SPAM Haiku 2301-2400

Move backwards to Numbers 2201-2300.


2301.
Smoke SPAM with a pipe.
SPAM likes Michael Stipe. When I
See SPAM I go "Yipe!!!!!!"
--Jen Sethasang

2302.
Sand flows through the hour
glass, just as SPAM flows through me:
My God, how time flies!

--Eddie Finn, EWFinn@aol.com

2303.
SPAM jam on biscuit
SPAM jelly on blackened toast
SPAM preserves my soul

--Eddie Finn, EWFinn@aol.com

2304.
"Make money fast!" screams
the stupid ad on Usenet.
This is called a spam.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2305.
MST3K:
Servo offers SPAM to Crow.
"Bite me," Crow replies.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2306.
I have discovered
the secret ingredient:
H2SO4.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2307.
Yeah, yeah, SPAM is great.
Yeah, yeah, SPAM is good. What if
SPAM was one of us?

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2308.
Resistance to the
SPAM is futile. You will be
assimilated.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2309.
What would Uncle Sam
do if we paid income tax
by sending in SPAM?

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2310.
NYPD Blue:
Sipowicz pigs out on SPAM.
Has a heart attack.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2311.
On my Spamboni,
At Maple Leaf Gardens, I'll
Resurface the spice.

--Barrie Collins, bcollins@comox.island.net

2312.
At the Round Table,
Guinevere served Hot Boiled SPAM.
Test of chivalry.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2313.
I knew a SPAM, once,
Who thought he'd been a pig in
A previous life.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2314.
The Lord sent us SPAM.
He sent us, also, locusts,
Gnats, frogs, hail, and boils.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2315.
Shrieking lunch whistle.
Why open the bent black pail?
SPAM loaf lurks within.

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

2316.
Multi-purpose SPAM--
Mold into dentures for lunch,
Eat dentures for snacks!

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

2317.
By simple corn-ham
(rich baloney!) Ms. P.M.
beclamps my rhino.

--Wayne E. Baisley, baisley@fnal.gov

2318.
Masterless ronin
Searches Japan for sensei
Spamikitori

--Bill Levine

2319.
Samurai--five years
Humbly bows to sensei. Cuts
Ultimate slices.

--Bill Levine

2320.
Fly lands on slices,
Sword cuts miss insect--disgrace!
Quick harakiri.

--Bill Levine

2321.
Is that your nose or
Are you eating Super SPAM?
Actually, no!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2322.
Speaking as a SPAM,
This haiku hype is noxious
Anti-porcine poop!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2323.
Karadzic sealed in
tin. A lovely sight to see.
The first pig in SPAM.

--Mike McGaff

2324.
SPAM place in orbit.
"Space is now mine!" claims Hormel.
A reign of gristle.

--Mike McGaff

2325.
Martial colonies,
Built from pseudo-food profits.
The SPAM in the moon.

--Mike McGaff

2326.
A crimson land mine.
Soldier pokes it with a stick.
SPAM daisy cutter.

--Mike McGaff

2327.
SPAMMY come home! Last
Seen with mash and peas before
Dessert. Eat kindly.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2328.
Oysters and SPAM mousse.
Superb aphrodisiac.
Revives the tired bits!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2329.
"New SPAMs for old," says
Hormel. "Re-sprayed SPAMs half price,
Includes acid gel."

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2330.
"Seek Spamtuary
In the blue tin; it's safe there,"
Captain Hormel says.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2331.
Saladin could split
A SPAM mid-air: Ivanhoe
Tickled his to death.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2332.
Alone with SPAM. Pink-
Ness pervades; fragrance of pig
Steeps the Id. Eat it!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2333.
Give me a dollar
And I will go buy some SPAM
And dump in the can

--Anonymous

2334.
SPAM, it sounds like "flop"
When it wiggles from the can
Recycled pig dung

--Anonymous

2335.
"I considered SPAM.
What the hell was I thinking?"
Jolly Green Giant.

--Mike McGaff

2336.
Prisoner James Cole,
"Volunteer" science subject:
Can SPAM kill the world?

--Mike McGaff

2337.
Pink cubes of cold flesh
Dripping blood, pus, and urine
I relish my SPAM

--Anonymous

2338.
1984:
"Slavery is freedom" "War
is peace" "SPAM is food"

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

2339.
SPAMimal Farm: "All
meats are equal. Some are more
equal than others."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

2340.
Dickens describes SPAM:
"It was the best of meats, it
was the worst of meats."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

2341.
Churchill on SPAM: "A
riddle wrapped in a myst'ry
wrapped in some pink gel."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

2342.
American pork
spread 'cross the continent: SPAM-
ifest Destiny.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

2343.
Lunchmeat passed from one
generation to the next:
SPAMily heirloom.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

2344.
Mona Lisa smiled
'cause she convinced daVinci
to not invent SPAM.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

2345.
Munch serves his guest SPAM.
The next day he paints "The Scream."
Mere coincidence?

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

2346.
Once upon a time,
in a magic, happy land,
SPAM did not exist.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2347.
Sure, a SPAMless world
sounds like earthly paradise,
but--no SPAM haiku!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2348.
Lose unwanted guests.
Serve them SPAM three times a day.
It works like a charm!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2349.
Rogue B-52
drops SPAM on USSR.
It's Dr. SPAMlove.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2350.
Put a pinch of SPAM
right between your cheek and gum.
Healthier than Skoal.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2351.
Timothy McVeigh.
Hanging is too good for him.
I say, feed him SPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2352.
On the interstate,
eighteen-wheeler hits a moose.
Result looks like SPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2353.
Hormel workers come
and they cart the moose away.
See? I told you so.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2354.
Crack and PCP
can't match the addictiveness
of the SPAM haiku.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2355.
Arecibo dish.
Pranksters fill it up with SPAM
right up to the top.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2356.
Frightened Chief tells Quint,
"We're gonna need a bigger
boat." The SPAM attacks!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2357.
Mr. Leopold
Bloom ate with great relish the
SPAM he got from cans.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2358.
"Woolly Bully" was
not performed by "SHAM the SPAM."
Thought I'd clear that up.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2359.
We'd still be at war
had Grant offered SPAM to Lee
at Appomattox.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2360.
"South of the Border."
Tacky highway tourist trap.
Home of SPAM tacos.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2361.
Doctor, Doctor, give
me the news, I got a bad
case of SPAM haikus!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2362.
Shakespeare's critics say
Francis Bacon wrote his plays.
Nope; 'twas Francis SPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2363.
Looked in the glass to-
Day. Huge SPAM sniggered. This my
True identity?

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2364.
When God made man, Sat-
An made pigs. Too late to swap,
They invented SPAM.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2365.
What is SPAM to me
but a happy, beautiful
messenger of God?

--Anonymous

2366.
I made up a joke:
How do you make a SPAM loaf?
Put it on welfare!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2367.
How do you make a
Hormel? Give hooker sex change;
change her name to "Mel."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2368.
Star Trek: Voyager.
Neelix serves SPAM to the crew.
They phaser his ass.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2369.
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.
Odo mimics can of SPAM.
Gets flushed down the john.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2370.
Star Trek: TNG.
Where'd Dr. Pulaski go?
Look in the blue can.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2371.
SPAM is made by elves
in trees. Honest. And when an
elf dies...Hey, more SPAM!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2372.
SPAM yanked from Olym-
pic menu. Do you believe
in miracles? Yes!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2373.
I cut off a chunk,
then I saw it wasn't SPAM,
but...A HUMAN HEAD!!!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2374.
The above haiku's
ripped from a Jack Handy bit.
I apologize.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2375.
Haiku 486:
Don't try this yourself. Why not?
Sharp metal edges.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2376.
Chinese calendar.
Year of Monkey, Year of Horse.
Together, they're SPAM!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2377.
Franklin tied SPAM key
to kite. Lightning stuck, turned him
into hot pink mass.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2378.
SPAM haiku with links!
Isn't that a cool idea?
OK, maybe not.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2379.
Sheriff's deputies
follow gel trail to Manson
at SPAM's Movie Ranch.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2380.
Cocaine runners hide
blow inside a crate of SPAM.
Sniffer dog vomits.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2381.
Orson Welles declares
big SPAMs land in New Jersey.
Audience panics.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2382.
My name's Ozyspam-
dias! Look on my Meat, ye
mighty, and despair!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2383.
Lizzie Borden took
a can and served it to her
mom and dad. Murder!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2384.
Edmund Fitzgerald:
Cook tells crew, "It's SPAM tonight!"
They scuttle instead.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2385.
I can only think
of two guys who might love SPAM:
Beavis and Butt-Head.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2386.
"These SPAM nachos rule!"
"Yeah yeah! Heh-heh. SPAM kicks ass!"
"Huh-huh. Huh-huh-huh."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2387.
"This SPAM isn't hu-
man. It doesn't feel pain. It
can't be reasoned with!"

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2388.
"Butt-Head, pass the SPAM.
Don't bogart it, fartknocker!"
"Get your own, asswipe!"

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2389.
Hormel announces
new product: Cajun-Style SPAM.
Paul Prudhomme goes nuts.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2390.
Gamera is neat.
He is filled with turtle meat.
Not an ounce of SPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2391.
Old retired jocks to
star in ads for new SPAM Lite.
"Tastes filling!" "Less great!"

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2392.
Sodium nitrate.
Mix with diesel fuel--KABANG!
It's a SPAM grenade.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2393.
Molly Bloom never
Got out of bed. Leopold
Always frying SPAM.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2394.
When I exclaimed "SPAM
Haiku," my wife gave me a
Tissue, "Gesundheit."

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2395.
SPAM rolls down my wall.
I threw it in fit of rage.
Please grant forgiveness.

--Anonymous

2396.
Note on resume:
"Published on the Internet,
My own SPAM haiku."

--Mike McGaff

2397.
The interviewer:
"Thank you for your time, but your
SPAM haiku lack taste."

--Mike McGaff

2398.
"Lacking in taste, eh!?
Have you ever eaten SPAM?"
I am now postal.

--Mike McGaff

2399.
"Calm yourself, young man!
Obviously, excessive
nitrates! Try SPAM Lite!"

--Mike McGaff

2400.
Secretly I smile.
Foolish mortals know not the
Mysteries of SPAM!

--Mike McGaff


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John Nagamichi Cho


SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.