SPAM Haiku 501-600

Move backwards to Numbers 401-500.


501.
Vegetarian.
But somehow, it inspires
The poet in me.
--Jeff Cerier, jcerier@world.std.com

502.
I have never had
This much fun before, typing
Of that which I hate.

--Jeff Cerier, jcerier@world.std.com

503.
Cubes of jellied SPAM
sit by the case in my desk.
I like to work late.

--Dave Schonberg

504.
On hot summer days
Ask mom for a special treat--
SPAMsicles are fun!

--Dave Schonberg

505.
The candles were lit
She's never had my cooking
SPAM soufflé is served

--Dave Schonberg

506.
I like mine no rice,
It only hides the fresh taste:
SPAM sashimi rules!

--Dave Schonberg

507.
He proved his manhood
To the lunchroom girl with SPAM,
Swallowing it whole.

--Dave Schonberg

508.
Cold on my deathbed,
will my heart weep for lack of
eating cans of SPAM?

--Dave Schonberg

509.
SPAM. Never ate it.
Only a concept to me.
Not in my culture.

--Peter Brueggeman, pbrueggeman@ucsd.edu

510.
Cell mass in a can
Sending shivers to my glands
SPAM is in my hand

--Anonymous

511.
Processed pig offal
Unidentifiable
Maybe edible

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

512.
Phallus made of SPAM
Although there's no threat of AIDS
There's cholesterol

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

513.
Love for Meg, Jo, Sue--
All these were transitory
Love of SPAM endures

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

514.
Descartes on pig parts
Says: "I'm pink, therefore I'm SPAM"
Deep philosophy

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

515.
on withered branches
crows linger over old SPAM
the end of autumn

--jingu, rbender@sas.upenn.edu

516.
like morning glories
I pause and contemplate SPAM
I'm that kind of guy

--jingu, rbender@sas.upenn.edu

517.
acidic heartburn
a boat disappears in mist
traces of old SPAM

--jingu, rbender@sas.upenn.edu

518.
Both Mrs. Lovett
and Sweeny Todd would approve
serving people SPAM.

--John St. Croix, jstcroix@hr.house.gov

519.
In aquarium
Blue can, dead flies, green water.
Here lurks the SPAM fish.

--Wade Bell, wbell@best.com

520.
Not easy to cut:
Slips, slides as I slice. Exits
Spamodically.

--Anonymous

521.
Fat-permeated
Glob of pink, sandwich filling.
Pepto Bismol, please.

--kenf@advtech.uswest.com

522.
A beautiful gold
Crust with pink squishy middle
SPAM pie for dinner!

--kenf@advtech.uswest.com

523.
Is that stuff aspic
Surrounding pink baloney?
Where's that damn can key?

--kenf@advtech.uswest.com

524.
Oldest known SPAM found
In the Valley of the Kings:
Ramses' SPAMulet.

--Jon Howell, jhowell@us.oracle.com

525.
Put SPAM in my shoes.
Cool and squishy all day long.
Killed my athlete's foot.

--Jon Howell, jhowell@us.oracle.com

526.
Sizzling on the stove,
Greasy globules sputter, pop.
I stare, misty-eyed.

--Jon Howell, jhowell@us.oracle.com

527.
SPAM got hot, and shot;
spunk of SPAM is on my ham.
Wait twenty minutes.

--Anonymous

528.
I really should work
Yet I must write SPAM haiku
Twisted compulsion

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

529.
Won the lottery
Now I shall have fine champagne
To wash down my SPAM

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

530.
I dropped acid once
Bad trip: Porcine cubes chased me.
Far worse: SPAM flashbacks.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

531.
Replicators failed
Enterprise crew must eat SPAM
Troi senses great pain

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

532.
From Shakespeare's Spamlet:
The jester ate a whole can,
Alas poor Yorrick.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

533.
UN airdrops SPAM
To Bosnian refugees
Errant cans kill Serbs

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

534.
The SPAMinator
Arnold's big line: "I'll be back--
But first, I'll eat SPAM."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

535.
O.J.'s innocent
SPAM is made from finest pork
Which would you believe?

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

536.
Guide to eating SPAM:
If it's still spink, go for it.
If it's turned green, don't.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

537.
Soft pink SPAMmy mass
I want to be one with you
My hands get clammy

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

538.
Hunger I have got
Will suffer through lasagna
For SPAM I have not

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

539.
Would rather eat mud
Than live a day without SPAM
Nah, mud's much better!

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

540.
Learned of the SPAM god
From mythology teachings
Of Joseph SPAMbell

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

541.
Resoled my sneaker
With strips of old, toughened SPAM
Now I eat and run

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

542.
Relined the gutters
With paste of SPAM's gelatin
My whole house turned pink

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

543.
Built a porch of SPAM
Norm Abrams was very proud
He ate it right off

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

544.
Muppets' Pigs in Space
Was secret plot to send SPAM
Far, far, far away

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

545.
I made love with SPAM...
...But some SPAM haiku should be
left unwritten...

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

546.
I miss SPAM sometimes
But while he is away though,
SPAM sends me postcards

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

547.
The SPAM muse came back
Like a SPAM breakfast returns
just before lunchtime

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

548.
Fried in a sandwich--
Remember the mayonnaise!
Hot death on a plate.

--Mark Paulin, markp@funway.com

549.
Pork loin and shoulder--
Hormel swears it to be this...
Too good to ask twice!

--Mark Paulin, markp@funway.com

550.
Testicles. Sphincters.
Were they washed before grinding?
Who knows otherwise?

--Jon Howell, jhowell@us.oracle.com

551.
Call me Ishmael.
Had Melville invented SPAM
It might be called "Spale."

--Anonymous

552.
I can't stop laughing.
SPAM has become a can of
worms. Please help yourself.

--Mark Yannone, elwood@imap1.asu.edu

553.
This really hurts me--
SPAM is burned into my brain.
Won't need teeth again.

--Mark Yannone, elwood@imap1.asu.edu

554.
Is SPAM a Pam? ...Well?
Vegetarians think so.
"Please don't eat my friend!"

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

555.
"Well, I SPAM it in
oh, create my hate it, YEAH!"
New White Zombie song.

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

556.
Incredulity!
Suddenly, SPAM is hot shit!
Post-modern weirdness.

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

557.
In Spain, it's SPAM-O.
SPAM-O ranchero, olé!
Cucaracha bait.

--Mark Yannone, elwood@imap1.asu.edu

558.
SPAMAPSPAMAPSPAM
SPAMAPSPAMAPSPAMAPSPAM
APS. A palindrome.

--Mark Yannone, elwood@imap1.asu.edu

559.
Spamville, USA
Is where the critter hails from.
Send Janet Reno.

--Mark Yannone, elwood@imap1.asu.edu

560.
My apology,
Gastroenterology.
SPAM's been here again.

--Mark Yannone, elwood@imap1.asu.edu

561.
SPAM is really neat.
It looks so good on your feet.
Can't believe it's meat.

--Mark Yannone, elwood@imap1.asu.edu

562.
Turning the Death key
Unlocking the pink horror
I die with each tin.

--Joey Berner, berner@dpdmai.enet.dec.com

563.
I built a SPAM house
of pink gelatinous bricks.
It withstood the storm.

--Anonymous

564.
Worse than eating SPAM?
Watching your father-in-law
eat a trout head. (Crunch.)

--Matt Ragozzino, mwr@teleport.com

565.
Clear chunk waits inside.
It rises!? -- No, just a dream.
Entropy triumphs.

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

566.
I clutch my stomach
Is it SPAM that grips me so?
Or the muse returned?

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

567.
Big Bad Wolf ate SPAM
"I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll
turn you into SPAM!"

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

568.
Nirvana's hit song
first called "Smells Like SPAM Spirit
did not sell real well

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

569.
Boogie woogie SPAM
Ev-er-y afternoon on
MTV's "The Grind"

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

570.
There's no sense in it.
Rehashing SPAM haiku won't
Make it more refined.

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

571.
SPAM muse left early
After only five haiku
Took afternoon off

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

572.
On Halloween night:
Would you like SPAM or SPAM LITE?
"No poisoned candy?"

--Joey Berner, berner@dpdmai.enet.dec.com

573.
Sliced with royal fork
She nibbles, gasps! Then turns blue!
Oh, God save the Queen!

--Joey Berner, berner@dpdmai.enet.dec.com

574.
Two bums all alone
Famished: SPAM or dead rat? Gross!
They split the dead rat.

--Joey Berner, berner@dpdmai.enet.dec.com

575.
Electric chair waits.
"SPAM LITE for my last supper!"
No need for the chair.

--Joey Berner, berner@dpdmai.enet.dec.com

576.
Sunday school boy asks,
"Killing, stealing, eating SPAM...
Which sends me to hell?"

--Joey Berner, berner@dpdmai.enet.dec.com

577.
"No fishes or loaves!
I shall make SPAM for you all!"
The starving all left.

--Joey Berner, berner@dpdmai.enet.dec.com

578.
How do I love SPAM?
Let me count the ways! One...two...
That's about enough.

--GoshMizer@aol.com

579.
triple SPAMBURGER.
two breads and a WHOLE LOAF, mmmmmmm
yummy yum BLEEEERCH, wipe.

--Powdered TOAST Man, s3036712@hardy.ocs.mq.edu.au

580.
SPAM can ran with pam-
ela anderson cuz she's
a babe with spam cram

--Powdered TOAST Man, s3036712@hardy.ocs.mq.edu.au

581.
spaim spaim, in the rain
drain drain go awaym. come back
yet opressedly

--Powdered TOAST Man, s3036712@hardy.ocs.mq.edu.au

582.
3 men walk into
a bar with a can of SPAM.
12-inch pianist.

--Powdered TOAST Man, s3036712@hardy.ocs.mq.edu.au

583.
I keep a can of
SPAM in my pocket to keep
away big monsters.

--Powdered TOAST Man, s3036712@hardy.ocs.mq.edu.au

584.
10 pounds of hog's date.
boil it all for 20 hours.
yum yum bubble gum.

--Powdered TOAST Man, s3036712@hardy.ocs.mq.edu.au

585.
SPAM-induced madness
Haiku on top of haiku
Where will it all end?

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

586.
Liquid nitrogen:
Dunk SPAM in, hit with hammer.
Pink shards fly about.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

587.
Jewish boys are spared
from SPAM. It's compensation
for circumcision.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

588.
Schrödinger's SPAM: One
minute the pork snouts are dead.
The next, they're alive!

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

589.
Rosemary's Baby
was probably raised on SPAM.
Food for devil's spawn.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

590.
If the Borg attack
The Federation of SPAM
whom do you root for?

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

591.
The beauty of SPAM:
It inspires poems as it
clogs your arteries.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

592.
Mother opens SPAM
Child's hunger used as weapon
Peanut butter, please

--Jeff Bell, bell@agames.com

593.
Mother slices SPAM
Child stares out of the window
Short attention span

--Jeff Bell, bell@agames.com

594.
Mother serves the SPAM
Child's tears moisten the sandwich
Time passes slowly

--Jeff Bell, bell@agames.com

595.
Mother, empty can
SPAM, insubordination
Child learns to run fast

--Jeff Bell, bell@agames.com

596.
Mother, old-age tears
Adult child harbors revenge
SPAM did this to me

--Jeff Bell, bell@agames.com

597.
SPAM for lunch again
Who's gonna clean all this up?
Spamdemonium

--Paul D Shepard @ TWI (Used to be Atari Games)

598.
Zeus punishes men
Pandora brings great horror
Box is full of SPAM

--Jose Eduardo Tabora, jet5r@Virginia.EDU

599.
The SHAM checks e-mail
Box full of lame SPAM haiku
Too many losers!

--Jose Eduardo Tabora, jet5r@Virginia.EDU

600.
a crown of laurels
for the genius of the SHAM
SPAM, too, feels humbled

--Laura Perry, lperry@mail.IConNet.COM


Move forwards to Numbers 601-700.
Return to the SPAM Haiku Archive page.
John Nagamichi Cho


SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.