SPAM Haiku 1801-1900

Move backwards to Numbers 1701-1800.

1801.
Pink and silly SPAM
sitting sweating on my plate.
Thanks for nothing, Mum!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1802.
Up on the rooftop
Dropping cans down the chimney.
No! It's SPAMta Claus.

--kevin kepley (the mathineer/poet), kpk@Storz.Com <- Send verbal abuse here.

1803.
For lubrication
As good as KY Jelly
And tastes better, SPAM.

--kevin kepley (the mathineer/poet), kpk@Storz.Com <- Send verbal abuse here.

1804.
The Love Boat provides
Culinary delights on
The SPAMinade deck.

--kevin kepley (the mathineer/poet), kpk@Storz.Com <- Send verbal abuse here.

1805.
Jealously guarded,
The secret of SPAM is kept
Enclosed in a vault.

--kevin kepley (the mathineer/poet), kpk@Storz.Com <- Send verbal abuse here.

1806.
Enclosed in the can.
Opened, taste buds are startled
By secret of SPAM.

--kevin kepley (the mathineer/poet), kpk@Storz.Com <- Send verbal abuse here.

1807.
Thirteen cans of SPAM.
Triskaidekaphobia?
Absolute terror!

--kevin kepley (the mathineer/poet), kpk@Storz.Com <- Send verbal abuse here.

1808.
I open the can.
Dense, pink odor of some meat
Permeates the room.

--kevin kepley (the mathineer/poet), kpk@Storz.Com <- Send verbal abuse here.

1809.
SPAMaphobia--
Unreasoning fear of SPAM.
What? Unreasoning?

--kevin kepley (the mathineer/poet), kpk@Storz.Com <- Send verbal abuse here.

1810.
Famous beginnings:
Ate "SPAM Surprise" at young age.
Stephen King is born.

--Lyle Wilson, tl.wilson@baylordallas.edu

1811.
Poor Dr. Faustus...
had so tragic an ending,
yet never ate SPAM.

--Lyle Wilson, tl.wilson@baylordallas.edu

1812.
measuring in amps
many Pams make current maps
these are SPAMagrams

--kevin kepley (the mathineer/poet), kpk@Storz.Com <- Send verbal abuse here.

1813.
It's missing the tab!
Hand me the bloody SPAMmer,
I'll open that can!

--kevin kepley (the mathineer/poet), kpk@Storz.Com <- Send verbal abuse here.

1814.
Furtive assassin,
Slipping SPAM into main course.
No poison needed.

--Mike McGaff

1815.
Empty SPAM casings,
Their grisly contents discharged
Like a howitzer.

--Mike McGaff

1816.
"The pork is unclean!"
Rallying cry overheard.
Speakers now in tins.

--Mike McGaff

1817.
Blue-armored soldiers
Crush demonstrators in parks.
Their moniker? "Pig."

--Mike McGaff

1818.
El Pollo Loco
Restaurant burned to the ground
By SPAM terrorists.

--Mike McGaff

1819.
Jay signs peace treaty
Allowing beef and chicken
Only once per week.

--Mike McGaff

1820.
Student arrested.
SPAM/blood ratio suspect.
Urine test is next.

--Mike McGaff

1821.
SPAM submarine coasts
Off the shores of Mexico.
Whales leave in disgust.

--Mike McGaff

1822.
Jay was offended,
Speaking in a crowded hall.
Rubber chicken thrown.

--Mike McGaff

1823.
What is that fluid
That glistens green on my SPAM?
Radioactive.

--Anonymous

1824.
Better confess now,
Schweinhundt! We have ways and means
Of making you pork.

--Anonymous

1825.
It jumped from the pan,
Took over the microphone.
Weird: scat-singing SPAM.

--Paul, lewisp@servms.fiu.edu

1826.
What more can I say?
SPAM on the breakfast table--
Don't feel like eating.

--Paul, lewisp@servms.fiu.edu

1827.
in cargo culture
the spam pinkness reigns supreme
worship of blue can

--Anonymous

1828.
climbed the Zen mountain
seeking truth heard only sound
of one spam clapping

--Stuart Nicholls, stuart@islandnet.com

1829.
Haikued spouse complains
Chaos at the kitchen sink.
Spammer in the works!

--Jean, wife of mickman

1830.
Pachyderms spurn SPAM.
So do lions and tigers.
"Law of the jungle."

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1831.
What is this SPAM loaf?
It is the piece that passeth
All understanding.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1832.
Fuchsia and chartreuse
The breakfast of champions
SPAM and Mountain Dew

--Bill Turner, turnerwj@muohio.edu

1833.
AMSPay aikuhay
Ogicallay Anguagelay:
Igpay Atinlay.

--Artinmay Oodabay, booda@datasync.com

1834.
This is the way the
World ends: Not with a bang but
Lots and lots of SPAM.

--Anonymous

1835.
Grandma cooked me SPAM--
this is way traditional.
Question not. SPAM is.

--Regina Garson, Huntsville, Alabama, regina@traveller.com

1836.
Thick slice SPAM in pan--
those bygone smells gluttonous.
Grandma's child delight.

--Regina Garson, Huntsville, Alabama, regina@traveller.com

1837.
Monumental SPAMs
Brood, Picasso-like, aloof;
Defy ingestion.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1838.
Stick a pin in SPAM.
It goes "Plumph" instead of "Plop."
This the final test.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1839.
SPAM, an old taste treat.
Scrape off the cold jelly stuff
and enjoy...yum yum!

--PriscillaP@eworld.com

1840.
SPAM, a lovely dish.
Meaty chunks of piggy flesh
glow in candlelight.

--PriscillaP@eworld.com

1841.
Great pink globules of
jellied piglet snouts and tails.
I SPAM, therefore am.

--PriscillaP@eworld.com

1842.
A big chunk of SPAM
brings back fond memories of
Crisco a la mode.

--PriscillaP@eworld.com

1843.
Commit SPAMicide,
wait to see the SPAM police
and go straight to jail.

--PriscillaP@eworld.com

1844.
A la Recherche du
SPAM Perdu: instructions for
Reclaiming spoilt meat.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

1845.
Once upon a SPAM
night weary, while I pondered
"What's in the blue can?"

--Mike McGaff

1846.
A tap, tap, tapping
from inside the container.
Partake nevermore.

--Mike McGaff

1847.
Quoth the Raven: "Hey,
you keep eatin' that stuff, of
course you'll have nightmares!"

--Mike McGaff

1848.
Ebeneezer Scrooge
Hunted by Ghost of SPAMs Past
Wakes in fear, then hurls.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1849.
One day I caught a
Little SPAM playing Hamlet.
Quickly, I canned it.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1850.
The SPAM man cometh,
Cities crushed beneath his feet.
Pigs of the world "Oink."

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1851.
Drop SPAM from great height.
It bursts. Little pink wrigglies
Scramble and jostle.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1852.
Gift for Christmas feast.
Santa escapes up chimney,
Leaves pink yuletide SPAM.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1853.
Genetic projects.
Jay toying with life and death.
SPAMborg enforcers.

--Mike McGaff

1854.
SPAMborgs a failure.
Small pets attracted to smell.
Walking lunch devoured.

--Mike McGaff

1855.
Unconventional
weapons outlawed by U.N.
SPAM destroys New York.

--Mike McGaff

1856.
Blue-tipped warheads launched
for Paris, City of Light.
Serve SPAM or be SPAMMED!

--Mike McGaff

1857.
Ah! Precious SPAM. Sweet
Porcine cheer, Olympian fare,
Cockroach Paradise.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1858.
Take an old SPAM can.
Place it over either ear.
You can hear the sea!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1859.
Starving castaway
Offered tasty chunks of SPAM
Devours nice donor

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1860.
Haiku enthrall me.
Cans of SPAM by my keyboard.
I have gone insane.

--Mike McGaff

1861.
A cold wind blowing.
Leaves drifting in the driveway.
My skin like blue tin.

--Mike McGaff

1862.
SPAM under pillow.
Tooth fairy comes at night time
And gets the hell out.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1863.
Rub old can of SPAM.
Shout "Long live Captain Hormel."
Pink genie appears.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1864.
Frigate drops SPAM charge.
Sub responds with sausages.
Missiles meet. Elope.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1865.
Alien eats SPAM loaf.
Turns red, green, then Blue. Explodes.
Flying saucers gone.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1866.
Pink and wonderful
Like a can filled with goodness
Pull back the tab: SPAM!

--Destin Berthelot, dberthelot@rollins.edu

1867.
Spamitis hits town.
Inmates turn shocking-pink. Laugh
Hysterically.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1868.
Crazed punks mug Gift-Sledge.
Pink Spammed Rudolph saves Santa.
Merry Christmas all!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1869.
Pink flesh in jelly
Cold clammy corpse, tin coffin
Shudder in disgust

--Jonathan F. Dill (JFD), jonathan@indigo1.carb.nist.gov

1870.
Robin said to Pooh,
"Let's all eat some SPAM." Piglet
Said, "Urrgh, snort, uk, oink."

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1871.
Big Bad Wolf huffed and
Puffed but Little Piggies laughed,
"Hormel will save us!"

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1872.
Robinson Crusoe.
SPAMprints in sand. Man Friday?
No: Captain Hormel.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1873.
"Friends, swineherds, pigmen,
Lend me your ears, snouts, and tails,"
Says Captain Hormel.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1874.
"Once more into the
Can, dear pigs, and bring your friends,"
Says Captain Hormel.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1875.
Captain Hormel says,
"SPAM a day keeps Doc away."
Everyone else too!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1876.
Captain Hormel says,
"Porkers of the world unite."
Spamdemonium!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1877.
If God decided
To give out SPAM in heaven
Would it be the same?

--Anonymous

1878.
Tree leans and then falls--
one too many cans of SPAM
hanging on far side.

--Paul W. Lewis, pp001342@interramp.com

1879.
"I guarantee we
Will make a new pig of you,"
Captain Hormel says.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1880.
"Tread softly because
You tread upon my SPAM." By
Captain "Yeats" Hormel.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1881.
"SPAM overboard!" the
Cry went up. Mad Ahab cheered.
Moby Dick freaked out.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1882.
"Sty in the sky," said
Captain Hormel. "Just sign here,
Smile, and shut your eyes."

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1883.
"Pigs. Prove your SPAMhood,"
Hormel said. "Wear this blue can;
It will preserve you."

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1884.
SPAM does not stand for
Specially Processed Ass Meat.
Too bad, SPAM bashers.

--Anonymous

1885.
Hungry corpse looks for
Sole Precious Agony Meal--
by Marquis de Sade.

--Anonymous

1886.
Jessica Fletcher
Finds body with SPAM beside.
Suicide? Murder?

--Suzanne Schufletowski

1887.
At Babylon 5
Can you tell the difference
'tween aliens, SPAM?

--Robert Fenske

1888.
Enterprise won't go.
Fault with plasma conduit.
Geordi pulls out SPAM.

--Robert and Glenn Fenske

1889.
Picard wants SPAM lunch
With Earl Grey and peptide cake.
He says "Make it so."

--Suzanne Schufletowski

1890.
Is there anywhere
On Earth, SPAM can big enough
For the Brady Bunch?

--Glenn Fenske

1891.
Pig leather goddess!
I adore thine cloven feet!
SPAM of Punishment!

--chaz@mailserv.edcc.edu

1892.
SHAM ponders haiku.
Got nothing better to do?
Uh-oh, now I'm screwed.

--Anonymous

1893.
SPAM haiku addict
It tastes gross, but still I write
Need a new hobby

--Anonymous

1894.
Your SPAM mouse pad gift!
Bridge between interior
and digital worlds.

--Paul W. Lewis, pp001342@interramp.com

1895.
Damn! Who ate my SPAM!
Ed has eaten my SPAM! Bam!
Now you can't eat SPAM!

--Anonymous

1896.
If I were a can,
I'd want to have vacuum-packed
Pig/flesh/gel inside.

--Mike McGaff

1897.
Mother was fed SPAM
She squirmed like her siblings did
Sadistic parents

--Luke Ellis, Australia

1898.
Floating in limbo
Awful tasting chunks of crap
Please, when will it end?

--Luke Ellis, Australia

1899.
Pig faces worst fear
Ending up as processed glup
Known as horrid SPAM

--Luke Ellis, Australia

1900.
A hard little loaf
Dotted with foreign substance.
My! SPAM or fruitcake?

--John St. Croix, JSTCROIX@HR.HOUSE.GOV