SPAM Haiku 4901-5000

Move backwards to Numbers 4801-4900.


4901.
Houdini had a
phone in his coffin, and SPAM.
Look out, 911.
--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

4902.
Coupon freaks on SPAM
high try to peel the painted
label off the can.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

4903.
Yeltsin's fast rebound
comes from an old Russian treat:
SPAM and vodka float.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

4904.
In time for Christmas
Your Favorite SPAM Carols
As gagged by Big Stars

--Martin H.Booda, booda@datasync.com

4905.
"Bring us some Figgy
Pudding!" "Screw you! Lump of coal,
SPAM is all you get!"

--Martin H.Booda, booda@datasync.com

4906.
Scrooge gave Crachit one
Day off and Christmas SPAM. God,
How cruel could he be?

--Martin H.Booda, booda@datasync.com

4907.
"Ebenezer Scrooge,
I'm the Ghost of Christmas SPAM!"
"Please, no! I've reformed!"

--Martin H.Booda, booda@datasync.com

4908.
"I wear sausage I
Forged in Life!" cries Marley. "I
made it link by link!"

--Martin H.Booda, booda@datasync.com

4909.
Great lunch for the trail.
It might even be road toad.
Road toad a la moad.

--Wyald

4910.
Wham, bam, thank you SPAM.
Multidose cholesterol
Sticking to my veins.

--Elyne Handler

4911.
I SPAM, you SPAM, we
All SPAM to below-level,
Minus-O gourmands.

--Elyne Handler

4912.
To SPAM or not to
SPAM, that is not the question.
Just say "no" to SPAM.

--Elyne Handler

4913.
Gelatinous SPAM
Simply oozes from the can--
Nauseatingly.

--Elyne Handler

4914.
How doth the pink stuff
Define its shiny substance?
SPots of fat and hAM.

--Elyne Handler

4915.
Luke feels Force in gut
After eating; is cautioned:
"Beware the Pink Side!"

--Martin H.Booda, booda@datasync.com

4916.
Will Luke and his friends
Escape the Pink clutches of
Foul Jabba the SPAM?

--Martin H.Booda, booda@datasync.com

4917.
SPAM is the Boba
Fett of foods: YAWN. How could it
Entertain? Somehow...

--Martin H.Booda, booda@datasync.com

4918.
They're impersonal.
They're overcommercialized.
SPAM and Fett are twins.

--Martin H.Booda, booda@datasync.com

4919.
How many Boba
Fett/SPAM haiku could I write?
Let me count the ways.

--Martin H.Booda, booda@datasync.com

4920.
Child plays in the dark
With Fett action figure and
SPAM. Next President.

--Martin H.Booda, booda@datasync.com

4921.
I am surrounded
By cretins, like SPAM crust on
The rim of my glans.

--Martin H.Booda, booda@datasync.com

4922.
How long must I bear
The subhuman offal of
SPAM-wrought multitudes?

--Martin H.Booda, booda@datasync.com

4923.
Warped, degenerate
Mooncalves, smeared and bloody with
Their SPAM afterbirth.

--Martin H.Booda, booda@datasync.com

4924.
May a hawk peck out
Their tiny brains and drop them
On rocks, much like SPAM.

--Martin H.Booda, booda@datasync.com

4925.
The whipped cream tempts me,
"Put me on your SPAM." Perhaps...
No! I must resist.

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

4926.
When I see cars crushed
To blocks in junkyards, I can't
Help thinking of SPAM.

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

4927.
It's true, I ate it
The last thing in the pantry
You must tell no one

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

4928.
SPAM on my melon
Instead of prosciutto--ah!
That I've come to this!

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

4929.
More fat than bacon,
yet more slippery than snot.
Did it move? Hope not.

--Wyald

4930.
Gelatinous cube
Purified pork and eagle
A can filled with death

--Wyald

4931.
Petal-delicate
Petal-pink sow labia
In a rosy loaf

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

4932.
Canucks think of SPAM
As Canadian bacon
For Americans

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

4933.
Mmmm...SPAM Vienna!
International flavors
Let's try the French next

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

4934.
This bow tie of SPAM
Matches my pink cummerbund.
What, is it too loud?

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

4935.
My pieces are carved
From SPAM. Yours are of SPAM Lite.
Delicious Checkmate.

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

4936.
I feed my pet SPAM.
It's easy for him to chew.
He's a platypus.

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

4937.
SPAM cut into cubes,
In a cheese sauce, served on toast.
Call it "Welsh Vomit."

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

4938.
Pink as partridge eyes
But its vitreous humor
Is on the outside

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

4939.
Vanished colony:
"Croatan" scrawled on a tree.
Indian for "SPAM."

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

4940.
I suffer alone.
There are no support groups for
SPAMku addiction.

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

4941.
On plastic dishes:
Wonder Bread, Cheese Whiz, and SPAM.
Oh, America!

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

4942.
Hormel slaughterhouse
In goes many animals
Out comes a canned cube

--Wyald

4943.
A man eating SPAM
Ravenous look in his eyes
This world has problems

--Wyald

4944.
It's food for the mind
And it is food for the soul
It slips in my bowl

--jamsplat, jamsplat@geocities.com

4945.
SPAM in the morning
SPAM can be great in the night
Hangover at light

--jamsplat, jamsplat@geocities.com

4946.
I do not like SPAM,
Man I am, I like things made
from ham, not some damn...

--Ladolcevita...For theGoodlife.

4947.
Monkey brains for some,
Bat guano for even less,
SPAM for the masses.

--Wyald

4948.
My friend uses SPAM.
He greases his hair with it.
He'll never marry.

--Wyald

4949.
A SPAM in the hand
Is worth two in the mouth or,
Uh...something like that.

--Wyald

4950.
SPAM, how I love thee.
Let's get married and have kids,
My slices of joy.

--Wyald

4951.
SPAM holds all answers.
Look into its eyes for them.
Its eyes! Oh my god!

--Wyald

4952.
Bow to your highness
The SPAM king has just arrived
Hurl on his command

--Wyald

4953.
Bozo sacrificed.
Aztecs hold his heart aloft.
The sun dines on SPAM.

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

4954.
Weep not, Little SPAM,
Most humble of processed foods.
You have fed armies!

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

4955.
Ravenous pirates
Only SPAM in the galley
Parrot for dinner

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

4956.
Though pink and wiggly,
Extruded SPAM "worms" are shunned
Even by catfish.

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

4957.
Advertisement says
"Cold or hot, SPAM hits the spot!"
Where's the trash? Basket!!

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

4958.
We eat at Chez SPAM
Our dinner accompanied
By accordions

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

4959.
A horny Hindu
The Kama Sutra and SPAM
A phony yoni

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

4960.
You share my good taste.
A few more SPAM bits for you
Little sewer rat?

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

4961.
"SPAM Lite" was a hit.
But I'm telling you, Hormel,
"SPAM Kosher" won't fly.

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

4962.
Her bath is my broth.
The painted pork prostitute
Makes the water blush!

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

4963.
Art is what it is.
Rogers and Hammerstein write.
Pigs turn into SPAM.

--Wenzel Jones, WDJTwo@AOL.com

4964.
Aphrodisiac
Hormel pork shoulders of love
Wham, SPAM, thank you, ma'am

--Cholesterol 300

4965.
Ran out of pipe clean-
ers. Used SPAM instead of them.
Ruined my meerschaum.

--Tim Bender, Nasrouddine@hotmail.com

4966.
I submit daily
A spamku to the archive.
I really need work.

--Wyald

4967.
I opened a can
Then left it in the cupboard.
A colony grew.

--Wyald

4968.
SPAM in my stomach
SPAM in my esophogus
SPAM in my toilet

--Wyald

4969.
Spent many hours at
My stove, preparing dinner.
SPAM: an afterthought.

--Wyald

4970.
Our country 'tis of
Thee, sweet land of liberty.
That's why we have SPAM.

--Wyald

4971.
SPAM in the morning;
It turns the milk pink. My dog
Even shuns me now.

--Wyald

4972.
Grotesque little cube.
It jiggles with excitement
As I consume it.

--Wyald

4973.
I am in despair
Sitting at my computer
Typing more spamku.

--Wyald

4974.
I sleep with my SPAM.
It wards off all my nightmares.
My hair is quite pink.

--Wyald

4975.
I opened a can.
Inside there was a small snout.
"Not again," I moaned.

--Wyald

4976.
Pigs at meat grinder.
One pig oinks and then falls in.
SPAM is invented.

--Wyald

4977.
I was in deep thought.
My screen saver started up.
I now have ideas.

--Wyald

4978.
SPAM swimming in lake.
Brethren to all the small fish.
Hormel catches it.

--Wyald

4979.
A slurp then a choke
Awakens me from my dreams.
My dog found the SPAM.

--Wyald

4980.
Man pulls toad from can.
"Gosh," says Hormel. "Eggbeater
must've missed that one!"

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4981.
Lazy workers at
the Hormel plant are flogged with
the cat o' swine tails.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4982.
Eating SPAM is like
watching Boris Yeltsin do
the Macarena.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4983.
Eating SPAM is like
watching anybody do
the Macarena.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4984.
SPAM appetizer
followed by a SPAM entrée.
Di-Gel for dessert.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4985.
The next day, Di-Gel.
Nothing but Di-Gel, in fact,
for the next two weeks.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4986.
Induce vomiting
in poison victims with just
two words: "SPAM milkshake."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4987.
Eating SPAM is like
being traded from the Bulls
to the Phoenix Suns.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4988.
Texaco execs
joke about "pink jelly beans."
Just what do they mean?

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4989.
PBS fund drive:
"Send us money, or we'll send
you this SPAM tote bag!"

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4990.
caring, nurturing,
oh spam my dearest lover;
gelatin mother.

--Anonymous

4991.
Which of these many
fine SPAMku authors will bag
the Piglitzer prize?

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

4992.
The SPAM catalog
Arrived today. Should I buy
That lovely apron?

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

4993.
Grizzly bear footprints
Torn-up tent and sleeping bag
Gnawed can by the fire

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

4994.
A rattling of chains--
The creature in the attic
Cries for its dinner.

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

4995.
I served SPAM patties
Marinated in vodka.
Where is the Maalox?

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

4996.
Vile school lunches...but!
We wonder why kids rebel?
Lukewarm SPAM croquettes?

--Cholesterol 300

4997.
New market technique
Bound to catch on with yuppies
SPAM of the Month Club

--Cholesterol 300

4998.
Oh pig, my porker
An ignoble end you face
Your destiny: SPAM

--Cholesterol 300

4999.
Upton Sinclair's book
Never could have prepared me
For the sight of SPAM

--Cholesterol 300

5000.
Hormel makes products
That run the gamut of food
Wow! From lard to SPAM

--Cholesterol 300


Move forwards to Numbers 5001-5100.
Return to the SPAM Haiku Archive page.
John Nagamichi Cho


SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.