SPAM Haiku 1101-1200

Move backwards to Numbers 1001-1100.

1101.
Little Miss Muffet
Sat on her tuffet, eating
a warm bowl of SPAM.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1102.
Down came a spider,
Sat down beside her. Said "How
You eat that shit, bitch?!?"

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1103.
Jack Sprat could eat no
fat. His wife could eat no lean.
So they killed themselves...

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1104.
SPAM on a bus, SPAM
on china, SPAM to place on
her loose vagina.

--Anonymous

1105.
No obscenity
is needed for SPAM haiku.
Keep it rated "G."

--Alan McCollough, Pressworks

1106.
spam spam spam spam spam
spam spam spam spam spam spam spam
spam spam eggs and spam

--Anonymous

1107.
Pushing creation
A new life is beginning
Pink or blue for SPAM?

--chris.romig@turner.com

1108.
Jonathan Black bites
His SPAM haiku is now weak
Please someone help him

--"Chuck Wilson"

1109.
Silver shiny key
Tool for reaching blissful taste
I sing your praises.

--catfemme

1110.
SPAMbirds are alight
Fluttering yon and hither
Granting gifts of SPAM.

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1111.
"A SPAM murder, Holmes?
Whither the murder weapon?"
"Alimentary."

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1112.
She sits on the shelf
Cold, coy pork product temptress
"Sodium," she coos.

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1113.
No parts are wasted.
Ever lick a pig's behind?
All parts are tasted.

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1114.
Squealing, they enter
Ambivalent to their fate
Exit little cubes

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1115.
The pigs ascended;
They buried their murdered friends:
Rows of small square graves.

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1116.
Bite once: it's just lunch
Bite twice: it starts to entice
Bite thrice: paradise

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1117.
Bad SPAM addiction
Lost job at mini-market
Neglected wife, friends

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1118.
New Hormel-Tourette's
Syndrome: "SPAM! S---! SPAM! P---! SPAM!
F---! SPAM! F---, f---! SPAM!"

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1119.
Hormel-Tourette's. Who
else wonders if Jonathan
Black suffers from it?

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1120.
Spend all your money
Buy ten thousand cans of SPAM
Eat it till you puke

--adberne@nwu.edu

1121.
NC-17:
That's SPAM's rating. Noxious Crap
In 17 hours.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1122.
"Everyone has an
Inalienable right
To gas." -- SPAMoza.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1123.
Imagine Christ at
Galilee with loaves and SPAM.
His last miracle.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1124.
Christ passes out SPAM,
Says, "This is flesh of my flesh."
"God, you poor bastard."

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1125.
Price Club crowds press in--
Pallet of Hormel corned beef
next to stack of SPAM.

--Paul W. Lewis, pp001342@interramp.com

1126.
Replicator's wrecked,
Only reproduces SPAM.
Worf opts to eat Troi.

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

1127.
it has horns. rotting
pink meat cube broils in hell and
tortures the lost souls.

--nathan true, ntrue@gas.uug.arizona.edu

1128.
it hid under the
bed, slimy and evil cube
of hideous SPAM

--nathan true, ntrue@gas.uug.arizona.edu

1129.
Newt slashes budget
Grateful wealthy pay no tax
Poor can't afford SPAM

--John St. Croix, JSTCROIX@HR.HOUSE.GOV

1130.
Meat of enigma,
Blue tin square of mystery,
Supermarket angst...

--Roy Hill, rhill@comp.uark.edu

1131.
Jonathan Black's muse
Spews forth verbal SPAM porno--
A SPAM Mapplethorpe.

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

1132.
Hormel makes black SPAM.
Pays homage to Orenthal.
We love you O.J.!

--Liam

1133.
"There once was a SPAM
from Nantucket--" Oops. Wrong kind
of poem. Sorry!

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1134.
Load canoe with meat
no room for most consonants
SPAM is no ka oi

--Charles Memminger, 71224.113@compuserve.com

1135.
"I think I'll never
see / A poem as lovely
as SPAM..." Doesn't rhyme.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1136.
"I think I'll never
scan / A poem as lovely
as SPAM..." Still not right.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1137.
"I think I'll never
slam..." Rhymes, but makes no sense. "Scam"?
...Oh, to heck with it.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1138.
I got it! Keep "see,"
change "SPAM" to "a tree." But who
wants poems 'bout trees?

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1139.
Abysmal entrée
A gelatinous nightmare
SPAM anybody?

--Mark Dornfeld, meatboy@aracnet.com

1140.
O.J. not guilty
SPAM, defiled by the masses
The world is a mess

--Steve Dotson, mdotson@oregoncoast.com

1141.
Went into the store
Bought and ate twelve cans of SPAM
Think I'm gonna hurl

--Gene, estairs@student.umass.edu

1142.
Long-winded colleague
Talking about SPAM haiku
Kept me there too late

--Anonymous

1143.
Roses are red, and
SPAM is pink. Some poems rhyme
but this one doesn't.

--John St. Croix, JSTCROIX@HR.HOUSE.GOV

1144.
Pork product, why do
You taunt me so? I love you
Fried, baked, so lovely.

--Preston Landers, planders@mail.utexas.edu

1145.
Who am I? Where am
I? What is that putrid af-
tertaste?...SPAMnesia.

--Jonathan Black, damaginc@siu.edu

1146.
SPAM of a sorrow
wedding of a red monday
sliced bits of fresh pork

--gilly, okie-dokie@mail.utexas.edu

1147.
Starvation threatens;
Lone figure tramps on tundra--
SPAMook of the North.

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

1148.
The world now-a-days
Is overpopulated.
Oh God, soylent SPAM!

--Kenji Spielman

1149.
The Law and Sausage;
Both far prettier than SPAM.
What say you, O.J.?

--jeff.hagan@ubss.com

1150.
I have heard it said,
That in Waco was much SPAM.
Truth or baloney?

--jeff.hagan@ubss.com

1151.
Fly in an airplane,
they serve what is called "a meal."
Why not just use SPAM?

--jeff.hagan@ubss.com

1152.
I'm out of Alpo.
Crack a can of SPAM for Rex.
Dog turns up his nose.

--jeff.hagan@ubss.com

1153.
Put SPAM in the Pam
Started the gas, saw the flame
Blew the damn place up

--Gene, estairs@student.umass.edu

1154.
Our roommate Carleton
ate some SPAM. We all had to
disperse from the room.

--Gene, Bob, and Jeremy, estairs@student.umass.edu

1155.
Sliced SPAM onto bread
Added mustard and mayo
Watched it grow moldy

--Gene, Bob, and Jeremy, estairs@student.umass.edu

1156.
Had too much free time
and nothing to do. So we
made a SPAM haiku.

--Gene, Bob, and Jeremy, estairs@student.umass.edu

1157.
Looking for women
That is all my roommate does
While he devours SPAM

--Gene, Bob, and Jeremy, estairs@student.umass.edu

1158.
I had turned the key
and opened the can of SPAM.
It was empty. Damn.

--Gene, Bob, and Jeremy, estairs@student.umass.edu

1159.
SPAM went onto sale
People rushed into the store
What a disaster

--Gene, Bob, and Jeremy, estairs@student.umass.edu

1160.
Gene, Bob, Jeremy:
SPAM haiku by committee.
Next? NEA grant?

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1161.
Was "SPAM Mapplethorpe"
A Cat Stevens song? No, "SPAM-
Apple Gas." Sorry.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1162.
O.J. returns home
After year, cupboards bare but
for one lone SPAM tin.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1163.
Spilled tinned meat on lap;
Zipper rusted shut. A bad
Case of SPAMish Fly.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1164.
Fleckéd pink sunfield
Meandering jelly flows
Shasta's SPAM-strewn slopes

--Warren "Woo" Kimball, wkimball@state.ma.us and Brian "Kinky" Friedmann, bfriedmann@state.ma.us

1165.
"L.A. cops," he said,
"DNA, blood, glove, Bronco..."
"Pass the SPAM," she said.

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

1166.
Sometimes I wonder
What meat is SPAM: pork, beef, goat?
World will never know

--Anonymous

1167.
Industrial age
Manufactured food product
Blame machinery

--Anonymous

1168.
SPAM label on fridge
Tofu, wheat germ, juice inside
Vegetarian?

--Susan Lippincott, susan@ole.cdac.com

1169.
Heinous pink substance
Packed in slimy yellow goo
Makes me want to retch

--Scott Wedel, scottw@netmanage.com

1170.
"If the blue tins don't
fit, you must acquit." Trial
of O. J. SPAMson.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1171.
Universe explodes
Spews pork across the cosmos
The Big SPAM Theory

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1172.
Hormel Valdez runs
aground. Slicks of pink grease wash
onto the shoreline.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1173.
From Shakepeare's Twelfth Night:
"If music be the SPAM of
love, then don't play on."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1174.
Last Christmas, I sent
SPAM and fruitcake to twelve friends;
received twelve mail bombs.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1175.
I'd write SPAM haiku
all day, but I must go back
to my padded cell.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1176.
Gelatinous mass,
in a pan over camp fire;
Squatting in the trees...

--Bruce G. Gordon, bg@well.com

1177.
Glistening bodies...
Succulent and pleasurable...
Naked cans of SPAM.

--jlueck@mit.edu

1178.
Hot greasy slices
Forced to eat in my childhood
God, I hate SPAM now!

--Liz Burnside, mizliz@aone.com

1179.
Back in the '40s
Mom fed us fried SPAM for lunch;
We must have been poor.

--Liz Burnside, mizliz@aone.com

1180.
Lost in the hot des-
ert, I see a can of SPAM.
I keep on walking.

--Walter Myers, wvmyers@planacc.com

1181.
Glistening beauty!
Oh shimmering loaf of pink!
How dare they to laugh?

--Mike Miller

1182.
Juicy warm pink flesh,
Let me taste your soft moistness.
SPAM is the greatest!

--Mike Miller

1183.
Moodiness holds sway
Until: glimpse of blue metal
My only solace

--Michael Pohl, mjpohl01@homer.louisville.edu

1184.
Dinosaurs vanished
Extinction's cause now revealed
SPAM meteorite

--Doug and GayLee Kilpatrick, tmpsfgit@wln.com

1185.
SPAM in microwave
Explodes in my surprised face
Man, that stuff is hot

--John Sadler, jj.sadler@dallasbaylor.edu

1186.
Dan gets SPAM haiku.
I don't think he likes them, though.
He should write his own.

--Ryan Dargis, rad3@ntrs.com

1187.
"I gotta have it!"
"This pink stuff controls my life!"
SPAM Anonymous.

--Scott Zacher, scottz@nwu.edu

1188.
Warped beyond repair
SPAM served breakfast, lunch, dinner
Poor kid had no chance

--GayLee Kilpatrick, tmpsfgit@wln.com

1189.
Meat gobbet puzzle
Chunks in jelled matrix abound
Digestive horror

--GayLee Kilpatrick, tmpsfgit@wln.com

1190.
Hitler's big mistake
He thought main ingredient
Was Jews, not jowls. Oops!

--Chuck Wilson

1191.
"I saw a tunnel
with a bright pink light." A Near-
SPAM Experience.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1192.
Despite thousands of
NSE's, some atheists
still say there's no Hell.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1193.
In SPAM-taneous
combustion, victims melt, leave
behind pink grease spots.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1194.
Lunch meats vanish with
no explanation in the
Hormel Triangle.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1195.
In SPAM of the Gods,
von Danniken said Hormel
started all culture.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1196.
Close Encounters of
the SPAM Kind: Aliens stuff
abductees in tins.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1197.
When Nostradamus
wrote of "The great pink horror"
did he predict SPAM?

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1198.
Hormel sues Henson
"Spamme" not acceptable name
for MISTER Piggy

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

1199.
Formless spawn of pork,
Leers with gelatinous gaze,
Taunting my lean soul.

--William Bradford, tslug@peak.org

1200.
It's not really ham,
It's more like pork-flavored gum,
Sans minty-fresh breath.

--William Bradford, tslug@peak.org