SPAM Haiku 2601-2700

Move backwards to Numbers 2501-2600.

2601.
Upheaval in France:
Crowds seize royal stock of SPAM,
Guillotine own lunch.

--bill mahoney, mahoney@academ.wvwc.edu

2602.
The Bard's king declares,
"My kingdom for a horse? Pah!
It's SPAM I desire."

--bill mahoney, mahoney@academ.wvwc.edu

2603.
SPAM mythology:
Achilles's heel crushes can;
Death by a lunchmeat.

--bill mahoney, mahoney@academ.wvwc.edu

2604.
Aliens return,
Swap Elvis for world's supply
Of SPAM and pork rinds.

--bill mahoney, mahoney@academ.wvwc.edu

2605.
Renaissance pork art's
Masterpiece in greasy pink:
"SPAM On the Half-Shell"

--bill mahoney, mahoney@academ.wvwc.edu

2606.
Better than baked beans,
SPAM loaf fuels bowel ballast.
Jet propulsion booms.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2607.
Regurgitation
defined means no bile present.
I define it: SPAM.

--sarahb@lamar.colostate.edu

2608.
It spirals Sputnik-
like; hurling from plate to floor.
Oh good! Flavored SPAM.

--sarahb@lamar.colostate.edu

2609.
Queasy, greasy SPAM
Slithers without propulsion
Across a white plate.

--sarahb@lamar.colostate.edu

2610.
Who says we can't learn
from nature? Gel coating SPAM
Resembles snail trail.

--sarahb@lamar.colostate.edu

2611.
Can you tell it's lunch-
time? SPAM submissions soar with
each tasty forkful.

--sarahb@lamar.colostate.edu

2612.
Not crushing fat glob-
ules but disconcerting sweet-
ness that makes me retch.

--Mark Estes

2613.
The smell of seared pork
Product and volatile oils--
Child camps with parents.

--Mark Estes

2614.
SPAM? Never tried it.
It is scary to have to
eat something so pink.

--Deb Oestreicher, debo@netwalk.com

2615.
Good Jews, we didn't
have SPAM in my house. At times
I regret that lack.

--Deb Oestreicher, debo@netwalk.com

2616.
Lindberg flew at dawn.
He checked his lunchpail rations.
"SPAM! I'm turning back."

--Chuck Hancock, chancock@ix.netcom.com

2617.
"Enough," sighed Chief SPAM.
"Your haiku get worse and worse.
Here, have a sausage."

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2618.
"Help, doctor, Hormel
Is here." "Take a haiku with
Your beer." Smart ass quack!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2619.
Too many haiku.
Zounds! I have become a SPAM.
Metamorphosis.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2620.
SPAM on your plate can
Exacerbate all except
Hunger for SPAM, ne?

--Anonymous

2621.
Phantom piglets wail
Lamenting diluted selves:
Bloodless SPAM slices

--Ashley Stinson

2622.
Writing SPAM haiku
More satisfying than SPAM
No need to swallow

--Ashley Stinson

2623.
Boys at the disco--
"Raining SPAM--Hallelujah!"
Society frowns.

--Anonymous

2624.
SPAM, You are neat-o
You smell like Alpo dog food
SPAM, YOU RULE THE WORLD!!!!!

--Anonymous

2625.
Your kingdom for a
horse? No problem. Here's some SPAM.
Plenty horse in that.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2626.
Scientology.
Is it bad as SPAM? Dunno.
But it smells as bad.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2627.
In the hospital,
patient is served SPAM for lunch.
Big malpractice suit.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2628.
The FDA finds
that SPAM isn't good for you.
Wow, that's a surprise.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2629.
Ever notice how
stuff that tastes bad is healthy?
SPAM: The exception!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2630.
Why so much sugar?
Since when is pork supposed to
be so frigging sweet?

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2631.
Cafeteria.
Prisoners are given SPAM.
Riot! ATTICA!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2632.
Taco Bell comes out
with new SPAM chimichangas.
Run from the border!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2633.
Lister wolfs down a
SPAM vindaloo, then blows chunks.
Rimmer has a fit.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2634.
I have a nightmare:
Can of SPAM rises from lake.
I wake, drenched in sweat.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2635.
Queeg throws SPAM over
the side; from now on the crew
calls him "Old Pink Stain."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2636.
I bought a product
in a blue box. It sucked. SPAM?
Windows 95.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2637.
Newfound love for meat
I'm eating SPAM every meal
Heart failure ain't cool

--Anonymous

2638.
Surgeon Gen'ral warns:
You can eat SPAM while pregnant
Child death rate triples

--Anonymous

2639.
Sure glad they cancelled
the Super SPAM Collider.
What a waste of pork.

--Darryl Hand, codap@metricanet.com

2640.
Strict new safety rule:
"Employees must submit to
random SPAM-testing."

--Darryl Hand, codap@metricanet.com

2641.
Quick, call 911!
"Little sister swallowed SPAM!"
"Induce vomiting."

--Darryl Hand, codap@metricanet.com

2642.
Best safety tip for
New Year's Eve celebration:
Don't eat SPAM and drive.

--Darryl Hand, codap@metricanet.com

2643.
SPAM on a camp-out
Burns as aromatically
As styrofoam cups.

--Mark Estes, Austin, TX

2644.
God said, "LET THERE BE
SPAM," and there was SPAM. "ANOTH-
ER FINE MESS, STANLEY!"

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2645.
"The meaning of SPAM
Is that it has NO meaning."
Riddle of the Sphinx.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2646.
First, Eve gave Adam
SPAM. That's what started it all.
Original SPAM.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2647.
Smart Snob Hormel said,
"Give me a pig that knows his
Place...in a blue tin."

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2648.
Izat Begovich,
Slobodan Milosevich:
SPAM upon their land!

--Dave Bieri, BIERI@IDX.COM

2649.
Ralph SPAMMED my entry
With "brown" and "the" and "sizzle."
Editor "hormell."

--Michele Chapman, KJALPHA2@Eworld.com

2650.
Michele objected
To spam-handed editing.
Marital battle.

--Ralph Chapman, KJAlpha2@Eworld.com

2651.
Cheeks pink as primrose,
SPAM-sculpted. Sweetly dimpling,
Pig-malion smiles

--Paula S. Jordan, jordanp@worldweb.net

2652.
One two three four SPAM.
One two three four five six SPAM.
One two three sex SPAM.

--Pete

2653.
Three lines are not much
to save this poor verse of such
dribbled SPAM I clutch.

--Jeromy

2654.
I think that I shall
Never see a can of SPAM
Lovely as a tree.

--Barrie Collins, bcollins@comox.island.net

2655.
The British Army
Stockpiled its SPAM in Egypt;
Hence the pyramids!

--Barrie Collins, bcollins@comox.island.net

2656.
Beneath flow'ring plums
The lovers feed each other
Tasty SPAM morsels.

--Peter B., Providence, RI

2657.
Late night dogs barking
Trashcan lid so tightly fit
Brother's untouched SPAM

--Gary Beason, beason@convex.com

2658.
Memorex buys SPAM:
TV ads with Chef Prudhomme
Was it life or not?

--Gary Beason, beason@convex.com

2659.
When bombs fall, life dies
Roaches and SPAM all that's left
No can opener

--Gary Beason, beason@convex.com

2660.
Duodenum writhes
In agony. The chyme churns
With the hapless SPAM.

--m. crane

2661.
SPAM Appetizer
Gut wrenches boils from below
Kentucky jet spray

--John P. Tindal, tindalj@bah.com

2662.
Ate a can of SPAM
Gastrointestinal pain
Must go pinch a loaf

--John P. Tindal, tindalj@bah.com

2663.
SPAM, evil on breath
With Mentos, the freshmaker
My odor will cease

--John P. Tindal, tindalj@bah.com

2664.
Welcome SPAM Home Page
Renderings drip from the screen
Fat art in your lap

--Jim Foulkrod, foulkrj@mich.com

2665.
SPAM man surfs the net
with his life's mission ordained
greasing cyberspace

--Jim Foulkrod, foulkrj@mich.com

2666.
SPAM is fattening?
Southern deep-fried turkey-tails!
Ever try those things?

--Dave Bieri, BIERI@IDX.COM

2667.
There is a "Top Dog."
There's even "Top Banana."
There is no "Top SPAM."

--john.foster@camel.com

2668.
Luke Theall loves SPAM
Topped with mashed 'taters and baked
With mustard and cheese

--Luke Theall, age 13

2669.
Not served in my house
Never had a taste of it
Secretly craving

--The Levines

2670.
A glistening mo-
nolith; sweating marbled pink;
sun-burnt white man's neck.

--Chris Gellermann, l1z9r6d3@aol.com

2671.
I eat the pink pork
like so many M & Ms.
MMMMM good, like my mom.

--Anonymous

2672.
You laugh without grace
I mock your samurai's howl
You pelt me with SPAM

--Dianne, webx@magg.net

2673.
Counting syllables
Is hard work when eating SPAM
But I will try hard

--Anonymous

2674.
Finger licking good,
SPAM is the other white meat,
You're soaking in it.

--Steven S. Deichen

2675.
Buchanan campaign
Rocked by another scandal.
Advisor ate SPAM.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

2676.
Global, historic
Ubiquitous, edible
Memorable SPAM

--Anonymous

2677.
spam, sleep, bourbon, and
women; these are a few of
my favorite things

--Andy Oliver, aoliver@erols.com

2678.
summer foolishness
mother warned not to be late
spamburgers waiting

--Andy Oliver, aoliver@erols.com

2679.
mom was never home
and dad could only cook spam
now I'm a parent

--Andy Oliver, aoliver@erols.com

2680.
pop the top and shake
candles, champagne, and mozart
press the cloves and bake

--Andy Oliver, aoliver@erols.com

2681.
postwar can and key
scraping off excess jelly
slice to salvation!

--Andy Oliver, aoliver@erols.com

2682.
The sad, lonely prince
asks, "To SPAM or not to SPAM?
That is the question!"

--Dave Bieri, BIERI@IDX.COM

2683.
We threw out the SPAM;
An ashtray and a planter
We made from the can.

--Hilary Everitt, grindog@nanaimo.ark.com

2684.
After scrutiny,
methinks it is doggie food.
I eat on all fours.

--Dan Beeder, daniel_beeder@jhuapl.edu

2685.
The slab's cold surface
Subtle, iridescent hues
I see a rainbow!

--Dan Beeder, daniel_beeder@jhuapl.edu

2686.
I pry up the head
and take the wondrous candy
A SPAM flavored Pez

--Dan Beeder, daniel_beeder@jhuapl.edu

2687.
Perfect, pinkish, pork
Need a word to describe it?
It's "SPAMalicious!"

--Dan Beeder, daniel_beeder@jhuapl.edu

2688.
In my fevered dreams
the SPAM-beast roams the forest
leaving a wet trail

--Dan Beeder, daniel_beeder@jhuapl.edu

2689.
Left out for nine weeks
the fleshy loaf is intact.
What is its half-life?

--Dan Beeder, daniel_beeder@jhuapl.edu

2690.
Reawakened SPAM
Born of the electric storm
Pulsating slowly

--Dan Beeder, daniel_beeder@jhuapl.edu

2691.
Failed experiment.
I kneel on the bathroom tile
retching SPAM chowder.

--Dan Beeder, daniel_beeder@jhuapl.edu

2692.
Greasy tin, French bread
on a cracked, plastic table:
A poor man's pâté.

--Dan Beeder, daniel_beeder@jhuapl.edu

2693.
Pink extruded meat
encased in cold gelatin.
You are what you eat.

--Dan Beeder, daniel_beeder@jhuapl.edu

2694.
Sweltering heat waves
SPAM fermenting in the sun
The transmutation

--Tamara Stead

2695.
Radiation leaks
Slithering out of its can
The SPAM escaping

--Jennifer Propp

2696.
Alas, woe is me,
the magical porcine treat...
for I have no SPAM.

--Anonymous

2697.
"SPAM haiku and fame!"
Blares the Chicago Tribune.
John Cho is King Spam!

--Reber Clark, rebermuse@aol.com

2698.
Hormel can't fathom
Why SPAM and haiku mix well.
Never do they laugh.

--Reber Clark, rebermuse@aol.com

2699.
The rose clenched by teeth,
A Spanish SPAM tragedy,
Sultry meat tango.

--Anonymous

2700.
What a strange web page.
These SPAM haiku submitters:
Too much time on hands.

--bcouch@alantec.com