SPAM Haiku 1701-1800

Move backwards to Numbers 1601-1700.

1701.
"Black Hole" Hawkins speaks
At Albert Hall; next week, Sir
Hormel speaks on SPAM.

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

1702.
Beatles: "Now they know
how many SPAMs it takes to
fill the Albert Hall!"

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

1703.
Garfunkel's watron
Worst service in the U.K.
Should have ordered SPAM

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

1704.
French waitress nearby
Didn't smile when asked for SPAM
"What is her problem?"

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

1705.
"Rogue A-meri-caan,
Hye can tak hyis SPAM, shove IT!
I wheel no serve hyim!"

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

1706.
Ever you get lost
In the Maze at Hampton Court,
Bring plenty of SPAM.

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

1707.
"Ye Grape," "Butler's Head."
London's filled with pubs, but no
"SPAM and Firkin" here.

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

1708.
Polish, Lebanese,
French, Indian, best food, yet
None of it British.

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

1709.
Bank, Moorgate, Fulham
London Underground stations
"Mind the gap," you SPAM

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

1710.
Cloudy London day
Every day of the whole week
SPAM brightens my day

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

1711.
Apollo 13
Transatlantic inflight film
Bacon in a can

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

1712.
Palace made me sleep,
The French refuse to serve SPAM
"There's no place like home!"

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

1713.
My dog ran away
Cannot find him anywhere
SPOT! SPOT! Are you SPAM?

--Anonymous

1714.
As I breathe it in
I am now in a new land
where the earth is SPAM

--Jack of Spades

1715.
Can't we get along?
The world would be much better
If we all ate SPAM

--Jack of Spades

1716.
Galactic wormholes
Excrete amorphous garbage.
Stars are made from SPAM.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1717.
Beware the SPAM that
Flies by night and drinks red blood.
Some garlic might help.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1718.
Avaunt, thou foul swine!
Take that, (slash), and that, you pig!
Anyone for SPAM?

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1719.
Galileo probe
Reveals Jupiter's secret--
SPAM, the Great Pink Spot!

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

1720.
Show SPAM reverence
If you don't listen to it
It will destroy YOU!

--Jack of Spades

1721.
The party ended
When the host unveiled dessert;
Fresh, pink SPAMoni.

--Chris Meagher, meagher@cimmetry.mfg.sgi.com

1722.
Tell, who begat thee,
O evolutionary
cipher of meatdom?

--Dave Bieri, BIERI@IDX.IDX.COM

1723.
Zen Master ponders:
If SPAM falls in the forest
Do animals fear?

--Drew W.Saunders, Drew.Saunders@leland.stanford.edu

1724.
SPAM-SPAM-Chip Ice Cream
Chunky, oven-baked SPAM chips
Truly, truly, vile

--Drew W.Saunders, Drew.Saunders@leland.stanford.edu

1725.
Hormel says "SPiced hAM."
Better than starving to death,
but less dignified.

--Drew W.Saunders, Drew.Saunders@leland.stanford.edu

1726.
Blue and gold car nine
made to woo the redneck chef;
Speed inside, not SPAM.

--Stacy Huggins, Concord, NC

1727.
Great debate of late:
Hormel product on the plate
Is it meat or not?

--J. E. Paley

1728.
Gouda or Gruyere
Cheese to eat with precious meat
Coming in a loaf

--J. E. Paley

1729.
Tell you how I feel
Love is like a soft spring day
Potted meat is fine

--J. E. Paley

1730.
Dukes, viscounts, and earls
All agree the finest pearls
Pink and good to eat

--J. E. Paley

1731.
Salmon colored grub
People flock to eat and mock
Disingenuous

--J. E. Paley

1732.
Whither go the troops?
Running, hiding, petrified
Like the meat they flee

--J. E. Paley

1733.
Richie Cunningham
Never had to eat no SPAM
Filming Happy Days

--J. E. Paley

1734.
Deck the Hall of Fame
With the meat that brings us shame
Like the players have

--J. E. Paley

1735.
what is the sound of
one spam clapping in the wood?
would it pork or chop?

--Anonymous

1736.
I followed my thoughts
relishing the pain of loss
my spam is my life

--Anonymous

1737.
i think that it is
possible to stand balanced
on one can of spam.

--Anonymous

1738.
Jesus here on Earth
some miracles never done
water into SPAM

--Anonymous

1739.
miles davis album
name shows he ate spam daily
called it "can of blue"

--Gary Bisaga, gbisaga@mitre.org

1740.
miles davis loved spam
felt it would add years to life
of course he's dead now

--Gary Bisaga, gbisaga@mitre.org

1741.
In Spamadu did
Kublai Khan a pleasure dome
Decree. MacDonald's.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1742.
It is forbidden
To hunt the SPAM in summer.
Mating season then.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1743.
The great God Spam played
His pipes. Nearby, fauns and nymphs
Rapidly dispersed.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1744.
Right jolly old elf,
In his sack, pink porcine grease.
No thanks, Spamta Claus.

--Steve Masticola, masticol@scr.siemens.com

1745.
Billy Jeff tried it,
Didn't like it, never once
inhaled a SPAM splif.

--Steve Masticola, masticol@scr.siemens.com

1746.
Marvin Shanken tries
SPAM Aficionado,
loses Cohibas.

--Steve Masticola, masticol@scr.siemens.com

1747.
Gates acquires Hormel.
Microsoft SPAM for Windows.
Apple stock doubles.

--Steve Masticola, masticol@scr.siemens.com

1748.
Vanna, a vowel,
Add it to my initials.
SPAM I am, SHAM!

--Stephen Price Masticola, masticol@scr.siemens.com

1749.
God said, "SPAM thou art
And to SPAM thou doth return.
(After some grinding.)"

--Stephen Price Masticola, masticol@scr.siemens.com

1750.
Poor Alex Dunne, rues
Britannia. Hit by a
lorry, full of SPAM.

--John St. Croix, JSTCROIX@HR.HOUSE.GOV

1751.
McQueen's "Blob" frozen,
Dropped into Antarctica.
(It--pink. Its can--blue.)

--Steve Masticola, masticol@scr.siemens.com

1752.
Opening the can
Provides a sense of wonder:
"Who has lost their lunch?"

--Reber Clark, rebermuse@aol.com

1753.
SPAM has lost its charm
Since you left with the milk man.
Till we "meat" again!

--Reber Clark, rebermuse@aol.com

1754.
The cognoscenti
Regard SPAM as trash or worse.
Can't we all just eat?

--Reber Clark, rebermuse@aol.com

1755.
To imagine SPAM
As anything but homely
Would be an art-crime.

--Reber Clark, rebermuse@aol.com

1756.
my wife won't serve it
"it kills," she posits before
serving me chicken

--Stacy Huggins, Concord, NC

1757.
camp delicacy
pan-fried with eggs uh-oh I
don't have a latrine

--Stacy Huggins, Concord, NC

1758.
Red Super Giant,
SPAM, about to implode now.
Another meat ball.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1759.
Wilt thou take this spam
To be thy lawful wedded
Spouse? You will? You Jerk!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1760.
Morphogenetic
Fields of SPAM transcend our space.
Quantumeity!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1761.
Pass the SPAM, my dear.
Wash it down with watered beer.
Made for each other.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1762.
Hold-up at Safeway.
Gunman points Gatling at mum.
"Unhand that SPAM, mame."

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1763.
Whale in the ocean
Should not be eaten as food
Pink stuff is Spamoo

--Tom Dallaire and Jeff Smith, thosd@aol.com

1764.
Spamiverse exists
In a stretched cubic Pinkum.
Uncertainty rules.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1765.
Granite monuments
Cherry blossoms fall like rain
The color of SPAM

--Bill Turner, turnerwj@muohio.edu

1766.
Eat a loaf of SPAM
The empty can is not trash
Measure the pink dose

--Bill Turner, turnerwj@muohio.edu

1767.
Maternity ward
Offers newborn babies SPAM
Welcome; none come out.

--Bill Turner, turnerwj@muohio.edu

1768.
"Rejoice, Mary, thou
Art blessed among women." "Whoa!
Thought it was SPAM gas!"

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1769.
And there were in that
Country swineherds, tending their
Future tinned product.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1770.
God's angel appeared
Unto them, saying: "Hmm. Good
Spot for SPAM franchise."

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1771.
"Be not afraid, for
Unto you this day is born
Sure-fire sales gimmick."

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1772.
And there did appear
Before them a heav'nly host,
Singing "Pass the SPAM!"

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1773.
Manger animals
Gather about; kine, lamb, pig...
Feh! Oy vey! Unclean!

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1774.
Not-so-wise Man brings
SPAM. Manger doorknob hits his
Ass on the way out.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1775.
Spamivores will kill.
Sheepskin underpants deflect
Damp intrusive snouts.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1776.
Boy, do I love SPAM
I love old SPAM from a can
Oh yes, I love SPAM

--Anonymous

1777.
Hey, did you know that
The word "SPAM" is "maps" backwards
That is really neat

--Anonymous

1778.
Aren't eating SPAM so
Thank you God, our daily food
We aren't eating SPAM

--Anonymous

1779.
How could they make such
a disgusting laxative
Use Metamucil

--Anonymous

1780.
Hawaiian lunch meat?
Someone else's old shoe heels?
We may never know.

--Reber Clark, rebermuse@aol.com

1781.
Error in judgment:
I thought that the SPAM was fresh.
It was infected.

--Reber Clark, rebermuse@aol.com

1782.
Can you guess my name?
I have four letters and fat.
I smell like old pigs.

--Reber Clark, rebermuse@aol.com

1783.
SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM
Five SPAMs in my open hand.
Will you count me rich?

--Reber Clark, rebermuse@aol.com

1784.
The tin is opened.
A strange aroma comes forth.
Dog spit? No. Pork chunks!

--Reber Clark, rebermuse@aol.com

1785.
Inside every
SPAM can there is a little
Coy politician.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1786.
The fishing pink Spam.
Only one leg is needed;
Whoops!...a feather floats.

--Mike O'C, mickman@intonet.co.uk

1787.
Ptoing!...one hears the sound.
A plucked nose tendril perhaps.
Breezes stir Spamboos.

--Mike O'C, mickman@intonet.co.uk

1788.
Esta el primer
haiku de spam escrité
en español mal.

--Ben Hitz, hitz@cumbnd.bioc.columbia.edu

1789.
Eat or be eaten.
With SPAM, you can never be
sure who is winning.

--Ben Hitz, hitz@cumbnd.bioc.columbia.edu

1790.
Where have I gone to
Lost again, searching for the
Everlasting SPAM

--Tony "spamhead" Lucio, luciant@Charlie.acc.iit.edu

1791.
Pink glossy surface
Shows me my face reflected
Muted. Disfigured.

--Andy Stevenson, 5514230@mcimail.com

1792.
Sitting, quivering,
squishy mass on my plate. I
think I will vomit.

--Dan Auslander, dauslan@bgnet.bgsu.edu

1793.
SPAM, pink like a girl--
just play with it, lovingly
form that special shape.

--Dan Auslander, dauslan@bgnet.bgsu.edu

1794.
I think SPAM is cool.
What other substance has the
same fake taste and smell.

--Dan Auslander, dauslan@bgnet.bgsu.edu

1795.
Karate black belt.
Hai! Smashes a stack of SPAM.
Fingers sucked clean off.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1796.
Confucius saying:
Wise man tell horse crap from dog
Poo. SPAM fool him, though.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1797.
Armageddon come,
I shall build my shelter from
a million blue cans.

--Steve Masticola, masticol@scr.siemens.com

1798.
A truckload of SPAM,
Canned kraut, half-dozen bagels,
Bring home for Emma.

--Steve Masticola, masticol@scr.siemens.com

1799.
Millenia hence,
the memorabilia
enshrines the labels.

--Steve Masticola, masticol@scr.siemens.com

1800.
Stretched stale meniscus
over opened rusted tin,
drummed disgusting din.

--Rory, Son of Mickman