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Creative Pictures Studios

First You Visit…

Content Warning: This puzzle has adult content and comedy that some might deem to be objectionable.

FIRST YOU VISIT BIKINI FATSO

tweet: Last Week I took the greatest diplamatic trip in the history of our Country. Tonight a certain "Fake News" show got everything wrong about where I went. (Deport host?) And now this is all people can talk about? SAD!

The Western Union operator was just about to close up shop. “Hey,” the president barks, waving his dead cell phone. “I need to send a tweet.” The operator grudgingly hands him a blank form and waits.

mysterious telegram form

Enter the countries into the telegram in the order you visit them, with no words or spaces between the names. Not all of the squares in the telegram will be used. Letters that appear in identical shapes are themselves identical, but otherwise convey no information. They are there for confirmation purposes; the itinerary can be definitively determined without using these spaces (but you can use them if they’re helpful). The numbers around the outside of the grid are decorative.

No country is visited twice; one country is not visited at all.


ITINERARY

  1. Start in Bikini Fatso (not pictured).
  2. Travel to one of the three countries (pic sum 58) that borders any country that borders the country you’re in (but doesn’t itself border the country you’re in).
  3. Travel to a country whose capital has a one-word name with the same number of letters as the capital of the country you’re in and doesn’t contain a K or an S. Given the three options for the country you’re coming from, there are four possible destinations, with pic sum 71.
  4. Travel to a country whose calling code has two of the same numbers in the same position as the calling code of the country you’re in. (If a country is part of the North American Numbering Plan, ignore the 1 and use just the three digits that follow it as its calling code.) Given the four options for the country you’re coming from, there are seven possible destinations, with pic sum 84.
  5. Travel to one of the five countries (pic sum 131) whose currency is a franc of some sort.
  6. Travel to one of the two countries (pic sum 47) that features Spanish as an official language.
  7. Travel to a country whose flag has the same number of five-pointed stars as the flag of the country you’re in. Given the two options for the country you’re coming from, there are seven possible destinations, with pic sum 130.
  8. Travel to one of the four countries (pic sum 94) whose flag contains a triangle that touches its left edge but not its top edge.
  9. Travel to one of the six countries (pic sum 88) that borders at least five other countries. (This includes all countries, not just potential travel destinations.)
  10. Travel to one of the two countries (pic sum 38) with a national anthem whose title contains a word that translates to “freedom” or “liberty.”
  11. Travel to one of the four countries (pic sum 80) whose flag has vertical stripes but no five-pointed stars.
  12. Travel to a country whose capital has a one-word name with the same number of letters as the capital of the country you’re in and doesn’t contain a K or an S. Given the four options for the country you’re coming from, there are five possible destinations, with pic sum 61.
  13. From its capital, stay at the same latitude and travel to a non-island country. (Each time you travel like this, you’re traveling to a country that is part of a continent. You’re going to its principal land mass, not to any disputed territories or far-flung offshoots.) Given the five options for the country you’re coming from, there are seven possible destinations, with pic sum 115.
  14. Travel to one of the two countries (pic sum 28) whose flag has a crescent moon on it.
  15. Travel to one of the two countries (pic sum 61) with a national anthem whose title, in English, has more than two words, fewer than six words, and an exclamation point.
  16. Travel to one of the five countries (pic sum 97) that features English as an official language, and also features another official or national language whose name is a single word in which one vowel appears exactly twice, another vowel appears exactly once, and there are no other vowels. (If a language has multiple names, and one of them meets these criteria, it counts.)
  17. From its capital, stay at the same latitude and travel to a non-island country. Given the five options for the country you’re coming from, there are only three possible destinations, with pic sum 54.
  18. Travel to one of the two countries (pic sum 29) with a 2-letter ISO 3166 code whose second letter is its first letter Caesar shifted up or down by 2.
  19. Travel to one of the five countries (pic sum 89) whose currency is a dollar of some sort.
  20. Travel to one of the four countries (pic sum 72) with a national anthem whose title, in English, starts with the letter O.
  21. Travel to one of the six countries (pic sum 116) that features French as an official language.
  22. Travel to one of the four countries (pic sum 76) whose flag has an animal on it. Don’t forget to check the backs of the flags!
  23. Travel to one of the four countries (pic sum 54) whose capital starts and ends with the same letter.
  24. From its capital, stay at the same latitude and travel to a non-island country. Given the four options for the country you’re coming from, there are eight possible destinations, with pic sum 136.
  25. Travel to a country that borders any country that borders the country you’re in (but doesn’t itself border the country you’re in). As in step 13, don’t count any disputed territory as part of a country you might be traveling to; treat it as independent. Given the eight options for the country you’re coming from, there are nine possible destinations, with pic sum 151.
  26. Travel to one of the three countries (pic sum 37) whose capital city has a 4-letter name.
  27. From its capital, stay at the same latitude and travel to a non-island country. Given the three options for the country you’re coming from, there are three possible destinations, with pic sum 48.
  28. Take the calling code of the country you’re in and label its digits ABC. Travel to a country whose calling code is a prime number with a tens digit that’s either double A✕C or half A✕C. (If a country is part of the North American Numbering Plan, ignore the 1 and use just the three digits that follow it as its calling code.) Given the three options for the country you’re coming from, there are two possible destinations, with pic sum 32.
  29. Travel to one of the seven countries (pic sum 145) in which the country and its capital have the same number of letters as one another, but their starting letters are neither the same nor alphabetically adjacent. (In this case, use the names of the countries as they appear on a map, not as they appeared on TV.)
  30. From its capital, stay at the same latitude and travel to a non-island country. Given the seven options for the country you’re coming from, there are only three possible unique destinations, with pic sum 71. One of those destinations can be arrived at from two of the Step 29 options, and one can be arrived at from three of the Step 29 options.
  31. Travel to one of the six countries (pic sum 92) whose 2-letter ISO 3166 code is a legal Scrabble word.
  32. Travel to one of the five countries (pic sum 82) whose flag contains a circle but doesn’t contain an animal. Don’t forget to check the backs of the flags!
  33. Travel to one of the two countries (pic sum 45) with a national anthem whose title, in English, contains NOBLE.

COUNTRIES

The entries in each picture group are in alphabetical order. The dots below each picture indicate how many of the travel steps may lead to it.

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