>>> Item number 25153 from WRITERS LOG9402A --- (120 records) ---- <<< Date: Tue, 1 Feb 1994 18:35:01 JST Reply-To: WRITERS Sender: WRITERS From: Mike Barker Subject: SUB: The Uninhibited Writer's Guide to Safe Intercourse An Allegory was in my soup today, so I plucked it out and cast it down here for you to chomp on... (anyone know how you tell the difference between an African allegory and a Florida crock?) tink ----------------------------------------------------- The Uninhibited Writer's Guide to Safe Intercourse Copyright 1994 Mike Barker Many people think that intercourse is easy. They'll tell you they have been doing it for years and they aren't about to change now. Of course, when problems rise or fall in their personal orgies, it has nothing to do with them - their partners aren't doing it right! Nothing could be farther from the truth. Polite, safe intercourse is not easy. Making sure your partners enjoy it too, and that both of you have a glow of accomplishment afterwards, takes more than the casual habits you may have picked up in the playground, bars, or back alleys. So let's consider some of the techniques and methods you can use to make sure there aren't any real hangups with your intercourse. Please feel free to make any suggestions you may have after the lecture, as I am considering writing another book on the subject and and will be happy to have your help. First, let's consider the choice of partners. It may seem easy - you meet someone at a bar or a local literary wine and cheese party, and you just talk to them. But there's more to it than meets the eye. For example, if your partners aren't too experienced (or even have been chaste into the fray - it does happen!), you need to be gentle and understanding. Don't chase them too hard - reluctant partners are NOT enjoying it! Give them time, and let the decision to continue or not be a mutual pleasure, leading to further delights for both of you. Most men and women have some ideas about how to play the game during these early stages. You don't want to hurry too much, as the wrong partners can make intercourse painful for everyone. Take your time and make sure you both really want to spend the time and effort to do it right! Look, let's face it - don't push too hard, let the other person ease into it. Don't chase, let them come to you. Always take your intercourse seriously, and be courteous, even when you're having fun. Don't betray your partners' trust. Be gentle above all! And always respect your partners in the morning. That rose the next day may be just the thing to make sure everything is all right. Next, let's consider lubrication. I guess some people like dry, gritty, scratchy, fast encounters. Personally, I find them unsatisfying. A bit of oil, perhaps some butter, gentle slow movements - it may sounds squishy, but everything slides better, works better, with a bit of a lube job. Try some of those unnecessary words your grandmother or prissy aunt tried to teach you - "please", "thank you", "may I", and so forth. Bet you'll enjoy your intercourse more, and whether you're running over sensitive skins or rugged leathers, your partners will feel better with just a drop or two of greasy kid's stuff salving their pride and joy. Grease your piece so you don't rub your partners the wrong way. One question that some people have is whether the best intercourse is with a single partner or in small groups. I'll admit, I've tried both, and found somewhat different pleasures in each. I think you'll find that you want to do both. One word of warning - be careful about the curtains when you're with a single partner. Don't pull them back or invite the neighbors in without making sure your partner is ready. Don't want to let just anyone peek at your partner's privates, do you? Keep it simple - ask "are you decent?" or "can I open the window now?" BEFORE letting the cold winds blow in. Some people like to cover up with a blanket, and you should respect that. Of course, if you and your partners prefer wild orgies in public places, that may be okay too. Be very careful to talk to your partners about it before starting, though. And even then, you may want to consider being polite to the neighbors - let's face it, watching isn't fun for everyone. If the neighbors seem bored, you may want to move indoors and let them wonder what goes on behind closed doors. Just a short note on "safe words." Sometimes they can help, but you should always be listening for that squeak or thumping sound from your partners that says it's time to ease up. Again, beating your partners isn't the purpose - mutual enjoyment is. Safe intercourse takes two (at least), but you can always help. Don't stretch these limits - skip the name calling, don't judge your partners' abilities, don't diagnose your partners' problems, don't order your partners around, don't try to guess what they'll do next, for sure don't drag in a preacher unless they agree, don't ask why the heck they want to do something or what they were doing with that other one the other day, don't give them a whole lot of advice unless they ask for it, don't try to run the whole show yourself, don't bother telling them how to do things they already know, don't tell them it'll feel better tomorrow, don't minimize their problems, and don't ever tell someone that they couldn't possibly do or feel that way - they'll do it just to prove you wrong! if you can't keep it under control, keep it out of sight or at least use proper prophylaxis. If nothing else, put a sock on it. When you're ready for naked intercourse, keep those egos under control. Try a bit of gentle foreplay, keep your weight off any sore spots your partners may have, experiment a bit with positions, and make sure everyone has a good time. Then enjoy those joyful climaxes! Whether you're engaged in old-fashioned face-to-face yacking, one of the newer paperbag jobs, or even the latest electronic varieties of social intercourse, remember there are two or more involved. Make sure it's a pleasure for everyone. Give better than you get and ease your way into long, fruitful relationships. Okay? Now go ahead and don't worry about those little after-effects (babies, marriages, scandal...) After all, a marriage of the minds can be quite productive, the last census of the world population of ideas showed we still have plenty of room for whatever you may hatch, and who cares what the neighbors think, as long as you don't scare the horses... ----------------------------------------------------------------------- (I love extending metaphors... what did you think was in my pocket?) (oh, yeah - to tell the difference, look under the tail - carefully!)