Date: Sun, 10 Aug 1997 13:50:22 EDT From: some tink borrowed? Subject: TECH: Using (and abusing) Email List Communications [a bit dry, probably irritating to a few, but perhaps there is a thought or two here...tink] It seems as though the time has come for a bit of a reminder about the etiquette of list posting. Or maybe it's a ramble about communications, lightly biased by the medium? First of all, let's remember that this is a list about writing. Sometimes people seem to lose sight of this--it is NOT a forum for debates, a place for trolling for emotional thrills or foils, etc. So why do I let so much go on? Aside from the practical problem that as an open list there is no way to control it (postings are unmoderated, and there is NO WAY I am going to try to moderate it), I think discussion and sincere exploration of reactions can be extremely useful as catalysts for writing. Perhaps you will be moved to turn the political debate of today into a poignant story of inner-city loss, or to make the anger of prejudice a banner unfolding within your poetic masterpiece. That's the main reason I think we NEED the byways, occasional jolts of disagreement, and other strange explorations which this list embraces and many writing lists disdain (and from time to time, a member of this list argues vehemently against). But, when the steel hits the flint and the tinder flares, remember--the spark behind this list is WRITING. And if you want to build some other fires, you'll need to move to another campground, 'cause tink and the gang will just douse down the flames and use the charcoal for sketches of their own. Let me say it very plainly and clearly. The goal of this list is to provide a forum for improving your writing. I believe that one of the critical ways to do this is by sharing--your discoveries about what works and what doesn't, your explorations of new ways of writing, your pains and joys in selling, etc. Together, I believe we can explore ways to improve, ways to do things, options, assumptions, and all the wonders of writing. We can look closely at just what we mean by "writing"--what is this game/magic/miracle/art/craft? And are there ways to reframe it, to change the perspective we approach it from that make it easier to jump that gap between where we are and where we want to be? Second, I think it is important to remember that while it may seem informal and friendly, there are over 1,000 people on the list. We have people join and leave fairly often in the background (you can't see them because of the spotlights, but trust me, they are scurrying around in the audience--LISTSERV now notifies me of every person joining or leaving). Based on that, and on the respect we owe each other in our communications in any case, I think it is important to spend time making sure each and every posting is a good one. (Not to mention the respect you owe yourself--make that posting SHINE, because it may be the one that the editor in your future reads and remembers when they get your writing on their desk...) [personal gripe, here...if you include material from a previous posting, clip out the extra stuff. make it easy on your readers to find the important parts--the great stuff you wrote, added, etc. scrolling through screen after screen of old stuff or computer goobledygook just to find one line of comment--that comment had better be EXTREMELY good to justify making me do all that extra work!] [and a reminder...Topic tagging--write it, then tag it: SUB: for submissions CRIT: for critique or comment on the writing WOW: for news about the world of writing TECH: for writing about techniques of writing EXER: for the exercises that stretch the writing INT: for the interactive stories we work on together FILL: for helping each other out Why use the topic tags? Because your readers may not even see your contribution to the list unless you do.] Third, what should we do when someone attacks? It depends. If the attack is on the list (publicly visible), the best response is probably to wait, back up, give them some time to cool down. The reflex counter-attack just adds to the problem, and as the reasonable person in the exchange you need to step back and let the other person calm down (you are the reasonable person, right? the other person is almost always the one who is being unreasonable, emotional, overreacting, etc., so I just assumed you really wanted to be reasonable) While you are waiting, think about what we--you and the others involved--can do to improve or resolve the difficulty. Try involving a network of help, even if you have to find them yourself (e.g. research articles and books, surf the web, and see if you can't find some other viewpoints and help). Spend some time thinking about what happened--what triggered the problem, and how can you avoid causing that breakdown in communications again? What can you learn from the experience? Do you really understand what you said that made them so desperate, angry, and upset that they felt they had to attack? Private attacks (and especially private attacks from lurkers) may require special measures. I don't think it helps anyone to counter-attack in private, either. However, you should do a few things. First, hold onto the message. Second, "talk" it over with friends, either from the list or off list--sometimes we are reading something into a message that really isn't there, and our friends may understand it. Third, ask tink (mbarker@mit.edu) about the person--there are some names which have a history of problems with the list, and you should NOT deal with those people by yourself. Fourth, if necessary, forward copies of the messages to postmaster@theirsite.theirdomain and abuse@theirsite.theirdomain (e.g., if mbarker@mit.edu was sending you harassing email, send it to postmaster@mit.edu and abuse@mit.edu). If you can, include the full headers (all that Received stuff -- ugly headers if you are using Eudora). Include a factual and simple explanation of what the problem is and why you are sending it to them. If you reach this stage, get your local postmaster/sysadmin/help people involved, because they can often help. That's probably more than enough for today. Basically, remember--every posting is an example of your writing. Make it a good one. And when you run into problems with communications, when the lines of postings seem to be carrying charges designed to set up detonation caps--slow down and give everyone some space and time to cool off. Get your network of support working on just what went wrong and on raising awareness of ways to improve the situation and avoid trouble in the future. And sometimes, let go. There are times when trying to force communications is a problem. The other person may not want to communicate or they may use the social interactions against you. Either way, there are cases where you and I should simple let go and admit that it isn't going to happen. But mostly, quite sincerely, write. tink