SPAM Haiku 2801-2900

Move backwards to Numbers 2701-2800.

2801.
Diarrhea's like
A storm raging inside you.
SPAM is like that, too.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2802.
Abraham Lincoln
Said that, "You can't eat all of
The SPAM all the time."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2803.
The end of Hamlet.
Rosencrantz and Gildenstern
Are dead. They ate SPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2804.
Go to Burger King.
Order a "SPAM McWhopper."
Watch the confusion!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2805.
Garry Kasparov
Eats SPAM right before a match.
Jim Varney beats him.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2806.
Liver and onions.
Frozen chicken pot pies. What's
Worse than them both? SPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2807.
Young man seeks doctor.
"I write SPAM haiku," he says.
Psychotherapy.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2808.
"I'm Bob, and I write
SPAM haiku." "Hi, Bob!" It's an
SHA meeting.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2809.
Condemned inmate eats
SPAM for his last meal. He is
A Dead Man Farting.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2810.
"Open the SPAM can
Lid, HAL." "I'm sorry, Dave, I
Can't do that," HAL says.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2811.
SPAM is unhealthy
for children and for other
living things, they say.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2812.
Windy cold pre-dawn
SPAM burrito and coffee
Bond trader's delight

--mgeraty@fnbc.com

2813.
Driving my drop-top
While spooning SPAM from its can
An exultant rush

--mgeraty@fnbc.com

2814.
Hot sun overhead
Makes me intensely restless
SPAM makes me gassy

--mgeraty@fnbc.com

2815.
Squirming in my seat
Scarfing down SPAM mightily
Weaving recklessly

--mgeraty@fnbc.com

2816.
Worldwide pollution
"Human Spam Counts Decreasing!"
The silver lining

--Alice Bell, Sex Educator, Scott_Bell@mindlink.bc.ca

2817.
SPAM TV dinner
on a rusty folding tray.
Ah! Euphoria!

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2818.
Mix Tang and borax
to kill those nasty roaches.
Use SPAM for large game.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2819.
Buddha teaches that
desire leads to suffering.
Want not, hurt not: SPAM.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2820.
Will Rogers never
met a man who just finished
eating SPAM for lunch.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2821.
Historical fact:
The Donner party carried
lots and lots of SPAM.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2822.
Barefoot in Freemont
Smashing pork shoulder and ham
Gore between my toes

--mgeraty@fnbc.com

2823.
Unabomber's change
of heart: non-lethal pork tins
inflict mass terror.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2824.
Ashes to ashes,
dust to dust. All things complete
the cycle but SPAM.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2825.
Pheasant under glass.
Upon closer inspection
a fowl SPAM sculpture.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2826.
"Bless me, Father, for
I have sinned. SPAM passed my lips."
Too much for the church.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2827.
nobody loves me
everyone always hates me
think i'll go eat spam

--hothead@doublespace.com

2828.
Hint for homemakers:
Serve Kool-Aid in old SPAM tins.
Jim Jones tried it once.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2829.
All hail the SPAM Queen!
Most just among meatriarchs.
Let them eat SPAM cake!

--Michael Pohl, mjpohl01@homer.louisville.edu

2830.
Tragic nuclear
accident mutates piggies
into horrid SPAMs.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2831.
If Schrödinger's cat
eats the SPAM, uncertainty
is out the door: dead.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2832.
Enormous black hole
ejects pristine can of SPAM.
Physicists abuzz.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2833.
The question of soul
Expand molecules, extend...
Condense, congeal; SPAM.

--qtimes10@aol.com

2834.
Thank you Hormel Foods,
For blessing us with this SPAM,
Daily nutrition.

--Anonymous

2835.
"Mad cow" warnings halt
all beef sales in U.K. stores.
McSPAM starts riots.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2836.
Mir linkup in space,
astronauts bring SPAM as gift.
Uh oh. Nude space walk.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2837.
The warning label
notes SPAM food fights are safer
if can is opened.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2838.
On St. Hormel's day
all the animals but pigs
reflect and give thanks.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2839.
SPAM treat: smart paté,
or meat parts, or ma's pet rat;
spells and smells the same.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2840.
O Hyakutake
Night sky blue as my SPAM can
Ooo! Ahhh! Back to sleep

--mgeraty@fnbc.com

2841.
Dear SPAM, my close friend.
You are better than Play-Dough,
But don't taste as good.

--Budah the SPAM god

2842.
Pink "How can you have
any pudding if you don't
eat your SPAM LITE" Floyd

--mgeraty@fnbc.com

2843.
A shiny pink mass--
Hand me the $@#*ing spork now
or I'll kick your *%$.

--bohux@ix.netcom.com

2844.
John Cho, I cannot
Find your SPAM haiku pages
On the Internet.

--Chuck Hancock, chancock@ix.netcom.com

2845.
NAIC? What?!?
Said my browser as it choked
As though on a SLAB.

--Chuck Hancock, chancock@ix.netcom.com

2846.
Browsers don't eat SPAM,
Just some amps and watts and bytes;
Bet still, Netscape puked.

--Chuck Hancock, chancock@ix.netcom.com

2847.
I do not like SPAM
And haiku, I can skip it.
But spamku? I howl.

--Chuck Hancock, chancock@ix.netcom.com

2848.
I laughed 'til I cried
When I read, oh, twenty-five
Of the spamku poems.

--Chuck Hancock, chancock@ix.netcom.com

2849.
But I need a fix
Of spamku, and mighty quick.
E-mail me the lot!

--Chuck Hancock, chancock@ix.netcom.com

2850.
Dole nomination
guaranteed. SPAM quality
guaranteed. Oh, joy.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2851.
Pie in the sky, or
actual pig in the tin.
Equally likely.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2852.
Patient found, naked,
Babbling, eating SPAM with hands:
Instant commitment.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

2853.
Psychotherapy.
Unless, of course, SPAM's involved:
then do shock treatments.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

2854.
For eaters of SPAM
Is analysis worthwhile?
I think perhaps not.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

2855.
He tells his kind shrink,
"I admit I like my SPAM."
His therapy ends.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

2856.
Art therapy for
the young, regressed psychotic:
fingerpaint with SPAM.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

2857.
In-patient unit
Recovering SPAM eaters
No one will work there

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

2858.
A Twelve Step program:
SPAMholics Anonymous.
One more SPAMless day.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

2859.
Doctor tells his peer,
"I sometimes eat yummy SPAM."
Loses his license.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

2860.
There's a new branch of
SPAMholics Anonymous
for SPAMku addicts.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

2861.
Years of therapy--
Repressed memory returns:
Mom made me eat SPAM.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

2862.
Can't hate her for it.
Turns out she was SPAM-abused
by HER own mother.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

2863.
For good of my kids:
I'm in SPAM recovery.
Must break these chains now.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

2864.
Warbles Juliet,
"Wherefor art thou, Spameo?
Fill me with your meat."

--mgeraty@fnbc.com

2865.
Star Trek-dressed juror
Thrown out. "Next, please!" Cho steps up,
Dressed as can of SPAM.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

2866.
People eating SPAM
Enjoying it every time
World is now happy

--Anonymous

2867.
Shrimp and shellfish scare
brings about SPAMbalaya.
Cajuns drop like flies.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2868.
Republicans and
Democrats agree on but
one thing: SPAM for lunch.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2869.
Wow! SPAM haiku page.
It's like a new religion.
The world must prepare...

--Anonymous

2870.
Einstein, Socrates,
Laplace, and Mr. Hormel.
They're true geniuses.

--Anonymous

2871.
Planet of the Apes.
SPAM in Taylor's ration pack.
"Damn you all to hell!"

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2872.
Later, Taylor finds
the Statue of Liberty
Clutching a SPAM can.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2873.
The Ten Commandments.
"Let's see your people make SPAM
Without pigs," says Yul.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2874.
Eating British SPAM
Leads to haiku craziness.
It's "mad pig disease."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2875.
Apple Computer
Goes out of business, and yet
Hormel survives. Ha!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2876.
1983.
The Police record their hit,
"Every SPAM You Bake."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2877.
Kurt Cobain preferred
Suicide to eating SPAM.
Hey, who can blame him?

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2878.
Courtney Love prefers
Heroin to eating SPAM.
Hey, who can blame her?

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2879.
Law firm for Hormel
Takes on Tums as a client.
Conflict of interest.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2880.
Were the Menendez
Brothers justified? Of course.
Parents served them SPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2881.
Alka-Seltzer ad.
"I can't believe I ate the
Whole SPAM." They get sued.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2882.
mon/tues/wednes/thurs/fri
spam/coffee/spam/coke/spam/scotch
I'm sick of Freemont

--mgeraty@fnbc.com

2883.
Definition of
irony: excess SPAM means
vegetative state.

--Dorian Mackenzie, KSEG

2884.
Local grocery
always has SPAM or ramen
on sale for the poor.

--Dorian Mackenzie, KSEG

2885.
Can I reconcile
SPAM haiku and being a
member of PETA?

--Dorian Mackenzie, KSEG

2886.
If it's not in the
smart yellow pages, maybe
it's a SPAM fan club.

--Dorian Mackenzie, KSEG

2887.
Snooty waiter at
Spago pretends not to hear
my order for SPAM.

--Dorian Mackenzie, KSEG

2888.
Fleas bite my good dog.
Pesky parasites? Just bugs?
Too smart to eat SPAM.

--Dorian Mackenzie, KSEG

2889.
Geezers in nursing
home count minutes 'til SPAM lunch.
Not much to live for.

--Dorian Mackenzie, KSEG

2890.
Would you like some soy
cheese on your SPAM sandwich? We
must be kind to cows.

--Dorian Mackenzie, KSEG

2891.
State fair coming up.
I just can't wait for that deep
fried SPAM on a stick.

--Dorian Mackenzie, KSEG

2892.
Still writing SPAMku.
Netscape locked up, solitaire
getting real boring.

--Dorian Mackenzie, KSEG

2893.
spam at 6am
just before i leave for work
think i'll call in sick!

--Steve McCreery, mccreery@tampa.mindspring.com

2894.
At three hundred years
Nostradamus found his fame.
Cho and SPAM take heart.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2895.
On lush black velvet,
an instant art world classic:
Four Dogs Eating SPAM.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2896.
Another meeting:
"I'm Dale, I'm a SPAMholic."
"Hi, Dale," they reply.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

2897.
Take Saddam subtract
add insert letter number
sixteen in place two

--Anonymous

2898.
muck on my haunches
gelatin in my jockstrap
squalor in Austin

--mgeraty@fnbc.com

2899.
Oh, that lovely SPAM--
Pink, soft, and jiggling morsel
of artery glue.

--Cliff Drane, cliff@11th2nd.com

2900.
A delicious treat
In a blue and yellow can
Our Favorite Meat

--Chris Petro