SPAM Haiku 601-700

Move backwards to Numbers 501-600.

601.
Left on the counter,
Pink slowly turns to soft gray--
the baby and SPAM.

--FARKLEMPT@brown.edu

602.
agglutinous gop
slithers through my dreaming mind
pork product nightmare

--WhaarfRat@aol.com

603.
Hold tight, street person!
Wise-ass crow on the dumpster
is eyeing your SPAM.

--Paul W. Lewis, pp001342@interramp.com

604.
Porcine and bovine;
Equine and canine. Hormel
won't discriminate.

--Jon Howell, jhowell@us.oracle.com

605.
Cryogenics? Bah!
Eat SPAM, Cheez Whiz, Wonder Bread.
You'll last much longer.

--Jon Howell, jhowell@us.oracle.com

606.
SPAM is great, SPAM is
Fine, but the best SPAM of all
Is the SPAM that rhymes

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

607.
Late Thursday, August
Don't feel like working, only
Dream lazy SPAM thoughts

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

608.
SPAM is moist, SPAM's pink
Preservatives, parts unknown
SPAM is bad, I think

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

609.
Minimalist SPAM
Has nothing but the essence
A mere suggestion

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

610.
Suggestive SPAM odes
Hint at flesh, warm and supple
Are you sweaty yet?

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

611.
SPAM's own irony
Is that its haiku's never
Worse than SPAM itself

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

612.
Symbolic haiku
Conceals its true content, and
We'll never know it

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

613.
Deconstructing SPAM,
One can find ingredients
That were never there

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

614.
Zen Buddhist SPAM quest:
"What are the ingredients?"
What do you desire?

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

615.
Thoughts and taste of SPAM
May linger on mind and tongue,
But SPAM muse has died

--Alex Dunne, dunne_alex@jpmorgan.com

616.
Which Monty Python
Subject would you rather eat:
SPAM or dead parrots?

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

617.
Old SPAM dilettantes
Sleep in hammocks 'neath the sun
Dreaming up haiku.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

618.
Couldn't someone else
post our waiting SPAM haiku?
It's not like it's hard!

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

619.
Clinton has Al Gore.
He is one heartbeat away.
But what of John Cho?

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

620.
Perhaps he forgets
the full weight of his duty.
SPAMku are homeless!

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

621.
Before extrusion,
SPAM is vaporized and then
recondensed quickly.

--Anonymous

622.
Scientists have cloned
A sheep. They could clone a pig,
Then SPAM, then SPAMku...

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

623.
Bestiality
Before or after it's canned
Sex with pigs is wrong

--Uncle Jay

624.
Life is a big beach
SPAM washes up on the shore
And stinks like low tide

--Hanna and Sisters

625.
God created SPAM
For the down trodden, the poor
And all the airlines

--Anonymous

626.
Rattlesnake of SPAM
Sits on my kitchen table--
Well, half of him does.

--Skullptor

627.
Prometheus bound.
Punished eternally. Why?
Stole SPAM from the gods.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

628.
Bum with hole in shoe
Finds Elmer's and SPAM. Eats glue,
patches hole with SPAM.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

629.
"Let my people go."
Pharoah's unmoved. God sends plague:
Nile turns into SPAM.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

630.
Salvador Dali
Paints soft, drooping cans of pork:
"Persistence of SPAM."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

631.
Melt some Velveeta,
Use to cover pseudo-pork.
SPAM au gratin. YUM!

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

632.
Lennon was pork fan.
First sang, "I am the SPAM-man
Goo Goo Goo G'Joob."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

633.
Three men in lifeboat.
No food 'cept SPAM. Hour later:
Two men in lifeboat.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

634.
Reno torched Hormel
compound. Says, "I had to. They
tortured kids with SPAM."

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

635.
In Heart of Darkness
Kurtz eats SPAM. "The horror..." Then:
"Mistah Kurtz--he dead!"

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

636.
Spaniard studies can:
How the viscous mass wobbles.
Spamología.

--Kathleen Bennett, keb@u.washington.edu

637.
Potted meat product
I eat gelatinous mass
Do pigs know of this?

--Marie Britton, athena7@ix.netcom.com

638.
Spare lips and assholes
Various alien parts
My dog sniffs, and runs

--Marie Britton, athena7@ix.netcom.com

639.
oblivion waits
fearing my longing for SPAM
I try to forget

--Brian Minton, bminton@efn.org

640.
slowly forgotten,
it deserves a little more
atomic shielding

--Brian Minton, bminton@efn.org

641.
winner of the prize
she proudly displays her art
a sculpture from SPAM

--Brian Minton, bminton@efn.org

642.
green leaves of lettuce
serenely placed around it
try to make it food

--Brian Minton, bminton@efn.org

643.
why do I eat it,
why do I consume pig parts
that do not recur?

--Brian Minton, bminton@efn.org

644.
Oh, great George Hormel!
Produced magnificent SPAM
so we would not starve.

--Brian Minton, bminton@efn.org

645.
New Seinfeld season.
George's dad. Spam Jerry. Oops!
Assman removes it.

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

646.
Football season here.
Pigskins soar; premier pig parts.
SPAM takes a backseat.

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

647.
MRI of SPAM.
T1, T2--no matter.
Homogeneous.

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

648.
SPAM: hoi polloi hash.
Hash: -n. 1. chopped mixture of
chopped meat and veggies.

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

649.
SPAM is the truth of
the universe. Can there be
any more seal meat?

--Anonymous

650.
Vegetable SPAM?
An impossibility!
Plants have dignity.

--Brett Isham, isham@naic.edu

651.
When I was a girl
I never, ever ate SPAM.
I feel so deprived.

--Susan Nossal, nossal@naic.edu

652.
When I was a girl
I always, always ate SPAM.
I feel so depraved.

--Colleen Kirby, ckirby@naic.edu

653.
A catastrophe:
Shipwrecked on deserted isle,
SPAM life preservers.

--Colleen Kirby, ckirby@naic.edu

654.
Repeated nightmare:
Tormented in high school class--
Given SPAM swirlie.

--Colleen Kirby, ckirby@naic.edu

655.
Sort of like haiku:
Words fall softly on paper
like warm SPAM drippings.

--Paul W. Lewis, pp001342@interramp.com

656.
SPAM or a cockroach?
"I'd rather eat a cockroach,"
she said with a frown.

--Susan Nossal, nossal@naic.edu

657.
oh you lovely SPAM
you jiggle like none before
you're never a bore

--Anonymous

658.
I open the can:
A veil of aspic greets me.
Melange of innards.

--Chris Noren, noren@neb.com

659.
Hormel's lawyers meet,
Grin their mirthless grins, and plot--
"Now, about this SHAM..."

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

660.
SPAM. Silent Slither
Seductively Slippery
Succulently SPAM

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

661.
SPAModynamics:
SPAM is never destroyed, just
Eaten, puked, or shat.

--Jon Howell, jhowell@us.oracle.com

662.
I went to Costco.
Six-packs of SPAM on display.
Life imitates art.

--Jon Howell, jhowell@us.oracle.com

663.
County coroner
Performs autopsies, eats SPAM.
Don't know which is worse.

--Jon Howell, jhowell@us.oracle.com

664.
Tried to masturbate.
Suddenly, thoughts turned to SPAM.
Now I'm limp again.

--Anonymous

665.
I found god in SPAM
pink, tender, spiritual loaf
praise the holy pork

--liam friedland, lfriedla@us.oracle.com

666.
Night, I cannot sleep
square, blue tins jump over fence
vomit fills my bed

--liam friedland, lfriedla@us.oracle.com

667.
Thundering pinkness
Better eat it with a spork
Much like a man's soul

--Mike Simmons, mss001s@nic.smsu.edu

668.
oh meat of wonder
oh can of aluminum
i long to taste you

--Dawn M. Martin

669.
i spy on the shelf
a salty meat by-product
made by Hormel foods

--Dawn M. Martin

670.
i wander the night
aimless, empty, full of grief
i've run out of SPAM

--Dawn M. Martin

671.
one day on the tube
metamorphosis of life
a SPAMBURGER ad

--Dawn M. Martin

672.
i gaze at my SPAM
which part of the pig were you?
or were you a pig?

--Dawn M. Martin

673.
one nibble of SPAM
beasts run wild in my bloodstream
pork and sodium

--Dawn M. Martin

674.
how can i express
the joy and heartfelt wonder
Solid Pork All Mine

--Dawn M. Martin

675.
"Of all the gin joints
She walks into mine," says Rick.
"Play it again, SPAM."

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

676.
Kane mumbles, "Rosebud."
Fruitless search; janitors burn
Favorite SPAM tin.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

677.
Tara: Scarlett starves.
Rhett is cruel: "Frankly, my dear,
I don't give a SPAM."

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

678.
Dorothy and friends
Follow the yellow brick road.
Will Oz give them SPAM?

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

679.
Red Sea waters part
With a blast from the Lord's cheeks.
"Behold His great SPAM!"

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

680.
Blanche to Stan: "I have
Always depended upon
The SPAM of strangers."

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

681.
Jupiter explodes;
New Sun formed by tins of SPAM.
"Something Wonderful."

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

682.
Question for Pro-Life:
Potential man or cell mass?
Posed by SPAM v. Wade.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

683.
Globules of chopped SPAM
Operation Rescue flaunts
In front of clinic.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

684.
Abortionist's trash
Contains grisly organs, meat.
SPAM for lunch again.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

685.
Pregnant woman eats
SPAM. Remnants flow through system.
Hear the Silent Scream.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

686.
One-time Vegan Roe
Recanted, eats SPAM with hicks.
What went out, goes in.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

687.
Chinese say no more
Than two kids, then abortion.
SPAM supply maintained.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

688.
Alley near clinic:
Pat Mahoney eats SPAM with
Rusty coat hanger.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

689.
manna from heaven
blue can with yellow letters
pink ungodly meat

--Dawn M. Martin

690.
from rooftop looked down
dropping SPAM bricks to the ground
they remain unscathed

--Dawn M. Martin

691.
awakened from dreams
i think suicidal thoughts
"eat a can of SPAM"

--Dawn M. Martin

692.
cut chew and swallow
open another SPAM tin
a pig-eat-pig world

--Dawn M. Martin

693.
children cry loudly
we'd rather starve than have a
Christmas meal of SPAM

--Dawn M. Martin

694.
twenty years of age
have not experienced SPAM
please be gentle SPAM

--Dawn M. Martin

695.
fighting for country
dying for home and freedom
rewarded with SPAM

--Dawn M. Martin

696.
war in Bosnia
more lethal than atom bombs
SPAM dropped from airplanes

--Dawn M. Martin

697.
out of the package
looking like a bald hamster
a nightmarish sight

--Dawn M. Martin

698.
in a lab with tools
Hormel could have helped mankind
instead it made SPAM

--Dawn M. Martin

699.
mysteries of life
aliens and pyramids
Stonehenge, Great Wall, SPAM

--Dawn M. Martin

700.
if i carried SPAM
on my hip, in a holster
i would never fear

--Dawn M. Martin