>>> Item number 28401 from WRITERS LOG9404B --- (68 records) ----- <<<
Date:         Thu, 14 Apr 1994 18:35:02 JST
Reply-To:     WRITERS <WRITERS@NDSUVM1.BITNET>
Sender:       WRITERS <WRITERS@NDSUVM1.BITNET>
From:         Mike Barker <barker@AEGIS.OR.JP>
Subject:      Re: TECH: participial phrase question

-   "Excuse me?" he said.
-   "Excuse me?" she returned, frowning irritably.
-   "I thought you said something."
-   "I didn't."
-   He looked away.
-   The doors closed.  She pressed a button on the panel.

-In the second line, is it unclear to write 'frowning irritably'?  I
-was trying to indicate that she was irritated, but does this imply
-instead that she irritated him with her frown?

I don't think it is unclear that way - I got the impression she was
frowning in irritation.

However, "irritably" is telling the reader, explaining, and it might be
better to make the dialogue do the job.

e.g.

    "Excuse me?" he said.
    "What?" she said, frowning.
    "I thought you said something."
    "I didn't."
    He looked away.
    The doors closed.  She pressed a button on the panel.

the less polite "What?" gives me an impression of irritation, I think.
you could even drop the frowning now and it still carries the tone of
the exchange...

    "Excuse me?" he said.
    "What?" she said.
    "I thought you said something."
    "I didn't."
    He looked away.
    The doors closed.  She pressed a button on the panel.

or (pumping up the description)...

    He looked at her.  Had she made a noise?
    "Excuse me, did you say something?"
    She flicked her eyes up from the floor for a second, then went back
to frowning at the linoleum.
    "What?"
    He studied the top of her head for a second, then shrugged.
    "I thought you said something."
    Her hand rose and rubbed briefly at the wrinkled forehead, then fell
again to her side.  She didn't look up.
    "I didn't."
    He turned and looked at the numbers over the door.
    The doors closed.  She pressed a button on the panel.

    Then she pulled the revolver from her pocket and shot the noisy fool
in the back.  A smile crossed her face as he folded up on the floor.
She folded his hands around the gunbutt, then grabbed it again and laid
it on floor while she ripped her blouse slightly.  She looked around,
nodded, then screamed.  She screamed again and again, making the
elevator ring...

whoops - that's her story...

tink