SPAM Haiku 3801-3900

Move backwards to Numbers 3701-3800.

3801.
SPAM. I never knew,
nor will I now, fatty SPAM,
you see. So I go.

--Nick Radonic, nradonic@xis.com

3802.
Open tin of SPAM.
Sunlight shines through the window,
SPAM is festering...

--Robert Bain

3803.
SPAM is on my plate.
The same which I just ate and
makes me nauseate.

--Denise from Richmond Hill

3804.
A gas barbecue
The smell wafts over the fence
Neighbors close windows

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3805.
David Letterman
Runs steamroller over SPAM.
Why not use the key?

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3806.
The SPAM birds alight
On my sill, flap their pink wings,
Squawk "oink," and are gone.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3807.
We look at the clouds.
"I see a fish." "No, a horse."
I see...but don't speak.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3808.
Climbing an elm tree,
I found some SPAM on a branch.
Serendipity!

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3809.
I push the SPAM through
A metal grating, although
I will regret it.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3810.
The record player
Spins the SPAM around slowly,
Hypnotizing me.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3811.
A bitter divorce
Screams in the lawyer's office
"You always served SPAM"

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3812.
A summer treat: just
Chill some SPAM, then get a cone
And an ice cream scoop.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3813.
At Bournes Stores they sliced
meat the color of your face
thin as rubber bands.

--Joanna Hogg, jo@head.demon.co.uk

3814.
Civil rights for SPAM:
"Say it long, and say it loud,
I'm pink and I'm proud."

--Rob Mellor

3815.
SPAM packing is blue
Blue is color that shivers
SPAM is best when cold

--Eric Brown, browne@felixstowe.em.slb.com

3816.
Hide the SPAM inside
A plastic L'Eggs egg, sell it
As Silly Putty.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3817.
I planted some SPAM
In the yard. How many years
Until the tree blooms?

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3818.
SPAM lasts a long time
But so does nuclear waste
Radioactive

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3819.
I should be outside
Enjoying the sun. Instead,
I write SPAM haiku.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3820.
Try new, improved SPAM!
Just like the old SPAM, except
You can't open it.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3821.
one million lemmings
snacking on SPAM before trip
can they all be wrong?

--David Alan Foster, his haiku collection

3822.
the fried SPAM fritter,
still healthier than battered
Mars bar, yes siree...

--Giles Metcalfe, g.metcalfe@clarendon.ac.uk

3823.
Ham, jam, lamb, and SPAM.
The writing is on the wall,
Nebuchadnezzar.

--Anonymous

3824.
Polish survival
Kit: SPAM and condom. No shit.
Lord, the mind boggles.

--Martin H. Booda,booda@datasync.com

3825.
Pink and glistening,
Frying in the summer heat,
I contemplate SPAM.

--Ian Wilson

3826.
SPAM's autumnal hue
Deepens with the rising heat
I hear leaves crackling

--jam@altagroup.com

3827.
What a dilemma!
I'm vegetarian, but
Does SPAM count as meat?

--jam@altagroup.com

3828.
Dr. Frankenstein
Feeds SPAM to his revived bride
No wonder she screams

--jam@altagroup.com

3829.
Dinner for Fido
I set down SPAM; he sniffs it
But he lifts his leg

--jam@altagroup.com

3830.
What does a rat call
Another rat who eats SPAM?
"Cannibalistic."

--jam@altagroup.com

3831.
Pigs on a death march
Their long faces ending up
In silly lunchmeat

--jam@altagroup.com

3832.
"A day without SPAM
Is a day without sunshine."
--Anita Bryant

--jam@altagroup.com

3833.
First you carve the SPAM,
Then roll it in seeds and wait.
Look! A chia pet!

--jam@altagroup.com

3834.
SPAM has its phantoms:
A pig squeals, then falls silent
As the h in ghost.

--jam@altagroup.com

3835.
Three SPAM triangles
An edible bikini
"Babe" on a babe. Yum!

--jam@altagroup.com

3836.
Freed from your steel tomb
Poor pig! This ham-handed cook
Has cremated you!

--jam@altagroup.com

3837.
On a picnic, SPAM
Is a most practical food:
The ants won't touch it.

--jam@altagroup.com

3838.
The odd, clear jelly
In which this snout meat quivers
I pray is not snot

--jam@altagroup.com

3839.
At the grave of SHAM
Many years from now I see
Thousands of blue cans

--jam@altagroup.com

3840.
piquant pressed porcine
parts pinguid panoply plebe-
ian palate pleaser

--kenneth h. peskin

3841.
"I stepped in dog shit!"
"That isn't dog shit, that's SPAM."
Oh! What cold comfort!

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3842.
In my bomb shelter,
Nothing but SPAM on the shelves.
I open the door.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3843.
It falls with a splat
Once every seven minutes--
Chinese SPAM torture.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3844.
"The Way," says Lao Tzu,
"Seems thin and so flavorless,"
Not like my SPAM slice.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3845.
Slug crawling on SPAM
Greasy trail can not be seen
Was it ever there?

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3846.
The wolf's curved white fang
Is the same shape as the wound
On my trembling hand

--Trevor Artingstall, via rkh@eng.cam.ac.uk

3847.
SPAM, SPAM go away
come again some other day.
Have you heard this yet?

--Casey Gilbertson, casey@anv.net

3848.
If SPAM was a bike
I would ride to work each day
Ah--stinky leathers

--Mr. Eastpond, graham@dkmm.co.uk

3849.
Had SPAM an ego
It would be of little use
SPAM is still just SPAM

--Casey Gilbertson, casey@anv.net

3850.
Each day I thank God
SPAM is not British beef parts--
we would all be mad

--Tony Pearson, ytonyp@dkmm.co.uk

3851.
Can you believe it?
SPAM is not on a menu
Unbelievable

--Casey Gilbertson, casey@anv.net

3852.
My mother ate SPAM
And my mother's mother, too
Will it ever end?

--Casey Gilbertson, casey@anv.net

3853.
SPAM: potential skin
graft substitute or food? Hmmm,
yes, well, you tell me...

--Giles Metcalfe, g.metcalfe@clarendon.ac.uk

3854.
Myst'ry Meat! I am
Musing, a la Descartes: I
Think, therefore I SPAM!

--Doug Gubbins, doug@apogeesys.com

3855.
The last meal of SPAM.
Pink flashes in a grey dawn.
Silent but deadly.

--steve.mclaughlin@gmsmuc.de

3856.
The Cannery cans.
Can opener opens can.
The Eater cannot.

--steve.mclaughlin@gmsmuc.de

3857.
O joyous breakfast.
Pink slabs in the morning light.
Postman, please ring thrice!

--steve.mclaughlin@gmsmuc.de

3858.
SPAM can be both great
and really terrible. It's
A true enigma.

--Chuck Rigney, crigney@charlotte.infi.net

3859.
SPAM ain't really good.
I once ate a lot of SPAM,
But I puked BIG TIME.

--Anonymous

3860.
SPAM sucks, there's no doubt.
Spew is what comes to mind when...
...I think of that...Ugh!

--Anonymous

3861.
Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam,
spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam.
I CAN'T TAKE IT.....UGH!

--Anonymous

3862.
Middle class though we,
SPAM was never on our shelf.
A deprived childhood.

--Fade2Blu@aol.com

3863.
And yes, I confess,
I have never tasted SPAM.
Slippery enough.

--Fade2Blu@aol.com

3864.
My nan used to eat
SPAM. I wonder if that is
what took her away.

--Graham Halpin, j9558231@wlv.ac.uk

3865.
I always eat SPAM
Grill it, fry it, eat it up
Best straight from the can

--Michelle Ranks, 75272.1465@compuserve.com

3866.
Dad says SPAM is good
Not for those who don't eat meat
For it's made from ham

--Michelle Ranks, 75272.1465@compuserve.com

3867.
Throbbing hot pink meat
I want to slip it inside
The nearest trash can

--spotworthy@aol.com

3868.
I do not like you,
SHAM-I-am; I will not hai-
ku poems on SPAM!

--Doug Gubbins

3869.
Ate it once for lunch.
Then again, that's when I'd drink
Bourbon for breakfast.

--I. M. Eprich

3870.
Mom made it sound great:
"O.K., Ian...it's SPAM time!"
Then I'd choke it down.

--I. M. Eprich

3871.
Only thing I've won:
SPAM toss at Ken cinema.
You don't want to know.

--I. M. Eprich

3872.
Fat globs on minced ham.
Shiny blue can full of SPAM.
Poor dead piggy parts!

--Anonymous

3873.
In college, a boy
Threw small, pink SPAM balls at me.
Now I have nightmares.

--Julie Anderson

3874.
While surfing the net
I found your page of Spamku.
From whence did it come?

--Laura Lee

3875.
Autobots battle
to destroy the evil force
of the SPAMicons

--A. Hutton

3876.
Super Street Fighter
HA-DO-KEN!! RYU: You need more
SPAM to defeat me

--A. Hutton

3877.
FORM FEET AND LEGS! FORM
ARMS! And I'll form, *clank* the head
Defender of SPAM

--A. Hutton

3878.
GO POWER RANGERS!!
GO GO POWER RANGERS!!! We
need SPAM power, NOW!

--A. Hutton

3879.
Massage with fingers
If you should feel any lumps
Have a SPAMogram

--Casey, casey@anv.net

3880.
Creamy pink jelly,
spread on bread by female hand.
SPAM jam, thank you, ma'am.

--steve.mclaughlin@gmsmuc.de

3881.
"once upon a time
in a can far far away..."
--SPAM Wars trilogy

--giles metcalfe

3882.
we can rebuild him
we have the technology
--the Bionic SPAM

--giles metcalfe

3883.
the six million
dollar SPAM--expensive, but
better than before

--giles metcalfe

3884.
tv was better,
stronger in the 70s,
and so was the SPAM

--giles metcalfe

3885.
They do not serve SPAM
at Happy Eater diners.
No coincidence.

--Rob Mellor, rob@nice.compulink.co.uk

3886.
Father pig to son:
"One day, all yours will be this,"
pointing to SPAM tin.

--Rob Mellor, rob@nice.compulink.co.uk

3887.
Roberto Duran
said "No mas" to Sugar Ray.
Or...was it to SPAM?

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3888.
Lee Harvey Oswald
gets a job at the School SPAM
Depository.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3889.
I let the SPAM slide
straight to my mouth from the can.
Almost choked to death.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3890.
Choking to death would
have been merciful, now that
I think about it.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3891.
Bang The Can Slowly:
Story of a ballplayer
whose SPAM key breaks off.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3892.
I turn my back and
200 haiku appear.
Holy creepin' crap!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3893.
Academician
Porkitov comes up with the
"Pig in Space" concept.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3894.
Khruschev figures that
a pig in space would make for
good propaganda.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3895.
Pig named "Babeski" is
sealed in capsule and blasted
off from cosmodrome.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3896.
Once in orbit, the
pig panics and throws up, just
like Tereshkova.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3897.
"Time for re-entry."
The pig cracks a dirty joke.
Ground controllers groan.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3898.
Parachute fails. The
capsule crash-lands. Open it
up: SPAM in the can!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3899.
Huge blue cans in sky
at night, Air Force claims: SPAM in-
duced hysteria

--Jim Smaltz, jsmaltz@ix.netcom.com

3900.
Cousin's wedding, "Try
cabbage rolls," BAD DECISION--
SPAMIARRHEA

--Jim Smaltz, jsmaltz@ix.netcom.com