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Full Chorus: Knightsbridge nursemaids, serving fairies, etc.
(Enter King, Princess Nekaya and Kalyba, and Lady Sophy. As the King enters,
the escort present arms.)
King: Zara! my beloved daughter! Why, how well you look and how
lovely you have grown! (embraces her.)
Zara: My dear father! (embracing him) And my two beautiful
little sisters! (embracing them)
Nekaya: Not beautiful.
Kalyba: Nice-looking.
Zara: But first let me present to you the English warrior who
commands my escort, and who has taken, O! such care of me
during my voyage--Captain Fitzbattleaxe!
Troopers: The First Life Guards.
When the tempest rose,
And the ship went so--
(Captain Fitzbattleaxe motions them to be silent. The Troopers place
themselves in the four corners of the stage, standing at ease,
immovably, as if on sentry. Each is surrounded by an admiring
group of young ladies, of whom they take no notice.)
King: (to Capt. Fitz.) Sir, you come from a country where every
virtue flourishes. We trust that you will not criticize too
severely such shortcomings as you may detect in our
semi-barbarous society.
Fitz.: (looking at Zara) Sir, I have eyes for nothing but the
blameless and the beautiful.
King: We thank you--he is really very polite! (Lady Sophy, who has
been greatly scandalized by the attentions paid to the
Lifeguardsmen by the young ladies, marches the Princesses
Nekaya and Kalyba towards an exit.) Lady Sophy, do not leave
us.
Lady S.: Sir, your children are young, and, so far, innocent. If
they are to remain so, it is necessary that they be at once
removed from the contamination of their present disgraceful
surroundings. (She marches them off.)
King: (whose attention has thus been called to the proceedings of
the young ladies--aside) Dear, dear! They really should-
n't. (Aloud) Captain Fitzbattleaxe--
Fitz.: Sir.
King: Your Troopers appear to be receiving a troublesome amount of
attention from those young ladies. I know how strict you
English soldiers are, and I should be extremely distressed
if anything occurred to shock their puritanical British
sensitiveness.
Fitz.: Oh, I don't think there's any chance of that.
King: You think not? They won't be offended?
Fitz.: Oh no! They are quite hardened to it. They get a good deal
of that sort of thing, standing sentry at the Horse Guards.
King: It's English, is it?
Fitz.: It's particularly English.
King: Then, of course, it's all right. Pray proceed, ladies, it's
particularly English. Come, my daughter, for we have much
to say to each other.
Zara: Farewell, Captain Fitzbattleaxe! I cannot thank you too em-
phatically for the devoted care with which you have watched
over me during our long and eventful voyage.
DUET -- Zara and Captain Fitzbattleaxe.
Zara: Ah! gallant soldier, brave and true
In tented field and tourney,
I grieve to have occasioned you
So very long a journey.
A British warrior give up all--
His home and island beauty--
When summoned to the trumpet call
Of Regimental Duty!
Cho: Tantantara-rara-rara!
Trumpet call of the Princess Zara!
ENSEMBLE
Men Fitz. and Zara (aside)
A British warrior gives up all, etc. Oh my joy, my pride,
My delight to hide,
Let us sing, aside,
Ladies What in truth we feel,
Let us whisper low
Knightsbridge nursemaids, etc. Of our love's glad glow,
Lest the truth we show
We would fain conceal.
Fitz.: Such escort duty, as his due,
To young Lifeguardsman falling
Completely reconciles him to
His uneventful calling.
When soldier seeks Utopian glades
In charge of Youth and Beauty,
Then pleasure merely masquerades
As Regimental Duty!
All: Tantantarara-rara-rara!
Trumpet-call of Princess Zara!
ENSEMBLE
Men Fitz. and Zara (aside)
A British warrior gives up all, etc. Oh! my hours are gold,
And the joys untold,
When my eyes behold
Ladies My beloved Princess;
And the years will seem
Knightsbridge nursemaids, etc. But a brief day-dream,
In the job extreme
Of our happiness!
(Exeunt King and Zara in one direction, Lifeguardsmen and crowd in
opposite direction. Enter, at back, Scaphio and Phantis, who watch
Zara as she goes off. Scaphio is seated, shaking violently, and
obviously under the influence of some strong emotion.)
Phantis: There--tell me, Scaphio, is she not beautiful? Can you
wonder that I love her so passionately?
Scaphio: No. She is extraordinarily--miraculously lovely! Good
heavens, what a singularly beautiful girl!
Phantis: I knew you would say so!
Scaphio: What exquisite charm of manner! What surprising delicacy of
gesture! Why, she's a goddess! a very goddess!
Phantis: (rather taken aback) Yes--she's--she's an attractive girl.
Scaphio: Attractive? Why, you must be blind!--She's
entrancing--enthralling--intoxicating! (Aside) God bless
my heart, what's the matter with me?
Phantis: (alarmed) Yes. You--you promised to help me to get her
father's consent, you know.
Scaphio: Promised! Yes, but the convulsion has come, my good boy!
It is she--my ideal! Why, what's this? (Staggering)
Phantis! Stop me--I'm going mad--mad with the love of her!
Phantis: Scaphio, compose yourself, I beg. The girl is perfectly
opaque! Besides, remember--each of us is helpless without
the other. You can't succeed without my consent, you know.
Scaphio: And you dare to threaten? Oh, ungrateful! When you came to
me, palsied with love for this girl, and implored my assis-
tance, did I not unhesitatingly promise it? And this is the
return you make? Out of my sight, ingrate! (Aside) Dear!
dear! what is the matter with me? (Enter Capt. Fitzbattleaxe
and Zara)
Zara: Dear me. I'm afraid we are interrupting a tete-a-tete.
Scaphio: (breathlessly) No, no. You come very appropriately. To be
brief, we--we love you--this man and I--madly--passionately!
Zara: Sir!
Scaphio: And we don't know how we are to settle which of us is to
marry you.
Fitz.: Zara, this is very awkward.
Scaphio: (very much overcome) I--I am paralyzed by the singular
radiance of your extraordinary loveliness. I know I am
incoherent. I never was like this before--it shall not
occur again. I--shall be fluent, presently.
Zara: (aside) Oh, dear, Captain Fitzbattleaxe, what is to be
done?
Fitz.: (aside) Leave it to me--I'll manage it. (Aloud) It's a
common situation. Why not settle it in the English fashion?
Both: The English fashion? What is that?
Fitz.: It's very simple. In England, when two gentlemen are in
love with the same lady, and until it is settled which
gentleman is to blow out the brains of the other, it is
provided, by the Rival Admirers' Clauses Consolidation Act,
that the lady shall be entrusted to an officer of Household
Cavalry as stakeholder, who is bound to hand her over to the
survivor (on the Tontine principle) in a good condition of
substantial and decorative repair.
Scaphio: Reasonable wear and tear and damages by fire excepted?
Fitz.: Exactly.
Phantis: Well, that seems very reasonable. (To Scaphio) What do you
say--Shall we entrust her to this officer of Household
Cavalry? It will give us time.
Scaphio: (trembling violently) I--I am not at present in a condition
to think it out coolly--but if he is an officer of Household
Cavalry, and if the Princess consents---
Zara: Alas, dear sirs, I have no alternative--under the Rival
Admirers' Clauses Consolidation Act!
Fitz.: Good--then that's settled.
QUARTET
Fitzbattleaxe, Zara, Scaphio, and Phantis.
Fitz.: It's understood, I think, all round
That, by the English custom bound
I hold the lady safe and sound
In trust for either rival,
Until you clearly testify
By sword and pistol, by and by,
Which gentleman prefers to die,
And which prefers survival.
ENSEMBLE
Sca. and Phan. Zara and Fitz
Its clearly understood all round We stand, I think, on safish ground
That, by your English custom bound Our senses weak it will astound
He holds the lady safe and sound If either gentleman is found
In trust for either rival, Prepared to meet his rival.
Until we clearly testify Their machinations we defy;
By sword or pistol, by and by We won't be parted, you and I--
Which gentleman prefers to die, Of bloodshed each is rather shy--
Which prefers survival. They both prefer survival
Phan.: If I should die and he should live
(aside to Fitz.) To you, without reserve, I give
Her heart so young and sensitive,
And all her predilections.
Sca.: If he should live and I should die,
(aside to Fitz.) I see no kind of reason why
You should not, if you wish it, try
To gain her young affections.
ENSEMBLE
Sca. and Phant. Fitz and Zara
If I should die and you should live As both of us are positive
To this young officer I give That both of them intend to live,
Her heart so soft and sensitive, There's nothing in the case to give
And all her predilections. Us cause for grave reflections.
If you should live and I should die As both will live and neither die
I see no kind of reason why I see no kind of reason why
He should not, if he chooses, try I should not, if I wish it, try
To win her young affections. To gain your young affections!
(Exit Scaphio and Phantis together)
DUET -- Zara and Fitzbattleaxe
Ensemble: Oh admirable art!
Oh, neatly-planned intention!
Oh, happy intervention--
Oh, well constructed plot!
When sages try to part
Two loving hearts in fusion,
Their wisdom's delusion,
And learning serves them not!
Fitz.: Until quite plain
Is their intent,
These sages twain
I represent.
Now please infer
That, nothing loth,
You're henceforth, as it were,
Engaged to marry both--
Then take it that I represent the two--
On that hypothesis, what would you do?
Zara. (aside): What would I do? what would I do?
(To Fitz.) In such a case,
Upon your breast,
My blushing face
I think I'd rest--(doing so)
Then perhaps I might
Demurely say--
"I find this breastplate bright
Is sorely in the way!"
Fitz.: Our mortal race
Is never blest--
There's no such case
As perfect rest;
Some petty blight
Asserts its sway--
Some crumbled roseleaf light
Is always in the way!
(Exit Fitzbattleaxe. Manet Zara.)
(Enter King.)