Her only gift was knowing people almost by instinct, she thought,
walking on. If you put her in a room with some one, up went her back
like a cat’s; or
she purred. Devonshire House, Bath House, the house with the china
cockatoo, she had seen them all lit up once; and remembered Sylvia,
Fred, Sally Seton-such hosts of people; and dancing all night; and
the waggons plodding past to market; and driving home across the
Park. She remembered once throwing a shilling into the Serpentine.
But every one remembered; what she loved was this, here, now, in
front of her; the fat lady in the cab. Did it matter then, she asked
herself, walking towards Bond Street, did it matter that she must
inevitably cease completely; all this must go on without her; did she
resent it; or did it not become consoling to believe that death ended
absolutely? but that somehow in the streets of London, on the ebb and
flow of things, here, there, she survived, Peter survived, lived in
each other, she being part, she was positive, of the trees at home;
of the house there, ugly, rambling all to bits and pieces as it was;
part of people she had never met; being laid out like a mist between
the people she new best, who lifted her on their branches as she had
seen the trees lift the mist, but it spread ever so far, her life,
herself. But what was she dreaming as she looked into Hatchards’ shop
window? What was she trying to recover? What image of white dawn in
the country, as she read in the book spread open:
- Fear no more the heat o’ the sun
- Nor the furious winter’s rages.
This late age of the world’s experience had bred in them all, all men and women, a well of tears. Tears and sorrows; courage and endurance; a perfectly upright and stoical bearing. Think, for example, of the woman she admired most, Lady Bexborough, opening the bazaar.