SPAM Haiku 1001-1100

Move backwards to Numbers 901-1000.

1001.
Behold the blue can
The splendor of its pure form
We all worship it

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1002.
Appease gods with SPAM!
A cheap alternative to
Human sacrifice

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1003.
Last week I called the
Department of SPAM Affairs
They put me on hold

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1004.
Windows 95
Has a SPAM option in it.
Click the SPAM icon.

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1005.
Took a day off work
Those long hours have stressed me out
Spend time with my SPAM

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1006.
The headlines scream "SPAM:
It really is organic"
Believe it or not

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1007.
Act Seven, Scene One
Actor holds the SPAM aloft
Audience is moved

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1008.
Hot new game released
Mechwarrior 3--The SPAMs
Destroy those pork cubes.

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1009.
Locked in SPAM warehouse
I listened, but heard nothing
Silence of the SPAMs

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1010.
The tortured man sits
Trying to write SPAM haiku
His brain is empty

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1011.
Wrote homework on SPAM
But when I tried to find it
Dog had eaten it

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1012.
They have no more SPAM
My hands tremble with anger
Clean-up on aisle 5

--Cissy Hartley

1013.
The Lord came to Earth
and said unto His people
"I'm the great I SPAM!"

--Anonymous

1014.
When my kitty dies
I'll bury him in a can
So he can be SPAM!

--Anonymous

1015.
Refrigerator
Broken down, food is rotten
SPAM, fresh as can be!!

--Anonymous

1016.
Prove that we exist!
Existentialism in
a can. SPAM, SPAM, SPAM!!!

--Anonymous

1017.
Factory processed,
I am SPAM, therefore I am;
We are all just meat.

--Anonymous

1018.
Puppies in a bowl
Look so sweet! Ooh, nice fresh meat!
"Memories of SPAM."

--Anonymous

1019.
"I am flesh and blood,
but not human." Interview
with the Spampire, II.

--Anonymous

1020.
Baywatch episode
In Minnesota with Spam-
ela Anderson.

--Neil Stallings & Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1021.
Yes, Little Richard
Ate it. "A bop bop a do
Wop a bop SPAM boom."

--Neil Stallings & Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1022.
Ben-Hur and slaves eat
Tinned meat aboard trireme; get
Orders: SPAMming speed!

--Neil Stallings & Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1023.
Remember Meathead?
Chauvinist pig Archie? All
in the Spamily.

--Neil Stallings & Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1024.
Who put the SPAM in
The SPAM-a-lama ding dong?
Well, who did it, punk?

--Neil Stallings & Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1025.
Do that SPAM-jive one
More time, says Eric Clapton,
A.k.a. "SlowSPAM."

--Neil Stallings & Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1026.
Interest rate hike due
To tinned meat scare, says Fed chair-
man Alan Greenspam.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1027.
The SPAM advantage:
Will make watertight seal with
Any orifice.

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1028.
Old man lies dying
Life flashing before his eyes
"Hmm, not enough SPAM"

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1029.
Using only SPAM
Grandma made some tasty treats.
We set her on fire.

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1030.
In order for it
To be shaped that way something
Has to extrude it.

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1031.
Attention haiku
Writers. Wrapping sentences
Around is cheating.

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1032.
Carmel-coated SPAM
Sitting on a stick. Seconds?
"No, thank you kindly."

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1033.
"It's SPAM day," she sighed.
"Tomorrow shall also be
And each day after."

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1034.
I allowed the SPAM
To slide to toilet from can
Saved time and trouble

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1035.
Bit into a chunk
A continent somewhere sunk
All is connected

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1036.
SPAM: I am put in
Mind of the little pig who
Built his house of brick.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1037.
SPAM key held by string
Given her the day we kissed
A symbol of love

--Dave Cochems

1038.
The Lord is my swine-
herd; I shall not want. He forms
me to fit in tins.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1039.
He makes a green fringe
About my rind. He packs me
In the spring waters.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1040.
He synthesizes
My flavor; He scrapes me from
The slaughterhouse floor.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1041.
Yea, though I trot towards
The abattoir, I will fear
no disembowelment.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1042.
For Thou standest o'er
Me; Thy cudgel and Thy knife
They do dispatch me.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1043.
Thou preparest a
Dish of me in the presence
Of my predators.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1044.
Thou anointest my
Slices with mayonnaise; my
Grease runneth over.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1045.
Surely parsley and
Cloves will garnish me all the
Days of my shelflife.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1046.
And I will dwell in
Plaque-encrusted arteries
Forever. Amen.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1047.
Lonely fragments of
meat, underneath the counter,
abject solitude.

--Anonymous

1048.
My penis fell off
today. Leprosy. Donate
my ding-dong to SPAM.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1049.
I dig strange sex tricks...
Tied my wife to dead donkey.
Masturbate with SPAM.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1050.
Necrophiliac
picnic. Bring a "cool" date and
a warm can of SPAM.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1051.
My personal HELL:
Cops fondle me on cactus...
...plus SPAM enemas!!!

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1052.
Heart broke, life is shit?
Whiskey and beer do no good?
So write SPAM haiku!

--Anonymous

1053.
A conspiracy
Benedict Arnold ate SPAM
Traitor SPAM with tea

--Anonymous

1054.
You eat mucho SPAM
You are a man with large breast
Hormel or hormones?

--Anonymous

1055.
All my teeth are gone
My stomach has been pumped twice
SPAM can was bulging

--Anonymous

1056.
I collect roadkill
Deer, dogs, cats, coons, drunks, possum
I work for Hormel

--Anonymous

1057.
Spewing chunks from gut
I ate nineteen cans of SPAM
Why did I do that?

--Anonymous

1058.
I sometimes wonder
if John Wayne Gacy tempted
those small boys with SPAM

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1059.
Wholly repulsive
Is that the scent of bear's ass?
I am insane now.

--Anonymous

1060.
The National SPAM
Association protects
your right to bear SPAM.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1061.
NSA slogan:
"When SPAM is outlawed, only
outlaws will have SPAM."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1062.
Second NSA
slogan: "SPAMs don't kill people;
fry cooks kill people."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1063.
NSA lobbies
to overturn laws banning
sales of "assault SPAMs."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1064.
Throw SPAM and ice cream
in blender, set on purée.
Voilà! Pork milkshakes.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1065.
Herman Melville eats
SPAM, starts writing about a
really big pink whale.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1066.
I do not like green
eggs and SPAM. Actually, the
green eggs aren't that bad.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1067.
Shakespeare asks, "Shall I
compare thee to a summer
SPAM? Yes. You both smell."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1068.
VIPs visit
the Hormel plant and get the
pink carpet treatment.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1069.
SPAM was invented
during World War II as a
rubber substitute.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1070.
A world covered by
pork. Obscene cost overruns.
Costner's film SPAM World.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1071.
Brando's X-rated
film about pork and lust: Last
SPAM-go in Paris.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1072.
"Life is like a tin
of SPAM: you never know which
pig parts you're getting."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1073.
Jackson Pollock drips
SPAM grease on canvas, creates
"Number Twenty (Pink)."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1074.
I say "to-may-to"
you say "to-mah-to." I say
"SPAM," you say "pure crap."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1075.
Iraq flouts ban on
biological weapons,
starts stockpiling SPAM.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1076.
Surgeon general
reveals world's most addictive
substance: SPAM haiku.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1077.
Haiku addiction
warning sign: incessantly
counting syllables.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1078.
A madman, obsessed
by SPAM, screams, "Stop me before
I haiku again."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1079.
Tied blender between
wife's legs. Ground up SPAM...SHE CAME
LIKE NIAGARA!!!

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1080.
Can't write "Courtney" SPAM...
"HOLE" singer will sue, said SHAM.
...depression sinks in.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1081.
Dry Corn Flakes and SPAM.
SPAM surgery. Pixie Stix
on SPAM. GO TO HELL!!!

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1082.
SPAM milkshakes. Cajun
SPAM. SPAM at WOODSTOCK. Ziplock
SPAM. Go fuck yourself.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1083.
SPAMchops. SPAM Detec-
tor. Poop peanut SPAM. Ranch SPAM.
Lick my butt, fucko.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1084.
"On a hot day you
can cook SPAM treats on the side-
walk"...Who gives a shit?

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1085.
"Wordplay is REAL FUN!!!!
Did you know SPAM backwards is
MAPS???!"...Come suck my balls.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1086.
I sometimes wonder
if Ron Reagan had his brains
transplanted with SPAM.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1087.
Saw Showgirls last night.
Man fingered a bleeding girl!!!
Warm SPAM came to mind...

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1088.
Lepers are good in
bed. They scream out in pain, and
their tits are like SPAM!

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1089.
Penis shriveled up
like rotting SPAM. It's the third
stage of syphillis.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1090.
You remember the
"flesh-eating" virus? Hormel
cured it! DEATH BY SPAM!!!

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1091.
"DEATH BY SPAM!" "COURTNEY
SPAM" "TIED WIFE SPAM" "I WONDER
SPAM"...My life is shit.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1092.
SPAM, my passion meat:
When I get hungry for lunch,
SPAM is there for me.

--JCO

1093.
"Graceful arcing steel..."
talk.bizarre lawn dart haiku
translates fine to SPAM.

--John Thomason, thomason@ensco.com

1094.
SPAM is very gross
When I was a little kid
I used to love it!

--Taylor Jensen

1095.
SPAM is the worst food
you could choose for a good meal;
I'd rather eat bugs.

--Matthew Hodgson

1096.
It feels like Jell-O
Bums wouldn't even eat it
It could be alive!

--Argus Hulin

1097.
Important Newsflash!
Scouts made their leader eat SPAM.
Leader died of fright.

--Desiree Dye

1098.
SPAM looks like ham--pink!
Cook it before you eat it!
People say it's gross.

--Farm Sio Sae Chao

1099.
SPAM looks like Jell-O
SPAM is very, very gross
And it's very sick

--Kailey Heiberg

1100.
A snack in a pack
Tasted it for the first time
And hurled all over!

--Matthew Hook