>>> Item number 22074 from WRITERS LOG9312B --- (135 records) ---- <<< Date: Wed, 8 Dec 1993 18:35:01 JST Reply-To: WRITERS Sender: WRITERS From: Mike Barker Subject: SUB: Gold Or Silver? This is non-fiction, so while mild chuckling will be accepted, let's hold back the loud guffaws. Please respect my fragile male dignity and put a sock in your mouth if you must bellow, ok? Marshall's wife will be quite upset with me, I'm afraid. I don't think I'm doing my part in supporting international understanding of gender roles. but I'm having fun! tink Comments, as always, gratefully and greatly appreciated. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Gold Or Silver? Copyright 1993 Mike Barker I suppose I should have listened more closely. My wife, Mitsuko, picked me up at the Nishinomiya train station last night and drove me home. Along the way, she talked about the two young people who we are going to introduce next month. She knows their families, and for some reason people occasionally ask her and I to act as the intermediaries in the old custom of miae, the first meeting or interview between possible marriage partners. Of course, both families are busily priming her with information about their wonderful children so that we will know what to ask and talk about. When we walked into our living room, though, I wasn't really thinking about what she had said. Maybe that's why I misunderstood her question. She came in and stood at one end of table while I sat down. She stripped her earrings off and set them on the table, then took off the ring watch that she likes so much and set it with the earrings. She looked at the little pile and said, "Is it true?" After twelve years of marriage, I know better than to answer, so I responded with a highly intellectual query. "Huh?" Luckily, she also has learned to interpret some of my less direct statements. So as she walked back out of the room, shrugging her coat off, she said, "Do intelligent men not like earrings?" A moment's thought revealed to me that I do consider myself an intelligent man, so I might be able to extrapolate from my personal feelings to what the larger group might feel. However, I realized that I really had no good basis for deciding whether or not I liked earrings. I looked at her favorite gold earrings. Rounded, rather large triangles, with an irregular, almost beaten surface. Clip-on's, because she doesn't like pierced ears. I could hear her clattering around in the back room, and knew she would be back soon, and would expect some kind of answer to her question. So, naturally, I began working on determining the answer. After hanging her coat up, she came back, sat down, and looked at me. Then she started laughing. After a while, she managed to ask, "What are you doing?" I smiled back, and said, "You asked me, so I'm trying it. What do you think?" I patted the earrings as I talked, noting the funny vibrations in my earlobes. Some head movements that would ordinarily be unnoticed became obvious to me from the tugs, jerks, and quivering on my earlobes, but mostly the earrings were invisible to me. She laughed again and explained that the girl's mother had made a point of telling her that she would make sure the girl didn't wear earrings, or at least not large earrings, because intelligent men don't like women with earrings. This had bothered Mitsuko because she likes to wear certain styles of earrings, thus the question. "So you can take them off. That wasn't what I meant." By now, I had wandered over to a mirror and looked at myself. Somewhat balding, greying dark brown hair fairly straight and fine, sideburns that can only be called fuzzy in their tight little curls, gold-rim large glasses perched on a nose red and peeling from a recent cold, a grin that bends my cheeks into deep corrugations, and the highlights - the gold triangles accenting each ear. I turned my head from side to side, slowly, looking at the effect. Then I looked at her and said, "What do you think? I think they look pretty good, don't you?" She laughed again. Then she said, "Well, I need to make some phone calls." I walked the two or three steps back to the table, noticing that my normal walk caused the earrings to bounce, yanking at my earlobes with each step. I tried a smoother stride, walking by the table, and ended up swiveling my hips a bit more to make up for the missing freedom to move up and down. I wondered if young girls even noticed the "biofeedback" provided by earrings that pushes you towards what is considered a feminine style of walking. I sat down and picked up a book. Half-listening to the telephone, I realized my wife was talking to her high school friend who is arranging a party at our house for later this month. Not quite a reunion, this is going to be only women from the class. They have already made a point that they want me to be there, although I had suggested that I could go shopping or something. When they told me it would be potluck style, with everyone bringing food, and they all wanted to talk to me; well, I decided it just wouldn't be fair for me to turn down that food. I got up after a few minutes and made myself a cup of coffee, then went back and sat down again. For some reason, Mitsuko kept breaking into laughter and giggles while talking on the phone. "Mike?" I set the book down and looked over at her. She started laughing again, and pushed the phone to speaker, so her friend could hear us both or talk to us. "Could you do that for the party?" "Read a book?" "No. Could you wear earrings at the party?" The friend's voice came out of the phone, with a few giggles. "Mr. Mike? Are you really wearing earrings?" I reached up and touched them. "Yes. But..." Now they were both chuckling, and asking me to please, please do this at the party. I suspect I was blushing. I know I stammered something, and they went on. Later, I took off the earrings. While wearing them, at least for the hour or so that I tried them, they are almost unnoticeable. But when you take them off, your earlobes feel funny. Almost a pins-and-needles sensation like when your leg goes to sleep, but not quite. Mitsuko seemed to understand immediately, and said to rub my earlobes. I did that for a while, and the feeling went away. Maybe I didn't get the tightness adjusted right. So, that was my misunderstanding. Now I think I can answer the question of whether intelligent men don't like earrings. I have to admit, I don't think I ever answered Mitsuko's question about whether intelligent men don't like women who wear earrings, or the implicit question about whether I like her wearing earrings. And I'm afraid my little experiment has resulted in some difficult questions for me to answer in the future. I mean, I never had to consider questions like these before, you know? I wonder if I can talk Mitsuko into loaning me her American Indian earrings for the party? Those silver feathers and the turquoise would look good with my silver hair, I think. Can I wear gold or silver at the party, or do I need to stick with formal pearls? What do you think? Can we talk? -----------------------------------------------------------