Date: Fri, 21 Feb 1997 16:02:21 EST From: "somewhere a tink must fall..." Subject: EXERCISE: Values (Self-Reliance and Potential) #4 [Based on the book "Teaching Your Children Values" by Linda and Richard Eyre, ISBN 0-671-76966-9] (p. 90) "Individuality. Awareness and development of gifts and uniqueness. Taking responsibility for own actions. Overcoming the tendency to blame others for difficulties. Commitment to personal excellence." (p. 91) "...the _self-reliance_ of accepting the responsibility for and the consequences of one's own actions and performances, rather than blaming luck or circumstances or someone else....trying to be one's best self and asking the best from oneself--the conscious pursuit of individuality and _potential_--and the conscious rejection of avoidable mediocrity." "General Guidelines" (p. 92 and 93) include 1. Use yourself as the model and example. Take every opportunity to show how you are trying to improve. Talk about the things you are good at and working to be better at. Show pleasure in things you do well, and be obvious about taking blame for mistakes. 2. Watch others. Try to recognize their gifts and help them develop their unique individuality. "We can watch and recognize as early as possible who they are--and then nourish and encourage them to be the best of whatever they are." 3. Praise. Reinforce self-image and individuality. Some observations/games... (p. 93) Try to set up a system that fosters self-reliance by relating rewards and punishments directly to performance. Give others opportunities to do and decide by themselves. Set up your own records--and focus on competing with yourself. When you give initiative away, don't take it back. What if there was a "Self-Starter" award for the people who have taken the most initiative? Think through and review what evidence you might point to for getting such an award... "...picking out what we have done that is wrong, and taking blame without excuse, is the essence of good human relations as well as the heart of self-reliance." self-reliance? Here's the scene I would like to suggest for this week. It's a fairly common scene, in various incarnations. Our hero(ine) has been pursuing the goal (trying to deliver the message, get the baby to it's parents, find the missing piece of the puzzle, etc.) for external reasons (they paid me $10 bucks, there's a reward promised, it's my job, etc.) But the stakes have gotten too high (the sidekick has been shot, they've blown up my car, someone is poisoning oil wells, whatever...) and it is time for our hero(ine) to worry...should they or shouldn't they? are they going to get up or just take a dive and forget it? will they dredge up the internal oomph to go on despite everything, or will they let the Gipper down? In short, there is a point in many books (tv shows, etc.) where the external reasons for doing something just aren't enough anymore. The agonizing turn to depending on one's own sense of honor, one's own dreams of what's right, one's own belief in justice...That's the scene I want to suggest you work on. (The teacher is looking at his paycheck, realizing that they are taking this kind of abuse for eight bucks an hour and the golden arches will pay nine and a quarter an hour! and their buddy just went to the hospital with chalkdust emphysema! do they really want to face those sneering kindergartners again?) So take a few moments to sketch out that scene in your mind. Remember the fighter against the ropes, shaking his head? Or maybe the mother of four, grimly weighing the chances of climbing over the backs of the shoppers to get that last can of spaghetti? Whatever... Pick a number, any number, just as long as it's from one to six, okay? 1. teacher 2. parent 3. student 4. nurse 5. policeperson 6. private detective There's someone for your scene. Please feel free to name them, comb their hair, introduce some other folks, and otherwise fill out the cast, but at least we've got someone on stage... And roll your dice (all right, the pedantic may roll their die) again, please? And your number is: 1. titanium white 2. thallo green 3. cadmium yellow 4. alizarian red 5. sap green 6. vandyke brown some colors, with a tinge of painterly precision, that you might want to consider on your palette. And let's see about some quotations (pick a number from one to six, okay?) 1. Who to himself is law no law doth need, / Offends no law, and is a king indeed. George Chapman, Bussy D'Ambois, (c. 1604), 2.1 2. Self-righteousness is a loud din raised to drown the voice of guilt within us. Eric Hoffer, The True Believer (1951), 3.14.69 3. One must learn to love oneself...with a wholesome and healthy love, so that one can bear to be with oneself and need not roam. Nietzsche, "On the Spirit of Gravity," Thus Spake Zarathustra (1883-92), 3, tr. Walter Kaufmann 4. Each man must look to himself to teach him the meaning of life. It is not something discovered; it is something moulded. Saint-Exupery, Wind, Sand, and Stars (1939), 2.1, tr. Lewis Galantiere. 5. A man may call to mind the face of his friend, but not his own. Here, then, is an initial difficulty in the way of applying the maxim, _Know Thyself_. Schopenhauer, "Further Psychological Observations," Parerga and Paralipomena (1851), tr. T. Bailey Saunders. 6. Not being able to govern events, I govern myself, and apply myself to them, if they will not apply themselves to me. Montaigne, "Of presumption," Essays (1580-88), tr. Charles Cotton and W. C. Hazlitt [Quotes taken from The International Thesaurus of Quotations, by Rhoda Thomas Tripp, ISBN 0-06-091382-7] Let your quote tingle in your brain. Let the bristles of your mind mix and meld the color. Consider that character, the backstory of what they thought they were getting into, the costs so far, and how and where they are going to drill into their soul looking for that gusher to erupt...self-reliance and potential. ...And it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man. Now write! [one sentence? you want to start with something borrowed, eh? "I don't think I look beautiful," she said, "I think I am beautiful." this little line is available to start your writing, end it, or even to be totally ignored. have fun!] tink