05/20/92: This is the worst assignment ever! I'm supposed to think up a story, write it, and illustrate it by tomorrow! Do I look like a novelist?! This is impossible! I can't tell stories! What about your explanation of the noodle incident? THAT WASN'T A STORY! THAT WAS THE UNVARNISHED TRUTH! Oh, don't be so modest. You deserved a Pulitzer.
05/21/92: Do you have an idea for your story yet? No, I'm waiting for inspiration. You can't just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood. What mood is that? Last-minute panic.
05/22/92: If you ask ME, these assignments don't teach you how to write. They teach you how to HATE to write. Deadlines, rules how to do it, grades... how can you be creating when someone's breathing down your neck? I guess you should try not to think about the end result too much and just have fun with the process of creating. Every time I do that, I end up in the school psychologist's office. Well, maybe not THAT much fun.
05/23/92: Say, I'VE got an idea! For your story? No, I thought of a way I won't have to write one! Oh no. Hop in the time machine, Hobbes! We're going a few hours into the future! I'll have finished my story by then, so we'll just pick it up and bring it back to the present! That way I won't have to write it! Something doesn't make sense here, and I think it's me sitting in this box. Relax! We'll be back as soon as we go.
05/24/92: Thank you. Thank YOU. Yep. There's nothing like a big bed for dancing. I hope your parents don't mind bad springs.
05/25/92: Vortex goggles on? Here we go! We'll jump ahead to my bedtime and pick up my completed homework from my own future! Then we'll return to the present and we can goof off the rest of the evening! Here we are! You must be the 8:30 Calvin. Did you have a good trip? No. Pst! Why do you always go on these things?
05/26/92: Greetings, 8:30 Calvin and Hobbes! I'm 6:30 Calvin and this is 6:30 Hobbes! Charmed. Well, since we're YOU from the past, I suppose you know why we're here. Did you do the homework? Me?? No. NO?! Why not?? Because two hours ago, I went to the future to get it. Yeah, and here I am! Where is it?! That's what I said two hours ago! I knew this would never work. Right as always, Hobbes.
05/27/92: Do you mean to say it's time for bed and you still haven't written our story for school?! I figured the story was already done! How could it be done if YOU didn't write it?! Obviously it had to be done before now, because it's 8:30 and I'm supposed to be in bed! Wait a minute! If the story had been written in YOUR past, that would mean I should've written it! Well, why didn't you?! Because I came to the future to pick it up when it was DONE! If you hadn't screwed up my past, your future wouldn't be like this.
05/28/92: Hold it. Let's figure this out. I'M you at 6:30 and YOU'RE me at 8:30. Neither of us did the homework. Right. That means the homework SHOULD'VE been done between my time and your time. Right. We needed to do it at 7:30. But the 7:30 Calvin clearly didn't do it, or you'd have it by now at 8:30. Yeah! This is HIS fault! That lazy little punk! He'll get us BOTH in trouble! Let's go get him!
05/29/92: Hobbeses, the 8:30 Calvin and I are going to go back to 7:30 and make THAT Calvin do the homework. We'll wait here. All this time travel makes us queasy. We'll be right back. Off we go! This HAS to be the least efficient way to write a paper. All this modern technology makes people try to do everything at once.
05/30/92: Ah ha! Here we are, right at 7:30! Yikes! My past and my future! Put down that comic book and do our homework! Yeah! Get to work, you loafer! Hey! Why should I do all the work? Either of you could do it too! But I didn't at 6:30 and now it's 7:30. And at 8:30 it will be too late. You're the last chance. Now are you gonna start writing or do we have to pound you? Go ahead and hit me! My FUTURE self will be the one who hurts! HEY!
05/31/92: I don't think so. Definitely not. Mm... nahh... That's a little better. Eww. Yeah, perfect! What now, Calvin? No, absolutely not. Put those back. Mom says no way. Grown-ups have no taste.
06/01/92: You know, Hobbes, if the 7:30 Calvin is at all like the 6:30 and 8:30 Calvins, I'll bet he isn't going to write that story. You're right, Hobbes. Why don't WE write a story while we're waiting for them? Yeah! Calvin could use it for his class then. I'll write it down and you can illustrate it! OK, now what should our story be about? Calvin's not here. Let's write about HIM! Hee hee hee! Hoo hoo! Drawing Calvin is easy! You just make a big mouth and add some hair!
06/02/92: Look, guys, you can't gang up on ME! Oh yeah? Why not? Because we're all the same Calvin! In one hour, the 6:30 Calvin will be ME, and in another hour, we'll BOTH be the 8:30 Calvin. That means you guys will suffer whatever you do to me. Oh yeah. Oops. Whose dumb idea was this anyway? His? His!
06/03/92: We're back, but we didn't get the homework. Now it's 8:30 again and we're doomed. Here you go! Hobbes and I wrote a story for you while you were gone! You DID?? Ha ha! We're all done! We can go back to 6:30 now! Thanks, Hobbeses! You guys are life savers! Calvin? It's Mom! Hurry! Hobbes, get in! We'll be you in a couple hours! So long! Aren't you in bed yet? Don't come in! I'm... uh... changing into my PJs!
06/04/92: Did you write your story for class tomorrow? Sort of. What do you mean, "sort of"? Well, Hobbes helped and I had to do a lot of time traveling. Is your story written or not? Oh, it's written. I just haven't read it.
06/05/92: All right, Calvin, go ahead. What's YOUR story about? I don't know yet, but I'm sure it's good! My story is entitled, "How Hobbes, the handsome tiger, saved the day... ...no thanks to Calvin, the time-traveling chowderhead." WHAT?! Is there a problem? There WILL be for a certain stripey furball when I get home.
06/06/92: OK, YOU! Me?? This story you wrote is about ME trying to get OUT of writing the STORY! You made my time traveling sound like LUNACY! And the illustration You drew the THREE of me fighting! I was the laughing-stock of the whole class! What grade did it get? Um... A+. She wrote, "Very creative. The 'tiger' narration was a clever touch. I'm glad you're finally applying yourself." ... BUT EVEN SO...!! A+? Maybe I should send this to the New Yorker.