Nurse Charnel's Reports from the Sickbay of the U.S.S. Parkerstone
- Ensign #9 sustained numerous traumatic blows after being trampled by his fellow ensigns as they emerged from the holodeck…. One of the other ensigns found a single dollarbuck on the ground. He expressed wonder at his luck while a friend condemned him.
- Rumors are spreading about the curse of the sickbay. The ensigns and crew whispered these curses back and forth until it gained the notoriety of incensed Starfleet officials. The young Ensign #3 had just recovered from a bout with Ferengi plague, only to egest his intestinal matter over such vile gossip.
- Q arrived on the ship and proceeded to torment several ensigns and a senior officer. We thought Q had arrived for the most senior officer (as the rest of the crew was on an away mission to "protect the ship"), but instead, Q took Ensign #2 and we never saw him again.
- How did Ensign #15 die? Everyone’s tricorder told a different story. One depicted Ensign #15 dying in the tentacles of a large black monster, while another showed Ensign #15 being killed by an errant cyclebot. Perhaps they’ve all had too much ice cream.
- Our ensigns enjoy the physical activities I arrange for them on the holodeck… although I should have used projections, rather than real Klingons, to play defense. Nothing of Ensign #14 was left over but limbs. (Supplemental information: Tricorder results indicate Spot does in fact prefer other pets of the same gender.)
- On a planet we were surveying, a race of genetically altered avians rose up against their humanoid masters and began a series of bloody skirmishes. We sent an away mission down to aid the humanoids against these vicious marauders.… Although the revolt was quelled, Ensign #6 lost his life—and his eye—in battle. (Oddly, he was wearing orange, not red.)
- After passing through a wormhole, our sickbay hosted both Ensign #11 and his alien doppelganger. Although the universe did not explode, they both did burst into a large ball of fire.
- Some hostile alien species attack with disruptor fire and photon torpedoes… but the more insidious ones employ brutal psychological weapons. When Ensign #17 came face-to-face with a vision of absolute madness on the viewscreen, he found no choice but to laugh himself into eternity.
- Ensign #12 seemed resentful at the attention a deathly ill ensign was receiving from his crewmates, even though he’d been through much worse himself. I guess he had a point, because while Bones and I were preoccupied with that medical emergency, Ensign #12 succumbed to a sudden onset of Instrumental Gravity Syndrome.
- While on an away mission, Ensign #5 discovered that while neither an exploding dilithium crystal mine nor an oddly-limbed alien basket weaver is as deadly as one might expect, a seemingly friendly Romulan can sometimes be a little too loose with his phaser.
- Many of our ensigns spend their days off practically catatonic from the stress of away missions and the flashing lights of Ktarian video games. Ensign #1 was one such ensign. We finally noticed that he had in fact died some time ago, and vermin had infested his insides thoroughly and completely.
- In the morgue we often see cases of minor reanimation... death rattles and corpse twitches. But I’ve never seen anything like Ensign #4. After being crushed by falling debris, Ensign #4 continued to stubbornly meander the halls of our hospital spreading his illness like the rats that live inside him. Fortunately I “saw” a solution to our problem, and for good measure, crushed him under a statue and shuttlecraft.
- We had thought Ensign #13 would never recover from the shuttle disaster that brought him here. We were proven wrong, however, after a mysterious sniper took out one of our doctors. The brave little bugger managed, despite his maggot-infested wounds, to crawl through the Jefferies tube into the engineering section and restart the warp engines, nobly sacrificing his life to restore power to the ship.
- When jettisoning one expired ensign into the icy grip of space, one may find it opportune to dispose of others at the same time. Certainly when Ensign #7 wandered into an open space casket, we did not hesistate to complete the burial and give him a proper service.
- Ensign #10's decision to help Worf learn Klingon was commendable, and the ensign was karmically rewarded with several narrow escapes from death.… This included walking away unscathed from a shuttle accident, suffering no harm after being launched into a force field, and surviving a near-phasering. However, fate caught up with him by crushing him with a horticultural display.
- I spent this mission at a Starfleet medical conference, so my duties on board the ship were ably handled by a sort-of-two-headed alien. However, not even she could prevent Ensign #8’s fatal pummeling by a ritual death sphere during an athletic competition in the Delta Quadrant.
- A squad of ensigns attempted to undermine a pair of bloodthirsty, deceitful Romulans with a bit of subterfuge of their own… a series of holorecordings of a mythical amphibious monster. The ship’s chaplain intervened, but that only served to escalate the conflict into full-fledged battle. Caught up in the melee, Ensign #16 was torn to shreds.