SPAM Haiku 3101-3200

Move backwards to Numbers 3001-3100.

3101.
Dante's Inferno
cannot handle SPAM poets.
Newly-built circle !

--D. Bieri, BIERI@SP.IDX.COM

3102.
Why do we do it?
Is there something wrong with us
neurochemic'lly?

--D. Bieri, BIERI@SP.IDX.COM

3103.
Haiku about SPAM?
I'm suspicious of this Cho
and his fixations.

--D. Bieri, BIERI@SP.IDX.COM

3104.
SPAM, king of all food,
What are those glossy white things?
Thank you Hormel Foods!!!

--Eric Baldwin, AirForPres@aol.com

3105.
I ate with a monk
Vow of silence my foot; he
screamed when I said yum

--Patrick Shaughnessy, shaughnepa@woods.uml.edu

3106.
It's April 15.
Sent the IRS some SPAM.
Hello, Leavenworth!

--CHris FIshel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

3107.
North Korea plots
chemical warfare: stockpiles
of kimchi and SPAM.

--CHris FIshel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

3108.
Still more SPAMlet: "To
sleep, perchance to dream of SPAM...
I need some coffee."

--CHris FIshel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

3109.
Baseball season starts:
Peanuts, cold beer, and SPAM dogs
make the perfect day!

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3110.
Anorexics like
it, too: One good whiff and the
appetite is gone.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3111.
Hypochondriacs
deplore it: impossible
to fake its effects.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3112.
Garden pests this spring?
SPAM on a stick works better
than the best scarecrow.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3113.
Went to India
to seek my enlightenment.
Found SPAM. Holy cow.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3114.
Hormel prefers Cho
goes away. Piggies prefer
Hormel goes away.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3115.
McDonalds is a
Cowschwitz; Hormel's factory
must be Porcinewald.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3116.
If nothing's ever
wasted does someone get a
can of oinks sometimes?

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3117.
Kesey is queasy
Leary offs self on the Net
Ultimate spamming

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

3118.
Man takes the Rorschach.
Only sees pinkish pork smears.
Psychologist sighs.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

3119.
"Draw a Person" Test.
With blue and yellow crayon.
Man draws SPAM instead.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

3120.
Moving on to the
Word Association Test:
"First thing to mind?": SPAM!

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

3121.
The psychologist
gives "special medication":
Antipsychotic.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

3122.
Bricks made of piglet,
Technology is divine.
Tonight we will dine!

--Fred Simon, FredNow@aol.com

3123.
SPAM am what it am,
And ain't what it ain't, indeed,
SPAM am what it ain't.

--Fred Simon, FredNow@aol.com

3124.
rectangular pig
soundly sleeping tin casket
three by two by four

--michael kalantarian, mk@sonic.net

3125.
cease your pink squealing
or to hormel i shall send
thee, ungrateful swine

--michael kalantarian, mk@sonic.net

3126.
i have eaten spam
i have put it up my nose
i wear it as clothes

--Anonymous

3127.
the organ grinder
shuddered, eternal churning
monkey hand outstretched

--michael kalantarian, mk@sonic.net

3128.
SPAM, a beer, then an
ice cream--this Passover meal
makes Adonai mad.

--Michael Voytinsky, michael@pronexus.com

3129.
Expiration date
Stamped on bottom of the can
Leaves dent in the meat.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3130.
Put SPAM in the tank.
Turns the toilet water pink.
2000 flushes!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3131.
For those who are too
Lazy to read, there is now
"SPAM Haiku On Tape."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3132.
If Ignatz had thrown
SPAM at Krazy Kat, would the
Kat have loved him so?

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3133.
Just what is the role
Of the appendix? Turns out
SPAM is stored in there.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3134.
If you eat too much
SPAM, then your appendix bursts.
Porkitonitis.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3135.
Wrap a piece of SPAM
'Round an asparagus spear:
A simple hors d'oeuvre.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3136.
Wahoos rule? I don't
Think so! I'm from JHU
'86. So there!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3137.
Ebola monkeys
Don't taste very good, but then,
SPAM tastes even worse.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3138.
Gulf War Syndrome was
Not caused by weapons, but by
SPAM in MREs.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3139.
Munchausen Syndrome
Causes people to eat SPAM,
Then eat lots of TUMS.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3140.
Just what is that gel?
Analysis reveals it's
Preparation H.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3141.
Thirteen-year-old girls
Threatened Clinton, saying they'd
Mail him SPAM. No bail.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3142.
The Secret Service
Takes SPAM threats seriously.
So don't fool around.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3143.
To prevent car theft,
Don't waste money on the Club:
Smear SPAM on the wheel.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3144.
SPAM tastes like cat food
I think it might be a cat
Muffy where are you

--Brian

3145.
Today I eat it
Tonight it's my companion
Leftovers next day!

--Brian

3146.
SPAM is not just food
But feeling, a state of mind
Enlightening fat!

--Brian

3147.
SPAM tastes good to me
I write from an asylum
I miss SPAM sometimes

--Brian

3148.
SPAM is real sexy
I put it in women's clothes
And spank my monkey

--Brian

3149.
At this same moment
SPAM is oozing down my pants
Liquid fat tastes good

--Brian

3150.
All of us love SPAM
Every once in a while
Just very long whiles

--Brian

3151.
SPAM arouses me
I like SPAM up my rectum
Once it got stuck there

--Brian

3152.
SPAM's for breakfast now.
Cube it into scrambled eggs.
What, you have no eggs?

--Anonymous

3153.
napping on sofa,
spam aficionado.
bubbles on the rise.

--michael kalantarian, mk@sonic.net

3154.
mysterious meat
conundrum for the ages
food for the masses

--michael kalantarian, mk@sonic.net

3155.
O SPAM, Muse without
peer, History, tickled pink,
doth smile upon thee.

--michael kalantarian, mk@sonic.net

3156.
More SHAM-work for Cho:
RealAudio Gagaku
for reading pleasure.

--michael kalantarian, mk@sonic.net

3157.
unlabeled tin cube
purchased it in a thrift store
thoughts of Pandora

--Anonymous

3158.
high-vaulted chamber
cath'lic carnivores intone
"laudate SPAMum"

--smegma@kludge.lib.udel.edu

3159.
the hunting impulse
in all men and in each man
stirs the loins toward SPAM

--smegma@kludge.lib.udel.edu

3160.
dans le four de reve
un bruit soudain degonfle
mon souffle de SPAM.

--smegma@kludge.lib.udel.edu

3161.
some folks may frolic
others cavort and gambol--
but i SPAMelope

--smegma@kludge.lib.udel.edu

3162.
Several dogs howled
When I dropped SPAM on the ground.
Loud meat, it can be.

--Rebermuse@aol.com

3163.
Famed SPAM is gone now.
No more fatty meat at all.
The universe ends...

--Rebermuse@aol.com

3164.
Hang SPAM in attic.
Let it mature for twelve days.
Use as smelling salts.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

3165.
I am scared of SPAM
For a very good reason.
SPAM killed my father.

--Scott D. Meeker

3166.
Mister SPAM and me
Round here we eat lots of SPAM
I am the SPAM King

--Scott D. Meeker

3167.
A Beef Spokesman dies
Potted meat lodged in his throat
SPAM has its revenge

--Scott D. Meeker

3168.
Week-old Easter ham,
Microwaved for 5 minutes
Almost tastes like SPAM.

--thomasl+@andrew.cmu.edu

3169.
The cocks are crowing
One thousand SPAMku to read
I'll need more coffee

--Mike Nolan, nolan@naic.edu

3170.
Stygian Market
Endless blue and yellow tins
All Hope Abandon

--Mike Nolan, nolan@naic.edu

3171.
Soy un carnedor
I'm a lunch meat baby, so
Why don't you eat me?

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3172.
Come and listen to
My story 'bout stuff called SPAM.
Pink gold, Hormel Tea.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3173.
Starving, desperate,
Jean Valjean swipes SPAM, is caught.
Pleads insanity.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3174.
Hormel hires Javert
To track SPAM thief through sewers.
SPAM is still sniffed out.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3175.
Thenardier feeds
Cosette nothing but SPAM. What
Vicious child abuse.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3176.
Troops pelt barricades
With SPAM. Gavroche and student
Rebels are wiped out.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3177.
Through eternity,
Mankind suffers, life and death;
A Great Pink Thing laughs.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3178.
SPAM on a shingle
sort of gives shit a bad name.
Justifiable.

--Janie Applecheeks, pphhrogg@communique.net

3179.
LA big quake scare
starts food hoarding, but not SPAM.
Death preferred by all.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3180.
Violent twister
hits market; SPAM cans rain down.
Apocalypse now.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3181.
Numerology
gives Hormel honorary
status: 666.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3182.
"The only thing we
have to fear is fear itself,"
he said. Pause. "And SPAM."

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3183.
Okay, Nolan. Now
We know, you're the one who filled
Arecibo dish.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3184.
But tell us, Nolan,
When will the Big Pink One hit?
Yes, the SPAMsteroid.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3185.
Fifty klicks across
Penetrates the atmosphere
Impact wipes out life

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3186.
Two hundred million
SPAM megatons detonate.
Continents shattered.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3187.
A cloud of methane
Gas and pinkish dust is raised,
Enveloping Earth.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3188.
Five million years pass.
Nature adapts, strange creatures
Made of SPAM evolve.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3189.
SPAM oozes from can.
The dark kitchen is empty--
pray, does it not plop?

--Anonymous

3190.
Meat in a tin can
Don't need a can opener
Shit, I broke the tab

--Laura Vitale, lvitale@hearst.com

3191.
Tastes a bit like meat
Almost good enough to eat
Eau de stinky feet!

--Glenn Derene, gderene@hearst.com

3192.
Smell SPAM far away
Close your nose and it's paté
Stomach pump--OK!

--Glenn Derene, gderene@hearst.com

3193.
The drill sergeant screams
Recruit stuffs him with pork parts
Kubrick's Marine hell

--Bob Greiner, greinerb@washpost.com

3194.
Travel the world for
Wonders--small pinkish meat-like
Thing at top of list.

--Anonymous

3195.
SPAM is more than meat
It has personality
The affable junk

--Anonymous

3196.
During storm one night
Lightning rod fell from my roof
Sculpted SPAM worked well

--Anonymous

3197.
Case goes 'fore judge, says,
"It was premeditated
murder through Spamming."

--Anonymous

3198.
Biting through something
poisonous. Thunder! Lightning!
Storm passes quickly.

--mk@sonic.net

3199.
Yossarian says:
"If I eat it, I'm crazy."
No SPAM-22.

--Bob Greiner, greinerb@washpost.com

3200.
Cold SPAM on your head?
Dolores O'Riordan should
have hair so funky.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com