SPAM Haiku 18001-18100

Move backwards to Numbers 17901-18000.

18001.
For my love's birthday
present, I hid a SPAM loaf
in her shoe. Surprise!!!

--Fozzie

18002.
I once was hungry
Then I found the soft pink block
Thus I stayed hungry

--Enoch Jones, MEJ119@hotmail.com

18003.
"Quid est hoc?" "SPAM est!"
Latin 101 nerds in
Cafeteria.

--Nyr Indictor

18004.
Meat-flavored ice cream,
Italian-style: that would be
Known as SPAMoni.

--Nyr Indictor

18005.
Hassidic Jews say
No to pork products--is this
AntiSPAMitic?

--Nyr Indictor

18006.
The Louvre acquires
Pork sculpture: Winged Victory
Of (groan) SPAMothrace.

--Nyr Indictor

18007.
Porky Pig deceased--
Memorial tomorrow
At SPAMetary.

--Nyr Indictor

18008.
Cartographer in
Looking-glass: "Oh no! All my
MAPS turned into SPAM!"

--Nyr Indictor

18009.
Czar Nicholas tries
Pork-flavored tea--served, of course,
In gilt SPAMovar.

--Nyr Indictor

18010.
Always ready with
A can of tinned meat: it's the
Good SPAMaritan.

--Nyr Indictor

18011.
Today the baby
Ate meat for the first time. Phew!
Change the SPAMpers, please.

--Nyr Indictor

18012.
Ham Sawyer, Muck Finn
Both by Pork Twain--"pen" name of
SPAMuel Clemens.

--Nyr Indictor

18013.
Fermented SPAM juice
"White lightnin' sure tastes good." Yeah.
But try SPAM liquor.

--John Byer

18014.
Three more for the ton.
I'm not counting of course. No?
Milford's still the man.

--John Byer

18015.
Foot and mouth disease,
swine fever. No easy life.
Then turned into SPAM.

--John Byer

18016.
SPAM lives forever
in arteries and blood cells
all over the world.

--edrieSF, difalstad@aol.com

18017.
Dubya, he's our man,
his thinking resembles pink
pig parts in a can.

--Fwed

18018.
quivering lumplets
proud symbol of our nation
serve your country--eat!

--Anonymous

18019.
tres cajas de SPAM
recycle cans, toss the rest
lo aprovecho

--Anonymous

18020.
Pukey SPAM dinner.
Better than starving, Dad says.
Careless fatherhood.

--Anonymous

18021.
Fiery ritual
SPAM burns up with thick black smoke
Devil worshippers

--Anonymous

18022.
Nasty greasy blob
Hellish damnation is near
Forgive me father

--Anonymous

18023.
San Francisco treat
Goodbye now, Rice-a-Roni
SPAM is here to stay

--Anonymous

18024.
Wasted tax dollars
We paid for stadium, but
"SPAM Field" is bad name

--Anonymous

18025.
Halloween SPAM scene
Now don't scare the children, dear!
Quick, hide the blue cans!

--Anonymous

18026.
Morticians are smart.
Extra money on the side.
Where does SPAM come from?

--Anonymous

18027.
First big bite of SPAM.
Taste is somewhat off-putting.
Enbalming fluid.

--Anonymous

18028.
Body snatchers? Ick!!!
It's a grave undertaking.
But, we need our SPAM.

--Anonymous

18029.
Felt like Grinch this year.
Christmas shopping drives me nuts.
Gave them SPAM instead.

--Anonymous

18030.
Thay have no real choice.
School lunch eaters now barfing.
Lunch ladies cackle!

--Anonymous

18031.
Brother hated SPAM.
Twenty years later, we laugh;
dried SPAM found in vase.

--Anonymous

18032.
Forgive me, Father.
There is no salvation now.
I have eaten SPAM.

--Anonymous

18033.
SPAM sales skyrocket!
Biotechnology pays;
human genes in pigs.

--Anonymous

18034.
Sure, GMOs suck;
but SPAM is Frankenfood, too.
Progress can't be stopped!

--Anonymous

18035.
SPAM at church picnic.
Caustic taste in back of throat;
Gastric juices rise.

--Anonymous

18036.
If you don't eat your
meat, how can you have any
pudding?--Pink Floyd song.

--Anonymous

18037.
I have invented
a word: SPAMtismal. Only
I know its meaning.

--fozzie

18038.
"Johnny witnessed the
SPAMtismal." Don't you wish that
you knew what that meant?

--Fozzie

18039.
Jellied pink meat sponge
Many uses, not for food
Heloise has hints!

--SPAMtastic Four

18040.
Sitting on my shelf
Daring me to eat it--yuck!
Canned menudo gel!

--John Wilson, mrbatman@earthlink.net

18041.
Florida sharks bite
Surfers on boards get attacked
SPAM on a shingle

--Anonymous

18042.
With fresh oil-based SPAM,
I shaved my sweet wife tonight.
Which one shall I eat?

--Mr. Onadietsu

18043.
The letters in SPAM,
When re-arranged, spell A MAP.
Now drive to Safeway.

--Geography-sensei

18044.
Bite into the SPAM.
Your taste buds do not fool you--
Rainstorm on the way.

--Katsu Onara

18045.
Cologne on each cheek;
Piece of SPAM under each arm
It's time to bar-hop.

--Hygiene Gal

18046.
Gull alights on pond
To drop SPAM to starving fish.
Warm winter ensues.

--Fish Story Guy

18047.
"Where the hell's my SPAM?"
You asked that cold winter night.
"Beats me," I replied.

--Robert Frost IV

18048.
Spring grass pushes up.
SPAM inserted into cans.
Our earth will survive.

--Optimistic Mystic

18049.
Your SPAM cost money.
On 40th Street, Phoenix,
Sits Hormel's big house.

--The Ghost of Barry Goldwater

18050.
Large dark clouds rolled in.
Sheets of water then fell down.
Can of SPAM now rusts.

--Burst o' rain

18051.
Most delicacies
Tickle your mouth in summer.
Go down on my SPAM.

--Hugh H.

18052.
Slice a loaf of SPAM
Into many tiny sheets.
You've got moist towelettes.

--Miss Manners's Assistant

18053.
Eat SPAM and drink milk.
Your 10K is tomorrow.
Lose and I'll leave you.

--Fitness Chick

18054.
It's time to translate.
SPAM in Latin is SPAMUS.
Second declension.

--Mr. Chips

18055.
Doggie ate the SPAM.
Shortly thereafter out back
Lawn got fertilized.

--James Whitmore

18056.
It's time, my children.
Fill the time capsule with SPAM.
Confuse the future.

--H. G. Wells

18057.
If it itches, scratch.
But do not try this with SPAM.
Mushy fingernails.

--Revlon rep

18058.
Mount Fuji rises
Close to Fujinomiya.
So does my SPAM cake.

--Bruce Ano-nee

18059.
Here's a nice tidbit:
Sylvia Plath once ate SPAM.
But then what happened?

--e. e. SPAMmings

18060.
SPAM in a blender
Makes for a tasty mouthwash.
Whatcha waitin' for?

--Bass-O-Matic

18061.
In chemistry class
On the periodic chart
SPAM does not appear.

--H. Too Ohtoo

18062.
Had the Achaeans
Used SPAM instead of a horse,
Troy'd still be standing.

--Hank Schliemann, Berlin

18063.
SPAM or some fat dude?
Certainly you must eat one.
I would chose rump roast.

--Chef Larry

18064.
Look! Little kid Gauss!
One over x dx is...?
The answer ain't SPAM.

--Math Wizard, Cal Tech (Pasadena, CA)

18065.
If all SPAM were air,
Your aorta would get clogged.
Now that's a real bitch!

--Mike DeBakey, M.D.

18066.
She washes my back
With warm water and soft soap
On a big SPAM sponge.

--Mr. I. Voree

18067.
If my kite were SPAM
And I took Anne to the beach,
The kite would not fly.

--Neil Armstrong (Ohio)

18068.
Black coals heat the grill;
Moist SPAM-and-tofu kabobs;
I am in heaven.

--Troy Donahue, Surfside 6 (Miami Beach, FL)

18069.
Pam ate SPAM in Spain
And then she ran with the bulls.
Pam was gored and died.

--Muriel H. (Ketchum, ID)

18070.
Unexamined SPAM--
Within The Cave or without--
Is not worth eating.

--Chuck Peirce (Milford, PA)

18071.
The volcano spews.
Down come rivers of hot SPAM.
Run, run for your lives.

--Helena Aetna (on the road)

18072.
SPAM is everywhere.
Winter, Spring, Summer, or Fall.
It's available.

--Eddie Basha (Phoenix, AZ)

18073.
Burp, fart, sneeze, eat SPAM--
If all at once these you do--
You meet your Maker.

--Martin Calvin, M.Div. (itinerate evangelist)

18074.
Islet cell cancer--
Quite hard to cure with chemo.
SPAM won't work either.

--Anonymous (physician at NIH in Bethesda, MD)

18075.
Il Duce just read
The SPAM of Miss Jean Brodie.
Yes, SPAM betrayed her.

--Eudora Updike (reporting from Milan)

18076.
A very long trek
Through rain forests in Brazil
Means SPAM for dinner.

--J. E. W. M. (Firth of Forth)

18077.
Were SPAM dynamite,
Terrorists would snap it up
Quickly from the shelves.

--Yessir Ibefat

18078.
My ears don't deceive--
An icicle cracked loudly.
SPAM sure can't do that.

--Inge Rolfsdattir (Reykjavik, Iceland)

18079.
The fireworks explode
In sky on warm summer night.
My head rests on SPAM.

--J. P. Sousa

18080.
Your open mouth screams
When angel of death draws near.
SPAM shoved in--you die.

--J. Kevorkian (Upper Peninsula, MI)

18081.
Football season's here.
Autumn leaves...changing colors.
We barbecue SPAM.

--K. Rockne (South Bend, IN)

18082.
Yes, tranquility.
Soft rain moistens my poodle
While she chases SPAM.

--Dog and SPAM lover

18083.
Yelled from the rooftop,
Your cry for help did move me...
Like SPAM does my bowels.

--Empathetic Soul

18084.
Gangrene on my SPAM
Does not scare me like you'd think.
But hemorrhoids would.

--Gary "Itch" Masters

18085.
SPAM: FDA says
It's not their jurisdiction;
It's not really food.

--flem

18086.
When they grind up pigs,
I wonder as I swallow,
Do they wash them first?

--flem

18087.
I've had pork before;
Eating SPAM makes me wonder
"What the hell is this?"

--flem

18088.
Very suspicious.
SPAM served at PETA banquet.
I think I know why...

--flem

18089.
Snickering pig gasps,
"Humans think it's made of meat!"
Rolls on floor laughing.

--flem

18090.
"Stop sending us SPAM!
We'd rather face starvation!
Yours truly, Third World."

--flem

18091.
Mad Scientist posts:
"SPAM will make your penis grow."
Sadistic laughter.

--flem

18092.
Here's yet another
Rejected Hormel ad plan:
"The other pink meat"

--flem

18093.
Sad red-breasted breams
In warm sun-drenched oceans swim,
Longing to taste SPAM.

--Bill W. in Key West, Florida

18094.
Five syllables here
And seven syllables there
Make a SPAM haiku.

--Susie, a poet and screenwriter

18095.
The rich want bigger
yachts. "No prob", says Dubya, "Let's
steal SPAM from seniors!"

--Milford Pigboy

18096.
Winter's snow melted,
Revealing my outside grill.
SPAM season is here.

--guy in Homer, Alaska

18097.
Like a wild stallion
Free to run with joy his hills,
Ride my big, strong SPAM.

--Jake

18098.
Can you hear and feel
The hum of hummingbird wings
Flapping in the SPAM?

--Robin Blackwell (UK)

18099.
Some Dom Perignon
SPAM in a Bar-B-Q sauce
The best of both worlds

--Wild T.

18100.
Good Tao and Karma
Conform to simplicity
If SPAM's the tantra.

--Wau-tzu Lai