM"!

--Dave "Milton" Bieri, BIERI@IDX.IDX.COM

1738.
Jesus here on Earth
some miracles never done
water into SPAM

--Anonymous

1749.
God said, "SPAM thou art
And to SPAM thou doth return.
(After some grinding.)"

--Stephen Price Masticola, masticol@scr.siemens.com

1768.
"Rejoice, Mary, thou
Art blessed among women." "Whoa!
Thought it was SPAM gas!"

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1769.
And there were in that
Country swineherds, tending their
Future tinned product.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1770.
God's angel appeared
Unto them, saying: "Hmm. Good
Spot for SPAM franchise."

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1771.
"Be not afraid, for
Unto you this day is born
Sure-fire sales gimmick."

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1772.
And there did appear
Before them a heav'nly host,
Singing "Pass the SPAM!"

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1773.
Manger animals
Gather about; kine, lamb, pig...
Feh! Oy vey! Unclean!

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1774.
Not-so-wise Man brings
SPAM. Manger doorknob hits his
Ass on the way out.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1778.
Aren't eating SPAM so
Thank you God, our daily food
We aren't eating SPAM

--Anonymous

1828.
climbed the Zen mountain
seeking truth heard only sound
of one spam clapping

--Stuart Nicholls, stuart@islandnet.com

1831.
What is this SPAM loaf?
It is the piece that passeth
All understanding.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1877.
If God decided
To give out SPAM in heaven
Would it be the same?

--Anonymous

1946.
"No life after SPAM,"
Skeptic atheists declare.
Aged SPAMs disagree.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1988.
"What's this?" said Adam,
Munching Eve's gift of SPAM, and
Spat it out. Too late!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2080.
Now behold the SPAM!
Piggy went to die for us;
What a bloody waste!

--Bernard S. Greenberg, bsg@world.std.com

2090.
My Jewish girlfriend
naked, handcuffed, blindfolded,
doesn't know it's SPAM.

--Wiggy, DWIGAND@runet.edu

2091.
Bosnian Muslims
IFOR stupidly feeds SPAM
Jihad soon erupts

--Wiggy, DWIGAND@runet.edu

2125.
Lord, if Thou willest,
Let this SPAM pass from my hands--
but Thy will be done.

--Bernard S. Greenberg, bsg@basistech.com

2143.
In Paradise, pork
chops "off" but SPAM "de rigeur."
St. Hormel franchise!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2210.
Angelic fecal
Product. Heavenly crap. SPAM:
Eat with reverence.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2226
lovely SPAM, eat it
suck the juices, obey it
hail the porcine God!

--Anonymous

2252.
Spamson is alive
Delilah cuts off his pork
Spamson is now dead

--Savidger, savidger@mail.yamhillesd.k12.or.us

2315.
The Lord sent us SPAM.
He sent us, also, locusts,
Gnats, frogs, hail, and boils.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2365.
When God made man, Sat-
An made pigs. Too late to swap,
They invented SPAM.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2366.
What is SPAM to me
but a happy, beautiful
messenger of God?

--Anonymous

2408.
Himalayan sun
Sets. Only the chant of monks
Is heard. "SPAM, SPAM, SPAM."

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2411.
My friend says to me,
"Seek the shrine of the SPAM god.
There you will find peace."

--Tony Sprinkle, sprinkle@iluvatar.ncssm.edu

2412.
I go to the shrine
And find nothing but a can
Imprinted with "SPAM."

--Tony Sprinkle, sprinkle@iluvatar.ncssm.edu

2413.
I go back and ask
My friend, "You said I could find
Peace in that there shrine."

--Tony Sprinkle, sprinkle@iluvatar.ncssm.edu

2414.
My friend laughed and said,
"Not that kind of 'peace,' my friend,
But a piece of SPAM."

--Tony Sprinkle, sprinkle@iluvatar.ncssm.edu

2416.
Noon on Yom Kippur,
Thoughts turn to food--thoughts of SPAM;
Temptation is gone.

--Michael Voytinsky, michaelv@globalx.net

2417.
Vegetarian
Jew, tempted by a can of
SPAM on Yom Kippur.

--Michael Voytinsky, michaelv@globalx.net

2418.
SPAM fried in sherry--
A sinner's Ramadan lunch.
God is not amused.

--Michael Voytinsky, michaelv@globalx.net

2419.
Middle-aged whore, SPAM,
Baby Duck--Omar Khayyam
having a nightmare.

--Michael Voytinsky, michaelv@globalx.net

2428.
Satan about to
Force-feed SPAM to Job. Yahweh
steps in. It's enough!

--Michael Voytinsky, michaelv@globalx.net

2429.
Theologians
argue. If God is Good, then
why SPAM? Much shouting.

--Michael Voytinsky, michaelv@globalx.net

2430.
Saint John the Divine
eats SPAM, writes Revelation.
Stick with moldy bread!

--Michael Voytinsky, michaelv@globalx.net

2431.
Hormel patron saint
kneeling with pink rosary
ecstatic icon

--Val the Knife Montalvo, vhmontal@artsci.wustl.edu

2432.
Over six hundred
Mitzvot. Eat SPAM, break just one.
Not such a big deal.

--Michael Voytinsky, michaelv@globalx.net

2433.
SPAM and cheese sandwich
Eaten for Yom Kippur lunch.
Three mitzvot broken.

--Michael Voytinsky, michaelv@globalx.net

2434.
For two extra sins,
buy the SPAM on Yom Kippur,
and drive to the store.

--Michael Voytinsky, michaelv@globalx.net

2435.
Shoplift the SPAM--it
is a sin on any day,
for Jew or gentile.

--Michael Voytinsky, michaelv@globalx.net

2436.
Murder the clerk, take
the SPAM, hide the body. Three
sins for a cohen.

--Michael Voytinsky, michaelv@globalx.net

2437.
World overcome with
sin heralds arrival of
Messiah. Eat SPAM!

--Michael Voytinsky, michaelv@globalx.net

2480.
"That than which nothing
greater can be thought." Thank God
Anselm knew not SPAM.

--Chuck Baird, zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2593.
A loaf is fine but
Know ye not, Tentmaker, that
Pink wine goes with SPAM?

--Hormel Khayyam Collins, bcollins@comox.island.net

2594.
A moving finger?
No. That pink thing writing is
A sliver of SPAM.

--Hormel Khayyam Collins, bcollins@comox.island.net

2616.
Good Jews, we didn't
have SPAM in my house. At times
I regret that lack.

--Deb Oestreicher, debo@netwalk.com

2627.
Scientology.
Is it bad as SPAM? Dunno.
But it smells as bad.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2645.
God said, "LET THERE BE
SPAM," and there was SPAM. "ANOTH-
ER FINE MESS, STANLEY!"

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2647.
First, Eve gave Adam
SPAM. That's what started it all.
Original SPAM.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2760.
Put it in your mouth,
it's salty chewy goodness
at The Last Supper.

--Blasphemous Pete

2765.
All faiths hold to this
theological maxim:
No SPAM in Heaven

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@msn.com

2766.
If one refers to
SPAM and Hell in same sentence,
One is redundant

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@msn.com

2799.
Wise Buddha the great
Taught everything is but one.
SPAM tests the faithful.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2800.
Piggy soul has gone
To heaven, leaving on earth
Heavenly taste--SPAM

--Joon Moon, joonmoon@aol.com

2820.
Buddha teaches that
desire leads to suffering.
Want not, hurt not: SPAM.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2825.
Ashes to ashes,
dust to dust. All things complete
the cycle but SPAM.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2827.
Father, bless me for
I have sinned. SPAM passed my lips.
Too much for the church.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2870.
Wow! SPAM haiku page.
It's like a new religion.
The world must prepare...

--Anonymous

2948.
Cho adds litany
and robes: SPAM archive is now
tax deductible.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2949.
"Give up SPAM for Lent?
Hah! Over my dead body!"
Suicide by SPAM.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2967.
Tonight, Passover;
Comet, SPAM-red eclipsed moon.
It is Judgment Day.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

3032.
Rosy ectoplasm
That's right out of the Bible
Prodigal son's friends

--franktik@oregoncoast.com

3048.
Don't serve SPAM at a
Bar mitzvah. Boy, did I find
That out the hard way!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3053.
Moses said, "Behold
The power of the Lord! He
Turns pigs into cubes!"

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3106.
I ate with a monk
Vow of silence my foot; he
screamed when I said yum

--Patrick Shaughnessy, shaughnepa@woods.uml.edu

3114.
Went to India
to seek my enlightenment.
Found SPAM. Holy cow.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3129.
SPAM, a beer, then an
ice cream--this Passover meal
makes Adonai mad.

--Michael Voytinsky, michael@pronexus.com

3159.
high-vaulted chamber
cath'lic carnivores intone
"laudate SPAMum"

--smegma@kludge.lib.udel.edu

3233.
A long time ago
Martin Luther banged his thumb.
Swung hammer--and SPAM!

--herb hersh, ubhersh@uxa.ecn.bgu.edu

3263.
The Church can relent.
You may have SPAM on Friday.
(Except during Lent.)

--herb hersh, ubhersh@uxa.ecn.bgu.edu

3694.
Reincarnation
I return in a blue can
Reincarnation

--Bob Greiner, greinster@ichange.com

3998.
And yea, though I walk
Through the valley of pork food,
I shall fear no SPAM.

--Anonymous

4096.
"Give it to Mikey."
"Yeah, he will eat anything!"
Kaddish for the child.

--Bob Bendesky, MSA homepage

4131.
Dream its tasty bite,
To savor it in my sight,
Sad, SPAM's not kosher

--Dave Rotstein, wldlfvet@earthlink.com

4145.
And the Good Priest said:
"Take, eat of My Flesh," with SPAM!
God, where's the BEANO?

--Margaret Tobin, mbt@wwa.com

4146.
Sinnest thou today,
And cast thy pearls before swine?
Haiku before SPAM.

--Margaret Tobin, mbt@wwa.com

4164.
They break down the door
As he opens the SPAM can.
The rabbi exposed!

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4277.
God bless you, Hormel
Savior of all that's holy
What am I saying?!?!?

--Casey Gilbertson, http://coyote.accessnv.com/casey

4306.
Eve smiled at Adam.
"SPAM sandwich, Dear?" "Yes, thanks, Love."
Original Sin.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

4374.
"What rough beast slouches
Towards BethleSPAM to be born?"
Porktentous question!

--Bob McPhee

4515.
SPAM's Midwest birthplace
is Austin, Minnesota.
It is my mecca.

--john p. nordbo

4560.
A generous boy
Offers Jesus his sandwich
Five thousand taste SPAM

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

4586.
God spoke to his "peops"
Let us get shit underway
(And let there be SPAM)

--Anonymous

4587.
And then Moses said
The Eleventh Commandment--
"Thou shalt consume SPAM"

--Anonymous

4606.
Gods--The Hindus list
330 million.
But still SPAM exists.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

4625.
Eastwood orders lunch.
All they have is year-old SPAM.
Does Clint feel lucky?

--Anonymous

4644.
God created SPAM,
He saw that it was NOT good,
but what could He do?

--shane beck

4683.
"Nam myo ho renge
kyo," chant Buddhists. Here, it's "John
Nagamichi Cho."

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

4751.
At my confession:
"I love SPAM." "What, carnally?"
Hadn't thought of that.

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

4770.
Hell's center circle
Is filled with sinful gourmets
Being force-fed SPAM.

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

4842.
Poor betrayed porkers!
Noah's ark protected you
For what? This dumb can?

--John Mitchell, JAM@altagroup.com

4885.
Jesus given choice:
Eat SPAM or be crucified.
You know what He chose.

--Tim Bender, Nasrouddine@hotmail.com

4962.
"SPAM Lite" was a hit.
But I'm telling you, Hormel,
"SPAM Kosher" won't fly.

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

5011.
SPAM: God's gift of love
Low-rent communion wafer
Manna from Hormel

--Cholesterol 300

5058.
Namu Myoho Spam,
Praise unto its name, Spamu
Amida Butsu.

--Andrew Benton

5068.
Father says grace: "Lord,
We would normally thank you
For our food...but SPAM?"

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

5079.
SPAMku's not sinful
Just do it in private and
Wash hands afterwards

--Mark W. Herber, markh@cts.com

5113.
"Thou shalt not consume
SPAM, if thy liveth in peace!"
Said that wise Moses.

--Luke Ellis, Australia

5122.
The devil steers Cho
To a mile-high stack of SPAM.
"Start eating," he says.

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

5126.
Of course I love you!
That's why I'm giving you SPAM.
Happy Hanukkah.

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

5324.
Without our knowledge
The collective unconscious
Spawns the God of SPAM

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au

5348.
God of SPAM queries
Why hast thou forsaken SPAM?
"The taste, Lord, the taste!"

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au

5374.
Can falls from airplane
Found by primitive bushmen
Worshipped as a god

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au

5450.
Praise be to thee, SPAM
We worship your porkiness
SPAM, Hallelujah

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au

5475.
SPAM reinforces
Atheistic tendencies
SPAM allows no God

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au

5476.
The monks sat, chanting
Lit by candles, a lone can
The holiest SPAM

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au

5491.
On one day each year
SPAM cans rotate so they face
Hormel, their mecca

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au

5572.
Rabbi sneaks down to
kitchen, grabs a bit of SPAM.
Not kosher? Who cares?

--Anonymous

5573.
Martin Luther balks
at diet of worms. But SPAM?
Food for the spirit.

--Anonymous

5575.
Many here believe
SPAM becomes body and blood.
Transubstantiate?

--Anonymous

5753.
Those founts of knowledge
Bible, Koran, Torah all
Did not predict SPAM

--Anonymous

5762.
When he converted,
"Candy Man" couldn't eat pork.
SPAMmy? Not Sammy.

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

5889.
Methodist potluck
Hey, what's this? A fingernail?
SPAM in the Jell-O

--LisaSteveDougJulie, yungward@serv.net

5921.
For Christians only
Muslims and Jews say: "No way!"
SPAM: weird holy rite?

--Cholesterol 300

5949.
spam is the question
blue can in golden forest
the zen monk answers

--Anonymous

6052.
SPAM, the gift of God
Inheritance of the meek
Pop the lid, rejoice!

--Anonymous

6059.
Barfing at altar
The priest's fingers slick with grease
A SPAM communion

--Mary Holt, maryholt@flash.net

6060.
Unholy blue cans
Bet the Anti-Christ eats it
It's the anti-food

--Mary Holt, maryholt@flash.net

6064.
Concentrated pork,
SPAM makes bacon look kosher
By comparison.

--Mary Holt, maryholt@flash.net

6069.
"SPAM is good for you,"
said the prophet, on the cross.
Crucified for SPAM.

--Christian Mackie

6070.
The Devil made SPAM
to destroy society.
It is working well

--Christian Mackie

6100.
Praise the Lord Jesus,
Providing me this manna;
Pink grainy crushed pig.

--Derek Ruetsch, 76232.2746@compuserve.com

6122.
sitting on the shelf
nyam ne-yo ho ren ke SPAM
SPAM is the third eye

--RongWrong, http://www.public.usit.net/mrkdwhit/page2.htm

6129.
Oh, Lord, forgive us
our SPAM mocks your wisdom. We
know not what we eat.

--space yr pidgin

6166.
God tells Adam, Eve,
"The SPAM of good and evil:
Don't eat." Mankind saved!

--Bill Hand, quad@coastalnet.com

6167.
Snake winks, says to Eve,
"Eat SPAM and you'll be like God."
Eve says, "What's your point?"

--Bill Hand, quad@coastalnet.com

6168.
Noah builds SPAM ark,
but carnivors brought on board.
Mankind lost in flood!

--Bill Hand, quad@coastalnet.com

6169.
Samson, bound, sees hope:
jawbone and a Hormel can!
Slays thousands with SPAM.

--Bill Hand, quad@coastalnet.com

6176.
SPAM feels sure this time
from it's shining uterus
will emerge a saint.

--Nathan Mckenna, xylo@wcn.net

6194.
three kings from far lands
came burdened with treasure; myrrh,
frankincense, and SPAM.

--avo lowe

6214.
The ghosts of SPAM past,
present, and future arrive
to feast upon Scrooge.

--WRKSOFFART

6259.
Jesus given choice
By SPAM or crucifixion
"Would a God eat SPAM?"

--BSM

6260.
In the sight of God
SPAM's an abomination
"But, I'm not a God"

--BSM

6261.
Crucified and dead
Ascension after three days
"I am the GODSPAM"

--BSM

6266.
On the seventh day
God played a joke on the world
And created SPAM.

--Uncle Jay, grandiosity@hotmail.com

6296.
The young novice asked
"Give me koan to ponder."
"SPAM," replied master.

--tsquared

6297.
"Let my people go!"
The Pharaoh laughed in reply
Lo!, A plague of SPAM.

--tsquared

6479.
Evil SPAM haiku
Condemned by Catholic Church
Lunch meat of Satan

--Eliezer S. Yudkowsky, sentience@pobox.com

6494.
God does not subtract
Time spent fishing from man's years
SPAM haiku triple

--Eliezer S. Yudkowsky, sentience@pobox.com

6594.
Mighty God of Spam
Release me from boring food
Thanks for the Spam, God

--Eraserhead, fredcarp@prodigy.net

6632.
the Spam is a god
the can is a large temple
I love the God SPAM

--duke nukem

6652.
At Nicaea, the
Council votes: Christ is divine!
SPAM is something else!

--M. Kubacki, duck3351@aol.com

6669.
Evidence of God?
Sign of earthly purpose? Look
No further than SPAM!

--Peter Berman

6866.
Thou dost see the SPAM...
SPAM, O Porcine Seraphim!
SPAM is but holy.

--William Stern, gsi00429@gsaix2.cc.gasou.edu

6879.
SpamGod, Oh SpamGod,
We're not worthy of thy SPAM!
Bless us all, SPICED HAM!

--SpamGod the Mighty, spiffaroo@hotmail.com

6880.
SPAM is not kosher
And it's out to get the world
Death to SPAM right now!

--Matthew Anscher, ansch002@acpub.duke.edu

6887.
"Here try this," said Eve
Handing Adam a pink slice.
Original sin.

--Mark W. Herber, markh@cts.com

6905.
If God had wanted
us to eat SPAM he would have
given us sick bags.

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

6942.
Buddha, Mohammed
Confucius, Vishnu, and God.
Jesus Christ and SPAM.

--Charles Brittain Fleminf, britt@prairie.lakes.com

7037.
Staring longingly
at blue tins / for the Chosen
tribe, SPAM is a sin.

--Daniel Goldberg, dgoldberg@issiinc.com

7076.
Jesus, Satan, SPAM
No religion can compare
Sacrifice to SPAM

--JakeFincher, thrash@webzone.net

7267.
God made Job suffer
But he would not curse the Lord
Till God took his SPAM

--Bob City

7293.
God created man
Man complained he was hungry
God created SPAM

--Tom Rylander

7301.
THE OLD TESTAMENT
AND ON THE EIGHTH DAY GOD SAID,
"I THINK I'LL MAKE SPAM!"

--ISF

7340.
MOSES READ ALOUD
THE ELEVENTH COMMANDMENT
"THOU SHALT NOT EAT SPAM!"

--ISF

7395.
I'm a priest of SPAM
Rise, my loyal disciples
Worship the great meat!

--MrCohaagen, cohaagen@usaor.net

7404.
Hormel breaks into
The kosher market with their
New product: SPALTBEEF.

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

7410.
I've seen the SPAM gods.
Pink-skinned beings of power...
Blessed with sacred SPAM!

--MrCohaagen, cohaagen@usaor.net

7538.
Jesus in a can,
Mary in electric pink,
Thank God, I'm a Jew!

--K.Siegel, ComplexGal@AOL.Com

7581.
Gelatinous meat
Packed into cans with pop tops
A Jew's worst nightmare

--Freaque, jmw2a@frank.mtsu.edu

7749.
Notice the label.
The circle "u" is missing.
It is not kosher.

--jojo

7783.
On the Seventh Day
After resting, God made SPAM.
Cruel Almighty prank.

--Tim Sniffen, tim_sniffen@jellyvision.com

7961.
I have never tried
this legendary spam 'cause
it isn't kosher

--Cloo, pyuiq@csv.warwick.ac.uk

8024.
Nitrates, sodium,
and snouts, divine trinity?
Pray before eating.

--Robert W Reed

8057.
Missionaries could
Re-educate the natives
By feeding them SPAM.

--James Crook, jjcrook@deakin.edu.au

8114.
God said, "Let there be
SPAM," and it was not good but
He just let it be.

--Lilith Sedai

8130.
Wish I was Jewish
Then I know I could resist
But no... must have SPAM!

--chris deneen, chrisdeneen@mindspring.com

8195.
At Jesus's birth
The wise men brought Him three gifts:
Gold, myrhh, and SPAM spread!

--Anonymous

8287.
To escape Pharaoh
Moses throws SPAM on Red Sea
And the waters part

--Wild T.

8291.
And on the eighth day
The Lord said "Let there be SPAM"
It was not so good

--Wild T.

8391.
SPAM exists as God
To the tribes of Amazons.
Rightfully worshipped.

--MrCohaagen, cohaagen@usaor.net


Return to the SPAM Haiku Archive page.
John Nagamichi Cho


SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.