Mildly Amusing Amber Quotes and Out of Character Comments


031028

Jean - "Nice hang time for a Realms Lord!"

020723

Osric - "So, what happened to you?"
Cailin - "Poisoned. On so many levels."
Ilk - "Apparently, snuggling with the Head of the ex-Poisoners' Guild is a bad idea."
Osric - "Were you having fun while you were doing it?"

Osric - "How are troops getting in there now?"
Ilk - "The same way that they got in before."
Osric - "How is that?"
Ilk - "I don't know."

020625

"Beep. We're sorry. The tendrils you are trying to reach are not currently available. Please try again later."


991116

After a little while, Malachai sits up. No Galantine, no Bucephalus. He looks depressed. "Am I dead?"
Verra says, "Welcome back to the living"
Jean thinks, "Much more impressive than what I was going to do"

991109

Pre-run Star Wars jokes

"Come on Ingold, let's blow this thing and head for home!"

"Princess Chandra will have that shield down, we've just got to give her more time!"

"The odds against a Chaos Beastmaster running across the Pattern wielding a Logrus blade are..." "Never tell me the odds!"

It is opined that the screaming, charging Warrior's Guild are probably scruffy-looking types in Corellian clothing.

It's too bad we didn't bring Brand. "When last we met, I was but the student. Now, I am the master." "Only the master of evil, Brand."

Norton borrowing the Logrus blade from Suhuy ... "I'll bring it back, not a scratch on it." "Why do I have the feeling I'm not going to see it again?"

"Doing this without Osric, would make this the shortest offensive in history"

On Ilk coming in the fish, "You came in that thing? You are braver than I thought!"

Gwen: "If you strike me down I'll become more powerful than you could possibly imagine."

Ingold to Cassandra before taking over her mind to raise her father's Patttern in the room: "Kiss me once, for luck."

Mandor and Norton on opening the door: "We need a human sacrifice." "She's no good to me dead." "Chaos will compensate you for your loss if she dies."

When Cailin lost his limbs. "Great Hunter, great. Always thinking with your stomach."

We now resume our regularly scheduled listing of irrelevancies

["How come she's in a bath while Cassandra's hip deep in blood?"
"You're both in your element."]

[Look! Up in the sky! It's a squiggle! It's a pattern! It's SuperPattern...]
[But did he draw it with a Kryptonite Jewel of Judgement?]

["Who was that masked pattern?"]

["We can rebuild her. We have the Logrus."]

991102

[The Sith has a Yeti Knight apprentice?]
[He's not a Yeti, he's a fast honky wookie.]
[White Yeti Can't Jump]

991026

Corwin pulls Princess Chandra aside, talks to her briefly, and then Princess Chandra leaves the chamber. She returns in a few moments and announces that she is going to lead a diversionary attack. "I do not expect anyone to survive other than myself, and I am looking for volunteers."

Cassandra - "Yes?"
Jesby - "I have an offer for you."
Cassandra - "What is it?"
Jesby - "There are a number of us going on a suicide mission, and I thought that you might like to come along."

[Cathryne is toast]
[Martin is going to have to become King of Rebma]
[Welcome to the Dark Side. Here's your hat. Would you like a drink?]
Context: Cassandra, Cailin, and Amaranth gated a deady, unstoppable opponent to Cathryne (who was locked in a library in Rebma at the time) in order to get it out of their way.

[Yeti being a language with only one syllable, "Aaaaaah!"]

991005

"Ilk - it's Norton. I think that I've been grey sphered. Send money."


980728

"Who are you, and what have you done with my sacrifice?"
Things you don't want to hear when you appear chained to someone's sacrificial altar.

Verra has left the window.

Cailin - "You never said he was your dad."
Tate - "Well, he asked me not to."

I think there's something wrong with the line. I hope there's something wrong with the line.
When an elder god calls you, you accept the charges.
When the Serpent calls, he calls collect.

Celeste - "What would you like to see get thrown through the gate?"
Jean - "Bunnies."

980714

The plural of Gwen is "We're fucked".

Caine - "How often do you see me walking into blind alleys?"
Ilk - "I don't know you very well. You might do it all the time."
Raven - "He's got a point."

Jean, to Flora: "Mom? Why is the trump screaming?"

980707

The GM is a liar.

"This is the guy who tried to take over the world?"

"How do you know that it's really Faythe in there?"
"It says Faythe on her collar."

"We're redheads! Psyche, not endurance! Psyche, not endurance!"
"Your ladder has training wheels, kid!"
"What if Faythe stopped to kneel half-way through the Pattern?"
"Fuck it, I'll make a new kid."
"Squeal like the unicorn you are!"

"I may not care much about my family, but I like my stuff."

Norton's like a corpse YMCA, a death hostel.

980623

Dworkin: "Hey! Who spilled on my floor!"
Norton: "They're cleaning it up."
Dworkin: "Oh, okay..."

"Play gravity with me!" (If you toss shapeshifters into the air, they just might not fall down.)

"Unkink the Pattern and use it as a wall around the castle!" "Moat! Moat, I say."

"I'm just a power-twinkie from an alternate universe. What could I possibly do wrong?"

Cassandra: "You have a sword?"
Gil: "Yeah..."
Cassandra: "Come on through."

"Massah - why you call me grasshopper?" "Because you ugly, like a bug!"

Dworkin: "You're playing with me, aren't you? It's Suhuy. Suhuy did it, Suh.. ah, Suhuy?"
Suhuy: "Yes, brother. I did it."
Merlin: "Yes, it was him."
Suhuy: "What did I do?"
Merlin: "Um... you made the Logrus stop."
Suhuy: "Oh, right, yes, I did that. No problem. See, I can do it again."
The overpowered, alternate Merlin blocks off the Logrus again.
Suhuy: "See? no problem."
Dworkin: "Humph. You've got all the fun powers."


961203

Theraat asks, "What is this Pattern thing - a rite of passage ordeal?" Cathryn tries to explain that it is more than that, that it gives one access to Power. "Anyone not decended of Dworkin..." "The cracked one?", Theraat interrupts. "Totally cracked", Benedict and Cathryn respond in unison. "Is insanity hereditary?" "Yes." They hand Theraat crayons.

Cathryn: "...and Oberon"
Benedict: "King Oberon"
Cathryn: "I'm getting to that part."

(After explaining to Theraat that she couldn't survive the Logrus)
Cathryn: "I, on the other hand, could have access to both powers if I chose to do so."
Zack: "You could?"
Cathryn: "You don't know? I'm Random's daughter."
Zack: "Congratulations!"
Cathryn: "Congratulations? For what?"

It must be a kinder, gentler, wimpier Logrus here. Named Bob.

Joe the Abyss -- He'll never amount to anything, always in the hole...

Stormy, the drug

Cathryn: "You know, you don't sound like any Oberon I've met."
Oberon: "There is only one Oberon."
Cathryn: "That's what you think, buddy."

961126

The Stormy Collective - resistance is futile, you will be assimilated.

"What have you done?" - Stormy
"I'm not sure if there's been a language invented quite yet to describe it - I'm working on it" - Melchizedik, the Time Lord

The GM is a liar. Melk is a liar, too.

"If you don't hurry up, I'll have to rewind - we're running out of magic here. Several magic-based races have been dispelled and eaten... And there went the Pattern" - Melchizedik
(One of the PCs, with the help of a few friends, including the Time Lord, were trying to break a pair of grey spheres created by Clarissa to pent Fiona and Bleys. This was the result. Clarissa is way too powerful in this campaign)

961119

"I tend to write my own rules, dear. It's safer that way." -- Flora to Theraat

Theraat worries about the morality of killing folks. Cathryn and Flora explain that the mall cops aren't Real. "Oh, they're illusions?" "Something like that."

Cathryn: "The Julian here isn't from this universe - he's from a third one."
Zack: "You've been travelling a bit?"
Cathryn: "Not on purpose."

"Home! *slap* Mosquitoes!" - Flora

961112

"No, I get stuck in a backwater because I'm a big, strong brute who doesn't burn very well." - a dragon, bemoaning his career to Malachai.

"Malachai and his bondage women"

"Hurry up, marry her, and get her pregnant so you can leave her at home."

"Toon Infestation? Call the Dworkin Man!"

The GM is a liar.
(It's a long story. If you don't know, don't ask.)

961105

Serena: "So, that means we need to find them to take them home?"
Malachai: "They seemed to think that they were already home."
Serena: "That bush looks comfortable"
(non-sequitor, Serena-style)

(Theraat has just drawn a weapon on an alternate Julian, for trying to explain the power that Amberites have over Shadows.)
Theraat: "Flora - could you advise me?"
Flora: "Try the pepperoni; the onions will give you gas."
Aramek: "Kill him!"

Cathryn: "How do you know Suhuy? He's the Logrus-Master!"
Theraat: "He's my math teacher."
Cathryn: "Suhuy taught you and he didn't mention the Logrus?"
Theraat: "So Logrus is a noun?"
Theraat: "So, tell me more about this logrus-thing."
Flora: "Suhuy keeps it"
Theraat:"He keeps it chained up?"
Flora: "It keeps him chained up."
Cathryn: "No, no, no. She just walked the Pattern, we need to start with basics."
Theraat: "Oh, the thing with the lines?"

961029

Aramek: "And that's Amber. You all live there?"
Zack: "Sometimes"
Malachai: "From time to time"
Auricle: "Not really"

"Mandrakes of Our Lives"
(mandrake roots became a profound part of the section of the run commonly referred to as "The AD&D run" due to a particularly long dungeon crawl)

"I'm dead, I can't own property - I hate that!" -- a stick

(Questions about Aramek)
Arielle: "Does it have a parent?"
Zack: "We aren't even sure what species it is."
Auricle: "We met it as a giant spider."

961022

"I have obligations to my delusional, fictional relatives." - Malachai

961022

(Theraat grew up in a shadow based on Babylon 5, and has a very different interpretation of shadows than most...)
Cathryn: "So, have you been to threatening shadows, then?"
Theraat: "One does not normally go to shadows - you run away, and come back in force."
Cathryn: "Why go back?"
Theraat: "Wars cannot be avoided, only deferred to your disadvantage."
Cathryn: "Why get involved with the affairs of a random shadow?"
Theraat: "Don't run - fight. Usually don't kill shadows, just their ships."
Cathryn: "Shadows are in your ships?"

"It is my honor and duty to announce Theraat, daughter of Vail, son of Caine - your brother, remember?" - Flora to a King Random

960924

"I can't believe that I'm baiting an arm!" -- Stormy
(The arm was, admittedly, an alternate Benedict's silver arm and quite impressive in its own right)

960917

(Stormy, after promising that he could get Cathryn and Ilk back to their own reality, accidentally turned Fiona into a grey sphere. Benedict, also in the room, looks unhappy.)
Cathryn: "Are you sure you can get us back?"
Ilkandacian: "Are you sure Benedict won't kill you first?"
Benedict: "You're sure you can put that back?"

960910

Dworkin: "Children, be quiet or you'll stand in a corner for a millennium!"
Oberons, quantity two, in unison: "Yes, Dad"

"Who gets to tell Caine his sailors aren't that tough?" - Ingold

960903

"Who are you?" - Aramek
"Your mate." - giant arachnid-like creature
"Who promoted you to that position?" - Aramek
"You're the only one ever in the forest. You must be my mate." - arachnid
(Aramek later decided to mate with it, much to the regret of the shadow they were in at the time)

960827

"Bleys, you're an asshole!" - Cathryn

(Gerard was wrestling one of Cassandra's house-sized Sha'um)
Cassandra: "Gerard, let go!"
Gerard: "I will win!"
Cassandra: "You will die!"
(Gerard flips the cat twice)
Cassandra: "Leave my cats alone!"
Gerard: "It attacked me! I will win!"

960813

(Oberon is currently a few Trumps short of a deck)
Oberon: "Reality, as we know it, is unraveling."
Corwin: "No, it's not."
Cassandra: "You are!"

The rest of the quotes from this run are from the Rivka/Benedict scene directly before Rivka teleported into the Sea of Chance. Background: Rivka was publically having an affair with Benedict. Here's the entire scene from the logs.

Rivka: "I believe that you are my father."

Benedict: "At least there was no issue, that's not as bad as what Eric and Flora did... there was no issue, right?"

Benedict, resignedly: "You haven't been enjoying the company of any of our other brothers."
Rivka, meekly contemplative: "Well... that doesn't count..."
Benedict, enraged: "Names, I want names!"
Rivka: "Well, there was Julian, but I was just marking time..."
Rivka: "And there was Mikail, but that was a charity case..."
Rivka: "And Rhiannon. I told her first."

Benedict extracts from Rivka that he was neither a charity case nor a way to pass the time, but that he is "technically proficient, at least by [her] standards"

Rivka: "Well, that's why I didn't tell you - you would have stopped sleeping with me."

Rivka: "What should I do now?
Benedict: "Run. Hide."

Benedict, clearly searching for a way to keep Rivka alive: "So, if I kill Rhiannon, Bleys,..." Rivka interrupts: "Don't kill Rhiannon!"

960716

"And that Rivka thing loves her" - Corwin on Clarissa's mothering skills

Zack: "I had a little run-in with Caine's new cabin boy"
Malachai: "I heard you got the best of it"
Zack: "I'd like to find out who told you that and thank them"

Stormy: "Oh, you're one of the stuck ones."
Rivka: "What do you mean, stuck?"
Stormy: "A god - you reached a plateau and got stuck. I used to be a god, but I got better."
Rivka: "Have you met my mom yet?"
(Rivka's mom is Clarissa. Stuck is not a good word to describe her.)

960709

(Corwin asking for reinforcements regarding the riot in Amber city)
"How many should I bring?" - Cassandra
"They're Caine's troops." - Corwin
"I'll bring all of them." - Cassandra

(Zack and Corwin chat while Zack is fighting Aramek)
Corwin: "Zack - finish him off and come on!"
Zack: "I'm enjoying it too much!"
Corwin: "Are you aware that you're standing in and almost completely encircled with fire?"
Zack: "I'll get marshmallows!"
Corwin: "Fine, I'll do something about it!"
Zack: "No no no! I've almost got him!"
Corwin: "No time left!"

"You're a potential firebug!" - Turvalen to Sharra, a fire goddess

960625

"What's your name?" - Darhyse
"Not invited." - Stormy

Introductions:
"Verra, Demon Goddess" - Verra
"Mikail, cross-shadow attitude." - Mikail
"You're a new god?" - Verra

"Nope. I prefer demons." - Mikail to Verra
(in response to Verra's question as to whether Sharra is one of his angels)

"This is all that I did -- Sethra"
(A note that Mikail found in his head after being mentally-frobbed to stand on his head in the corner of the room.)

960611

"There is chaos in Arden!" -- messenger to Malachai
(the players of Cathryn, Aramek, and Ilkandacian cheer)

"I don't know. I just invite them to tea, and they come or die." -- Clarissa to Cathryn and Rivka

960528

Note-passing:
(Ilk was tasked with determining Cathryn's suitability for farther training in the Logrus by Suhuy. He made the mistake of trying to get information from Rivka.)
"Your excitability does not reflect well on your friend. Is it possible to have a polite, calm conversation?" - Ilkandacian
"Who are you?" // "Return to sender." - Rivka and Cathryn
"Certain recent events do not bode well towards your friend's opportunities for future enlightenment. Would acquiring the opportunity to dissuage this view be of interest?" - Ilk
"Huh? Talk to her about it, not me. And how did such a stuffy prig as your infiltrate a fun-loving House like Cara?" - Rivka


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