4901.
Houdini had a
phone in his coffin, and SPAM.
Look out, 911.
--zbaird@cjnetworks.com
4902.
Coupon freaks on SPAM
high try to peel the painted
label off the can.
--zbaird@cjnetworks.com
4903.
Yeltsin's fast rebound
comes from an old Russian treat:
SPAM and vodka float.
--zbaird@cjnetworks.com
4904.
In time for Christmas
Your Favorite SPAM Carols
As gagged by Big Stars
--Martin H.Booda, booda@datasync.com
4905.
"Bring us some Figgy
Pudding!" "Screw you! Lump of coal,
SPAM is all you get!"
--Martin H.Booda, booda@datasync.com
4906.
Scrooge gave Crachit one
Day off and Christmas SPAM. God,
How cruel could he be?
--Martin H.Booda, booda@datasync.com
4907.
"Ebenezer Scrooge,
I'm the Ghost of Christmas SPAM!"
"Please, no! I've reformed!"
--Martin H.Booda, booda@datasync.com
4908.
"I wear sausage I
Forged in Life!" cries Marley. "I
made it link by link!"
--Martin H.Booda, booda@datasync.com
4909.
Great lunch for the trail.
It might even be road toad.
Road toad a la moad.
--Wyald
4910.
Wham, bam, thank you SPAM.
Multidose cholesterol
Sticking to my veins.
--Elyne Handler
4911.
I SPAM, you SPAM, we
All SPAM to below-level,
Minus-O gourmands.
--Elyne Handler
4912.
To SPAM or not to
SPAM, that is not the question.
Just say "no" to SPAM.
--Elyne Handler
4913.
Gelatinous SPAM
Simply oozes from the can--
Nauseatingly.
--Elyne Handler
4914.
How doth the pink stuff
Define its shiny substance?
SPots of fat and hAM.
--Elyne Handler
4915.
Luke feels Force in gut
After eating; is cautioned:
"Beware the Pink Side!"
--Martin H.Booda, booda@datasync.com
4916.
Will Luke and his friends
Escape the Pink clutches of
Foul Jabba the SPAM?
--Martin H.Booda, booda@datasync.com
4917.
SPAM is the Boba
Fett of foods: YAWN. How could it
Entertain? Somehow...
--Martin H.Booda, booda@datasync.com
4918.
They're impersonal.
They're overcommercialized.
SPAM and Fett are twins.
--Martin H.Booda, booda@datasync.com
4919.
How many Boba
Fett/SPAM haiku could I write?
Let me count the ways.
--Martin H.Booda, booda@datasync.com
4920.
Child plays in the dark
With Fett action figure and
SPAM. Next President.
--Martin H.Booda, booda@datasync.com
4921.
I am surrounded
By cretins, like SPAM crust on
The rim of my glans.
--Martin H.Booda, booda@datasync.com
4922.
How long must I bear
The subhuman offal of
SPAM-wrought multitudes?
--Martin H.Booda, booda@datasync.com
4923.
Warped, degenerate
Mooncalves, smeared and bloody with
Their SPAM afterbirth.
--Martin H.Booda, booda@datasync.com
4924.
May a hawk peck out
Their tiny brains and drop them
On rocks, much like SPAM.
--Martin H.Booda, booda@datasync.com
4925.
The whipped cream tempts me,
"Put me on your SPAM." Perhaps...
No! I must resist.
--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com
4926.
When I see cars crushed
To blocks in junkyards, I can't
Help thinking of SPAM.
--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com
4927.
It's true, I ate it
The last thing in the pantry
You must tell no one
--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com
4928.
SPAM on my melon
Instead of prosciutto--ah!
That I've come to this!
--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com
4929.
More fat than bacon,
yet more slippery than snot.
Did it move? Hope not.
--Wyald
4930.
Gelatinous cube
Purified pork and eagle
A can filled with death
--Wyald
4931.
Petal-delicate
Petal-pink sow labia
In a rosy loaf
--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com
4932.
Canucks think of SPAM
As Canadian bacon
For Americans
--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com
4933.
Mmmm...SPAM Vienna!
International flavors
Let's try the French next
--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com
4934.
This bow tie of SPAM
Matches my pink cummerbund.
What, is it too loud?
--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com
4935.
My pieces are carved
From SPAM. Yours are of SPAM Lite.
Delicious Checkmate.
--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com
4936.
I feed my pet SPAM.
It's easy for him to chew.
He's a platypus.
--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com
4937.
SPAM cut into cubes,
In a cheese sauce, served on toast.
Call it "Welsh Vomit."
--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com
4938.
Pink as partridge eyes
But its vitreous humor
Is on the outside
--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com
4939.
Vanished colony:
"Croatan" scrawled on a tree.
Indian for "SPAM."
--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com
4940.
I suffer alone.
There are no support groups for
SPAMku addiction.
--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com
4941.
On plastic dishes:
Wonder Bread, Cheese Whiz, and SPAM.
Oh, America!
--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com
4942.
Hormel slaughterhouse
In goes many animals
Out comes a canned cube
--Wyald
4943.
A man eating SPAM
Ravenous look in his eyes
This world has problems
--Wyald
4944.
It's food for the mind
And it is food for the soul
It slips in my bowl
--jamsplat, jamsplat@geocities.com
4945.
SPAM in the morning
SPAM can be great in the night
Hangover at light
--jamsplat, jamsplat@geocities.com
4946.
I do not like SPAM,
Man I am, I like things made
from ham, not some damn...
--Ladolcevita...For theGoodlife.
4947.
Monkey brains for some,
Bat guano for even less,
SPAM for the masses.
--Wyald
4948.
My friend uses SPAM.
He greases his hair with it.
He'll never marry.
--Wyald
4949.
A SPAM in the hand
Is worth two in the mouth or,
Uh...something like that.
--Wyald
4950.
SPAM, how I love thee.
Let's get married and have kids,
My slices of joy.
--Wyald
4951.
SPAM holds all answers.
Look into its eyes for them.
Its eyes! Oh my god!
--Wyald
4952.
Bow to your highness
The SPAM king has just arrived
Hurl on his command
--Wyald
4953.
Bozo sacrificed.
Aztecs hold his heart aloft.
The sun dines on SPAM.
--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com
4954.
Weep not, Little SPAM,
Most humble of processed foods.
You have fed armies!
--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com
4955.
Ravenous pirates
Only SPAM in the galley
Parrot for dinner
--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com
4956.
Though pink and wiggly,
Extruded SPAM "worms" are shunned
Even by catfish.
--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com
4957.
Advertisement says
"Cold or hot, SPAM hits the spot!"
Where's the trash? Basket!!
--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com
4958.
We eat at Chez SPAM
Our dinner accompanied
By accordions
--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com
4959.
A horny Hindu
The Kama Sutra and SPAM
A phony yoni
--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com
4960.
You share my good taste.
A few more SPAM bits for you
Little sewer rat?
--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com
4961.
"SPAM Lite" was a hit.
But I'm telling you, Hormel,
"SPAM Kosher" won't fly.
--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com
4962.
Her bath is my broth.
The painted pork prostitute
Makes the water blush!
--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com
4963.
Art is what it is.
Rogers and Hammerstein write.
Pigs turn into SPAM.
--Wenzel Jones, WDJTwo@AOL.com
4964.
Aphrodisiac
Hormel pork shoulders of love
Wham, SPAM, thank you, ma'am
--Cholesterol 300
4965.
Ran out of pipe clean-
ers. Used SPAM instead of them.
Ruined my meerschaum.
--Tim Bender, Nasrouddine@hotmail.com
4966.
I submit daily
A spamku to the archive.
I really need work.
--Wyald
4967.
I opened a can
Then left it in the cupboard.
A colony grew.
--Wyald
4968.
SPAM in my stomach
SPAM in my esophogus
SPAM in my toilet
--Wyald
4969.
Spent many hours at
My stove, preparing dinner.
SPAM: an afterthought.
--Wyald
4970.
Our country 'tis of
Thee, sweet land of liberty.
That's why we have SPAM.
--Wyald
4971.
SPAM in the morning;
It turns the milk pink. My dog
Even shuns me now.
--Wyald
4972.
Grotesque little cube.
It jiggles with excitement
As I consume it.
--Wyald
4973.
I am in despair
Sitting at my computer
Typing more spamku.
--Wyald
4974.
I sleep with my SPAM.
It wards off all my nightmares.
My hair is quite pink.
--Wyald
4975.
I opened a can.
Inside there was a small snout.
"Not again," I moaned.
--Wyald
4976.
Pigs at meat grinder.
One pig oinks and then falls in.
SPAM is invented.
--Wyald
4977.
I was in deep thought.
My screen saver started up.
I now have ideas.
--Wyald
4978.
SPAM swimming in lake.
Brethren to all the small fish.
Hormel catches it.
--Wyald
4979.
A slurp then a choke
Awakens me from my dreams.
My dog found the SPAM.
--Wyald
4980.
Man pulls toad from can.
"Gosh," says Hormel. "Eggbeater
must've missed that one!"
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4981.
Lazy workers at
the Hormel plant are flogged with
the cat o' swine tails.
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4982.
Eating SPAM is like
watching Boris Yeltsin do
the Macarena.
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4983.
Eating SPAM is like
watching anybody do
the Macarena.
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4984.
SPAM appetizer
followed by a SPAM entrée.
Di-Gel for dessert.
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4985.
The next day, Di-Gel.
Nothing but Di-Gel, in fact,
for the next two weeks.
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4986.
Induce vomiting
in poison victims with just
two words: "SPAM milkshake."
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4987.
Eating SPAM is like
being traded from the Bulls
to the Phoenix Suns.
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4988.
Texaco execs
joke about "pink jelly beans."
Just what do they mean?
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4989.
PBS fund drive:
"Send us money, or we'll send
you this SPAM tote bag!"
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com
4990.
caring, nurturing,
oh spam my dearest lover;
gelatin mother.
--Anonymous
4991.
Which of these many
fine SPAMku authors will bag
the Piglitzer prize?
--zbaird@cjnetworks.com
4992.
The SPAM catalog
Arrived today. Should I buy
That lovely apron?
--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com
4993.
Grizzly bear footprints
Torn-up tent and sleeping bag
Gnawed can by the fire
--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com
4994.
A rattling of chains--
The creature in the attic
Cries for its dinner.
--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com
4995.
I served SPAM patties
Marinated in vodka.
Where is the Maalox?
--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com
4996.
Vile school lunches...but!
We wonder why kids rebel?
Lukewarm SPAM croquettes?
--Cholesterol 300
4997.
New market technique
Bound to catch on with yuppies
SPAM of the Month Club
--Cholesterol 300
4998.
Oh pig, my porker
An ignoble end you face
Your destiny: SPAM
--Cholesterol 300
4999.
Upton Sinclair's book
Never could have prepared me
For the sight of SPAM
--Cholesterol 300
5000.
Hormel makes products
That run the gamut of food
Wow! From lard to SPAM
--Cholesterol 300